Chapter Text
The night air felt heavy. Grimacing, I stopped strolling down the bustling village street. I glanced over my shoulder and straightening my top absently as I strained my eyes, into the dark sky hoping to glean information I knew wasn’t there from the inky black above. Taka, my ninja hawk, hopped on my shoulder his feathers fluffed, sensing the same feeling I had.
"Find out what's going on."
Taka took off into the air, with a light rustling of feathers, as I started walking down the street again.
The night was cool and normally, would have been quite relaxed and inviting, with the warm lights of stores and people conversing along the streets. I watched Kakashi and Gai's rambunctious exchange as we walked past each other. Though of the two of them it was more Gai who was being rambunctious, as opposed to Kakashi. I smiled to myself, taking some heart in the older pairs' exchange, and shook my head before looking up to watch Taka banking in a broad circle above.
He looked uncomfortable in the tense air. Diving back down towards me after a few minutes. When he landed I listened to his chirped report. A lot of movement of other birds outside the village. We didn't know what but Something was definitely going on.
Almost as soon as Taka finished his report an alarm went up, stopping me in my tracks. All shinobi were supposed to gather in designated spots whenever that alarm went up. I grimaced and clenched my teeth, observing the shifting attitude in the streets. Taka took off from my shoulder ahead of me, and I followed heading to sector 1, the designated spot for genin. Though I didn't move too quickly. I wanted to try and get some idea of what was going on. As I made my way I could tell the older shinobi were mobilizing with a sense of urgency that sent a spike of worry up the back of my neck. What started as a trickle of motion into assigned locations became a stream for a short time before thining out again as everyone reached their destinations.
Haiku and Kokuei were already there when I finally arrived.
"Hey. Do you know what's going on?" I asked in lieu of a greeting.
"No, we figured you and Taka would know." Haiku responded.
"Taka said he saw lots of movement in the trees outside the village. But other than that, I have no idea." I replied, sticking my hands in my pockets. I was putting on a relaxed and casual act, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going on. Especially considering the number of higher level shinobi guarding us.
Kokuei was silent throughout our exchange but I knew he shared all the same worries from the way his shoulders tensed and his eyes sharply focused on the formation of new genin we stood in, surrounded by high strung adults.
"Aww come on why won't they tell us?" Haiku grumbled crossing his arms, though the stress in his eyes reflected Kokuei's and my own.
"We're just genin they- " a giant bang sounded nearby. "What was that?" I moved close to the other two lining up in formation. Taka hopped onto my head from my arm before taking off into the air quickly.
Ninja art: Eagle eye jutsu.
I formed the signs and closed my eyes leaning against Haiku as my vision linked with Taka’s. Haiku leaned back against me, supporting me as subtly as he could, while Kokuei assumed a practiced watch around us.
Taka looked over the village and almost instantly we saw the problem. The nine tails. The nine tails was here, in the village. Taka dropped back down to me and I released the jutsu standing back up straight the panic flashing in my eyes as I took in our surroundings once more, the understanding like a weight in my gut. Taka taking up his usual spot on my padded arm serving as a grounding weight.
"That was fast. What is it?" Kokuei asked over his shoulder from his position with his back to us.
"The nine tails is attacking the village."
"What?! No way! We need to help!" Haiku declared, tightening the wrapping over his knuckles.
"We would just be going to die." Kokuei bit out.
I looked at him shocked. I didn't expect Kokuei to be so harsh. He was usually the most soft spoken of the three of us. Even though he was right, it was hard to hear coming from him.
"Yes." I agreed quietly "we're surveillance specialists anyway. We would only get in the way if we tried to fight it." finishing with more conviction.
I hated saying it. Even though it was true. We couldn't help. Not in a situation like this. We weren't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough.
"That's why there are guards keeping us here, huh?" Haiku said thoughtfully as he suddenly quieted down. I gave him a quizzical look. What was he saying?
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"They're protecting us from the nine tails here." He started. "But they're also entrapping us. Making sure we don't leave."
"Yeah, for our protection. I still don't get what you mean." I grumbled. He sounded ridiculous.
"Ughhh. Normally we would be evacuating civilians and helping back up the lines. Right? But they have us all standing here."
He was right. Normally we would have been given busy work.
"So why aren't we?" I asked.
"I was hoping you would be able to figure it out."
"How the heck am I supposed to figure that out!?"
He chuckled and stepped back from my swing at his shoulder. Taka chirped as he tried to rebalance on my other arm before giving up and switching to my head and fluffing up his feathers. My half hearted punch having failed, I took a deep breath to calm myself.
"Well....the ninetails appearing is a natural disaster right? Maybe it's because it's not related to the war?" I wasn't very confident in my own answer but it at least kind of sounded like an answer.
"Nah. That doesn't seem likely." Haiku denied shrugging.
"If you weren't going to like my answer, why did you ask?" I ground out snarling at him. A giant crash sounded nearby again startling me from my distraction. I looked around at our guards, they were starting to look nervous too. I really needed to get a full grasp on what was going on.
"Taka. Please take a look again." I asked once more forming the hand signs of my jutsu. As I shut my eyes I felt Haiku grip my shoulder.
"Hey, give me a bit of a warning next time." He grumbled half heartedly, already supporting me against himself.
Taka took to the air flying above the walls of our sector. It really was a terrifying sight. The ninetails was rampaging through the village, teeth bared and eyes wild. Shinobi were throwing themselves at the beast only to be swatted back like they were nothing. I could only imagine how many of them were dying in each strike. It was a horrific sight.
Dad.
Other hawks. I had to check for other hawks. He should be staying back from the fighting but she had to check.
Quickly.
Quickly.
Oh no. A ball of dread settled in my gut. There. There were hawks from our clan near the ninetails. Had to find his bird. But they were so far away. Taka tilted out of his circle and took off towards the fighting with a swift beat of his wings. Searching for my father's bird, Enji.
No.
My world tilted and the jutsu faded with my shock. Enji was there. That meant her father was near that beast. I dropped to my knees in disbelief, surprising Haiku who fumbled his attempted grab at my arm.
"What is it?" Kokuei asked.
"Enji is in the sky around that beast." I squeaked out. My voice quivering.
Haiku squatted down next to me. "He could be far back with just Enji up there." He squeezed my shoulder trying to be reassuring. I nodded, unable to stop my trembling. I didn't believe him despite my wish to. I could tell through my own trembling that Haiku was barely holding his worry at bay too. His hands were clammy and the tips of his fingers dug into my shirt, his nail beds turning white.
Looking up I saw Kokuei was in much the same condition. I gripped the earth, the slight pain of small stones under my nails a reminder of where I was. I had to get it together. Taka alighted back down onto my head as I finally sat up straighter. They couldn't forget our teacher, Noriko-sensei.
"Yeah. We just gotta hope they all get through this ok." I affirmed, probably trying to reassure myself as much as my teammates.
I stood back up as Haiku backed into his previous position. I shuffled where I stood. A part of me wanted to stay seated, to curl up and hide, while the other part of me wanted to meet the threat head on. The three of us stood together quietly for a time, listening to the sounds of fighting and explosions outside the immediate area. It felt like ages passed like that. No one saying anything. I didn't know how the fighting could still going on.
Suddenly the sound changed. First it was just another loud crash, but then the following crashes were exponentially quieter, before fading all together.
"Somethings changed."
My teammates nodded and I could tell the guards had noticed the difference too. Everyone was looking around trying to figure out what had changed. A new ninja I didn't recognize appeared briefly, talking to one of the guards before disappearing again, probably to update any other sections of ninka who had been kept out of the fighting. Something had indeed changed. The muffled crashes were fading away into silence, and the loe buzz of people talking seemed to take its place.
“Do you have enough chakra to check with Taka again?" Kokuei asked.
I nodded and repeated the same process as before. He launched above the walls with a few strong strokes before circling in the thermals above us. The nine tails was gone. The part of the village it had been in was wrecked. One wall and the trees outside the village were ripped apart but it seemed like the danger had passed.
"The nine tails is gone." I said releasing the jutsu. A wave of relief passed through me and my teammates but it was followed in short order by the pit in my stomach becoming more pronounced. "Now to figure out who all we lost." I whispered to myself as Taka returned to my shoulder.
That was what I was dreading most. The list of the dead that would surely come to light. All killed while we had been kept safely away from the fighting.
"Hey guards! When you gonna let us out?" I shouted, grabbing their attention. "If the fighting is over there is no reason to keep us surrounded like this."
A few looked surprised at my statement but one or two just looked sad instead. Those ones were thinking the same thing I was, I was sure. They were thinking that in front of them were a bunch of kids, who had probably lost loved ones. They didn't want us to stumble upon the bodies. I clenched my fists. Damn it. They weren't going to do anything, not without instructions from higher.
After a few minutes yet another random shinobi appeared and started talking to the guards. This one seemed to not be in as much of a hurry as the last had been. On his heels came a familiar head of bright red hair. Noriko-sensei. Her hair tied back in the high ponytail she used when she had been fighting. Her eyes were fixed on us and I knew something was wrong. I was relieved she was alive but that look in her eyes told me that my worst fears were about to come true.
We rushed towards her and she met us halfway. "Tsume, Haiku, Kokuei. I'm glad you all are alright." She started kneeling down to our level.
"Sensei, is it over? What happened?" Haiku asked
"Yes it's over. I'm sure you already know some of what happened." She said her gaze sweeping over all of us only to settle on to Taka and I. Her eyes softened and my stomach dropped to my toes.
"Tsume-"
"He's dead." I cut her off.
Her eyes tightened and after a moment she nodded. "I'm sorry."
"He shouldn't have been that close." I mumbled reeling.
"It caught us by surprise…" Noriko-sensei responded.
I sank to the ground. Taka moving onto my right arm as I curled into myself before I wrapped him in my arms entirely, his feathers soft between my fingers.
Sensei’s mouth opened and closed a few times. Like she was going to explain more but thought better of it.
"I'm sorry." She finally added placing her hand on my shoulder. I let her, too numb to move.
I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.
The world started to go fuzzy at the edges as it felt like things started to spin faster.
I couldn't breathe
I couldn't feel my Sensei's hand anymore, was someone trying to talk to me?
I couldn't-
I woke up back home. My head was pounding and my eyes burned a little like I had been crying before I woke up. I didn't know how I got back here. The dull gray light was streaming through a window and Taka was asleep next to my head instead of his normal perch in my room.
Dead. He was dead. The knowledge hit me like a truck all over again. Right. Slowly I sat up from my bed. Looking out the window, the day was overcast. How fitting.
I didn't want to move, but I also didn't want to stay here. The sound of crying echoed through my closed door. It was probably mom. I felt wetness form on my own cheeks in response. I needed out. It convinced me to move, to get dressed. I opened my window and Taka, having woken up as I shuffled about, waited till I was almost ready before flying out of it ahead of me. I followed through behind him, shoes in hand. Dropping the single story to the ground with ease, I slid them on. I didn't want to face my mother. Not in this house filled with memories of him. Taka took up his position on my shoulder as I stood back up, the weight of him a grounding presence when I felt so far away from my own body.
Once outside the compound of my clan I picked a direction and walked. I didn't really have a particular direction in mind, just away. Away from the memories and the noise in my own head.
I walked without thinking for a long time only to find myself at the hole the nine tails had created in the village wall. Just one night had passed and they were already starting to clean up the debris. As I stared I recalled what I had seen. Enji flying towards the nine tails. How long from that sight till he died? How long from his death till the attack had ended?
So much damage, and in such a short amount of time. If he had just been in a different part of the village last night would he have survived? I pursed my lips staring at the hole.
"He was a great shinobi." A voice stated behind me, stirring me from my staring with a start. I looked back to see Noriko sensei who was staring at the hole as well, her hair down and hands in her pockets.
"He was a great Dad." I countered feeling my chest tighten. Memories of growing up with my dad coming back unbidden.
"Yes. He was that too. Above all else."
I dropped my eyes to the ground. Biting back the sour taste in my mouth. Despite the start of cleanup operations the ground was still littered with rock and debris. Noriko sensei placed her hand on my free shoulder. I understood the sentiment but it was too much for me right now. I crouched down breaking the contact and grabbing a small rock at my feet. I was on the verge of breaking down. But I couldn't. I didn't know why but something was telling me I just couldn't allow myself to.
"You're allowed to cry, you know." Sensei stated.
I felt my resolve crack at her words. I gripped the rock in my fist as tight as I could, my knuckles turning white, feeling the sharp edges bite into my palm trying to fight it. But my vision was already blurring and my breath hitching. "Why?"
"Probably...because he wanted to protect you." Noriko-sensei said quietly.
I heard her but said nothing. Quietly sobbing on the ground. I was faintly aware of the sound of her retreating footsteps as I mourned, but I didn’t stop. I couldn't. The wall of numbness that had followed me all morning collapsed into the sharp pains of grief.
Slowly, after what felt like hours, though it could have been as short as minutes or as long as days, my tears ran out and I rocked back onto my heels to stare at the clouded sky. I didn't feel better but I also didn't feel the immense pain I had felt before. Instead of the numbness of this morning there was now a strange quiet. That's what it was. Silence. I stood, taking the stone and putting it into my pocket, then turned away.
I didn't head home. I didn't stay there. I just walked, with no direction. The house had fallen silent by the time I returned that night. I barely registered my surroundings as I entered the darkened house. Merely changed and went to bed.
In the following days I barely moved beyond what was required for me to function. That was until the memorial ceremony came upon the village. Then I finally dragged myself back out into the world with Taka. On my way there I was joined first by Haiku then Kokuei. Silently we walked together to the ceremony and fell into the formation in front of the memorial arrangement. The hokage's photo was front and center but I barely noticed it. My eyes were fixed on my father's photo. There, the 4th one from the right. His official photo looked so serious.
It contrasted with my memories of him. A large smiling man. A man who would always welcoming me home from the academy or a mission with a big smile and a hand messing up my chestnut hair that matched the color of his so well. His soft expression as he tended to his bird Enji, or some new hatchling. My eyes were so tired and dry from crying but the tears came again anyway.
Suddenly a firm hand gripped mine. Surprised, I looked to my right. It was Haiku. He wasn't looking at me but he didn't need to. I wiped my eyes with my free hand, but when I dropped it I felt a hand grip that one as well. I looked to the other side to see Kokuei. He smiled at me though it didn't reach his eyes. A small smile crossed my face in response despite the pain I still felt in my heart.
Right, I still had my teammates. My sensei, and my friends. Finally pulled from my stupor a little I looked at the other pictures and faces around me. So many people lost and yet so many left behind. People we still had to protect. I had to get stronger, so if something bad ever happened again I can do more than just stand around uselessly. I dropped their hands, wiping the remainder of my tears away.
Slowly the ceremony came to an end and the people thinned out, many going to mourn in their own way, till only a handful remained. My teammates had stayed with me, but I only noticed when I finally turned away from the altar. I looked at both of them surprised.
"Y-You could have gone home." I stuttered.
"Yeah. We could have. But you're our teammate." Haiku stated with a shrug.
"Thank you." I replied with a grateful smile looking down at the ground, unable to keep eye contact. I really did appreciate them. I knew they were going to be important to me for a long time. Honestly, they had already been important friends for a while now.
Departing the ceremonial area we walked together in comfortable silence for a while until we reached a convenience store. I looked at the food available but nothing looked appealing. In fact my stomach turned at most of it. The other two went inside. While I sat on the bench outside watching people pass. As I sat I noticed Kakashi walking by.
He was only 2 years older than I was but he was already far above me and the rest of his peers. He looked as empty as I felt though. My heart sank a little. All his skill hadn't changed anything and I thought I could make a difference? I couldn't keep watching him, turning my gaze instead to a small family in the distance.
I was pulled from my people watching by an onigiri being shoved in front of my face. I looked up and saw Kokuei was the one handing it to me.
"I know you're not interested, but eating is important." He stated. Emphasizing the food he held out to me again.
I took it and stared at it for a while. It looked awful, but nonetheless I opened it and took a bite. It tasted like slime and sand more than food but Kokuei kept his dark eyes fixed on me pointedly so I would appease him.
Kokuei watched me for a little while longer as I ate a few more bites before opening his own snack and taking a seat next to me. Together we ate in silence. Haiku came out sometime while we were eating but he kept the vigil with us leaning his hip against the bench.
"We'll get stronger. We'll protect everyone next time." Haiku eventually stated with conviction after we finished our food, crushing the remaining plastic in his fist.
Kokuei and I nodded. Looking out over the village from where we sat I watched as lights started to flicker on as it grew darker. I had to get home soon. I dreaded the thought but I also didn't want to make my mother worry. I gripped the side of the bench briefly, sucking in a deep breath before standing as I exhaled.
"Thank you guys." I said "I should head home now."
The other two looked at each other seemingly silently debating what to do, the concern visible on their faces. I shook my head, lifting my hands in a placating gesture, before they could say anything.
"I'll be ok. Nothings gonna happen between here and home." I reassured them, turning away. The other two had to go separate directions from here to head to their homes anyway. I didn't want them to take any more time out of their day for me. Taka shifted from where he had been settled on my head most the day to my shoulder with a small confirming chirp.
I rubbed his head and started out. "Good night." I called over my shoulder and made my way home.
"I'm home." I called into the darkened interior of my home. No response returned. Taking off my shoes in the entryway I paded quietly inside.
Taka flew from my head to his normal perch inside despite the dark. Stepping into the kitchen I flipped on a light. Mother was there sitting at the kitchen table staring at nothing. She looked awful. Losing Dad must have been even worse for her than it was for me. I took a seat across from her at the table, reaching out and taking her hand. She gasped and looked up and for a brief second I saw hope in her eyes before it shattered. It tugged on the hole in my heart.
"You should go to bed Mom." I said, faking a smile for her. Blankly she nodded and stood.
My smile dropped as she turned and disappeared into her room. I sat alone at the table listening and only after she had been quiet for a few minutes did I follow her example and make my way to bed as well.
The following weeks and months passed at a steady pace and slowly it seemed like some light came back into our home and the people around me. My own heart started to feel less empty as well. The pit was still there, it probably always would be, but it felt like the black hole became surrounded by a ring light. Sometimes when I came home I still thought I saw my father's shadow in the corners and that hole would shudder. But I had a feeling it would happen less and less as time went on. My mother also started to smile again as well, barely reaching her eyes at first but growing steadily. I shared my tales with her from training and missions and we started to look towards the future and the life around us instead of behind.
It became less difficult to go to the memorial stone and I started to visit more often, though I still couldn't manage to go to his actual grave.
On one occasion, at least a year after the attack, I noticed a kid a year or two younger than me crying at the shrine, when I had gone to visit before our mission for the day. I wasn't the only one though. Lord third was also there so I waited a ways back up the path, listening to their exchange. It was sad yet heartwarming as lord third comforted him. He lost both of his parents. I was lucky to have only lost one.
Taka and I made our way up the rest of the path as they departed, passing them with a small bow to lord third on the way. I stared at the names across the memorial in silence for a long time. How devastating it must have been for the people that loved the individuals these names belonged to. But it brought back what Noriko sensei has said. That they had given their lives for us, for our future. "Thank you father. I'll protect them, like you protected me." I whispered, placing my fingers against his name on the stone, the sharp edges not yet worn with time.
Taka chirped, reminding me of the time and reluctantly I turned from the stone. There were things to do. I couldn't get better standing still.