Chapter Text
Two more days.
How was anyone supposed to sleep knowing that in a few days’ time they would be in a war zone? Preparations had been made, enforcers were set up, attack plans were in place, volunteers added to their ranks and weapons handed out. All that was left was to wait while the Noxian forces drew closer to the city.
This is like being stalked by a turtle, Vi thought sourly. She took a drink from her glass and felt it tickle her nose.
“Can’t sleep either?”
Vi looked up from the fire to see Caitlyn standing there in the doorway, looking exhausted. She had on soft pajama pants and a silk tank top on underneath her robe. Neither of them had gone to bed, making excuses, puttering around, getting work done in Caitlyn’s case, and wailing on a punching back in Vi’s.
“Sorry. Too wound up,” Vi admitted. Caitlyn nodded and walked over to sit down next to her. Her eyes darted to the glass and then the bottle. Vi could see the concern there. “Sparkling juice, cupcake. Not alcohol. Not for lack of wanting it, though. Couldn’t figure out where you kept the stuff,” she confesses. Caitlyn let out a small laugh.
“How about we share a glass, then? I could use one as well,” Caitlyn confessed. Vi hesitated, and her fingers nervously tapped the sides of the glass.
“Are you sure?” Vi asks, those two words carrying paragraphs of meaning and questions. Caitlyn flashes a weary smile.
“You’re a grown woman. I don’t really feel it’s my place to say no,” Caitlyn admits softly, but the way her eyes darted away suggested otherwise. Putting the glass down, Vi reached over and gently turned her chin back.
“No, but it is your place to worry about me,” Vi murmurs. Caitlyn’s eyes soften and her shoulders relax.
“Seeing you drink doesn’t bother me. It’s you drinking alone that…” she trails off and looks away again.
“That scares you?” Vi finishes for her. Caitlyn nods, looking slightly ashamed. Seeing her feel guilty for being worried summons a pain in Vi’s chest that burns stronger than any alcohol. Stronger than the self hatred that caused her to drown in countless bottles after pit fighting. Vi shifts closer, sliding an arm around Caitlyn’s waist and gently kissing her shoulder. “Compromise? Just one glass and only when I’m with you,” she says. The last of the tension leaves Caitlyn’s body, and she hums, leaning into Vi’s warmth for a moment before pulling away.
“I can work with that. Let me get us something stronger,” Caitlyn offers. She gives Vi’s knee a squeeze before getting up and leaving the room. When she comes back, she has a bottle in hand and an extra glass. Vi has already downed the last of her juice, immediately regretting it when the bubbles shot straight up her nose, and holds her glass out for Caitlyn.
“One of my dad’s favorites,” Caitlyn says, pouring Vi’s glass and then her own. She sits back down and Vi slides her arm back around her waist. It’s cozy, being together like this. Just having Caitlyn next to her brought a peace Vi would never have thought possible. Taking a sip, she savors the taste and relaxes as Caitlyn curls closer into her embrace. Sighing, Vi closes her eyes for a moment.
“Being here with you… it makes me feel like I could take on the world,” Vi murmurs into her hair. Caitlyn hums contentedly and sips her glass.
“I’d settle for taking on an army and not getting my hometown turned to rubble,” Caitlyn replies.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Vi teases. They share a smile and a laugh before falling silent again, comfortable to just relax in each other’s presence. A few minutes pass before Vi picks up on Caitlyn’s fidgeting. It’s nothing overt, and most people probably wouldn’t notice, but Vi knows her even after months apart. Besides, Caitlyn Kiramman does not fidget. Not when she’s thinking, not when she’s focused, not unless she’s incredibly nervous about something. Now she can’t seem to sit still. Fingers occasionally tapping against the glass, unnecessarily adjusting her robe, wiggling her foot. Reaching up to brush her hair back, then realizing she already did and getting self conscious.
For a while, Vi says nothing and hopes that Caitlyn will bring it up on her own. But when Caitlyn bites her nail, Vi sighs heavily and straightens up. Caitlyn blinks in surprise and looks at her curiously.
“Cupcake, you know I care about you. Deeply. I’d fight off the world for you at this point. But if you keep fidgeting and don’t spit out whatever is bothering you, I’m going to go crazy over here,” Vi tells her. Caitlyn flushes with embarrassment and smooths down her robe again. She taps her glass a few times before clearing her throat.
“Since we got back together, I’ve been thinking… about… us, this, everything that’s about to happen,” Caitlyn begins haltingly. Vi hums to show she’s listening, but doesn’t interrupt. “I want to believe that everything will be all right, that we’ll be okay, but I have to be realistic about the possibility that… that one of us could…” she stops, her voice cracking. Vi puts her glass down and wraps both arms around her. Now Caitlyn fully folds herself into the embrace.
“I’ve been trying my hardest not to imagine that outcome, thank you,” Vi points out. Caitlyn laughs lightly and nuzzles closer to her.
“Believe me, I tried that for a while and it only made me more anxious, not less. The point is, I just… I’ve been considering something that I wanted to… I mean, I don’t want you to feel pressured about it. I’m just bringing it up. Don’t feel like you have to say anything. Normally I’d say it was far too soon to even consider this kind of thing. But if something happened, then I wanted… I was just hoping… thinking! Just thinking that…” Caitlyn says, fumbling her words.
Now Vi raises an eyebrow curiously. When it comes to her feelings, Caitlyn has never been an overly verbal person. She prefers actions and subtlety. Her eyes and body language always speaking volumes. Every word is chosen carefully, and it’s rare for her to be caught off balance. Vi isn’t sure she’s ever seen Caitlyn struggle for words like this.
Except for maybe the time she called me an ‘angry oil slick,’ Vi fondly remembers. Pulling back, Vi really looks at her. At the way her fidgeting increases, the way Caitlyn looks everywhere but at her, at the way she’s rubbing the back of her ring finger.
The back of her…
Suddenly, it clicks. What could be important enough, meaningful enough to Caitlyn Kiramman that it would make her stumble over her words like this? In fact, Caitlyn was still fumbling as a laugh began bubbling up in Vi’s throat. Abruptly, Caitlyn stops and shoves her as Vi bursts into outright laughter. It wasn’t a hard shove, and Caitlyn resists as Vi tries to pull her close again.
“Violet! I’m trying to summon the courage to pour my heart out to you and you’re laughing at me!” Caitlyn objects, glowering at her. Smirking, Vi leans closer, despite her girlfriend’s objections.
“Caitlyn Kiramman… are you trying to propose?” Vi asks, while grinning like a fool all the while. A furious blush lights up Caitlyn’s cheeks, and she reluctantly allows Vi to pull her close again.
“I…” Caitlyn starts and then sighs heavily. “Yes, I suppose I am,” she admits softly. Vi leans in and kisses her softly on the cheek. Sobering up, she rubs Caitlyn’s arm reassuringly.
“Because one of us might not make it out of this alive,” Vi adds knowingly. Caitlyn’s eyes swim with unshed tears and she nods, burying herself in Vi’s neck. There’s so much more trapped in her gaze. Behind those eyes, struggling to find their way out. Caitlyn is silent, but Vi knows her. She knows that look. Like there is so much emotion churning around inside that she’s about to burst, but can’t figure out how to let it out. “Come on, Cait. Speak to me,” she murmurs encouragingly. Caitlyn’s hand tightens on her tank top.
“I’m not good with this kind of thing,” Caitlyn objects with a mumble.
“I’m not expecting you to be. I just want you to try. Use your words for me, please,” Vi tries again. Caitlyn sighs. Partially frustrated, partially giving in.
“If something happens to you… I don’t want these moments and memories to be all that I have left. And if something happened to me… I want to know you’ll be safe and taken care of. That you’ll have something of me to hold on to,” Caitlyn explains. Vi starts objecting, but Caitlyn cuts her off with a simple touch. Her hand moving to rest on Vi’s arm. “Don’t, Vi. Please,” she whispers. Those few words carry so much meaning that Vi feels like she could get lost in it.
“I’m sorry,” Vi apologizes. She just told her to share her feelings and then immediately started objecting when she did. That’s hardly fair. But Caitlyn merely shakes her head and pulls back. Her hands slide up to rest loosely around Vi’s neck.
“Don’t make me go to war wondering what will happen to you and my father if I’m gone. Don’t do that to me. Please,” Caitlyn pleads and the sound her of begging cuts Vi’s soul sharper than any blade. As Vi stares in to her eyes, she can see a well of shame and guilt swelling up. Strong enough to pull Caitlyn under and never let her go. Suddenly, the alcohol in Vi’s stomach turns sour. The taste of it on her tongue reminding her of the bright lights of the Zaun pit fights. The club filling her cup for as long as she could pay. All of her winnings going straight to the bottom of a bottle and still not being enough to drown the pain. Could Vi honestly say that she wouldn’t end up right back there if Caitlyn… if she… if they…
Vi can’t even finish the thought. Instead, she pulls Caitlyn closer, and Caitlyn wraps her arms tightly around Vi’s neck. Tight enough that Vi can feel the way she’s trembling with more emotion she can’t find the words to express.
“I don’t want you to carry that guilt forever, Cait. It’ll destroy you if you do,” Vi urges her. Caitlyn noses into her hair and sighs heavily.
“I don’t know how to let it go. Not yet,” she admits weakly. Vi can’t take away her pain, her guilt, her distress over choices made and the desire to fix them. But Vi can promise that she’ll do better. Or at least that she’ll try. The last thing she wants is for Caitlyn to go into battle distracted or worried about her.
“Well… if you want me to be your kept woman that badly…” Vi teases lightly. Right away she feels Caitlyn snort at her joke and that, naturally, encourages her even more. “I’ll just have to sleep in late every day in your ridiculously soft bed and have the servants make me a full gym ready breakfast. Just so I can really take care of myself,” she adds. Caitlyn’s fingers twitch against her and Vi can feel her smiling. “I’ll finally learn your fancy skincare routine and use that shampoo you love. Might even remodel one of the guest rooms into a personal gym. In your honor, of course. I’ll hang up your portrait and think of you with every bench press,” she vows. Now Caitlyn snorts with laughter and pulls away with a smile dancing on her lips.
“Ok, now you’re just being ridiculous,” Caitlyn scoffs, her eyes shining with relief and love in equal measure.
“Still made you smile, didn’t it? I say that’s worth it,” Vi replies. “Now I believe someone said something about us getting hitched?” A smile burst across Caitlyn’s face. Her eyes radiant with joy as she grabs Vi and pulls her into a deep kiss.
————————————-
Memories of that night replay in Vi’s head now as she sits in the hospital at Caitlyn’s bedside. Listening to the slow drip of IV lines and she shallow wheeze of her wife’s breathing.
In sickness and in health… till death do us part, Vi repeats to herself. Everything after the battle happened in such a rush thanks to the Kiramman family name. To be honest, it hadn’t really hit Vi until she was handing over Caitlyn’s unconscious body to a medic and they asked who Vi was and if she was a family member.
Violet Kiramman. I’m her wife, Vi remembers saying. The medic who had been ready to push her away immediately stopped, ushering her to follow them instead. Suddenly everyone who would have made her stay back now made sure she was following along. A nurse explained what was happening and what they were doing in simpler terms as medics took care of Caitlyn’s injuries and worked on getting her stable. Even as an enforcer, Vi hadn’t been treated with this level of respect. People didn’t even ask how she was going to pay for things anymore! Usually, that was the first question brought up when they saw she was a trencher. Now they just smiled and took care of it without question, saying they would charge it to the estate.
Is this what Caitlyn meant? What she wanted for me by getting married? Vi wonders. She knew Caitlyn asked primarily out of love and Vi would fist fight anyone who suggested otherwise. But experiencing such a radical shift in respect and personal treatment also brought a much deeper understanding of what Caitlyn meant when she expressed the desire for her to be safe and taken care of if the worst happened. Movement in Vi’s peripheral vision quickly drags her attention back. Caitlyn’s face is twitching again, restless even in her sleep. Still, hope blooms in Vi’s chest as she jumps out of her chair, carefully leaning over the bed railing.
“Cait? Hey baby, can you hear me?” Vi asks softly. Gingerly, she takes Caitlyn’s right hand and rubs circles on the back of it with her thumb. Another twitch followed by an increasing frown and finally a weak tightening of Caitlyn’s fingers. Quickly, Vi presses the button on the wall to summon the nurse. Caitlyn’s remaining eye slowly cracks open, bleary and unfocused, before she closes it again with a soft sigh. Slowly, her hand fully tightens around Vi’s.
“Violet?” Caitlyn croaks out. She tries to turn her head and grimaces. Vi leans over further so she doesn’t need to move in order to see her. One tired blue eye opens again and properly focuses on her this time. “Vi? Is that you?” she murmurs, her voice achingly weak. Pulling her hand away, she tries to reach up for Vi’s face but clearly has trouble properly seeing where she is. Tenderly, Vi guides Caitlyn’s hand to her cheek where it then presses against her skin. Tears burn in Vi’s eyes as Caitlyn’s right eye focuses better on her.
“It’s me. I’m right here,” Vi assures her as Caitlyn blinks rapidly and then smiles faintly.
“You made it. You’re ok. I was so worried you wouldn’t make it,” Caitlyn whispers, her eye filling with tears. The sight of her crying breaks the dam holding back Vi’s on tears and soon they are burning her eyes as well. Caitlyn is in a hospital bed, one of her eyes blinded and a stab wound on her side stitched up and still she’s more worried about her. What a pair they make. Vi kisses Caitlyn’s palm and keeps her hand pressed there against her cheek as a nurse rushes in, sees Caitlyn awake, and leans out to call for a doctor.
“I’m safe. I promise you I’m safe. We won. Not just against Ambessa and the Noxian army, but the hex core as well. Both cities are ok,” Vi murmurs into her hand. At that, Caitlyn sighs, her eye falling shut again, but only for a second.
“Who did we lose?” Caitlyn asks weakly. Vi hesitates and is saved by a knock at the door. The doctor is here, and privately, Vi is relieved to dodge the question, at least for now.
“Why don’t we worry about taking care of you first? Let’s see how your injuries are healing and if they need any immediate attention. If that all looks good, then maybe we’ll see about getting you something light to eat. How’s that sound?” she offers. Caitlyn’s stomach immediately gurgles, and her cheeks flush slightly with embarrassment.
Hooking the chair with her foot, Vi pulls it closer and sits down. She holds Caitlyn’s hand the entire time. As the doctor washes her hands and pulls on gloves to begin the examination. When she pulls the blanket back to remove the abdominal bandage and check the stitches on the stab wound. Vi’s grip tightens when the eye bandage is unwrapped and Caitlyn whimpers in pain. The nurse reaches over to adjust one of the IVs, increasing Caitlyn’s pain medication a bit.
Tears blur Vi’s vision as she sees Caitlyn’s ruined eye once again. The knife cut across it, not bad enough to lose the entire eye, but deep enough that Caitlyn will never see clearly from it again. Vi wipes the tears away on her shoulder, refusing to let go of Caitlyn’s hand as she answers the doctor’s questions about how she feels. Tired, side aches, eye is throbbing, headache.
When the doctor is finally done, she calls for some tea, soup, and plenty of rest. A nurse is just a button press away if anything else comes up. Caitlyn will be checked on regularly to ensure there are no complications or infection starting. Then both of them are alone again, an ocean of unasked and unanswered questions between them.
Vi can feel Caitlyn’s gaze on her. Tired, but needing answers. As much as she wants to dodge them, Vi doesn’t have the heart to refuse her wife. Not when she’s like this. Weak as a newborn kitten and struggling just to hold Vi’s hand. It didn’t feel right to keep this from her when she’s too weak to argue.
“Jayce and Viktor are gone. Ekko was there, but according to him, it wasn’t entirely clear what happened. All Mel could say was that both of them are… gone. ‘Not here anymore’ were her exact words. Ekko had some theories, but I couldn’t keep up with all the science. But somehow Jayce and Ekko stopped Viktor in time. Or got him to stop in time,” Vi explains, her thumb once again rubbing circles on the back of Caitlyn’s hand.
“Vander… he was gone long before. Taken by the hex core, or by whatever Viktor did. There was no way to stop him. I just wish I had seen that before…” Vi cuts herself off and swallows hard. When she doesn’t say anymore, Caitlyn coughs weakly and speaks up.
“Jinx?” Caitlyn whispers. Vi shakes her head, emotion and grief swelling up in her chest.
“When I saw Vander I… I couldn’t. Not again. Jinx saw what I couldn’t accept. That there was nothing of him left in there. She sacrificed herself to save me. We found dad, but… it’s like Jinx just vanished,” Vi said wearily. Caitlyn squeezes her hand. Vi knows that look. That piercing gaze when Caitlyn’s mind is turning over a problem.
“What do you think?” Caitlyn asks, her words carrying a world of meaning. Vi just stares down at their hands.
“I think…” Vi pauses and lets out a heavy sigh. “I think I’m hurting too much to hope again,” she confesses, wiping at her eyes. Caitlyn’s gaze softens, and she bites her lip, thinking hard.
“Jinx rode in with the people of Zaun fully behind her, united. Even after all that happened to her… to them. I’m sorry I didn’t realize earlier how much she had changed,” Caitlyn apologizes softly. Vi smiles sadly and lifts her hand to kiss it tenderly.
“She told me once that she was a hero now. I just brushed it off as bragging, but… I think it made her happy being a hero to people. Being genuinely appreciated for a change,” Vi recalls fondly.
“Jinx put the past behind her in order to help us. Maybe we could find some way to do the same. Piltover I mean. Remember that part of her the way Zaun does,” Caitlyn offers quietly, looking away from her with guilty eyes. Vi swallows hard as fresh tears spring to her eyes. She can read between the lines of what Caitlyn is offering and the forgiveness she’s showing, and it makes her heart overflow with love.
“I’d like that,” Vi says gratefully. Caitlyn smiles and closes her eye again, resting. Vi lets her relax until the food comes. Some tea with honey on the side and a simple chicken and vegetable soup. Once the food is all set up, the attendant hesitates.
“Will you need help eating, Mrs Kiramman?” he asked. Caitlyn blinks in surprise and looks down at the tray in front of her. Considering that she’s barely been awake for two hours, it’s no surprise that she hadn’t thought about it.
“I’ve got it,” Vi speaks up. The attendant nods and reminds them to call if they need anything else.
“Thanks, Vi. I’m starving, but I’m not sure I have the coordination yet to not make a mess of myself,” Caitlyn says apologetically. Vi pops the top off the soup and lets the smell fill the room.
“Don’t apologize. It’s what I’m here for. Gotta make myself useful and earn my kept woman allowance somehow,” Vi teases with a wink. Caitlyn scoffs and rolls her good eye.
“You’re going to hold on to that joke forever, aren’t you?” she asks, looking amused.
“Only for as long as it keeps making you smile,” Vi replies fondly. Feeding Caitlyn is a slow process. Spooning up the soup, making sure it’s not too hot, and then guiding it to her mouth. “Stop thinking so hard, cupcake. There’s nothing to be sorry for,” she says after a while.
“I didn’t say anything!” Caitlyn defends herself.
“Don’t have to. You have that apology face on again,” Vi explains. It’s the same one she had in that jail cell when she reached out to touch Vi’s bandage. The same look that clouded her gaze when they were speaking about Jinx just now. Caitlyn grumbles, but can’t remain upset when Vi makes airship noises with the soup spoon until she eats some more.
“I just wish I didn’t feel so helpless. Like I can’t even pick up a spoon and trust myself to eat,” Caitlyn says after a moment. Vi looks down and realizes the soup is mostly gone. Setting it aside, she grabs the tea and pours the honey packet in. Isn’t that supposed to be good for your immune system or something? This time Caitlyn holds it on her own, but Vi’s hands help steady her trembling ones. It’s painful to see the way Caitlyn’s brow furrows, the edge of the cup bumping into her lips before she finds the rim and takes a sip.
“God, it’s so different now. I knew my depth perception would be affected, but this is going to take a lot of getting used to. The closer it gets, the harder it is to figure out where it is exactly. Even when it is in the right spot I second guess myself,” Caitlyn complains, her gaze sad.
“Good thing your loving wife is here to help,” Vi says, hands steadying the cup so Caitlyn can find the rim again and take another sip.
“Vi…” Caitlyn starts, looking frustrated and upset. Vi sets the cup down and gives her a stern look.
“What if I was the one who lost an eye? You wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing for me,” she points out. Caitlyn sighs lightly, conceding the point.
“I know, but… this isn’t something that time and effort alone can fix, even with therapy and practice. My depth perception is always going to be missing something,” Caitlyn points out. Frustration lines every muscle of her body. Her fingers twitching towards the cup before curling into fists. Like she doesn’t trust herself to touch it. Caitlyn sighs and just stares down at the teacup on the tray. Vi takes Caitlyn’s hand in hers once again.
“Do you remember the vows we made? The marriage vows I made to you?” Vi asks. Caitlyn’s expression wavers, the frustration in her eye melting into affection and doubt. Reaching out with her free hand, Vi gently turns Caitlyn’s chin to face her. “In sickness and in health, Cait,” she murmurs. Now Caitlyn’s eye closes, and she relaxes into Vi’s touch.
“I just wish we had more time together before we got to that part,” Caitlyn responds softly. Leaning in, Vi gives her a slow, tender kiss.
“I’m just glad to have you here with me at all. The rest we’ll figure out as we go. Together,” Vi promises. The doubt in Caitlyn’s eyes melts into love and Vi helps her finish the tea before settling back in so she can get some much needed rest.