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Clark’s smiles always seem the littlest bit fake. It’s the kind of thing that’s hard to spot unless you’re really looking for it, or if you really know him well.
Jimmy knows Clark very well.
It took him a while to realize it at first. In the beginning, when Jimmy was just trying to figure out who his (obviously alien) roommate was and how they’d fit their lives together for the next four years. Of course, Clark turned out to just be a big softie, and they became close as two peas in a pod, but Clark was always holding something back.
It was clear that Clark didn’t like his alien-ness, didn’t like how different he was, and he didn’t want Jimmy to see him and see an alien. Jimmy didn’t quite know how to tell Clark that he saw him and just saw Clark, the guy who made their dormmates pies when they were feeling down, who couldn’t help but save every cat caught in a tree, the guy who was unapologetically good in all the ways that mattered.
So Jimmy didn’t say anything, and Clark hid. He pretended to have only human-level strength, human-level speed. He pretended that he didn’t float a little when he walked.
And, Jimmy realizes after a month of living with the guy, he pretends to smile.
It’s the way it never reaches his eyes that clues Jimmy in – Clark’s smiles are big and full and freely given, but they never reach his eyes. They never get that happy shine in them. Is Clark just depressed? He eats fine enough, doesn’t oversleep, goes out whenever Jimmy cajoles him into it. Clark can’t be depressed, can he?
***
Jimmy grabs Clark after classes that day. “We’re doing movies.”
“Wha-” Clark stumbles as Jimmy latches onto his arm. “But what about-”
“Movies. You ever watch Lion King?” Jimmy doesn’t know how Clark grew up without seeing any classic Disney movies, but he’s shown Clark a few and he’s loved them all so far. Or, well, he says he’s loved them.
“No?”
“Lion King it is, then.”
Jimmy drags Clark back to their dorm room, fixes some popcorn, and puts on the movie. He waits patiently, keeping an eye on Clark. He sees Clark’s fake smile appear during The Circle of Life, and then he fiddles with his phone in his pocket and calls himself.
“Oh, I’ve got to take this Clark.” Jimmy says
“Do you want me to pause the movie?”
“Nah, I’ve seen this a million times. You have fun.” Jimmy declines his own call and then speaks into his phone, leaving the dorm room.
Jimmy knows this plan isn’t the best. Clark isn’t going to appreciate Jimmy sneaking around him like this. He just doesn’t know any way to get Clark to open up to him. Clark would cut off his fingers before he’d ever accept help from someone.
He steps into the hallway, pretending to talk about something into his phone, and then he loudly closes the door behind him. He waits a moment for Clark to let his guard down, and then creaks the door open just enough to peak through.
The Circle of Life is still playing, but Clark’s fake smile seems to be completely gone. His face rests perfectly neutral. It’s a little uncanny to see – usually Clark’s pretty expressive, but right now his face is the picture of impassivity. He’s still watching the movie, though, so at least he’s interested in it?
Clark’s eyelid twitches a little, and he turns to his left, and Jimmy hides fully behind the door before Clark can turn to look at his right. He stills for a moment before returning to peek through the door.
He watches carefully. Clark starts to lean forward a little, gaze intense. It’s something he does with every movie, Jimmy’s noticed. He puts his entire focus into them. It’s good to know that isn’t fake, at least. Though Clark goes a bit further this time; he tilts his head a little when Scar is introduced, and makes a noise… It sounds like the mrrp a cat will make when you wake them up by petting them, but deeper, louder, and stranger. The sound has an odd resonant quality to it. It’s not a sound Jimmy’s heard from Clark before, but he probably should’ve expected that his alien friend would make alien noises.
“He’d make a very handsome throw rug,” Zazu says in the movie, “And just think, whenever he gets dirty, you could take him out and beat him.”
Clark makes another noise… it sounds like…
It sounds like a laugh, almost. It’s strange and throaty and sounds almost like a bark, but it’s got the same inflection as the rest of Clark’s laughs do, and he does it in response to a joke Jimmy had the feeling Clark would find funny.
Has Jimmy been overthinking this? He’s been worried that Clark was faking his smiles out of some obligation to be happy, but what if he’s been faking them for a different reason? What if Clark just doesn’t emote like humans do, and has just been faking smiles to be polite?
Jimmy shuts the door quietly. Then he opens it up again as loud as he can. “Sorry about that Clark, parents wanted to talk.” He doesn’t look at Clark until he shuts the door again, just to give him extra time to put his normal mask back on. When he looks up, Clark is wearing that fake smile again.
“Oh, are they doing okay?”
“Yeah, they’re fine, just wanted to check up is all.” Jimmy settles on the couch next to Clark.
He wonders if he should try and get Clark to talk about this. He understand perfectly why Clark hides his powers, he really does, but he doesn’t think Clark should need to go so far as to hide his emotions. Jimmy knows, though, that if he brings it up Clark’s just going to squirrel away again.
Maybe if he gives Clark an excuse?
Jimmy pauses the movie to talk. “Y’know, my cousin’s autistic.”
If Clark minds the interruption, he doesn’t show it. “Oh, Isabell, right?”
“Yep. She’s a wonderful kid, love her to death.”
“Did something in the movie remind you of her?”
“No…” How best to phrase this? “It’s just that, well, she used to fake her smiles too.”
Clark freezes up. “What are you talking about?” Ah, shoot, Jimmy must’ve gone too fast. This doesn’t seem to be the kind of thing he can brush off as a miscommunication, either. Damnit.
“Clark,” Jimmy decides to just dive right in, “bud, your smiles never reach your eyes.” Jimmy glances at Clark. He’s looking away. “It’s not like I mind or anything, but you shouldn’t have to force yourself to be happy if you’re not-”
“I’m not forcing myself to be happy when I smile.” Clark is turned completely away from Jimmy, wringing his hands nervously. “It just- I just-”
“It just doesn’t show on your face.” Jimmy finishes for him. “I get that, man. That’s why I brought up Isabell. Autistic people tend to show emotion differently.”
Clark freezes. His eyes dilate oddly, like his pupils themselves are stuttering. “Uh, yeah.” He stammers. “Yeah, autism. That’s what- I have that, yeah. That’s why my face is weird. No other reason.” He pulls at his fingers in a way that looks painful. “I just- um. I didn’t want you to think of me different.”
Jimmy clocks the autism excuse as utter bullshit, but he gave Clark the idea anyway, so he doesn’t press. “Man, I’m not going to think of you weird just because you think your face is weird. You don’t have to hide from me.”
“Okay.” Clark sounds like he doesn’t really believe Jimmy. “Okay.”
Jimmy stares into Clark’s eyes for a moment longer, but he can’t really tell what he’s feeling right now. Eventually, he decides to let it go, and plays the movie again. Clark will open up in his own time.
***
It starts slow. Almost enough for Jimmy to miss it.
Slowly, steadily, after that day they watched The Lion King, Clark stops faking his expressions so much. He doesn’t make those alien noises again, and he still puts on that mask in public (Jimmy swears his friend is at least 60% social anxiety by volume) but when they’re alone, in the privacy of their dorm room?
Clark’s body language, for once, becomes a bit more real.
Clark is even more of an open book when he’s real than he is when he’s fake. He really was just being polite; just trying to make himself readable in a more human way. It doesn’t take too long for Jimmy to be able to read his real body language.
When he’s confused or worried, his pupils will do that stuttering thing. Confusion usually comes with a head tilt and hunched shoulders, worry with an intense gaze and fretting hands. He doesn’t naturally cry when he’s sad – but he turn rigid, stiff, small tremors racking his frame.
Jimmy has yet to see Clark scared. He doesn’t think Clark does scared. What reason would an invulnerable alien have to feel fear?
Jimmy has yet to see anger yet, either. He’s a little scared to see what could cause Clark Kent, sentient teddy bear, to get mad
His happiness shows in his posture, his hands, and his arms; he’ll hunch a little, draw his arms close to his chest, and ball up his fists. When happiness turns to excitement he’ll start patting his hands against his thighs and tapping his feet in a rhythmless beat, the only tempo the excitement jitters that race through his frame.
Clark’s eyes do light up when he’s happy, but only when he’s not faking a smile. Only when he’s not wearing his normal mask.