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It was 2 AM and the Tonys were parked outside Christopher’s mother’s house to pick him up to take him along to a robbery. They’d reverted to bickering like children because Tony B didn’t like this idea one bit.
“He’s gonna shoot somebody!”
“He’s not gonna shoot nobody.”
“Tony, the kid’s nuts, he’s gonna–”
“He’s not nuts!”
“Jesus Chris–” Tony B knew Tony had a soft spot for Christopher but it frustrated him that he couldn’t see how deranged he was becoming. “He can come along for the ride but he shouldn’t have a gun! That’s the end of it.”
“He’s my nephew, if I want him to have a gun, he’s having one!”
“He’s not even your nephew, he’s my fuckin’ cousin!”
“Hey! He’s my cousin too.”
“No, he ain’t! He’s your fuckin’ Italian cousin, the whole neighborhood’s your cousin. He’s my cousin cousin, if anybody can pull the relation card, it’s me! He ain’t having a gun.”
“He can’t go in there with just his cock in his hand!”
“He’s not fuckin’ Michael Corleone, Tony! He’s a kid who don’t know his right from his left. If you’re giving the kid a gun, I’m out. I ain’t going to jail over this.” He opened the car door.
He didn’t want to do this without Tony B, they were too codependent. “I’ll take the bullets out.”
He closed the door. “Fine. But don’t tell him that, that way we can see if he does try to shoot somebody. Then we’ll know never to give him a gun until he gets his fuckin’ head screwed on straight.”
“All right, you go get him.”
“Why do I gotta go get him?”
“I’m driving. When you get a driver’s license, you can go get him.”
“I always get him!”
“‘Cause I’m always fuckin’ driving!”
Tony B scowled at him and got out. He knocked on the door at full volume since his mother would be too drunk to be woken up by it.
They were outside the place they were going to rob and were about to use Christopher for what he was there for. A distraction.
“You ready?” Tony B whispered.
“Yeah–”
The Tonys roughhoused him to make him look disheveled.
“Now he’s ready.” Tony chuckled.
“I coulda done that myself, you fuckin’ pricks.” Christopher went over to tell the security guard he’d been mugged and needed help. He was 17 but still looked about 14.
The Tonys watched him.
“He’s gonna pull the gun out and he’s gonna try and fuckin’ shoot the guy,” Tony B whispered.
“He’s not gonna pull his fuckin’ gun out, give the kid a break.”
“And when there’s no bullets, he’s gonna fuckin’ pistol whip him.”
“He’s not gonna pistol whip him!” he whisper-yelled.
Tony B kept getting more nervous. “Shouldn’t have given him the gun. Not even unloaded, he’s gonna lose his shit, he’s gonna–”
The guard opened the door to take Christopher inside so the Tonys rushed to get in before the door closed behind them.
All three had their guns pointed at his head before he even knew they were there.
“Fuck.”
“Get his gun,” Tony told Christopher.
Christopher took it from the holster and Tony B immediately snatched it from him since it would be loaded.
“Lock the door.”
The guard locked the door with the Tonys still pointing their guns at his head.
“Take us to the safe.”
“I don’t know the combination.”
“Then take a guess.” Tony gestured with his gun for him to start walking.
“I’m fuckin’ telling the truth, guys! I don’t know it.”
“Bullshit! We know you fuckin’ do!”
“You really love this place that much you’re willing to get clipped for it?”
“I swear to God, I don’t–”
The Tonys looked at Christopher when they heard his gun click, then he’d pistol whipped the guard unconscious before they had a chance to stop him.
The Tonys exclaimed.
“What the fuck you do that for?!” Tony B snatched yet another gun from him. “Now we’re never gonna get the combination!”
“He was getting on my fuckin’ nerves! He wouldn’t tell youse it.”
Tony B glared at Tony. “So you were gonna fuckin’ shoot him?!”
“I dunno! I just–”
“You were gonna kill a guy over a fuckin’ combination?! He didn’t even finish his fuckin’ sentence!”
“I wasn’t gonna kill him! I was gonna shoot his fuckin’ leg or something. I was tryna help, I was tryna get him to tell youse!”
“Goddamn it! God fuckin’ damn you!”
“You know how much more fuckin’ difficult you just made our lives, Christopher?!” Tony was furious that he’d proved the other Tony right. “We’re gonna be here all fuckin’ night tryna crack that safe!”
He hadn’t considered that at all, he’d just acted on his first impulse. “He’ll wake up!”
“He’ll wake up with a fuckin’ concussion, you retard!” Tony B pointed down at the guard. “Look at him, his fuckin’ head’s bleeding!”
“Did we or did we not explicitly tell you not to hurt nobody?!”
“I know! But–”
“Go wait out in the car!”
“Why?! I’ll help with the safe!”
“Go to the fuckin’ car!” the Tonys yelled in unison.
He wasn’t trusted with a gun again until Tony B was in jail.