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“You don’t have to do this,” Hakyeon starts. Despite the evenness of his tone, Taekwoon can sense the hurt, and betrayal simmering in the undertones of his voice. “There are many other opportunities here, so there’s no need to—"
“Thank you,” Taekwoon interrupts, his voice soft, but his words adamant with finality.
Hakyeon looks like he is about to argue, but knowing that it will take more than hypothetical promises to change the other’s mind, decides against it. Instead, he folds his arms tightly across his chest, and watches as Taekwoon loads the last of his suitcases into his old Honda. “I’ll come back,” Taekwoon promises, finally meeting his boyf—, ex-boyfriend’s gaze. The expression on Hakyeon’s face remains unchanging, with the smile Taekwoon is so used to seeing replaced by a grim set of his mouth that pulls at the tightness of his normally soft eyes.
“I know I can do this, Yeon,” Taekwoon sighs, and reaches out to the other man. Hakyeon backs away at the attempted contact, his eyes still hard, but the line of his mouth relaxing a little at the gesture. Taekwoon retracts his hand, and ignores the sharp twist inside his chest at his ex’s reaction. “This hasn’t been easy for me—”
“Like it has been for me.” Hakyeon immediately retorts, the slight quiver in his voice indicating that his temper is starting to flare.
“You promised we’d be in this together, Taekwoon. We either make it, or we don’t. Together.” He spits the last word out, no longer bothering to hide the malice in his voice.
Taekwoon tilts his head back, and exhales exasperatedly. It is a conversation they have had a thousand times, and it always ends with them deliberately ignoring each other until necessity intervenes. Except this time, there is a very good chance that their silence would stretch into perpetuity. A part of Taekwoon regrets that he is not able to leave on more amicable terms, because heavens forbid, he is still madly in love with the man before him.
“Yeon—,”
“It’s Hakyeon.”
“Hakyeon, you have to believe me. I—, I’m not changing who I am. I haven’t forgotten the promise we’ve made.”
Hakyeon looks on unimpressed, but before he can interject, Taekwoon presses on, “But I need music. I live and breathe music. I don’t want to spend my life trapped in an office—”
“As if I want to! You of all people should know how much I love dance—"
“I know, Hakyeon! But you shouldn’t—, no, you can’t continue dancing if you don’t want to permanently damage your back!”
Taekwoon sees Hakyeon visibly flinch, a flash of anger and hurt evident in his eyes. Taekwoon knows it is petty of him to mention the latter’s spinal stenosis, but his patience has waned considerably under the stress of the past few months. More importantly, without Hakyeon under his constant watch from now on, he needs his ex to accept the severity of his condition, lest he causes further irreparable damage out of spiteful persistence.
“It’s time for me to go, Yeo—, Hakyeon.” He enters his car, but doesn’t pull the door shut.
His hand lingers on the steering wheel, body heavy with reluctance now that he is faced with the full weight of his decision. He looks at Hakyeon – the latter’s otherwise neutral expression is betrayed by the way his fingers dig into his sides as he almost cradles himself, his posture more resigned than defiant as he stares into the distance just beyond the car. Taekwoon finds himself torn between the two loves of his life: Hakyeon, and music. The daunting prospect of starting over in a new city makes him desperately want to abandon his plan, and continue with the life he had built here. Yet at the back of his mind, he knows that despite having Hakyeon by his side, such a mundane life isn’t enough. He bites down on his lower lip, willing the burst of pain to ground him from his ambivalence.
“Even if you don’t want to see me again, just remember this: I love you, Hakyeon. So please, wait for me.“
Resisting the urge for one last look at the man he loves, he leaves the only place that has ever felt like home. Taekwoon knows the journey ahead is arduous, and filled with the uncertainties, but for his sake—, for both their sakes, he will make it.
“I won’t let you down, Yeon.”