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At first glance, the kid reminds him of Tachimukai back in the day. Or Toramaru when he’d been starstruck those first few days in Inazuma Japan.
“Hikaru,” Haruna says as she notes down the name on her file. “And your last name?”
The kid looks like he’s been struck. It feels wrong to have such a young kid look so afraid of them.
(How did Kageyama do it so ruthlessly? How did he make it look effortless? How could he— How could anyone have a child be afraid of them and be anything but horrified?)
It takes all Kidou has to not crush those thoughts then and there. No use dwelling on the past. Kageyama is a ghost from years ago anyway; there’s nothing he can do.
The moment he manages to convince himself of that, the kid works up the courage to say his full name. “Kageyama. Kageyama Hikaru…”
How?
How is it that even in death, Kageyama manages to affect Yuuto’s life?
Yuuto is lucky that Endou takes over because he’s not sure what he would have said were the decision left up to him. Because when he looks at this kid, all he can think is, Why me and not you?
Deep down, he’s glad it was him. Hikaru hasn’t changed after announcing his surname. The thought of a younger Toramaru being left at Kageyama’s mercy is nauseating; the thought of it being Tachimukai is something Yuuto doesn’t even want to consider. Hikaru reminds him of both of them in the best and worst ways possible.
But it doesn’t change the fact that Kageyama chose to mess up Yuuto’s life instead of Hikaru’s, and he hates himself for even considering the possibility that it could have been different. But it could have and he is.
Somehow, he manages to keep his voice even as he backs up Endou’s decision — if Endou is willing to give Hikaru a chance, then far be it for Yuuto to not agree; and it’s not as if they haven’t forgiven worse before, and Hikaru hasn’t even done anything to be blamed for.
For now, the matter is dropped and the team welcomes Hikaru with open arms. Yuuto hates himself for it, but he can’t bear to look at it for too long.
Hikaru, it turns out, is a beginner. A beginner who only started playing soccer because of Kageyama Reiji. Is that really a road you want to go down on? Yuuto can’t help but think as he watches Hikaru fumble while dribbling.
But it’s not as if he can’t understand where Hikaru is coming from. Using soccer as a medium for being close to a person he could never truly get to know… It reminds Yuuto of those early days in the orphanage, when all he had left from his parents was a worn out soccer magazine and a sister to protect.
And Hikaru wouldn’t be the first person to look at Kageyama and see something worthwhile. He had been like that in Teikoku, before that match with Raimon. Fudou had seen Kageyama’s strength just as much when he joined Shin Teikoku. Then, while the two of them worked to move out of Kageyama’s shadow, Fidio understood him on a level neither of them could have and sought to bring Kageyama to light instead. And somehow, he’d managed to do that for just a moment, right before Kageyama’s death.
What would it have been like, Yuuto wonders, if Kageyama had survived? Would Hikaru still be at Raimon? Would Yuuto still be having these thoughts?
“Kidou,” Endou says quietly, taking his eyes off of the kids’ practice for a bit. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Honestly? I don’t know,” Yuuto replied just as quietly. “I don’t know what to think of any of this.”
“Yeah, me neither. But Hikaru seems like a good kid.”
Yuuto knows that. Hikaru is nothing but good. If Kageyama is a looming shadow that persists even after death, then Hikaru is like the light that can shine beyond anyone’s imagination.
But the brighter the light, the darker the shadow it casts. Hikaru may be a good person now, but it takes just one moment for everything to change.
And shouldering the sins of a person like Kageyama Reiji is no small task.
In a true Endou fashion, he leaves the team to Yuuto with barely a forewarning. “I only see the best in people. That’s always been my problem.”
That’s what you’re doing now too, Yuuto wants to say.
In theory, Yuuto knows what the team and its individual members need in order to improve. But he knows from experience that any team that has had Endou Mamoru in it in any way, shape or form will never be the same without him.
But what Endou is doing is important, so he holds his tongue and agrees.
Somehow, they get through the trials with only a single misunderstanding; Yuuto has to admit, he didn’t consider the effects his decisions and the lack of explanation would do until Tobitaka showed up unexpectedly.
Still, even with that one trial conquered, there’s still one problem. It’s entirely on Yuuto’s part, however, but it affects the team nonetheless.
Even looking at Hikaru is difficult, even weeks after he joined. It’s not the kid’s fault at all; Hikaru has proven himself to the team on more than one occasion. But it’s difficult not to see Kageyama in him, even though they’re as different as day and night.
Still, it’s Yuuto’s problem and he intends to deal with it on his own. No need to involve children in his problems.
“You always do this,” Haruna said that one time she brought up the topic. “You always keep everything to yourself and try to do everything alone. It makes it seem like you don’t trust anyone.”
“That’s not true.”
It goes unspoken, but they both know they’re not just talking about Hikaru anymore. It has been years now and they’ve both moved on from it, but eight years of separation is not something that can be undone.
“I know,” Haruna said. Now, was what she didn’t say. “But do they know that?”
Since then, he’s been thinking. He’d tried to hide his unease as much as he could, but has Hikaru noticed anyway?
He has, Yuuto realizes after observing the various times Hikaru goes to his seniors for advice and instructions rather than him. The way Hikaru always tries and fails at not looking at him expectantly after getting something right. The way Hikaru always tries to exist on the periphery in team meetings, as quiet and unobtrusive as possible until he’s spoken to.
This… can’t go on for much longer.
He’s still mulling over how to address the issue when the opportunity presents itself. While walking out of the school after a long night of work, he crosses the soccer field only to find—
“Extend Zone!”
Hikaru’s shoot goes into the net with an impressive speed and power, especially for someone who only started playing mere months ago. But Hikaru doesn’t look happy about it at all.
Yuuto stops to observe as Hikaru tries over and over again only to get the same results, wondering what he’s even doing. Eventually, it clicks.
“If you’re trying to increase your speed, try to use the momentum from your dribble.”
Hikaru stiffens, turning to him in surprise. “Coach?”
Yuuto smiles at him but Hikaru’s grip on his soccer ball only tightens.
“We need to talk,” Yuuto says.
Warily, Hikaru approaches him quietly as the two of them walk towards the benches.
Yuuto’s not entirely sure how to begin, so he tries the Endou way. “How are you settling with the team? I know the Holy Road is your first tournament, so if there are any issue—”
“Am…” Hikaru isn’t quite looking at him when he talks, instead choosing to shuffle the ball with his feet. “Am I off the team?”
Yuuto blinks in surprise. How did he even reach that conclusion? “What makes you ask that?”
Hikaru slouches further in his seat. “I just… I know you said that my uncle wasn’t entirely bad and he did some good things, but… I know how much he hurt Raimon. And you especially. A—And I know that Coach Endou said that it’s fine, but now that he’s not here… I thought…”
Hikaru doesn’t complete his sentence, but he doesn’t need to either. They both know where this is going and why.
Yuuto sighs. The Endou approach has never worked for him, but perhaps he only needs to address this as Kidou Yuuto. It’s not as if it's unfamiliar territory — adults hurting children has been the story of his life. He just never thought he’d ever be one of those adults.
He thinks back to those days. What did he want to hear back then?
“I will admit, I was taken aback by your name.”
Hikaru grimaces but otherwise looks unsurprised.
“I had thought I’d made my peace with Kageyama Reiji, but it seems I wasn’t as successful as I thought. But that’s not your fault, Hikaru. And I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
Hikaru turns to him in shock, mouth agape, but he doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t look like he even knows what to say.
“I— That’s not—” Hikaru is the one to break eye contact as he turns his face back to the ground. “I didn’t mean to imply that. I was just saying that… I wouldn’t blame you if… you wanted to…”
“Why?” Hikaru doesn’t respond to his question, but Yuuto doesn’t expect him to either. “It’s true that your uncle did some really awful things, but those mistakes are not yours to shoulder. You’re not guilty just because you share the same surname.”
“I— Oh.”
Yuuto smiles at him and this time, Hikaru smiles back just a little.
The brighter the light, the darker the shadow it casts. Hikaru embodies that statement more like Endou than Kageyama.
He’ll be fine, Yuuto thinks. He’s a good kid, after all.