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Tony laid on the floor, propped up on his elbows as he stared at the ceiling of Jaime’s room. The late hours of the night had fallen upon them, and Jaime was curled up on the bed, tangled up in the sheets. Tony’s mind was racing. He couldn’t sleep.
He glanced over at Jaime, admiring the peaceful rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed a soft, steady rhythm. A small sense of longing hit Tony’s chest, making it tight as he stared at the back of his head. He wished he could curl up in the bed behind him, pull him close to his chest, but this aching fear of rejection and the uncertainty of his own sexuality continued to hold him back.
With a sigh, Tony lay back and stared at the ceiling again. His thoughts drifted to the day’s events - hanging out with Jaime, laughing together, the touch of soft skin. Feeling a connection that far exceeds friendship.
Tony was ripped out of his thoughts by a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he turned a weary head to see Jaime looking down at him with concern.
“Hey, you okay?” Jaime asked softly.
Tony nodded, trying to hide the vulnerability in his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just can’t sleep.”
Jaime pulled back the covers, moving himself to lie down beside Tony on the makeshift bed on the floor, their shoulders touching. “Me neither,” he sighed, “Want to talk about it?"
Tony hesitated, the heat of Jaime’s skin through his clothes immediately warming him to the bone. Then he slowly turned to face him. “It's just... I don’t know what I'm doing with my life. I feel lost, you know?”
Jaime sighed softly, eyes exploring the ceiling above him, and Tony was grateful not to be holding eye-contact right now. “Me too, Tone,” he said quietly. “Sometimes… I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Then Jaime’s eyes were on Tony, and it was his turn to look away. He couldn’t let himself get swept away in that gaze. “I have no idea what I wanna do… or be…” Jaime continued, soft puffs of warm breath hitting the side of Tony’s face.
Tony swallowed thickly, feeling the weight of Jaime’s gaze, and he had to force his breathing to remain steady. Twitching fingers itched to reach out and place a reassuring hand on Jaime’s arm, to offer some comfort, but Tony couldn’t risk that right now. Not when it’d turn him into a mess.
“It’s okay,” Tony said, equally as quiet, “We’re young… We have time to figure it out, right?”
Tony tried to sound sure, but he had a hard time believing his own words. He could feel Jaime shifting slightly, angling his body toward him, and the sudden rush of heat that went through him made his heart skip a beat.
Tony took a deep breath, gathering some semblance of courage. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not being true to myself. Like there’s something I’m hiding… even from myself.”
Tony looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, “And it scares me.”
Jaime remained quiet for a moment, making Tony’s heart-rate skyrocket. He just hoped he hadn’t said too much, hadn’t given himself away.
But then Jaime hummed softly, in understanding. “I feel that way too,” he said, “Like I’m lying to myself.”
Tony let out a barely audible gasp as he felt Jaime’s chin come to rest on his shoulder, looking up at him. He was so close all of a sudden.
Jaime’s words were quiet, weary. “Sometimes I feel like my heart hurts in my chest, Tony. And I don’t know how to make it stop.”
Tony finally met his eyes. His delicate, brown eyes. And he felt his insides turning to jelly.
“I understand,” Tony said, whispering so quietly. His unspoken truth felt like a palpable weight in the air.
Slowly, hesitantly, with a courage Tony didn’t even know he possessed, he reached up to Jaime’s cheek, a gentle finger ghosting over the soft skin. He had to close his eyes, because even under the dim light in the room, he couldn’t bear to watch Jaime’s reaction.
He just leaned closer, voice wavering with the prospect that everything would be different now. “Maybe... maybe we’re not meant to make it stop. Maybe we’re supposed to feel this way… because it forces us to face what’s real.”
Jaime was quiet for a long, long moment, the only sounds being his steady breathing, and the sound of Tony’s heartbeat thumping rapidly in his chest. He couldn’t fucking bear to open his eyes.
“Tony…” Jaime said, his voice a whispered breath, almost like the wind. Tony felt him leaning into his touch, to his shaking fingers, and he managed to coordinate himself just enough to be able to cup his cheek.
“Tony, look at me,” Jaime said, and he sounded just commanding enough that Tony did just that.
It took his eyes a moment to adjust, but then he was looking at Jaime, at that soft, caring face, the depth in his eyes, and he just wished he could read his mind right now.
Tony let out a shaking breath, and the silence suddenly felt so deafening.
“Yes…?” Tony managed, and he sounded so weak, even to his own ears. He felt like Jaime’s eyes were seeing straight through him.
“I think I know how to stop it hurting,” Jaime said, simply, and then the world was getting dark.
Tony’s eyes fluttered helplessly as he felt the soft press of lips against his, and he let out the aching breath he’d been holding in his lungs, the tight winding of the tension in his body slowly uncoiling. His hand on Jaime’s face slid back to the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer as Tony forced his brain, his body, to start responding. To kiss back.
Tony’s lips mashed with Jaime’s desperately; he couldn’t hold himself back if he tried. Not when he was finally getting what had kept him up for so many nights. He could feel tears of overwhelm springing to his eyes, and he let out a choked sob against Jaime’s lips as he felt Jaime’s hands find his face, holding him firmly.
His lips were baby-soft, almost as soft as the tongue that apprehensively entered Tony’s mouth. And he tasted just like honey.
“Jaime,” Tony let out against his lips, a salty tear trudging down his cheek. Tony’s hands roamed Jaime’s body, touching him as if to confirm that this is real.
“Tony,” Jaime said right back, just as breathless and wanting, and it made Tony’s heart explode.
“I’ve wanted this for so long. Wanted you,” Tony gasped, breaking the kiss to press his face into Jaime’s neck, trying to catch his breath and breathe in his scent.
“I love you,” Tony whispered, the words falling out before he could stop them. He pulled back just enough to look into those hazy, shining eyes of Jaime’s, shaking hands finding his face to hold him again. “I’m in love with you. I have been for so long.”
Tony watched Jaime’s face twist, with something like despair, relief, with love. “Tony,” Jaime said, and it was then that Tony realised he was crying as well. “I love you too.”
Gentle fingers came up to pry away the wetness under Tony’s eyes, the touch so tender it almost hurt. “I love you too,” he said again, his forehead finding Tony’s.
Tony felt his heart squeeze in his chest, and he let out an incredulous laugh, that pretty little smile finally coming back to his face. That’s all Jaime wanted to see.
“I never thought you’d feel the same,” Tony admitted, replicating Jaime’s gesture by drying his eyes for him. “This doesn’t feel real.”
“I know right,” Jaime laughed, and his hands found Tony’s waist, drawing him flush to his body. “That was really scary…”
“For me, too,” Tony admitted, hooking an arm around his waist, trying to savour every inch of this contact between them. “I… I don’t wanna hide anymore, Hime.”
“You don’t have to,” Jaime said, rubbing small circles onto Tony’s back. His body was so warm and soft, he never wanted to let go. Never again. “We don’t have to.”
Jaime held him firmly, revelling in the way he felt the tension melting out of him. “Tony… I don’t wanna go back to the way things were. Between us.”
Tony nodded against the crook of Jaime’s neck, relief flooding his every cell. “Yeah, me too,” he said, but then he was quickly adding, “We don’t have to put… a label on it but-“
“No,” Jaime interjected, “No, I don’t want this to be… some sort of guessing game. I want you.”
He pried Tony back so he could look at him properly. “Tony, I’m fucking in love with you,” he said, as if it were obvious. “I want you to be mine. Like… my boyfriend.”
The word felt foreign on his tongue, but it nestled in his mouth just perfectly. It felt right.
Tony’s eyes grew ten-times the size, shining under the dim light. “Really?” he breathed, a small, satisfied smile spreading on his face. “God, yes. Yes, Jaime. I want that.”
Jaime smiled right back, Tony’s happiness so infectious, and he drew him in close again, encompassing him with his arms tightly. He buried his nose in his neck, breathing in his warmth.
“Good,” Jaime murmured, and then his lips were finding Tony’s again, almost like they were magnetised.
They kissed slowly, soft and deep and perfect. And Jaime’s lips were buzzing as they pulled away. He suddenly thanked himself for having the gall to just go for it and kiss Tony. Because now he was his, and his heart was already inflating with all the love he felt for this perfect, beautiful boy in front of him.
And this was only the beginning.
“Come on, let’s sleep on the bed together,” Jaime murmured, and they quickly nestled under the sheets of Jaime’s bed, limbs tangling and heat mingling.
“Thanks,” Tony said quietly, placing a soft kiss on Jaime’s cheek. He was so exhausted, and he looked it.
Jaime couldn’t kill the content little smile on his face, and he gently threaded his fingers through Tony’s hair, soothing him. “Let’s sleep, okay?” he said, his voice a gentle murmur.
All Tony could do was nod as he slowly dozed off, this new promise of what they could be waiting for him on the other side of sleep.