Chapter Text
This is what you wanted, he reminded himself, glaring at the screen of his laptop. This is what you wanted.
The germanium ring was cool on his finger as he typed away, and the library was… quiet. Way too quiet. A soft, self-conscious cough to his left almost made him flinch, and his knuckles whitened as he restrained himself from tightening his hands against the keys- he’d already shattered it once today, so he couldn’t reset it again.
There was a girl sitting across the table from him, fidgeting. It was annoying- without the thoughts of everyone around him fluttering in and out of his own mind, he had little else to focus on but his surroundings. Her face darted back and forth between her laptop screen and a thick, yellow-paged book. She glowered at the screen, one hand absent-mindedly reaching for her pen. She clicked it and pushed the tip to her planner, sitting open on the table, only to realize it had already been open before she grabbed it. She clicked it again to re-open it, glancing wearily up at Saiki- was she worried he would be annoyed at the noise?
This is stupid, Saiki thought, fingers twisting to pull off his germanium ring. His eyes caught hers, and for a brief moment she looked mortified, but she smiled. It was fake, right? It had to be- but somehow, it didn’t look forced. Sure, her lips were tight, and maybe she seemed a bit sheepish, but not forced…
Saiki’s hand fell flat against his keyboard once again. He left the ring alone. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out, only realizing as the girl’s face fell in the corner of his eye that he had declined to smile back. He never would have, usually.
Kuboyasu: you said you were taking biology?
Kuboyasu: help me please.
Saiki stared at the message for a moment. Aren had grown up a lot since their time at PK Academy. He had always been oddly mature, for an ex-gangster, but he had really rounded out. Still, some of his efforts were strange. Why end all his messages with punctuation if he wasn’t even going to capitalize the first letter?
Saiki: Why didn’t you ask Kaidou?
Kuboyasu: shun charges for tutoring.
Kuboyasu: are you at the library?
Saiki frowned, and locked his phone. He turned his attention back to his laptop, determined. It had taken until his third year of high school before he’d finally matured enough to realize that maybe, studying was kind of important. He’d always been so focused on being normal, he’d only cared about placing in the acceptable middle of the road- and he’d cheated to get there. Of course, he’d cheated in his third year too. If suddenly seeming like a genius had garnered a bit more attention than Saiki wanted, he’d forced himself to ignore it. Tentative prodding from his mother about where he was thinking of going to school, which had inevitably turned into frequent, invasive prodding from his father- not to mention Kaidou’s own mother interrogating him and the rest of their friends about their grades every time they ended up at his house- had gotten him thinking about the future. His future.
Saiki had always been stubborn, but even he was able to recognize that you could be a psychic and have flaws. And maybe he’d needed to work on himself a bit.
The girl across from him clicked her pen again, and, realizing it had already been open, clicked it a second time. Saiki forced his attention back to his screen.
Studying. That’s how he- and Kuboyasu, who had been unwittingly influenced by the sudden seriousness Saiki had begun to display for his college prospects- had gotten into the same University as Kaidou. Third year had been different, to say the least… after-school ramen trips and improbably escapades had turned into cram school, late night review parties, and after-school jobs. Even Nendou had begun to dedicate himself to trade school applications, which, Saiki had come to admit to himself, had been a surprising show of sensibility from a boy he’d typically considered to be a half-wit, (or less). Now… well, now they were here, and Saiki had a research paper due at midnight. It was a lot harder to cheat on projects than tests, with psychic abilities, and a couple of bad grades at the start of his first semester had sent Saiki on a personal quest to become more… self-reliant.
Teruhashi: Did you meet with the RA yet? She was so nice!
Oh, right. Teruhashi was here too. Suddenly, Saiki felt a renewed invigoration from his school work. He completely powered his phone off, transferring his earbuds to the port on his laptop and searching up his study playlist again before he was flicking back and forth between papers and his essay, marking down notes and citations to write out later. In his determination to ignore the messages from his former classmates, he worked with much more focus, and only shook himself out of his locked-in rhythm when his paper was completed. He closed his laptop, finally glancing up to see the girl was still sitting across from him at the table. She looked tired, any semblance of posture forgotten in favor of leaning her chest and elbows against the table. She had already been glaring at her screen, but now her eyebrows were fully furrowed, and she blinked angrily at it every few moments. Saiki glanced at her planner, still lying open, which she had been periodically scribbling in- it was a mess, each day’s section riddled with short notes on what to work on when, meetings she had to attend, and deadlines. Saiki would have grimaced sympathetically, but he had never been the most expressive. Instead, he packed his things away, standing up and heading for the stairs back up to the first floor.
He took a steadying breath at the bottom of the staircase. He had taken to studying in the basement floor, which was always dead silent. In combination with her germanium ring, he could actually find enough quiet to get through his work. He’d been wearing his ring a lot lately- during lectures, sometimes in his dorm, but only rarely. He slipped off the ring slowly, giving himself a moment to adjust to the chatter of thought before he began climbing the stairs.
As he made his way to the library’s exit, pushing open the door, Saiki blinked in surprise to find that it was dark outside. Had he really been working for that long? He turned his phone back on, briefly skimming through his missed texts- a few more from Kuboyasu, which he would’ve ignored anyway, and a couple from Kaidou asking if he wanted to grab dinner. He hesitated for a moment before sending back a simple thumbs up. He’d spent enough time alone for one day, right? He wasn’t meeting Kaidou because he liked him. He was tolerable- much more than he had been when they’d met at PK Academy- and it was bad for the mind to isolate, as Saiki’s mother loved to remind him. That was all.
Kaidou: aren & i are at the south campus dining hall!
Kaidou: we didnt eat yet so we can wait 4 u
Kaidou: hurry up though lol
Saiki didn’t reply- Kaidou knew him well enough to know that his initial thumbs up was enough confirmation- and pocketed his phone, turning to start the short walk toward south campus.
***
“You know, you have to have your meeting soon,” Teruhashi hummed, scribbling in her light pink notebook where she was curled up on the floor of Saiki’s dorm. Because God loved Teruhashi, or some other inane reason Saiki couldn’t be bothered to curse the universe for, she had ended up being assigned to not only the same hall as him, but the same floor as well. Like the rest of them, she had at least grown up enough in their final year of high school to get over her crush on Saiki- for the most part. It came in waves, but at least she was more tolerable now than she’d been before, chasing him down and trying cheap tricks to get him to say Oh wow.
I know that, Saiki replied, not moving his mouth. That was one habit he hadn’t kicked, and he had no plans to.
Uhg, Saiki can be so thoughtless, Teruhashi scolded him silently. Doesn’t he know he’ll have a hold on his registration if he doesn’t have his meeting?
Saiki sighed, not quite loud enough for her to hear it. I scheduled it, she’s gonna come to chat soon, he projected, hoping to placate her from any more nagging. She did seem to relax, smiling at him.
“Oh, good,” she replied. “I think you’ll really like our RA, you know.”
I know. You texted me.
“I did,” she replied, her smile tightening slightly. “I didn’t know if you’d seen it.” Old habits do die hard, Saiki mused. Even with her thoughts screaming in annoyance at his flippant attitude, she couldn’t bring herself to confront him directly about ignoring her.
I was studying, Saiki offered flatly, not quite an apology. It seemed to be good enough for her. She closed her notebook, placing it down on the floor and shifting to face Saiki directly instead of her textbooks. Good grief, Saiki thought, she wants to chat.
“Have you met Yamamura yet at all?” she asked, eyes squinting slightly as she did. Suspicious. Saiki didn’t reply, just raising his head to look back at her. “She’s really interesting.”
Yesterday you said she was nice, Saiki replied flatly. Teruhashi didn’t falter.
“She is nice. And she’s… interesting.”
Why are you saying it like that? Saiki huffed back, and Teruhashi smiled up at him, innocent and maybe even a little… sad? Saiki honed in on her thoughts, tired of her dancing around what she wanted to say.
I wonder what he’ll think of her. He’s always attracted such odd people- and he obviously never liked me. I wonder if-
Saiki focused his attention elsewhere, not really liking what she was speculating. Saiki never really liked it when Teruhashi started thinking about him and her, together, in any combination that didn’t strictly mean friendship, and even that he wasn’t a huge fan of. One of the guys down the hall was trying to figure out how to pay his credit card bill- Saiki let his confused monologue take center stage over the thoughts of Teruhashi.
“I just haven’t met anybody like her before,” Teruhashi had replied, innocently. “She really impressed me.”
Before he could press Teruhashi into elaborating, there was a soft knock on the door. It was almost inaudible, but Teruhashi and Saiki both had keen ears, and their heads swung to look at it. Saiki pulled himself up from his desk chair, answering it- he already knew who was on the other side. As he had told Teruhashi, he had scheduled his meeting with their RA for that night, and he had been expecting her. He had never seen her before, so he was surprised to see a somewhat familiar face staring blankly back at him, equally surprised.
“Hello there, Yamamura!” Teruhashi stood, things already packed neatly back into her backpack, and peered around Saiki’s shoulder to smile at their RA, whom she had already met with. “How are you?”
Yamamura seemed to shake herself out of her shock at seeing Saiki, smiling politely back at Teruhashi behind him. Saiki noted curiously that her smile seemed genuine, even though she had obviously been shocked a moment before- just like when she had smiled at him before. What a coincidence, that his RA would be the same girl who had been sitting at the same table as him in the library recently? It wasn’t just yesterday- she was almost always in the library basement at the same times as him, and frequently ended up at the same table as him, since he preferred to take a table in the back corner, near the outlets.
“I’m very well, Teruhashi, thank you for asking! How are your classes?” Yamamura asked. “Did you figure out what clubs you wanted to join?”
Saiki noted with surprise that Teruhashi flushed slightly. “Oh, you remembered! Everything is good with me, and I’ve been researching clubs. I still haven’t decided,” she laughed. Yamamura’s polite smile became a bit more confident.
“Of course I remembered,” she teased lightly, and then, remembering her purpose there in what seemed like the most opportune moment, turned her gaze back to Saiki. “Hello, Saiki. Is it a bad time? We can reschedule,” she offered.
“Oh, I was just leaving,” Teruhashi assured her before Saiki could reply. “I wouldn’t want to delay your meeting!”
“Thank you, Teruhashi,” Yamamura hummed, and Teruhashi breezed past her. Yamamura waved her off as she headed back down the hall to her own room. A moment later, she turned back to Saiki. Her previous confidence seemed to ebb slightly, and she stared at him in silence for an awkward moment.
This is so annoying, she thought, a stark contrast to her polite demeanor. I’m gonna have to find a new place to study… oh well. That’s fine, life moves on. Just don’t be awkward, she chided herself. Sensing that he should probably also take some initiative to ease the awkward tension, Saiki stepped aside pointedly as if to invite her in.
It’s nice to meet you, he said, and her smile returned. She walked in past him, and he closed the door.
“Nice to meet you, Saiki,” she replied. “Although- I guess we’ve met, huh?” she laughed. Saiki settled onto the edge of his bed, and she sank into his desk chair without a word. Saiki preferred that to having to offer it to her, anyway.
We have, Saiki replied. He had never been a big talker, but meeting with your RA mid-semester before you enrolled in new classes was a requirement at this university, so he would play nice.
I really wasn’t expecting this. Well, he’s probably cooler than most of the other guys in this dorm- freshmen don’t usually study as much as he does, so he must be responsible, at least…
Saiki listened to her thoughts with mild interest. He had never heard them before, at least not knowing they were hers, since he always wore his ring to study. It almost felt wrong, being able to hear her.
“Well, you know how these things go,” she hummed, opening her laptop in her lap and clicking into some tab he couldn’t see. “We’ll get to know each other, I’ll check in how everything is going, the usual stuff.” Her polite and friendly demeanor was such a sharp contrast to her thoughts, flat-toned and almost judgemental.
Sounds good, Saiki replied shortly, waiting for her to continue.
“My name is Yamamura Jun, if you didn’t know,” she introduced herself, still fiddling with her laptop for a moment before she looked up suddenly, making direct eye contact. “I’m a sophomore, so I’m only a year older than you, and I’m studying Writing and Literature as well as a couple secondary majors. What are you studying?”
A couple secondary majors? That was an odd way of putting it, but Saiki wasn’t going to ask what she meant.
Economics, he answered.
“Oh, yeah, I see that on my roster… and you’re minoring in Literature, too?” she smiled. “What classes are you in this semester?”
Mostly introductory courses for my major. I’m taking American Literature to 1880, and Biology for my lab requirement.
Yamamura squinted at him for a moment. He seems so stiff. I guess I’m not surprised. He’s always a little odd at the library. He seems very serious… I thought we’d have something in common but he seems pretty disinterested.
“I loved American Lit,” she replied enthusiastically, her sweet tone cutting over the sharp, choppy pattern of her thoughts. “Do you have Professor Flannings?”
Saiki nodded, blinking. It wasn’t often someone managed to surprise him, but Yamamura’s thoughts and actions matched up so poorly that it was throwing him off. Either she was really good at acting, or her way of thinking was a lot more complex than most. Saiki knew, because he heard people’s internal dialogue rather than seeing or sensing thoughts directly, that sometimes he could be misled even when hearing someone’s unfiltered thinking. For example, he could only hear the inner monologue even for more visual thinkers. Because of this, he may miss out on the full extent of their thinking. This seemed different, though, somehow.
Yamamura must have sensed his distraction, or at least that he wasn’t going to take the conversational bait. She shifted, typing something on her laptop.
“Well, I have to ask about grades, and stuff,” she said, almost a bit too casually. “Of course I know you study a lot. How were your midterm reports?”
They were alright.
“Just alright?” her eyes narrowed minutely. “Any concerns?”
She was too quick, Saiki noted. Not being able to read her well in combination with a high intelligence could be dangerous for him. In a weird way, she almost reminded him of Akechi.
I had to adjust, but my grades will be fine. He answered curtly. She seemed to be understanding. That checks out, I’ll just move on.. she thought.
“Adjusting to college is rough. How are you doing living away from home?”
Good.
She laughed. “Good? That’s it? Not homesick?”
Not at all.
She nodded.
Rough house maybe? But he doesn’t seem upset. Annoyed. Well, who knows, it’s not my business…
Their conversation continued that way. Saiki found himself more and more irked the less clear her intentions seemed. While her tone and demeanor was bright, polite, and charismatic, her inner monologue was the exact opposite. Even then, it didn’t seem like she had bad intentions- it was more as if she had no intentions at all. She was observant, and she seemed to easily pick up on any potential meaning behind the very few words Saiki shared with her, but even as she pondered over what Saiki might be holding back, she didn’t seem all that invested. It seemed more so that she was intent on minding her own business, even though it was really her job to be nosy. By the time she was wrapping up and thanking Saiki for his time, Saiki was itching to put his germanium ring back on, but it would have seemed weird to get up and grab it.
“Well, I’ll see you around!” It would be nice if he would study somewhere else- it’s weird to see the residents around if they’re not friendly, but oh well, I can go back to studying on floor three…
Goodnight. Saiki huffed, showing her out and closing the door behind her. He locked it with a resounding click. Although his intention had been to slip his ring back on as soon as she was gone, he found himself standing at the door for a moment longer, listening.
I just have four more of these meetings to go. I’d better write this one up now before I forget everything. The other four are due on Wednesday… I’ll just knock on the doors. I have a paper due tomorrow… My grant proposals are due in January. Damn, I’m behind. Alright, I should…
Saiki sighed, tuning her out. Where was that guy with his credit card? He’d probably figured it out by now, but there were plenty of other randoms on the floor who he could listen to that would be louder than Yamamura, especially since her room was on the opposite end of the floor. There was really no need for his ring. He had been overreacting, he insisted to himself. There was no way some random girl’s way of thinking could bother him that much. It wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong, anyway. In fact, she seemed really nice. She was just… confusing.
His phone buzzed on his desk.
Teruhashi: So?
Teruhashi: Isn’t she cool?
Saiki’s brow twitched in annoyance. Could he ever catch a break? He’d managed to secure his own dorm room due to some dubious medical documents Kusuke had whipped up for him, but even then, he sometimes felt he lacked any semblance of privacy with Teruhashi around.
Saiki: I don’t know. She just asked me questions.
Teruhashi: Saiki! Don’t tell me you got all awkward!
Teruhashi: You guys didn’t chat at all??
Saiki’s eyebrow twitched again. Awkward? He knew that Teruhashi could have a somewhat skewed vision of him, but he still hated the reminder that she saw him as quiet and socially inept rather than what he really was (ignoring her). He put down his phone, not bothering to reply. That had probably been a mistake, because a moment later, there was an insistent knock at his door.
“Saiki! Can I come in?” Teruhashi’s voice was just loud enough to be audible through the door. Those stupid brutes from the Finance department are in the lounge again, they’re super creepy! Come on, open up!
Saiki sighed. He couldn’t just leave her out there, as much as he wanted to. He had seen for himself enough times how Teruhashi’s good looks could attract unwanted situations. He swung the door open, and Teruhashi, who had been pressed nervously against it as she knocked, stumbled inside.
What do you want?
“Don’t be rude,” Teruhashi chided him, sitting on the edge of his bed without permission. “I can’t believe you don’t like Yamamura!”
I never said that, Saiki replied, a tad defensively. Teruhashi raised an eyebrow.
“I know it takes you a while to warm up to people, but you shouldn’t just be rude,” she chastised him, crossing her arms. Saiki blinked in surprise. Was that what Teruhashi thought of him?
I wasn’t rude, he said, frowning. Teruhashi just stared at him. After a moment, he faltered. What was I supposed to say, anyway? I answered all the questions.
“You’re hopeless,” Teruhashi sighed. “You’re both in the literature department. You could have had a whole conversation about that- when I talked to Yamamura, our conversation went on for hours!”
You’re always social.
“Saiki,” she groaned. “Would it kill you to just be nice? I thought- well,” she cut herself off, flushing slightly. Saiki stared at her, honing in on her thoughts, and…
This is so annoying. Saiki is hopeless. I thought they’d be super cute together!
Saiki stared at her incredulously. You thought what? He pressed, although he’d already heard it, just to save face. Even after all this time, his friends had no idea he was an ESPer.
Teruhashi pouted. “I just thought you’d hit it off, is all. She’s your kind of person.”
***
It didn’t take long for Teruhashi to leave after that, mostly because Saiki seemed to shut down on her. She hadn’t meant to push him like that, but she had been feeling frustrated lately with Saiki. Even after all this time, in a new place, with all these new people, he was so… closed off. She just wanted him to be happy, but no matter if she left him alone or bothered him, every time she saw him he seemed grumpy.
As for Yamamura, she could really care less if Saiki seemed grumpy. She had retreated back to her own room after her meeting with Saiki, and her musings over his life and personality had only extended as long as it had taken her to submit his meeting assessment form. After that, she huddled up at her desk, shrugging into her favorite sleeved blanket she’d received for Christmas years ago. She plugged in her laptop, turned on her miniature space heater underneath her desk, and pulled a lighter out of her bag to light her coffee-scented candle. She sighed, contentment washing over her as the sweet smell permeated the room and the temperature increased. As much time as she spent studying in the cold, dark basement of the library, she sometimes found herself running out of steam. She’d found that the opposite setting, cozied up in her room, could rejuvenate her back to productivity, and so she hunkered down to crank out the rest of her paper.
She easily found a good rhythm- she had always been an excellent writer. This was a literary essay, and she typically didn’t even bother to write an outline for those beyond a thesis and three main points. Instead, she just let the writing progress naturally, pausing every once in a while to rifle through her books and pull out quotes.
…Jessa had never been close with her mother, even going as far as to say that when Jessa was growing up, “it hadn't felt necessary to learn more about [her] mother outside of her existence on the periphery of [her] life” and that her father “was the one [she’d] admired…[and] wanted to be like” (Arnett 61). Jessa’s lacking relationship with her mother growing up is the basis for…
Saiki let his eyes slip closed where he lie on his bed, in his own room. Curiosity had gotten the better of him. He had been listening to Yamamura’s thoughts for almost an hour now, but the only thing running through her head was what appeared to be an essay. Only from her search through her pile of books for quotations had Saiki realized that the essay which she had seemed to be reading, she had actually been writing, directly thinking through what she was typing as she was writing it. In a weird way, it showed a type of mastery over the mind to be able to focus so heavily on just one thing, without any distracted tangents. It didn’t clarify Yamamura’s way of thinking to Saiki any more than his meeting with her had, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to tune out of her soft, focused tirade. The even, methodical pacing of her writing was almost calming, and slowly Saiki began to feel himself drifting. He’d almost fallen entirely asleep when she suddenly seemed to finish her paper, her thoughts snapping out of pattern suddenly. Saiki blinked back to wakefulness, almost startled.
Uhg, thank god that’s done! I won’t have to work on it tomorrow. What time is it… ten? That isn’t bad. What did that take… an hour thirty? Pretty good pace. Thankfully I didn’t have to start over this time… it’s rare my first thesis is the one I stick with, hopefully it’s good…
Saiki sighed, rolling over in his bed. What an interesting writing method, to just… start writing and hope it will work out. And she would rewrite the whole thing if she didn’t like it? It seemed inefficient, doing it like that. Saiki was more a fan of outlines, but everyone works differently, he supposed. Yamamura certainly did, if his experience with her so far was anything to go on.
Wow, I’m fucking exhausted. It’s not that late… I’ll shower and do a face mask, or something, watch a show, and then get ready for bed. Or, I could just crash…
Saiki let his eyes slip shut once more. That was enough eavesdropping for one day, especially since he really hadn’t gotten anything useful out of it. Yamamura’s thoughts seemed much more ordinary when they weren’t accompanied by her smiling face saying something completely different from what she was thinking. Her thoughts alone seemed much more peaceful than they had before. Without being juxtaposed against her overly-cheery and polite demeanor, they didn’t seem rude or judgemental at all. She just seemed… contemplative, maybe. Saiki found himself hoping he might run into her at the library again tomorrow, just so he could spy a little more into her thoughts. He was surprised by the thought as it came- he had never been one to be amused or intrigued by the thoughts of another person- if anything, he’d spent most of his life trying to be as uninterested as possible.
Maybe Teruhashi was on to something, Saiki thought. Before he could second-guess himself, he drifted off to sleep.