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“C’mon, Pomni! I promise it’ll be fun!”
Despite Ragatha’s enthusiasm, Pomni felt her stomach drop as she dared to peer over the edge.
It seemed like a good idea at the time to follow the sweet ragdoll all the way up the mountain. The hike itself was much less daunting than she had expected, and although its peak was capped with what appeared to be snow, she did not feel cold in the slightest. But now looking down from the summit, the intimidating height was enough to make her start shivering.
After yet another stressful adventure, Ragatha had taken it upon herself to try and lift Pomni’s spirits by giving her a personal tour around the Grounds, showing her what she proclaimed to be the “best spots” that she’d discovered over the years. Going on Ragatha’s favorite rides at the Carnival and cruising around the Lake in a charming colorful tugboat was certainly a better introduction to the strange digital island than it was when Caine had dragged her around at lighting speed.
And as she continued to spend the day with Ragatha, Pomni found her smiles slowly becoming more sincere. Before she knew it, she actually found herself enjoying what the Circus had to offer. Or perhaps it was her growing fondness for the way Ragatha would eagerly usher her from place to place, her cheerfulness no longer obnoxious or off putting, but now borderline infectious. Although Pomni’s comfort levels were tested multiple times, it was rewarding to feel herself growing accustomed to the wackiness of this world. It’s come to a point where she almost doesn’t mind now that this is her new home.
Almost
No, as appreciative as she was about Ragatha’s efforts, “resigned” was still the best word she could put to describe how she feels. Being a prisoner in an artificial world was still something she couldn’t shake off.
The repetitive stock sounds at the amusement park, the way the water moves like resin as the plastic boat cut through it, and the Styrofoam-like texture of the fabricated frost that currently rested underneath her feet, it all reminded her of how fake it all was.
Still, who was she to be a killjoy? At the very least Ragatha was trying to make the best out of a bad situation, Pomni couldn’t fault her for that. A part of her even admired it. So when Ragatha suggested that they should end their nice day out by making one last stop, smiling in a way that made her face feel warm, how could Pomni deny her?
...
Who knew Ragatha’s idea of a good time involved jumping off a mountain?
“I-I dunno if I can do this,” Pomni stammers, taking a few safe steps back. “I know I shouldn’t exactly be afraid of dying here but…”
“Oh I’ve done it plenty of times,” Ragatha reassures her with a nonchalant wave of her hand. “Sure it’s kinda scary at first, but trust me, it’s worth it.”
Pomni looks at her before taking a deep breath, “O-okay, I’ll…give it a shot! Heh, I mean, I‘ve already been forced into a speed chase, got dragged down to hell, and rode a roller coaster designed by Caine. Haha, t-this should be a breeze in comparison, right?”, she chuckles nervously.
Ragatha gives her a sympathetic look before holding out her hand, “I promise this won’t be nearly as…uh… traumatic as all of that.”
Staring at the offered hand, Pomni pulls at her gloves before taking it with a gulp. As Ragatha gave her hand a squeeze, she tried to blame the sudden flurry of butterflies inside her on the fact that she was about to launch herself off from a height that would normally kill someone, or at least cause some irreparable damage.
Just don’t think about it. Just don’t think about it. Just DON’T think about it!
“We’ll go on the count of three,” Ragatha gently pulls her forward.
“One.”
Pomni bends her knees.
“Two.”
She tucks her elbows in, glances up for just a moment...and sees the Void.
“Three-“
“N-N-NO WAIT, STOP! STOP!!!” Pomni screeches, yanking her hand out of Ragatha’s in a panic.
Just barely able to stop her momentum in time, Ragatha regains her balance to swivel around, watching Pomni scrambling backwards with concern.
“I can’t do it! I thought I could but…I-I just…I-I’m too…,” she pants, head shaking and fists clenched at her sides.
“Hey, hey, it’s ok,” Ragatha carefully walks closer. “I-I’m sorry, Pomni, I shouldn’t have pressured you.”
Still trembling, Pomni’s eyes can just make out Ragatha’s hand reaching for hers, before abruptly stopping and quickly drawing it away.
“L-look,” Ragatha weakly stutters. “W-we don’t have to jump if you don’t want to. We…we can just sit here! I mean the view is half the reason I wanted to come up here anyway.”
After steadying her breathing, Pomni lifts her head to see Ragatha rubbing her arm in slight dismay, the guilt on her face making her cringe. Giving the doll a simple nod, the two of them quietly take a seat. Ragatha casually dangles her legs over the drop, while Pomni hugs her knees tight, her whole body at least a foot away from the edge.
Although the view was as nice as Ragatha said, there was an awkward silence, the kind that had Pomni squirming. She had hoped that she’d never have to endure this kind of awkwardness with Ragatha again, not after they had officially made up. A part of her, however; still feels great shame for what she did on her first day.
Or rather, what she didn’t do.
Unconsciously, she’d drawn a rectangle in the snow with the word “Exit” at the top, making her heave a deep sigh. Glancing up from her idle doodling, Pomni glares at the endless white Void that stretched out in front of them. Taunting her. Reminding her of the promise she had broken back when Ragatha needed her help. All because she wanted to save her own skin.
Why am I such a coward?
“Sorry for chickening out at the last second,” Pomni mutters, scraping away the Exit Door doodle. “I thought I could do it but…,” she trails off, still unable to explain herself.
A mitten-like hand slides near hers, almost touching. Looking up, she was greeted with an amused smile.
“It’s really not a big deal,” Ragatha titters. “Honestly, I’m just glad that you agreed to hang out with me at all.” She pulls her hand back onto her lap to fiddle shyly with the other. “Heh, y’know before today, I uh…kinda thought you didn’t like being around me. But, Kinger was right, I should’ve been more patient with you. Let you take things at your own pace. And the last thing I want to do now is make you do something you don’t want to do.” She wistfully gazes down at the Lake below. “Being here with you now is…all I could really ask for.”
Pomni’s brows furrowed as she scooched closer.
“I do like being around you,” she stresses. “You’re doing so much to make me feel somewhat ok. More than I think I deserve after…well, after everything. And…because of that, I find myself willing to give this place a chance. I like that I got to do that with you today. I…I had fun. A lot of fun actually. I just…wish I was a bit braver.”
Ragatha tries to tuck a strand of hair away from her face, allowing Pomni to see a glimpse of red on her cheeks. Despite the fact that they were currently sitting in fake snow, the jester was convinced that it was the arctic setting that was causing her to look flushed.
“That’s good to know…,” Ragatha turns back to face her, smiling wider. “But, I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit, Pomni. You’re plenty brave.”
Pomni couldn’t hide the blush on her cheeks fast enough. “C’mon, get real.”
“I’m serious!” Ragatha insists. “You’re doing so much better than I ever did when I first got here. I mean I never thought I’d see you smiling, really smiling, on your second day! Pomni, I think you’re doing amazing!”
The heat on her Pomni’s face started to spread down her neck, which she rubbed sheepishly.
“I had some help,” she manages to say through her flustering. “A-and any effort that I’ve put in hasn't exactly given me very good results.”
“Still, I hope you know how much I appreciate that you try your best,” Ragatha beams. “Especially when it’s scary.”
Moved by her words, Pomni brings herself to look down the mountain again.
The drop was illogically high, her new body may be borderline rubber but she still remembers pain, everything inside her was saying it would feel terrible.
But Ragatha promised she would be ok.
“Well, if that’s how you feel…”
In a huff, Pomni abruptly stands up and stomps to the edge, heart racing.
“…then I’m not quitting on you this time.”
And with a final shaky smile at a confused Ragatha, she jumps.
As gravity does its job, Pomni ends up sliding down the snowy mountain on her back, screaming all the way. It was just as she feared, limbs flailing uselessly, completely out of control, and with no hope of stopping. At some point the terrain changed from snow to stone, but the sensation hardly mattered to the rapidly descending jester, who’s downward velocity just increased with each terrifying second. She catches the sound of another voice a few feet above her, ringing with elation and whooping with unrestrained joy. Very different from the high-pitched shrieks that were coming out her throat.
Eventually, she reaches the base and finds herself sliding through a grove of trees, clipping through digitized patches of greenery. Before she knows it, she crashes straight into a bush. Momentum broken at last, Pomni rolls across the ground before slowing down to lay unceremoniously on her back, head still spinning.
Joyous laughter tumbles in soon after her, the owner of which rolls down to land parallel to her in the grass. As Pomni keeps gasping, Ragatha continues to giggle up at the branches above them. The sound of the doll’s mirth, the serene sight of sunlight peeking through the leaves, and the recognition that she was at last back on solid ground gradually calmed the jester’s nerves until both women had quieted down into an easy silence.
It takes a whole minute for Pomni to find her voice again.
“I-I…I did it,” she breathes out.
“Yup,” she hears Ragatha chirp beside her, voice so close it sends her heart racing again.
“I-I jumped. I actually jumped! ”
“You sure did. What did you think?”
“It was…incredible,” in spite of herself, Pomni feels a smile slowly stretching across her face. Jubilation of having survived the leap began coursing through her small body.
“Haha, it was!” Ragatha chortles. “…do you wanna go again?”
“[%$!#] no!”
That sent Ragatha into another laughing fit, and this time Pomni joined her, hugging her stomach as she turned to curl up on her side.
When Ragatha turns as well, Pomni’s breath hitches at how close their faces are, practically feeling the heat that was radiating off of the doll’s reddening cheeks. She couldn’t tell if it was Ragatha who was the one who was upside down or if it was her whose legs were facing the wrong direction. The two quiet down again until all that could be heard was their gentle breathing. While Pomni did her best not to think about how nice her friend looked under the dappled light of a shady tree, she caught how Ragatha’s pupil kept flicking up to the top of her head.
“What is it?” Pomni finally asks when she also notices how the corner of Ragatha’s mouth kept twitching into a smirk.
“Your hat,” was the bemused doll’s answer. “It came off.”
“What?!” Pomni brings a hand up to find that the ridiculous cap ‘n bells was indeed no longer there. Feeling her hair for the first time, she lets out an irritated noise.
“Can’t believe it took something like this to finally get the stupid thing off,” she groans, dropping her arm back down on the grass. “I swear if Caine just snaps it back on, I’m gonna-”
The feeling of a hand that was not her own delicately threading its fingers through her locks gave Pomni pause. Ragatha was looking at her with an expression that had her struggling to breathe again.
“So pretty…,” the doll whispered, low enough that if Pomni wasn’t literally inches away from her, the jester wouldn’t have registered the words. And even then she wasn’t sure she had heard correctly over the sound of her heart drumming hard inside her chest.
“Uh?” Pomni squeaks, face hot.
This brought Ragatha out of her apparent trance, eye going wide and face rapidly reddening until every thread on her face blended with her hair. The offending hand was quickly stripped away from Pomni’s head and held close to Ragatha’s chest
“O-oh my gosh! I-I’m so sorry, Pomni! I don’t know what got into me! Y-you’re just so close, and I’ve never seen you without your hat and I guess I just wanted to see how it feels since your hair looks really soft, but it was so stupid of me not to ask first-!”
Pomni cuts into Ragatha’s rambling.
“Hey, um, I-It’s ok,” she stutters. “I mean, yeah, asking is always good. But uh…I didn’t really… hate …what you were doing.”
Unable to look at Ragatha in the eye anymore, Pomni stares down at her hands as she pokes her index fingers together.
“…yeah?” came Ragatha’s timid response.
Without looking up, Pomni gives her a nod.
“O-oh, that’s…good,” she hears Ragatha swallow before asking nervously, “W-would you be ok if I…did it again?”
This time Pomni does look up. “Mhm,” she hums in approval.
She watches as Ragatha gingerly reaches for her head once more, moving as if she were afraid Pomni would flinch away at the touch. But instead of her usual reaction from unwanted contact, the moment Ragatha’s tentative hand returned to caress her hair, Pomni found the sensation to be embarrassingly pleasant. Her contentment must have been transparent because soon Ragatha began to rub soothing circles against her scalp that had Pomni’s eyes fluttering close with a soft sigh.
This felt real. So delightfully real, it almost made her cry.
Since she had arrived in the Circus, she had never felt more safe. Lying there with her eyes shut in the grass, among the trees and flowers, it was enough to make her believe she was back home in the real world.
Eyes peeking open, she smiles as Ragatha gazes back at her, brimming with affection. Something new began to bloom in Pomni’s chest, simultaneously exciting her and frightening her. Figuring she has all the time in this world now to understand exactly how she feels about Ragatha, for once she’s not entirely scared. No matter what terrors lay before her, so long as they were together creating good memories like the kind they shared today, she’ll be just fine.