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Dearest Remus,
They say this is the day to do this sort of thing. So, I’m doing it. Only, I’m not sure how, so I’m just kind of rambling unsurely. This will probably end up thrown away. Um, I love you, I guess.
Happy Valentine’s Day?
~Anon
~
Remus frowned, turning the card over a few times, in search of something. Anything. Unable to find much, he started to just assess the thing for what it was.
A card. Just simple parchment, folded neatly at first but somewhat wrinkled and creased from what must have been a trip or two in a pocket and several minutes of holding it in one’s hands and fidgeting with it nervously. The fingers seemed long, elegant.
Didn’t narrow down which girl slipped it under his pillow.
He sighed, and heard footsteps on the stairs. He glanced up in time to see Sirius come in the door, setting down his bag by his bed. “Wassit, Moony?” He nodded at the note. “In your hand?”
“I’m not sure,” Remus said, somewhat perplexed. “Some note from some girl. I hate Valentine’s Day.” He sighed, standing, and handed the note to Sirius. “What do you make of it?”
Sirius glanced at it shortly. “They seem infatuated,” he muttered.
“Sirius, you didn’t look at it.”
“Whatever.” He gave the note back to Remus. “Don’t hand that to me, it’s for you.”
Remus made a face at Sirius. “I’m not sure if I want to keep it as evidence or rip it up for -”
“Don’t rip it!”
Remus stopped and glanced at Sirius. “Why on earth not?”
Sirius looked at Remus, and shrugged. “Well, whoever wrote it, they put a lot of work into it.”
Remus glanced at it. “It’s the most haphazard bit of daresay literature I’ve ever witnessed.”
Sirius sighed, seeming frustrated. “Fine, do whatever you want with it. It’s not my business, anyways.” He turned, roughly pulling a textbook out of his schoolbag.
Remus glanced at Sirius, then at the note. “I’m going to take it to Lily.”
Sirius muttered “go ahead” under his breath, and closed his curtains. Remus made another face in his direction, somewhat aggravated by Sirius. “What the hell’s gotten into you, anyways?” He headed down the stairs, searching for Lily in the corners of the Common Room. He saw Alice and Rebecca sitting by the windows studying, and sauntered over to them.
“Tell me where she’s hiding,” he said to them, pretending to not be talking to them. Alice made another note.
“We’re not telling any of Potter’s friends,” she muttered. “Not on Valentine’s Day.”
“I’ve got a problem, Alice.” He glanced at her, and slipped the note out of his pocket as proof. “Now. Tell me where she is, or I’ll help Peter write you a poem.”
She sighed, conflicted. Rebecca looked at Alice, then at Remus. “Give me two minutes.”
She stood, and Alice gave her a dark look as she headed up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories. Remus sighed. “Well, Rebecca’s safe from Peter…”
Remus continued to study the wallpaper until Rebecca came back down. “She’s disabled the charms. Remus.” She put a hand on his shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes. “You are a very, very lucky man.”
Remus nodded. “I know. Goodbye, Rebecca. God knows how I’ll come out.”
“Go up, Remus. And return a changed man.”
“Get on with it!” Alice cried, looking up to frown at them. Remus nodded, and headed towards the stairs.
The girls’ dormitories are sacred. I mean, technically, both are. But the girls would never care to venture up into the boys’, and so it is left unguarded. It is the girls’ dormitory that it would take an army to storm. Spells on every step, hauntings and falling objects, all triggered by the presence of any human male. And all put in place by one elected girl every year. For the past three years since third year, it had been the esteemed Lily Evans.
Technically, she wasn’t supposed to remove the spells. Ever. Well, unless a professor needed to get up there for some reason. But never, in all her years, had she removed them to grant a boy access.
However, this was important. She had pleaded sick to avoid classes and refused to go down at all, trying to avoid James on Valentine’s Day. But Remus with a love note? She was tempted to call the Daily Prophet. This was big, and they were going to speak. Besides. Remus wasn’t exactly a boy. Not to someone like Lily who could tell.
Remus crept carefully up the stairs. He wasn’t sure which door it was, and so around the level where the boys’ dorms were for their year, he knocked on a door.
A fourth year girl peered out, and blushed. “Um, u-uh…”
“I’m sorry,” Remus said quickly. “I’m just looking for the sixth year girls’ dorm. D-do you know where it is?”
“Oh, have you got Lily’s permission?” The girl relaxed. “She’s another four floors up.”
“Thank you.” Remus continued on his way, expecting something to pop out and rip off his testicles. He knocked hesitantly on the door the girl had said. “Lily?”
She cracked the door, then smiled and opened it wide. “Oh, Remus, hello. Do come in.”
She stepped back to allow him in, and he hesitated. He wasn’t really sure what to expect. Flowers and perfume and stuffed animals was one picture that popped into his head. Another was clothes and lingerie everywhere and half-naked females fixing each other’s hair. That one made him shudder.
Lily raised an eyebrow. “C’mon in, Remus. Be brave.”
He looked at Lily, and stepped into the room. It was rather normal - very similar to the boy’s dormitories except everything was a good bit cleaner and the few bits of clothes were feminine and the odds and ends weren’t things like stolen snitches and bits of food and instead were things like nail files and the odd hairbrush. Remus was suddenly aware that it was the first time he’d seen a hairbrush in his entire life. Lily grabbed his arm, dragging him in the direction of one of the beds. “C’mon, Remus. It’s not so bad, eh?”
“I’d trade any day,” Remus said, looking around a bit more. Lily smirked, sitting down on what was supposedly her bed.
“Alright, now let me see this note.”
Remus sat down by her, fishing the note from his pocket. “Here.”
She looked it over a bit, before opening it and reading it. She shook her head. “I don’t know of any girls who have this handwriting, Remus.”
He sighed, taking the note back. “I don’t either, but I thought you’d have a better idea. Tell me.” He looked at her closely. “Do you know which girl may have a crush on me?”
Lily tried not to laugh. Any of the girls could have a crush on Remus - it would be stupid of them not to. However, just about all of them knew what Lily knew, and so it wasn’t really a matter of that. She shook her head. “Sorry, Remus. Have you shown this to anyone else?”
“Just to Sirius,” Remus said dismissively. “I expected him to poke fun, but he hardly even cared. I was going to get rid of it, but he told me not to.”
“Hm.” Lily shrugged. “I’m afraid I don’t know. I’m sure something will happen, though.”
“Alright.” Remus nodded. “Thank you, Lily.”
He stood to go, but Lily grabbed him. “Wait! Where’s Potter?”
He sighed. “I’ve no idea, Lily.”
“Damn.” She stared at the wall for a moment. “Well, you’d best get back downstairs.”
“Right. Thank you, Lily.” He headed back out and down the stairs, fingering the note in his pocket all the way.
~
Dear Remus,
I realize the last note I left you wasn’t specific. At all. Sorry about that. Of course, I don’t want you to know who I am. That’s why they’re anonymous, now isn’t it? Well, I wrote you another one. As you can see. But goddamn I can’t think of anything to say.
But I don’t appreciate what you almost did to my last note, you hear?
~Anon
~
“Another one?” Remus whined. He sighed, his head falling back on the pillow. James raised his head from across the room.
“Mmwadgit?”
“I’m going back to bed,” Remus muttered, burying his face in his pillow. “I don’t want to think about this right now.”
There was silence in the room for a few minutes. Remus drifted back to an almost-sleep, the kind that passes time but doesn’t actually make you less tired. And so he was still tired when he felt the bed dip slightly and fingers lifted the newest note out of his hand. He curled somewhat towards the warmth of whoever was on the bed, and opened his eyes a moment later to see Sirius sitting on his bed, reading the note. Remus sighed, stretching a bit.
“Mm, Sir’us? What’re ya doin’?”
Sirius glanced at him, settling in a bit more. “Just, reading the note you have apparently received. Any idea who’s sending them?”
“No. Lily dun’t know any girls with handwritin’ like tha.”
“Lily?” James raised his head. “Who’s talkin’ ‘bout Lily?”
“No one.” Sirius shifted a bit more. “Maybe it’s someone she doesn’t know? Someone in a different house?”
“Nah e’en Rav’nclaw cud’n break ‘n here.”
“Well, some girl in a different year that Lily doesn’t know.”
“Who knows,” Remus sighed, closing his eyes again. “C’mon, Sir’us, go back t’ bed. You’re gonna freeze.”
“I’m fine here.”
“Freeze.” He threw a bit of his blanket onto Sirius. “Your bed or under the covers. Take your pick.”
Sirius sighed, leaning back against Remus’s pillows. “Seriously, who do you think it could be?”
“The Sandman,” Remus sighed, nestling down by Sirius and pulling the covers to his chin. “Disguised as raging hormones.”
“Yes, but whose?”
“Sirius,” he whined, opening his eyes. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“Alright, alright.” Sirius settled down next to Remus, pulling the blankets around himself. “Good night, then.”
“Mmnnfnfaeghilhgdjkha.”
They dozed for another several hours, Remus’s note drifting onto the floor. Sirius rolled over, shifting closer to Remus and burrowing into the warmth of the covers. Around ten o’clock, James woke up. He glanced at Sirius’s empty bed, and didn’t even have to look at Remus’s to know where Sirius was at. He rolled out of bed, stumbling towards the bathroom. He spotted Remus’s new note, and stopped to snatch it up, sighing.
He read it once. Then again. He looked at Sirius, then shook him a bit. “Oi. Sirius.”
“Mmfjksdg…” Sirius rolled towards James, squinting at him. “Wha?”
“Doesn’t this handwriting look familiar? I swear it belongs to someone I know…”
“I’m sleep’n…” Sirius rolled back over. James sighed, tossing the note onto Remus’s nightstand, and went into the bathroom.
The water started running, and Remus shifted a little, opening his eyes. Someone was showering. What time was it? He moved some more, and found a shape next to him. Sirius again? He stretched, and turned over to face Sirius, nestling against him. “So it’s you in my bed again?”
“Hmm?” Sirius opened his eyes to peer at Remus. “Disappointed?”
“Shut up,” Remus sighed. “More like bored. How many times since first year?”
“Only slightly more than times you’ve been in mine.” Sirius looked Remus over for a long moment. “You used to have those terrible nightmares. Do you remember?”
Remus nodded, pulling the covers over himself again. “Yes. They were rather horrible.”
“You never told me,” Sirius said quietly after a moment. “Why’d they stop?”
Remus pursed his lips, looking at Sirius. “Because they stopped being real,” he told him. He stretched a bit, and sat up. “You know, if you understand what I’m saying.”
Remus stood, beginning to gather his clothes to get in the shower. Sirius sat up.
“Yes, I think I do,” Sirius replied. He also climbed out of bed, stumbling over to his part of the room. “Alright, Petey. Get up. Rise and shine.”
Peter twitched a little. Remus glanced up at Sirius, then made his way to bathroom.
~
“It doesn’t make sense, Lily.”
Lily and Remus were sitting in the library, at the table behind the history section. They had four notes spread on the table - the first two, and then the two he had gotten in the last week. They were all the same except for one thing. They got progressively angrier.
“This isn’t a girl,” Lily said decisively. “Look at the handwriting. There is no way a girl wrote these notes to you.”
Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Ugh…”
“What? Would you have a problem with a guy having a crush on you?”
“What?” Remus looked up at her. “Why the hell would that be a problem? To each his own or whatever. It just…this makes it harder. I don’t know anyone who’s gay!”
Lily made an interesting face at him. “Huh. Well then.”
“Come on, Lily, help me figure this out.”
“I’m trying Remus, but you are convinced that no one you are associated with is gay. No ideas?”
“No.”
“Couldn’t it be Potter?”
“I think we both know the answer to that, Lily.”
“Damn.” She sighed. “Well, we will have to investigate this, Remus.”
He nodded. “Yes, I think we will have to.” He sighed. “I’ll charm my door tonight and see what happens.”
Lily nodded. “Want any recommendations? I’ve got some killer ones on the girls’ dormitory stairwell.”
“I’ve got a few in mind. Thank you, though.”
~
Dear Remus,
I’m sorry that these seem to be irritating you. I don’t mean for them to. I’ve had a bad attitude last few notes. Sorry. But you have to understand where I’m coming from, alright? It’s very difficult. You wouldn’t exactly be happy if you knew who I was.
~Anon
~
“Son of a bitch…”
Remus ran a hand over his face, and walked over to the door, tripping over James’s Quidditch robes. He approached the wood of the door warily.
It was still buzzing slightly with the magic of several different alarm and disabling spells. So they were still there. He was also sure that the door hadn’t opened that night, because there was a chair propped against it.
Either someone knew extensive magic and took excruciating care, or it was someone in the room.
He looked around, then balled up the note. He tossed it on his nightstand with all the others, and crawled back into bed.
“Did you get another one?”
Remus peered over his sheets to see Sirius sitting up in bed, looking at Remus. He grumbled, laying back down. “Yes.”
“What’s it say?”
“That they’re sorry or something. I’m going back to bed.”
Remus closed his eyes, trying to sleep. He rolled over when he hard the footsteps, and Sirius uncrumpled the note, reading it. He frowned. “Remus, why are you so upset by these?”
“Because they’re irritating.”
“And why do you say that?” Sirius looked at him, seeming angry. “What’s so irritating about them?”
“The fact that I don’t know who they’re from, they keep getting into the room, and they keep rambling on instead of saying anything.”
“They’re nervous. And what do you mean about they keep getting into the room?”
Remus gestured to the door. “I charmed it last night.”
Sirius looked at the door, then at the note, then at Remus. “Why?”
“I was hoping to figure out who it was. Sirius, go away and let me sleep.”
“Hey, don’t get hissy with me. Remus, I don’t think you understand what this person is saying.”
Remus looked at Sirius. He was starting to get a weird feeling. “What do you mean?”
“You find it irritating, and that really hurts them, because they really like you. And so the more irritated you get the more disheartened they become.”
“Sirius, why me?”
Sirius looked at Remus with an expression of some kind of pain. “Remus, why not you?”
“What do you mean?”
“By Merlin, you are most certainly the most desirable boy in the entire school. Remus you’re smart and responsible and strong and attractive and good-natured. Maybe sometimes you’re not all you could be, sometimes you break like everyone else, but that’s understandable. Because you’re still human and…and why would anyone blame this person for loving you when it’s the best taste a person could have?”
Remus looked at Sirius. The other boy cleared his throat, glancing around. “Anyways, you probably want to get back to bed…”
“Ah, Padsie has a crush,” James crooned, slinking over and snatching the note out of his hands. Sirius went red, and gave James’s head a hard thwack.
“Shut your fucking mouth, Potter.”
“Ow! Just kidding.” James looked at Sirius, narrowing his eyes at him. Sirius stood, going over to his bed and grumbling about a shower as he fished around for some clothes. James looked at Remus, and grinned. “You’re becoming the Lily of the boys, Remie dearest. Look at these notes.”
“They’re more tasteful than yours,” Remus growled, reaching for the note. James pulled it out of his reach, reading it over.
“Hm. I swear, I know who wrote this. This handwriting, Remus. Doesn’t it look familiar?”
Sirius slammed the bathroom door when he went in, causing Remus to jump and James to roll his eyes. “Look at it, though.”
“Lily said she didn’t know of any girls who had that handwriting,” Remus replied, somewhat automatically, looking at the note again.
“Any girls, maybe. But I feel like I know a guy who writes this way.”
Remus looked the note over, this time in a different light, thinking of it the way a boy would write, both with the words and the handwriting. “It does seem familiar…”
“But I don’t know any flits. Or, I’m not aware that any of the guys I know are flits.”
“Hm. I can’t think of any either.”
James was quiet for a second. “Hey, Remus,” he said, looking the boy over. “What will you do? When you figure out who it is? What if they are a boy?”
Remus shrugged. “I don’t know. I certainly won’t do anything if I don’t like them.”
“If…” He raised an eyebrow at Remus. “Moony. Are you gay?”
“What?” Remus looked at James incredulously. “Why would you ask that?”
“Don’t attack me. You never have spoken of liking a girl. Or a boy, for that matter. Are you going to tell me you’ve actually never thought about it?”
“I…” Remus stared blankly across the room. Holy shit, was he gay?
“Well, you might want to start thinking about it.” He clapped a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “I’m going to take a shower.”
He went into the bathroom, and Remus continued to sit there, well aware that he was wasting precious time that could be used getting ready for classes. He was both trying to think about it, and trying not to. Because he knew he had to think about it sooner or later, try to figure it out.
But deep down he knew and wasn’t ready to face it.
“Remus.”
He looked over to see Sirius slipping his arms through the sleeves of a collared shirt, looking at him oddly. “What’s wrong?”
Remus shook his head, trying not to look at Sirius. “Nothing.”
Sirius scoffed, walking to the other side of the room as he buttoned up his shirt. “Great, what did James say to you this time?”
Remus looked at Sirius. “Do you think I could be gay?”
Sirius tripped over his trunk, bumped his head on the bedpost, cried out wordlessly as he tumbled towards the ground, and ended up on the floor, coughing and all tangled up in his shirt. Remus climbed out of bed. “Sirius?!”
“What?” He looked at Remus in shock. “Gay?”
“I’m outie…” Peter mumbled, rolling out of bed and slinking to the bathroom. Sirius tried to get to his feet.
“What makes you think that?”
“Um, James.”
Sirius looked at him, wide-eyed. “Remus, tell me you’ve not got a thing for James.”
“What? No! He just…” He sighed, sitting on the edge of Sirius’s bed. “He got me thinking.”
“Thinking?”
“Yeah. About…well, if the note person is a guy.”
“And?”
Remus shrugged. “I don’t know, Sirius.”
Sirius looked at him, and pushed himself off of the floor, standing. “Hey, Remus…”
“What?”
“Are you still not clean?” James ruffled Remus’s hair as he went by. “Go shower, smelly pants.”
Remus sighed, standing. “We need a break from school,” he whined, grabbing his clothes. “Time to do other things and think.”
“Yes,” Sirius muttered. He grabbed his school bag. “I’ll see you guys in class.”
“Where are you going so early in the morning?”
“Elsewhere.” Sirius didn’t look back at them as he left the dorm.
~
That day, Sirius was strange. Just generally off. And so all of them were off. James would make a remark that Sirius wouldn’t hear and so Peter wouldn’t get a joke later and Remus would wonder why James was looking at him odd and so Sirius would stare at Remus for staring at James and James would stare at Sirius and laugh and Peter would wonder why the hell he wasn’t getting any of the jokes.
Everyone else in the school was consequently off as well. The fifth years were off because the Marauders were off, and so all the Houses were off because their fifth years were off. The professors were affected by Remus’s lack of response to questions and so even professors who didn’t have Remus in their class were off because McGonagall and Sprout and Grumblyplank were off. The entire castle seemed to be quivering with a different air and everyone was frowning or confused except for Professor Dumbledore who seemed to be feeding off of everyone’s confusion and swooped through the halls merrily.
It was a very fun day.
Except for Remus, who was exhausted by the time he met Lily in the library for a talk.
“So they still got it into the room?” she muttered, frowning across the room.
Remus nodded tiredly. “Yes.”
“Wow. I wonder if they-”
“I hope it’s Sirius.”
Lily looked at Remus for a second. “Thought you might.”
“Thank you, Lily.”
“You’re welcome, Remus.”
“I’m going to bed.”
“Alright. Sleep well, Remus.”
“Thank you.”
~
Dearest Moony,
I am truly tired.
~
Remus opened his eyes to see the dorm swathed in black, white, and pale blue. For a moment he wondered if he’d gone colorblind. Then he realized that it was just nighttime, and he sat up, wondering what had woken him.
He had a feeling. He reached under his pillow, and sure enough, there was paper to pull out.
He read the note four times, even though there wasn’t exactly much to absorb. He sighed, and looked across the room.
“You.”
Sirius was lying silent and still in his bed. Remus climbed out of his bed, walking across the floor to look at Sirius in the pale light. “C’mon, you bastard, wake up.”
Sirius didn’t move. Remus sighed, getting on the bed and scooting closer to Sirius on his knees. “Sirius.”
He put a hand on Sirius’s face. He ran his fingers through his hair, untangling some knots. Then he leaned down, pressing a kiss to Sirius’s lips.
At first, it seemed like Sirius would stay asleep. But then he responded, almost automatically. He was still sleepy, so his kisses were sloppy and poorly aimed. He shifted so his body faced Remus more completely, stretching a bit.
“Mmm, Remus?” He laid a hand against Remus’s chest, seeming confused and dazed and sleepy. “What’re ya doin’?”
“Nothing,” Remus whispered, voice barely a breath, kissing Sirius again. He shifted into a half-laying position so as to better access Sirius and his lips.
Sirius pulled back for a breath. “This doesn’t seem like nothing.”
“I guess that’s true…”
“Remus…”
Sirius pulled Remus close to him, and for a moment the dorm was quiet except for the sounds of kissing. Before long, even those faded out to leave Sirius to pull Remus against him, both of them catching their breath in the cool night.
“Not irritated, then?” Sirius asked.
Remus smiled. “Not irritated.”