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Chapter Text

The ride home is quiet. Rose is not stupid, she knows that Nick is right when he says she can’t leave. She can’t. But she is so angry. There is more going on then he is telling her. Does he think she is dumb? Or does he just think so little of her that it doesn’t matter? She kept it together in his holding cell because she’s smart enough to know someone was probably listening. But she’s not going to do that anymore.

Nick doesn’t mind the quiet, even a tension filled one like this. Rose is pissed. He gets it. He is pissed at himself. He was way out of line, and worse, out of control. Control - of his emotions, of his actions, of his face - it’s his trademark, this is how he has stayed alive, this is how he has kept his daughter a secret, this is how he has kept his family safe. And he may have just blown it completely.

They get into the house and Rose goes straight to her room. Nick would prefer to leave her alone, to be alone. But he has some damage control to do and he needs to know what the people at the party were saying.

Nick goes to his room and changes his clothes - black sweat pants and a black hoodie. He goes down the hall and knocks gently on Rose’s door. Nothing. He hasn’t been to her room much. Not since his visit 6 months ago for the one time they had sex, the ritual Gilead kind, that got her pregnant.

He knocks again, a little louder. “What do you want?” Rose says.

“Can we talk?” he asks.

She sighs so heavy he can hear it through the door. “Come in.” she says.

He opens the door to find her in her wing back chair by the window, shoes and stockings at her feet. Her hair is down from its bun and she looks miserable.

He isn’t sure what to say. He does care about her. That's why he has been honest about June, he didn’t want to live a secret life, even mentally. He had drawn the line at Nichole though. It was still widely accepted that she was Fred’s baby with their handmaid. Serena’s pregnancy news had only helped to keep everyone believing that.

“That was absolutely humiliating,” Rose says sharply, looking right at him.

“I’m sorry. I'm not sure what came over me. I was out of line,” he says.

“You think? Punching another Commander? The groom of the wedding we are attending? Whose home we are in? You think?” Rose is getting louder.

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I wasn’t thinking,” he says, keeping a calm and quiet tone.

“Oh no, I think you WERE thinking, just not about me. You were thinking about what you are always thinking about. HER,” she yells.

Nick isn’t sure if this is a frustration or an accusation, so he lets it hang there between them. She looks away from him, likely in disgust. When she doesn’t say anything else, he decides he has to move toward the information he needs.

“What were they saying… after I left?” he asks.

“After you LEFT? Do you mean after you were CARRIED OUT, fighting to get loose from two Guardians?!”

He just looks at her. She shakes her head.

“Obviously, everyone would like to know who “her” is. You know, from when you screamed, ‘You could have f’ing killed her.’ Lawrence clearly knew who you meant as he responded to you while recovering from a punch TO THE FACE,” she stops to catch her breath. “But he didn’t stick around to answer any questions, Naomi rushed him into the kitchen for ice. So all heads turned to me,” she says glaring at him. He has never seen her this angry.

“What was that about? What's going on? Who is he talking about? Did something happen?” Rose is obnoxiously imitating the chaos of the questioning.

“I sank into a chair. Thank God for Tabitha, she tried to manage the onslaught. Everyone speculating about who you could be talking about - does Commander Blaine have a sister? A mother? Is it the Blaine’s Martha?”

Nick is standing still just listening and not showing his relief at how off base the questions were.

Rose looks at him. “Are you even going to tell me what happened?”

“No.” he says, shifting on his feet.

“Ugh, you are the worst. You know that? Just the WORST. Go away.”

Nick opens his mouth like he is going to say something, but she cuts him off “GET OUT.”

He goes to the door and is almost in the hall, when he turns back. “I’m sorry, Rose,”

Another heavy sigh from Rose and he closes the door behind him.

Chapter Text

It’s been 2 days since the incident, and he has been summoned to Commander Lawrence. He dresses in his Commander suit and is dropped off at Lawrence’s house.

“Blaine… Get in here,” he hears from the office.

“Commander Lawrence,” he says quietly as he comes in the door.

“Take a seat Commander. We have some shit to shovel,” Lawrence says and Nick takes a seat in a chair facing the desk. He is relieved they are meeting here. It’s less likely any other Commanders will be around.

“What the hell was that?” Lawrence says.

“My apologies sir, I was out of line and out of control. I am sorry for my behavior,” Nick says.

“I’m the least of your concern,” Lawrence says. “McKenzie is so obsessed with June, he’s the one who might stumble into what you were talking about. Although, even then, it would be an accident. God, he’s a moron.”

“Rose was pretty upset by all the speculation by the wives. She’s so pissed at me,” Nick shares.

“Oh I bet. I told Naomi that whatever it is about is none of the wives business so we will see if she can be of any use. We’re in the honeymoon phase, you know. She’s still hoping she can impress me,” Lawrence says.

Nick just nods at him.

“Alright, let’s see what the next steps are. Keeping your family safe won’t be as hard as figuring out who hired this guy.” Lawrence says, motioning for Nick to pull up closer.

********************

They’ve been at work about an hour, when Nick’s driver, Drew, is at the office door. “We need to get home Commander. Mrs. Blaine has gone into labor.”

“What? It’s too soon,” he says, sort of to himself, and sort of to Lawrence.

“Get going, then,” Lawrence says.

Nick and Drew hustle to the car and Drew does his best to get them home quickly. Nick wishes he had insisted on driving, he hates riding in the back seat.

They pull up to the house, just as Rose is being lifted into an ambulance. Nick gets around to the side of the ambulance door and makes eye contact with Rose. She is still mad at him, but she is also panicking and takes the hand he is offering her. He climbs in next to her. Drew follows in the car as they go to the hospital.

At the hospital, the doctor is unable to stop contractions and Rose’s blood pressure is dangerously high. A doctor and a nurse come to talk to Nick.

“We’re concerned about the baby’s viability. It’s early and it's very small and the photos we just took indicate deformities.”

Nick’s heart sinks. For all he has put Rose through, he hoped he could at least give her a healthy child. Even if it complicated his life, he wanted this for her.

“I’ll come in with you when you tell her,” he says and follows the doctors out of the room.

The next hour is awful. Rose is heart broken and furious. She cries and goes between wanting Nick close and blaming him for everything. He stands at her side and takes it all, his stoicism serving him well. After the baby is born and pronounced dead, the doctors give Rose something to help her sleep awhile. Nick sits in the room with her, in the dark.

For the first time, he allows himself to think of his own loss. This was his child too. It was a boy they said, he was going to have a son. Everything is such a mess. He knows that he and Rose could have made a life together with their children. He wanted to tow the line, to keep moving up the rungs of leadership, it was his best chance at helping the resistance. He and Rose would have babies and carve out some kind of tolerable life.

The life he actually wants is absolutely out of the realm of possibility. The only way he will be truly happy is with June and Nichole. Their separation from Luke is likely temporary, so there is no place for Nick there. He doesn’t even let himself dream of that anymore. Their talk of Hawaii, sandy beaches, was helpful to survive that house but it was never real. Now, in his actual reality, his only moments of happiness come from small acts of resistance that mess with Gilead.

He worries for June and Nichole’s safety. He takes just a minute to feel grateful that his bad behavior didn’t attract attention her way. Hopefully he can keep tabs on them, from afar. He knows that even though they are not his to have a life with, he will do what he has to do to protect them.

The loss of this baby will bring attention on him and Rose again. Rose will hate it. He will have to run interference for her, and it’s the least he can do. He closes his eyes and says a prayer for Rose, for her healing, for their strained relationship, for June and for Nichole. He dozes off in the chair.

Chapter Text

When Rose eventually wakes up, the first thing she feels is anger. Nick is there, asleep in the chair, paying her no attention which doesn’t help.

“NICK!” She yells to wake him.

Nick startles awake and quickly pulls himself together. He goes to find the doctor. The doctor comes in and explains everything to Rose. She is weepy and exhausted and mad.

“What caused this? Could it be an intense moment of stress?” She asks the doctor. Nick can’t help but roll his eyes.

The doctor says no, and explains that deformities are not related to stress. Rose listens to the doctor, but when he leaves, she turns to Nick to say, “I don’t care what he says, this was your fault. You were probably praying this would happen. You only want children with your precious June.”

He is pretty sure there is nothing he can say to make this whole situation any better so instead Nick just makes arrangements to get Rose home.

Rose stays in bed for almost a week, taking no visits from Nick. He gets a daily report from Ann, their Martha, but he leaves Rose alone.

When it’s been a week, Lawrence calls and tells Nick that Serena Waterford is interested in talking on the phone with Rose. She wants to offer her sympathies about the baby. Nick cannot think of anything good that will come of that but he doesn’t have a great reason to stop it.

Rose doesn’t even acknowledge him as he sets her up in his office for a phone call with Serena a few days later. “Want me to stay for the call?” he asks her. The glare she returns to him says all he needs to know and he leaves the room.

He says nearby and the door is open so he hears the very polite conversation on Roses end. She answers some questions about what happened and graciously receives condolences. Then she listens for a long time and agrees to something.

It’s been about 15 minutes when he hears her say goodbye. He hustles to a chair in the sitting room. Rose emerges from Nick’s office. He stands to walk towards her. “Serena is getting married to Commander Berg, and he will be the Top Commander of New Bethlehem,” she says.

He had heard this was a possibility after Serena didn’t like the refugee conditions in Vancouver. Nick braces himself for what he knows is coming next.

“Serena and Commander Berg have invited us to come see New Bethlehem and would like us to consider a spot on the Council for you. We’re going next week,” she says. She doesn’t even wait for a response as she heads up the stairs.

Nick slumps back into the chair and drops his head into his hands. Where has passive, soft spoken Rose gone? Nick has never seen this side of her and he’s not excited about it at all. He saw hints of this kind of behavior from her mother the two times he met her, but Rose had always seemed to have a very calm and peaceful nature. Being mad at him still and experiencing the loss of a child is enough. Nick is sure that throwing Serena into the mix will not help.

***********************

It’s a week of Nick convincing himself that this visit to New Bethlehem will be fine. Rose is excited. Despite what Nick has told her about being cautious with Serena, she is taken with Serena’s attention. She is also not interested, even generally, in anything Nick has to say. He didn’t know she had this kind of staying power on the silent treatment. Subtle attempts to sell her on their life in Boston and his rising seniority on the Council are futile, as she is ignoring him. She just keeps saying she is looking forward to meeting Commander Berg.

The day they arrive, they take a tour of New Bethlehem. Nick, having been there before and knowing he’s never going to live there, is not that interested. He had considered a leadership position there when Lawrence was first pitching the idea, but if June wasn’t going to be there (and he understood why she wouldn’t) he’d rather stay in Boston. Commander Berg is an empty shirt, meaning Serena will be running the show, no doubt. Nick has no interest in living under Serena’s thumb again. Rose, however, is taking it all in.

This kinder, gentler Gilead is bullshit. They will use that to get people in but then, with Serena at the helm, it will gradually change back into regular, brutal Gilead.

The tour is followed by a dinner with Commander Berg and Serena, as well as two other commanders and their wives from other parts of the country. Serena is the only woman at the table who has birthed a healthy baby and it makes her somehow more pompous. Nick didn’t think it was possible.

Nick works to avoid any direct contact with Serena and is mostly successful. He has to admit, though, that she is good. She is charming as she lies through her teeth. Her interaction with Rose is almost flirtatious, and he finds it all gross. He can see Rose being pulled under Serena’s spell and he just wants to go home.

Before they all break up for the night, Rose goes to use the restroom and Nick finds himself alone by the front door with Serena. He avoids eye contact but Serena has him in her sights.

“So have you heard from June? Did she stay in Vancouver?” Serena says quietly.

Nick looks right at her, annoyed. “No idea.”

Serena isn’t convinced, and she’s about to say something, but her new husband is approaching so she changes her tune.

Rose comes to join them and Serena invites her to breakfast before they head home tomorrow. Rose accepts before Nick can say anything.

*************

Rose is already gone when Nick gets up. He gets their things together and is waiting to leave. He decides to check his not-Gilead email and sees he has a message from Tuello. After the trip to the Toronto hospital awhile back, they each opened a yahoo account to communicate with each other away from Gilead surveillance. He laughs, remembering setting these up. According to yahoo, his name is Dudley Spencer, username sdudsmck1995. Mark had created an account for Homer Snickerdoodle, username homesnick4u. They haven’t used them very often, but Nick logs in about once a week to check.

Hey Dud,
All is well. Safe and sound. Working on next steps.
Homer

Nick smiles to himself, relieved his family is safe. He hopes Mark can find them a more permanent location far away from Giiead’s reach. Nick has made it clear to Mark that being able to see them is a distant second priority to them being safe.

Nick and Drew sit in the car waiting for Rose to come out of Serena's home. She gets into the car, saying nothing to Nick as usual. Rose asks Drew for the partition to be put up, which is odd. Is she going to actually speak to him? As soon as the partition is up, she slaps Nick across the face. He keeps his composure but is stunned.

“Baby Nichole is YOUR daughter?? You and June have a child??”

Oh God, he thinks, Serena told her everything… what a bitch. Nick is struggling to stay in control of his emotions. He could kill Serena.

“We don’t have to rush to try for another baby, we’ll just raise yours.” Rose says with an evil smile. He really didn’t know she had this in her.

Nick says nothing, hoping his panic isn’t showing.

Rose tilts her head at him, clearly waiting for him to say something. Lying about Nichole’s paternity is probably not the right way to go. She already knows, and probably trusts Serena more than she trusts Nick right now, misguided as that is. He cannot deny anything about June, he told her most of that himself. He will have to stick with logistics.

“No one knows where Nichole is,” he says.

“Serena does. She was on the train with June and Nichole,” Rose says seriously.

“That was weeks ago,” Nick says.

“Serena says Mark Tuello will help find her.”

“Mark doesn’t want Nichole back in Gilead.”

“Sure, but you’ll tell him that’s what YOU want,” she says with a confidence Nick just cannot understand.

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. Because if you don’t find her and bring her here, I’ll have to get my father involved,” Rose says, as smug as he has ever seen her.

Nick says nothing. This is not good.

“I’m guessing you know the punishment for having sex with a handmaid of another commander? That would explain why you don’t want anyone to know,” she says.

“You don’t know as much as you think you know Rose. I’d leave this alone,” Nick says as calmly as possible.

“No. I don’t think I will. Find your daughter and make the arrangements for her to come live with us. Or I’ll be having a conversation with my father and Commander McKenzie and you’ll be on the wall,” she says.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

They don’t speak on the trip home. Nick feels like the picture of the duck that is calm on top but paddling like crazy underneath. Rose is not bluffing, he is sure of it. She is willing to see him executed, by her father’s orders. He is panicking and also so surprised it has come to this. He needs to get to Mark quickly so he can let June know what’s going on.

When they get home, Rose jumps out of the car and is rushing to the house. Nick wonders if she doesn’t feel well or something, but he doesn’t follow her. He talks briefly with Drew about the rest of the day’s calendar. Then he heads inside.

He assumes Rose has gone upstairs to avoid him but then sees his office door is open. He moves quickly to his office to see Rose on her knees in his office rummaging through his file drawer.

“What are you doing?” he asks her, trying to keep his voice calm. He glances quickly at the small box on the mantel that holds the key to the drawer holding the files she cannot be allowed to find. The box is undisturbed, meaning he isn’t in as much trouble as he could be right now.

“I KNOW you know where she is. I KNOW you talk to June. I’ll find what I need to take to my father,” she spits at him.

He walks over to her and moves his body in between the drawer she has pulled open and her knees. She looks up at him, annoyed.

“Get out of my office,” he says sternly, but quietly. “Now.”

“NO! This is my house too, I have every right to be in here,” Rose says, reaching around his legs to keep pulling files out.

“Excuse me? This is MY house, and you have no rights,” he hates throwing around Gilead-speak, but it is true.

She looks up at him. She is breathing hard and glaring at him through narrowed eyes. He holds her gaze despite his bewilderment at this behavior. She stands up, wobbling on her teal heels. She straightens her skirt and presses down her top.

“Find your daughter, and bring her here. You have one week before I call my father,” she says. She stomps out of the office, slamming the door behind her. Nick follows her to the door, locking it the moment it’s closed.

He goes back to sit in his chair, letting out a big breath. He lets his head fall back and he closes his eyes. All he can think about is June. He has to warn her about Serena, about Rose and Commander Wharton.

He has to get Mark to relocate June and Nichole as soon as possible. He thinks through his options, and none of them seem great. One thing he knows for sure is that he will not raise Nichole in Gilead, he would rather be on the wall.

But he’s not going to do that either.

It’s time to go.

*******************

He emails Mark on yahoo immediately after kicking Rose out of his office telling him that the email he is about to receive to his official account is bullshit but necessary. He will explain in yahoo later. He then channels Fred Waterford to write the most condescending, self absorbed email he can muster telling Mr. Tuello that he has had a change of heart. He no longer trusts Ms. Osborne with their daughter, and he would appreciate assistance in bringing his daughter Nichole back to Gilead to be raised in the proper home he has made with his wife Rose. He’s asking Mr. Tuello to please facilitate a meeting with Ms. Osbourne, wherever she wants, so that he can explain this to her. She will need to bring Nichole and anything she wants to travel with her to her new home. He closes by saying that he appreciates assistance in this important request.

Mark replies in yahoo that he got it and is very concerned. He will reply accordingly. In his official reply, he does a nice job of being surprised at the Commander's change of heart. He agrees to facilitate a meeting but cannot guarantee the cooperation of Ms. Osbourne. “That’s an understatement,” Nick says to himself.

On yahoo, Nick fills Mark in on the threats that are being made and they agree that Mark will fill June in on all of this.

He only takes one call, from Lawrence. He's glad to hear Mark is involved and Nick is making a plan to get out.

Nick has been in his office for about 48 hours, avoiding Rose completely. Ann has brought him meals and Drew has checked in a couple times a day. The morning of the second day, Rose comes to Nick’s office. She pounds on the door and demands to hear of his progress.

“Leave me alone,” he says back and continues to ignore her.

At the end of the second day, he emerges from the office. He needs a shower and some fresh air. Rose must have been camped out in the sitting room because she is immediately on his heels following him up the stairs.

“When are you getting her? Where are you getting her? What's the plan?” He lets her follow him all the way to his bedroom door. He slams the door in her face.

She pounds on the door, “Tell me what’s going on!” she yells.

“I’m working on it, Rose,” Nick says just loud enough she can hear him.

“You better be or you’ll be on the wall,” she screams.

He gets in the shower, hanging his head under the stream of warm water. This is so crazy.

After his shower and dinner, he checks back into his yahoo. Mark is proposing a move to Acapulco, Mexico for June and Nichole, then Nick when he is ready and if that is what he wants. In the meantime, they can set up a fake meeting where June is going to bring them Nichole. She, of course, won’t show up at this meeting. At this failed meeting, Nick will be ‘taken into custody’ by Mark, who has been just waiting for his chance to arrest a real live Gilead Commander. This will get him away from Rose. Mark will have to play the hapless bureaucrat that can’t manage June and likely take some heat from Rose. But he can handle it. Nick thinks this is a good start of a plan.

He closes Mark’s email and is surprised to see a new email. It’s from hollyluvsu and he cannot click on it fast enough…

Homer encouraged me to email you at this address, Dudley.
God I miss you.
Sounds like things have gone a bit haywire over there and I am worried about you.
I thought you said I would like her!! WTF
Holly and I are safe and will continue to be, I promise. I am not going to do anything stupid.
We’re going to be ok.
We are going to be together. At least, that’s what I want. The three of us. I think about it all the time :)
I love you.

Nick doesn’t even try to stop the tears flowing from his eyes. God, he needed that. She always makes him feel better. And Mark, he has really become a friend.

He holds his head in his hands and lets all the emotions come. He is so scared. Rose has him over a barrel here, and it could cost him his life, it really could. He is terrified of not being here to protect his family. He is also deeply impacted hearing that June wants to be with him, wants to be a family. He did not see that coming and can hardly comprehend it. He was already living for them, to keep them safe, but maybe he would get to actually live WITH them. It was overwhelming to consider. He lets the tears flow until there aren’t anymore.

He hits the reply button:

Hey Hollyluvsu,
What a surprise to hear from you. Thank you.
It’s true, I am in a tough spot right now. But I see a way forward, and it leads to you.
Grateful to Homer for all his help.
I cannot wait to see you - being with you two is all I want. I will do whatever it takes. Anything.
Give Holly a hug from me,
I love you.

The following day is Tuesday. It’s been almost three weeks since the miscarriage, and he’s four days into the “one week until I tell my father” situation. Nick has Ann tell Rose to come to his office. She comes in and sits down, quieter than she has been since this all started. She looks at him and waits.

“I will be getting Nichole on Friday. I have arranged a meeting with June and Mark Tuello,” he says flatly.

“I am going with you,” Rose demands, just like he knew she would.

“No, just me,” he says knowing he has to put up a little fight so it feels like a win for her.

“I am going with you, Nick, no more discussion.” she says sternly.

He sighs, playing up that he can’t win with her and says, “Ok, fine.” She smiles at him, saccharin sweet.

“What about New Bethlehem? When do we move?” Rose asks.

“We’re not moving to New Bethlehem,” Nick answers.

“Yes we are,” says Rose.

“No we’re not. Nichole will never be safe near Serena,” Nick says.

Before Rose can react to that, he keeps talking. “What are you going to tell your parents about our new child that won’t put me on the wall?” he asks her.

“The truth,” she says.

“The truth is what puts me on the wall, Rose. People can’t know she is actually mine,” he says.

“No, people can’t know she is Baby Nichole. She’ll need a new name. She’s a child you had with a Martha who escaped and then died. We’ll call her Rachel,” she has it all worked out apparently.

When Nick doesn’t respond, she continues. “I want us to move to New Bethlehem. I thought you wanted less restrictions.”

“Absolutely not. Serena wants baby Nichole, Rose. You have to know that this is what it's all about. She believes she has rights to her,” Nick says.

“Well, luckily our child isn’t baby Nichole,” Rose says matter of factly. He’s sort of baffled by her comfort with this web of lives she will turn their life into.

“We can decide that later, after things calm down,” he says, seeing she is pleased with herself. Nick is fine messing with Rose this way because he knows that Nichole will not be spending even one minute in New Bethlehem, or Gilead for that matter.

“You are so naïve,” he says as she starts to walk to the door.

Rose turns to look at him. “I am not. I have orchestrated this whole thing. Even you are doing what I say.”

“No, Serena has orchestrated this whole thing, playing you like a fiddle,” he says. “You better keep your guard up around her, she won’t appreciate being lied to,” he says and he can tell he is getting to her.

“Fuck you Nick,”

His eyebrows shoot up, he can’t help it. He has never heard Rose swear.

She walks out of his office angrily, slamming the door.

Chapter Text

It’s Thursday now and Rose still thinks “Rachel” is arriving Friday. She has let go of the immediate move to New Bethlehem, but Nick knows that’s temporary. It doesn’t matter though, he will be gone after Friday as well.

Nick has been at work getting himself ready to leave Gilead for good. He has made arrangements with Lawrence for Ann and Drew to land ok once he disappears. Nick told Lawrence that he has a meeting with Mark at the border, and he wanted to make arrangements for his household just in case. Lawrence is always suspicious but he can’t deny he is on Nick’s side of whatever is going on right now. No doubt it has something to do with June, but he admires Nick’s discretion.

Nick is putting all his files onto flash drives since he will need to leave his computer behind. He is making sure it looks like he thought he was coming back.

Over yahoo, he and Mark have worked out a plan for this supposed meeting with June. It will be in No Man’s Land and Nick will be leaving from there, with Mark, for good. He will need to spend some time with Mark and other US, Canadian and probably Mexican officials but will earn immunity and then go to Mexico.

Hey Dudley,
Heard there’s a big meeting Friday. Sorry I can’t be there, whomp whomp.
I hope things go as planned. Please be careful.
You are on my mind all the time, and Holly loves hearing about you.
We can’t wait to see you.
I love you <3

Hey there,
Couple things left to take care of but mostly ready. So sorry you can’t be there. KIDDING. DON’T COME THERE.
I think it might be rough, but it will all be worth it once I am with you two.
Can’t wait. I love you.
Dudley

Dudley,
LOL, I will NOT be there. Promise.
You’ve got this. Whatever happens, it will end with us together. A real family.
Last night, a bunch of new people arrived here. It’s getting bad, I’m glad Homer has another plan for us.
See you soon babe… ok if I call you babe?
Love you.

Hey,
You can call me anything you want.
Babe made me blush sitting here in my office, Jesus.
Thank you for caring about me. I used to think that was something I didn’t need.
Love you so much,
Dud

*************************

It’s Thursday night now and he and Rose are invited to the McKenzie’s house. Rose is bursting at the seams to tell what they are up to the next day but she has agreed with Nick that she cannot do that. It has to appear as a total surprise. The story she created is that Nick didn’t even know the Martha was pregnant when she escaped, so he only heard about the baby after the Martha’s death. She had told her sister his name and where he lived, and since he had moved since then, it took awhile to find him. Nick thinks that this detail is her least thought out and demonstrates her total cluelessness about what people outside Gilead think. What sister to a recently deceased escapee from Gilead would willingly send a child back into Gilead? It doesn’t matter, Rose will not be getting any opportunities to share the story. Creating it has lightened her mood a bit so he went along.

Once they have arrived at the McKenzie’s, Hannah (Agnes) joins them in the sitting room. She is really growing up, tall and poised.

“How is school going Agnes?” Nick asks her.

“School is going well, Commander, thank you,” she answers very politely.

“Praise be,” he says. “Are any of your classmates considering joining the Aunts at Ardua Hall?” he asks. Tabitha looks at him, a bit sideways, before returning her gaze to her daughter to encourage a response.

“I don’t know anything about that, sir,” she says.

“Oh, well, some girls feel a special calling in their heart from God. To help train our Handmaids and then help with the new babies. I just wondered, since you are about the age that Aunts start training,” he says.

“I am sure God calls only the smartest girls, He knows best,” Agnes responds dutifully.

“I hear good things about you Agnes,” he says with a smile, “Be sure to listen for anything God may be telling you in your prayers.”

Agnes is a little embarrassed by this high praise from a Commander. She smiles at him and then her mother.

“That’s so kind of you to say, Commander Blaine,” Tabitha says.

“Of course, you’ve raised a lovely young woman, Mrs. McKenzie. We all have to do our part to keep our republic strong. The Aunts do incredible work among us. It’s not my decision to make, but I can see Agnes serving very well as an Aunt. Can’t you Rose?” Nick says looking from Agnes to Rose.

“Of course. Such a smart and mature girl,” Rose says.

Commander McKenzie has been quietly listening to this and finally speaks up. “If the Lord sees fit, I’m sure Agnes will feel the call,” he says standing up, “Let’s move into the dining room for dinner.”

Hannah doesn’t say anything during dinner. Commander McKenzie keeps the discussion on Council issues, so much so that Rose and Tabitha eventually start their own conversation.

Nick is barely listening, running checklists and plans in his head for what the next 24 hours will look like. And praying that Hannah might end up at Ardua Hall instead of at a wedding ceremony standing across from a man three or four times her age.

****************************

Later when he and Rose are home, she stops before going upstairs. She looks at Nick. “This time tomorrow, we’ll be putting our daughter to bed for the first time,” she says.

“Big day, for sure,” he says.

“Hopefully the beginning of better days for us,” she says. “I know this has been hard.”

“Hard? Rose, you threatened to put me on the wall,” he says.

“I needed you to take me seriously,” she says, getting angry.

Nick says nothing, which he knows drives her crazy. There’s no benefit to this conversation or any resolution between them.

“Goodnight Rose,” he says, turning into his office.

Rose stomps on the stairs and he hears her door slam.

He cannot wait for tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Nick and Drew are at the car before Rose comes out. She doesn’t need to see that he has a backpack with him. Drew is under instructions to move the backpack to Mark’s car while they are inside waiting for June to show up. Nick tells Drew that whatever happens today is planned, and that when they get home today, he needs to take Ann to Lawrence’s house. It seems like Drew understands.

Both Ann and Drew are very trustworthy people and definitely know they don’t work for a completely typical Commander. Nick firmly believes they are safer not knowing everything about him. He hopes they trust him enough to do what he needs them to do today.

Ann comes out of the house and hands them some food for the day. After Rose is in the car, Nick walks toward Ann.

“Ann?” He calls.

“Yes, Commander,” she says, turning back to him.

“Later today, I need you to head over to Commander Lawrence’s home. He needs some extra hands this evening. Drew will take you.”

“Ok, sure thing.”

“Thanks Ann,” Nick says, holding her eye contact, “Thanks for everything.”

Ann thinks this a little odd, but who knows. “Under his eye,” she replies with a smile.

***********************

They arrive at the old school and Mark’s car is already there. They walk inside and Nick's mind is flooded with the memory of kissing June on that window seat. He can’t believe he is getting out. He and June will be able to kiss whenever they want. He’s lost in his happiest place when Rose interrupts.

“Well, where is she?”

“Hello Mrs. Blaine,” Mark says with a smile. Nick had told him about her anger lately.

“Who’s this?” She asks, indicating the officer standing next to him.

“This is Officer Collins. I don’t travel in no man’s land alone,” Mark says, then locks eyes with Nick. “Commander Blaine,” he reaches out to shake hands.

Nick shakes his hand. In the middle of the hand shake, Mark pulls Nick toward him and Officer Collins springs into action getting handcuffs onto Nick quickly.

“What on earth…” Rose starts.

“Commander Blaine, you are under arrest for crimes against the United States of America, and crimes against your fellow Americans.”

“Mark, what are you doing?” Nicks feigns exasperation.

“Yes, what are you doing?” Rose echoes, getting angry.

“Sorry Commander, but I don’t know when I’ll get you outside Gilead again to do this,” Mark says, “Put him in the car Collins.”

“Ok, hold on, let’s calm things down,” Nick says, pulling his hands away from Officer Collins. “Isn’t my daughter about to arrive here?”

“Not unless you told June to come. I sure didn’t,” Mark says. Rose gasps, her hand coming to her mouth.

“Not that she would ever do anything I said anyway,” Mark says, under his breath and Nick tries not to let his smirk show.

Rose is furious after her momentary shock. “What?! She’s not coming?” She’s trying to figure out which one of these guys screwed her over. She looks at Nick “You knew about this?”

“Rose, if I knew I was being arrested, would I be here right now?!,” Nick says like that should be very obvious.

“Put him in the car, Collins.” Mark says again.

As Nick is dragged out the door, playing up the struggle, Rose starts threatening Mark.

“I’m calling my father! You will be hearing from Gilead, Mr. Tuello. This will not stand!!”

Nick can hear her making a scene in there as Officer Collins lets go of him and he walks freely to Mark’s car. He glances over at Drew and nods at him. He nods back, he gets it. Drew is a good guy.

Officer Collins opens the back door of the car and Nick gets in. He takes the handcuffs off as Nick sees his backpack in the back seat with him.

Mark is coming out the door with Rose on his heels screaming at him about Nick's daughter and her future and whatever. Drew walks over and tries to guide Rose back to their vehicle.

Eventually Rose stops. She takes a visible deep breath. As Mark opens his car door, she yells “Nick! You are a worthless son of a bitch! How stupid can you be not to see this for the set up it was. What is wrong with you?!”

She is still yelling but Mark closes his door. He looks at Nick, silently asking what to do.

“Let’s go,” Nick says and Officer Collins pulls away.

*************************

“Wow, Nick, that was wild,” Tuello says once they have crossed back into Canada. For the last 20 minutes he has watched Nick move through many layers of emotions; anger, fear, relief, anticipation and back around again. Mark just let him be.

“The last few weeks have been crazy. She was going to turn me in, for real. She wasn’t playing around,” Nick says. “I don’t know what she’ll do when she gets home. Especially once she realizes our Martha and our driver are leaving our house.”

“Will she go back to her parents?” Mark asks.

“Probably. Or she’ll go to New Bethlehem to be with her new best friend Serena,”

“Oh boy,” Mark says. “Sorry for all you’ve been through. I hope this feels like the right move for you right now.”

“Absolutely.”

****************

They arrive in Toronto and pull up to a small house in a modest neighborhood. Mark gets out so Nick follows suit.

“This is where you’ll be staying for the next two weeks,” Tuello says. “There are some clothes in the bedroom and food in the kitchen, let me know what else you need. Our team will come see you here. We’ll get started Sunday morning, give you a day to rest.”

Mark shows him around the house, aware that Nick is completely lost in thought. “Here’s a cell phone for your use. Added in my number and a few others,” he says with a smile. “See you Sunday, 9 am.”

Nick takes the phone and nods at Mark. Mark is opening the front door leaving a key in the deadbolt. Before he opens the screen door, Nick shakes his head trying to get present to this moment. It’s been a very long day, or month.

“Mark… thank you for everything. If not for you I’d be in prison right now. Truly. Thank you.”

“I look forward to working together, Nick. Get some rest.” He leaves and Nick heads to lock the door behind him.

*************************************

He sits down in a rocking chair in the living room. The place is quite nice. His ears are ringing, it's so quiet. He is awfully tired. He goes into the bedroom and puts on some pajama type pants and a tshirt. He hangs his Commander suit in the closet.

He goes to the kitchen and looks over the food that’s there. But he’s not hungry. He picks up his new phone. He hasn’t really used one like this but he finds the contacts and sees June is in there. He clicks on her name. There’s a picture of her and Nichole. It brings tears to his eyes. He clicks the call button.

“Hello?” June says.

“Hey.” He says.

He hears her sigh and he imagines her eyes are closed and she is smiling.

“You’re in Canada?” She asks.

“I am. Toronto. Just got here and got this phone.”

“Oh Nick, I’m so relieved. I’m so glad you’re out of there.”

“Me too,” he says, “Tell me about how you two are.”

“I hope it’s ok with you that I started calling her Holly,” June says, “I just don’t want to call any attention to us.”

“I think that’s great. Are you still June?”

“I go by Nora here, but that’s temporary. We’re in a refugee apartment building in Vancouver. It’s ok, nothing fancy.”

“You feel safe?” he asks.

“Yeah, we keep to ourselves,” she says.

They are quiet for a minute, Nick rests his forehead in his hand on the kitchen counter. The exhaustion is really setting in.

“When I got out, I slept for like 16 hours,” June says quietly, “that’s all you need to do today.”

Now the tears start. He’s out. He’s free, aside from some formalities. He’s on the phone with the woman he loves.

“All the things I did, with mayday and the Martha’s, and the closest I came to getting on the wall was from my wife… so crazy,” he says quietly.

“It is, Nick, what you have been through is really crazy,” she says.

He sighs. He needs to go to bed.

“I love you, June, I mean Nora,” he says with a smile that she can hear. She chuckles.

“I love you, we’ll talk again soon,” June says and hangs up.

Nick finds a glass and gets water from the sink. He takes a long drink and sets the cup down. His phone buzzes and he sees a text from June…

“Goodnight babe, sleep well.” He can feel himself blushing. Something about her calling him babe. Geez.

He goes to the bedroom and collapses onto the bed.

Chapter Text

Six Months Later

Nick is leaving work a little early today. He has been a driver for a high end rental agency, shuttling rich tourists around Acapulco for about 5 months. He likes it. He has always liked driving and he makes good tips by being just friendly enough and then leaving people alone.

June is leaving work as well, waiting at the bus stop. She works at a small bookstore. The customers are mostly tourists, but June has started a couple book groups which has helped draw in some local residents.

They are both headed to the doctor's office for their first ultrasound.

After his two weeks of intensive interviews with Mark and other US, Canadian and Mexican officials, Nick was granted immunity and put on a plane to Acapulco. June and Holly arrived the day before from Vancouver.

Rose had created quite a mess in Gilead. Once Ann and Drew left the house, she became even more enraged realizing that Nick knew he was being “arrested” that day. Unable to take it out on him directly, despite many attempts to reach Mark Tuello and learn his location, she took her grievances to her father, Commander Wharton. Ultimately, a warrant went out for Nick’s arrest for improper sexual relations with another Commanders handmaid, aiding the escape of a child and a handmaid and desertion of his wife. With Lawrence in charge, not much was going to be done, but Rose worked to keep it front of people. Nick and June had yet to encounter anyone in Mexico that was sympathetic to Gilead so Nick wasn’t worried. Lawrence found Rose incredibly annoying and eventually called Serena to help.

Rose moved to New Bethlehem marrying a junior council member that Serena arranged for her. At first Serena promised she would find Nick, June and Nichole and they would be brought to justice, blah blah blah, but she lost interest when she became pregnant herself and garnered the attention of Gilead once again.

Hannah did end up feeling called to be an Aunt. Mark got wind of it during an interview with a high ranking Commander and his wife that defected. He was able to let June and Nick know and this news was met with relief. It wasn’t freedom, but she wouldn’t be married either. June tried to think of it as a small victory.

Nick and June and Holly settled into a small house on the outskirts of Acapulco. They could see a little bit of the ocean from their front porch and often sat there late into the evening, talking or just sitting quietly holding hands. June’s pregnancy was no surprise - they weren’t using any birth control and couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Luke’s trial did not go well in Toronto and he is still in jail. Mark had let him know about June’s change of location. She recently got permission to write to him and she plans to let him know about all the choices she has made. She feels bad for Luke, but she has to move forward. Moira tries to be understanding, but worries that June doesn’t know Nick like she thinks she does. Rita is very supportive and hopes to visit soon, although June thinks once they have a due date, she’ll wait until then.

********************

Nick meets June in the waiting room. Holly is still at daycare, so it’s just them. He greets her with a kiss and they sit next to each other. His hand is on her thigh and he turns, putting his other hand on her stomach. He looks at her with tears forming in his eyes. She places her hand over his, leaning her forehead against his.

The nurse calls them in. Everything looks good, June is 11 weeks along. She feels pretty good most of the time. They walk out to the car together. Nick takes her by the waist and presses her up against the car with his body. She drapes her arms over his shoulder as they hold each other’s gaze.

“I feel like the luckiest man in the world,” Nick says, “I love you so much.”

She kisses him and holds him tight. “I love you babe,” she says. They hold each other awhile, soaking in the love between them, the tiny life June is carrying and the new life they are building together.