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Few things were as unneeded as a jagged hole in the outer wall of a spaceship.
“Would you look at that,” Oz said. “Good thing that force fields holding up, huh?”
“What could’ve done this?” Marty asked. An image of a bite mark popped into his head. A huge… horrifying space beast who thought the Skullship was some sort of horrifying space fruit.
“Eh, who cares?” Loyd answered. “Probably just Wander and Sylvia sneaking aboard.”
Marty was reassured by the casual tone. Then he paused. “Wait, aren’t they sworn enemies of the Hater Empire? Isn’t this kind of a big deal?”
Loyd and Oz looked at each other. Then they started laughing.
Marty wilted. “But… they have wanted posters.”
“Sorry, sorry. You’re new.” Loyd straightened up. “Wander comes aboard all the time. He’s cool.”
“He gave me a sock puppet last week.” Oz held up the purple puppet proudly. “I didn’t even know I wanted one.”
“Does he always blow a hole a ship?”
Oz scratched his head with the sock puppet. “He’s usually more considerate than that. Say, this is weird.”
There was a tense, silent moment as the three Watchdogs and the puppet studied the gaping hole.
“Still probably nothing,” Loyd said.
“I’m convinced,” Oz said cheerily.
Marty watched helplessly as the two started walking off. “Wait!” He called out. “This-this may be nothing and I’m probably overreacting, but there’s a hole in our ship. Someone should really tell Commander Peepers.”
Loyd turned around. “Great! Thanks for volunteering, kid. You’re a real team player.”
“I didn’t-”
“No need to boast, we’re already very impressed.” Loyd patted Marty’s shoulder. “Meet us down in the food court after you’re done. Assuming you live.”
“What?”
“The food court.” Oz smiled. “They have fish sticks.”
“I was actually more concerned about-”
“Let’s go.” Loyd turned around. “The sooner it looks like we did our job, the sooner we can stop doing it.”
Marty dropped his hand as the two walked off. He took another look at the hole, straightened up, and turned to look for the Commander.
“I can do this,” Marty muttered to himself for the umpteenth time as he walked through the halls. “What’s so bad about it anyway? All I have to do is walk up, and tell him there’s a hole in the ship. Simple.” He paused. “Sir, I regret to inform you… Blegh, too dark. Hi, Commander! Have you heard- no, too informal. What’s shaking, C-Peeps, - What? No! that’s way, way worse.” Marty slumped against the wall. “I can’t do this.”
He barely heard the pattering footsteps until they were on top of him. A watchdog swinging a dripping mop scooted to a stop.
“What did you say?” He demanded, looking almost manic.
Marty shrunk against the wall… “That… I can’t do this?”
“No! You cannot can’t do this!” The watchdog laid his hand on Marty’s shoulder. “Listen young… er…”
“Private Marty.”
“Young Marty, whatever impossible dream you’re dreaming is only out of reach if you stop grasping for it.” He smiled wistfully. “Take me, I came aboard this ship as a janitor who had a dream of joining Lord Hater’s elite. Twenty-seven times, I tried for their ranks. Twenty-seven times I failed. Every time, do you know what I did? I got out of traction and tried again!”
Marty’s gaze shifted to the mop. “But… aren’t you still a-”
“Going on twenty-eight.” The janitor shifted the mop and sat beside Marty. “But this isn’t about me, Marty. It’s about you. What do you want?”
“I just want to do my job.”
In a second, his arm was on Marty’s shoulders, the mop held up like some sword of triumph and legend. “Then you shall do your job! Never let anyone tell you otherwise! Fight for your dreams, Marty! Fight for them!”
Marty felt a fire start to rise up inside. He straightened his shoulders, puffed out his chest, then deflated back to the floor. “I… can’t.”
“Those words are forbidden from this day onward.” The janitor leaned attentively towards Marty. “What is so impossible?”
“It’s just…” Marty swung around and clung to the janitor’s shoulders. “How am I supposed to make a report to Commander Peepers? I’ve never had to talk to someone who was in charge of something before!” He grabbed his head, sweating. “What if I annoy him? Or… or he already knows what I’m going to report and thinks I think he’s stupid? Or I forget my lines-”
The janitor started laughing. “Oh young Marty, you poor naive unworldly recruit. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of the commander.”
“There isn’t?” Marty looked up.
“No, no, no… Why, Commander Peepers is the finest officer we could ask for. He’s practically a father to his men. Encouraging, brave, understanding… Frankly the most uplifting, inspiring man I’ve ever met.”
“YOU BUNGLING NEARSIGHTED NINCOMPOOPS! IS COMPETENCE REALLY SUCH A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO YOU?!”
Marty heard a noise that he really hoped wasn’t blaster fire. Peepers stormed into the hallway, his glare fixing on the janitor. “And you! What have I told you about doing your job!?”
The janitor beamed. “To do it.” He leaned towards Marty. “It’s a metaphor.”
“NO! It’s not a metaphor! Start mopping the floors or you’re fired!”
The janitor nodded sagely. “So true. If we don’t mop the floors of our lives, we will be fired from-”
“From an airlock, if you don’t literally start mopping!”
“He’s so good at this.” The janitor whispered. At another glare from Peepers, he ambled off. Marty hoped for his sake it was to mop.
The commander was fuming. Marty swallowed, stood up and lifted a shaking finger.
“What.”
“Uh…” His mind went horrifyingly blank. “Well… There was a patrol… and I was on it and…”
“I don’t care if your hallway was boring, I am *not* rearranging the patrols again.”
“Nono, the hallway is fine… Well, not fine. Actually, there’s a big hole in it. The wall, that is. The floors are fine. Oh! And it’s the outer wall. That’s… that’s important.”
“You think!? Lead with the hull breach next time!” Peepers marched off, muttering something about it being just what he needed that day.
Next time? Well, at least he hadn’t failed so badly that he was forever banned from the commander’s presence. His shoulders loosened and he started breathing again.
Suddenly the janitor was back at his side. “Brilliant! Oh, you shining little example of positive thinking!”
“Should you be literally mopping?”
“Yes, well, I couldn’t miss your moment of triumph.” The janitor cleared his throat. “You did it, Marty! I know we met five minutes ago, but I couldn’t be more proud.”
Marty chuckled, backing away a step. “Thanks…? Uh, what’s your name again?”
“Reginald, and no thanks needed.” Reginald beamed.
“Reginald… Alright. I’ll see you around.”
“You certainly will! Do your job, Marty! Do it with all your heart!”
Marty had to admit, Reginald’s enthusiasm did make him feel a little better. He started wandering in the general direction of the food court.