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It's cold. Like cold cold. So cold Ezreal is pretty sure his nose and nose and fingertips are going to freeze solid and plunk onto the floor and shatter and then he's going to die.
And! Some unreasonable dictator locked the thermostat just because there might've been a teensy bit of a back and forth over where it should be set. Like hardly even a thing worth mentioning, totally not the reason Kayn's door got duct taped shut while someone else cranked it up to a nice toasty normal temperature. Someone very reasonable and valid who shall not be named.
So now it's cold inside, which is what they do to prisoners as torture, as Ezreal has tried telling anyone who will listen.
(No one seems to want to listen, so he is still cold.)
K'Sante is the most sympathetic at least, even though he's a lunatic who wanders around in a t-shirt and shorts in this awful arctic blast.
“I could make you some tea if you'd like?” he offers with that smile of his that makes Ezreal feel both important and very young. “I have a nice spiced blend that I think will warm you right up.”
He's half right, it warms up his guts at least, and Ezreal manages to burn his tongue on it which he guesses also counts as warming. The rest of him is still cold though, even after stealing the quilt from K'Sante's bed and swaddling himself in it while they talk.
Well, while Ezreal talks and K'Sante grunts through the exercises he's doing in the middle of his bedroom floor – which, come to think of it, is probably why he doesn't have nearly enough sympathy for Ezreal's plight. Usually he's the most likely to sympathize about anything, but if he's being all exercise-y of course he's not going to recognize how freezing it is in here and help Ezreal petition accordingly.
A lost cause... but at least he got tea and a quilt out of it.
Aphelios is his next best bet at gaining an ally here, since he's also a blanket creature half the time and doesn't do all that working out bullshit.
Unfortunately, his room is warm already.
“Are you sure that's safe?” Ezreal asks, eyeing the screaming fans of Phel's computer skeptically. “I don't think they're supposed to smell like that.”
Aphelios doesn't even bother to turn around, only shrugging as he continues clicking away on some Wars of StarWorld game... or something. He's not really sure actually – there's the game up on one screen, but at least two other screens are actively moving – one looks like five different twitter accounts and the other one looks kinda like a mix from their latest track? But honestly trying to look at the whole thing is making him kinda nauseous.
“Anyway, like I was saying, you should help me convince Yone to turn the heat up cause it's cold in the rest of the house-”
Another shake of blue hair – but this time long fingers lift off the mouse for a second to pat the side of the whirring-wheezing-screeching computer.
“Okay, fine, but I don't have a space heater like you do-”
A quick series of taps, and then one of the screens pops up a fun little 3D screen of what looks like the computer, complete with a whole bunch of... numbers and letters? Things and stuff. He recognizes the temperature at least, and that the big red bar next to it is probably not good.
“So, it's... hot?”
A nod – then a text box pops up on the screen.
2 hot lol i asked Yone 2 turn it colder but he said no :(
“Ah... whelp.”
They shrug at each other before Ezreal turns and shuffles back into the hallway – the betrayal leaving him even colder than before.
Of course, when someone betrays you the only recourse is to go for the kidneys – or the big puppy equivalent.
“Sett, I'm so glad you're my friend and always here to help keep me healthy and safe and comfortable.” He chirps the praise right into Sett's rib cage, all doe eyes and sparkling smile. “I'm glad we quit together, we make a good team.”
“Awww, Ez... I'm glad we're both here too.” Sett's massive arms squash him into a paste as he hugs him, leaning back to lift Ezreal until his toes dangle. He holds him there for a moment before setting him down and releasing him enough to ruffle Ezreal's hair into a bird's nest, grinning the whole time. “Now, what do you want from me?”
Ezreal busts out his most award-winning pout at the accusation, “Can't I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you?”
“Sure-” Sett shrugs, and the grin playing at the corner of his mouth flashes a sharp canine. “Only, the last few times you've come with such vocal appreciation, you've also needed somethin' heavy moved.”
“Well, you are awfully good at moving heavy things too.” Ezreal winks at him, reaching up to pat one of his frankly excessive biceps. “But I don't need any grunt work from you today.”
Sett's ears flick as his smirk grows wider and he cocks an eyebrow.
“But you do need somethin'.”
“Weeeeeeell-” he flutters his hands dismissively, because it's only an itty-bitty request after all, “You know how I'm all little and delicate and sickly, right?”
“Uhh, you?” Sett snorts – which doesn't bode well – so Ezreal steamrolls onward.
“And! I'm feeling sniffles coming on, chills even.” He fakes a cough for good measure, sniffling pathetically as he shivers. “I just thought, since you're so healthy and stuff, you could help me!”
“...Uh-huh.” Those massive arms bulge as Sett crosses them. “And I take it you don't want to improve your garbage diet?”
“Aaahaha, well you see I was thinking more environmental changes.”
Sett holds up one massive hand to stop him, fishing his phone out with the other, and taps around for a second until he finds what he's looking for and spins it around to show Ezreal.
Mooncake <3: don't turn up heat 4 ez & i'll turn up heat 4 u l8r ;)
“...that bastard.”
“Sorry, Ez.” Sett pockets his phone and reaches out to ruffle Ezreal's hair again. “Gotta stand by my man, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” Ezreal grumbles, recognizing that the battle is utterly unwinnable.
“You can borrow one of my sweatshirts though, if that'll help?”
Ezreal squints at him, a plan forming in his mind.
“You know what? I think it will.”
His latest plan is foolproof – which is great, because he's surrounded by fools who want him to freeze to death.
“Oh Kaaa-aaayn,” he croons, rapping his knuckles on Kayn's bedroom door while pushing into the space. “I have a surprise for yoooou.”
Kayn glances up from where he's propped up on the bed with a tablet, notebook open beside him and pens strewn across the bed – writing then.
He lets out a snort that is frankly aggressive when he catches sight of Ezreal sashaying into his room.
“Are you trying to camp in that thing?”
“Oh, this?” Ezreal lifts his arms, letting the five extra inches of sweater paws dangle, and sticks out one of his legs below where the hem hits his shin. “Just something I slipped on...”
He shimmies a bit, letting the collar of the oversized sweatshirt gape to reveal his shoulder, eyelashes fluttering.
Kayn doesn't look back up, because he sucks.
“ Ahem- ” Finally, that mismatched gaze flicks back to him, eyebrow arched, and Ez winks at him. “You know, I'd love to show you what's underneath, but it's just so chilly in here...”
“You know I'm happy to warm you up anytime, princess,” Kayn teases, shifting the tablet off his thighs to pat his lap. “Got something to give you a little heat from the inside out right here.”
“Mmm, I dunno... it's too cold for me to take off this clothing… the one from another man who totally takes care of me... maybe I would take off his claim and show you what's underneath... if it was warmer in here.”
Kayn squints at him for a long moment before bursting into a fit of cackles – rude.
“Hey! Don't laugh-”
“I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest-”
“ You're the stupidest-”
“You want me to believe that Sett is my competition? Phel would eat you for lunch.”
Ezreal huffs, blowing out his cheeks as he crosses his flappy sleeves, and plops himself on the bed. “Okay, but I totally could have seduced him, if I wanted to.”
“Sure, Ez.” Kayn leans forward to hook his waist with a grin, dragging Ezreal into his lap before circling his arms around him and putting the tablet back in front of both of them. “You're very seductive.”
“I know.” He's not pouting – he's not . “Which is why it should be easy to get the damn heat turned up in here.”
Kayn huffs a laugh into his hair and squeezes his waist. “Are you actually that cold and not just being a brat?”
Honestly, it's about half and half – the principle of the thing plus the fact that he really doesn't like the scratchy feeling of wool socks but also likes having toes.
“I mean...” he hedges, burrowing back into Kayn's heat. “Yeah, when I'm not glued to a human space heater I'm pretty cold, and it sucks.”
“Fine.” Kayn presses a kiss to the side of his head before tucking him under his chin. “Go talk to Yone and I'll back you up... as long as it's still reasonable.”
“What's reasona-”
“ Not a tank top and short shorts.”
“...fine.”
Who says he can't compromise?
“Oh Yooooonnnneeee-” he slides into Yone's office on the not-scratchy thick socks Kayn let him steal, almost slamming into the wall as he flaps his sweater paws. “I've come to you with a peace accord!”
Yone pulls his headphones to his neck as he turns in his chair, clearly impressed by Ezreal's dramatic entrance. “Oh?”
“Uh-huh! Kayn agreed that we should turn the heat up like three clicks, and I will keep socks on, and I'll give Phel a fan to point at his lava-fueled computer.”
Yone's eyebrows raise to his hairline. “Really? You went and negotiated all that?”
“Yeap!” Ezreal chirps, wriggling his hands from Sett's sleeves, “K'Sante won't vote against me if I'm compromising, and since I'm sure you agree that I'm being reasonable, you'll side with me, right? And then I can be warm again?”
Yone's smile is approximately the temperature that Ezreal was hoping they could get the house up to, which is a good sign – and so is the way he unfolds himself from the chair to shuffle in his slippers over to the thermostat.
“You know, Ez-” Yone begins as he's doing some secret code shenanigans with the heat, “-you could've just asked for a space heater too. I've got an extra one in my room.”
“... really?”
“Of course.” Yone grins down at him over his shoulder, looking inappropriately amused for someone who just told him he'd wasted his entire morning navigating political intrigue and backstabbing. “But I'm glad you've found a way to amuse yourself today that didn't involve trying to start a fire for warmth instead.”
“That was one time!”
“And we hope to keep it at that number.”
“Yeah, well.... hmph.” Ezreal sniffs, making a show of blowing on his fingertips. “Now that we won't be a meat locker anymore, you can rest easy.”
“So you don't want that space heater then?” Yone asks, making a show of shrugging and shuffling back to his office.
“I didn't say that!” He trots after him, clutching at the corner of Yone's fuzzy robe with his puppy-dog eyes firmly in place. “Can you carry it upstairs for me? And maybe make some of your tasty hot cocoa while we wait for all the heat to catch up to the freezing air?”
Fifteen minutes later he's in paradise – one mug full of cocoa, K'Sante's quilt over his feet, space heater on full blast, Sett's sweater draped to his knees, Kayn's socks on his feet... and the backdraft of Phel's monstrous computer blowing hot air like a jet engine into the rest of the second floor.
Life is warm, life is good.