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Jackson eyed the bag of keys to the City of Light on Abby's desk, then went back to sterilizing equipment, smiling faintly. She'd been hunched over her desk for an hour now, inspecting them. Jackson wanted to tell her to just swallow one, and then she would understand, but he couldn't.
Alie had given him specific instructions: keep an eye on Abby, make sure she didn't destroy the keys by any means necessary, and as soon as Abby let her guard down, steal one and get it into Jasper Jordan's hands.
"You need to sleep, Abby," he said, and she glanced over at him.
"Jaha forgot his son," she said.
Jackson felt his smile widen, and turned away from her so she wouldn't see it, busying himself with a stack of papers. Forgetting was a good thing, he thought. Jackson couldn't remember what he'd even wanted to forget, but the peace in his mind felt so good that he didn't care.
"I know," he said. "It's strange. But if you exhaust yourself, you'll never figure it out." He turned and faced her once his smile was under control. "Go sleep. I'll be here for a while longer, in case any of the people who went out today come back injured. I'll send for you if I can't handle it."
Abby sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. "Fine," she said, standing and pushing the bag of keys into her pocket.
Jackson swallowed the tiny surge of panic that she was taking them with her, and said, "I could look at them. See if I can find anything out you haven't yet."
Abby frowned, but nodded anyway. She walked over to him and placed the bag in his hands, holding his gaze. "These don't leave your sight," she said.
"I promise," he told her, closing his fingers around the bag and feeling the little wafers shift around inside it.
She nodded and left.
Jackson expelled a long breath, then reached inside the bag, taking a key for Jasper and shoving it into his pocket, then going back to his work. He wasn't sure how long he kept himself busy for, but after a while, someone stepped into the room.
Jackson glanced up to see a very handsome man with shaggy hair and broad shoulders standing in the doorway. He wasn't looking at Jackson. In fact, he seemed to be uncertain if he should be here. "We lost Monroe," he muttered. "I thought you should know."
Jackson gave him what he hoped was a kind smile. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said.
That was when the other man looked up. Almost immediately, his expression shifted from pain and shame to confusion. "What's that look for?"
Jackson let his smile go warmer, and he shrugged. "Was that not the right thing to say?"
"What?" the other man said, his expression becoming troubled along with the confusion.
Suddenly, Alie was at Jackson's shoulder. "His name is Bellamy," she said. "You were lovers on the Ark. You were… not quite lovers on Earth."
Jackson huffed a breath and looked away away from Bellamy. "I'm sorry, Bellamy. It's been a long, strange day," he said. If he'd forgotten Bellamy, Bellamy must have hurt him, Jackson knew. Jackson felt another surge of panic, suddenly wondering how to fake his way out of this.
The panic couldn't keep its footing, though, and slipped away.
"A long, strange day?" Bellamy repeated. "This morning, you were begging me not to go on that mission, to turn my back on Pike, and don't get Monty involved, telling me I was turning into something you knew I didn't want to be, but now… now you're smiling at me?"
Jackson had zero recollection of those words. He had zero recollection of the man in front of him.
Jackson shook his head. "Well, I thought about it, and that wasn't really my place to say those things."
Bellamy stared at him. "Wasn't really your place?" he said, sounding incredulous. "Wow. When you decide you're done with someone, you decide fast."
Bellamy turned to leave, but then Alie said, "I'm not done with you."
"I'm not done with you," Jackson repeated.
Bellamy turned back, shaking his head. "You know, you should have been done with me months ago. You should have been done with me when I told you about everything I've done down here. You should have been done with me when I told you I cheated on you after the dropship landed."
Jackson blinked. The dropship? Bellamy was clearly older than eighteen. Why had he come down with the hundred?
"To be honest, I should be happy you finally see me for who I am, not who I was," Bellamy continued. "You deserve better."
"So much pain," Alie said. "Get him."
"Have you heard of the City of Light?" Jackson asked, and Bellamy's gaze shot to Jackson's face.
"Jaha's crazy cult?" Bellamy said.
Jackson smiled at him. "Is it crazy to want to feel peace?"
Bellamy blinked at him, and then his eyes started to widen. "You didn't," he breathed.
Jackson walked over to Bellamy, still smiling and fishing the key intended for Jasper out of his pocket. He held it up. Bellamy was even better looking up close. Jackson decided he'd had good taste.
"You should," he said. "You could stop fighting."
He reached out and took Bellamy's wrist, lifting his hand and placing the disk into Bellamy's palm. Bellamy was looking at Jackson like he'd lost his mind, but he curled his fingers around the key anyway.
"When you're ready," Jackson whispered.
Bellamy just stared at him for a moment, then turned to leave.
"Bellamy," Jackson said, after Bellamy got a few feet from him, and Bellamy stopped but didn't turn back around. "We could start over. Clean slate."
Bellamy left.
***
The next day, Jackson was on his way back to his quarters when he saw Bellamy wandering the camp. He had a strange expression on his face, so Jackson ran over to him. "Bellamy!" he called. If nothing else, he needed to convince Bellamy not to share with anyone that he knew Jackson had ingested a key.
"Bellamy," he said again, getting closer, but Bellamy didn't turn around. Finally, Jackson got out in front of Bellamy, and Bellamy stopped.
Recognition flooded Bellamy's face, and he gripped Jackson's shoulders almost too tightly. "Jackson," he blurted. "Wh--where am I?"
"Camp," Jackson said, eyes widening. "Bellamy, are you okay?"
"Bellamy?" Bellamy said, his eyes searching Jackson's face.
"I hadn't expected quite so much self-loathing," Alie said from somewhere behind Jackson, and Bellamy looked at her over Jackson's shoulder. "He's confused," she continued, "but he doesn't hurt anymore." She paused, then added, "Get another key for Jasper when you can, but for now, keep him out of trouble."
She must have vanished after that, because Bellamy turned his lost gaze back to Jackson.
God, what have I done? Jackson thought, and then the feeling of dread flitted away and he smiled. "It's going to be fine, Bellamy," he said. "I promise."