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Raenisa Mercar wasn’t someone who could just walk away from a problem. She’d always been someone who fought for what was right even if it wasn’t the popular choice. That was what had brought Varric to her in the first place. As such, when both Minrathous and Treviso needed help with rebuilding after the fall of the evanuris, she’d been the first to volunteer. Davrin, the wonderful man he was, had volunteered right beside her. But guilt welled up anytime she started thinking too much about what their plans had been. They’d promised to go on adventures once everything was over, promised to explore even the farthest reaches of Thedas. And yet here they were, stuck between cities instead of doing that.
Today is one of those days where the guilt is high. She’s sitting outside, taking a small break to replenish her strength when her thoughts start drifting. When was the last time that Davrin had taken a break to visit Arlathan? To visit Assan’s brothers and sisters? It had to be the last time they’d gone before the battle for the world had reached its climax. Did he feel like she’d be upset if he wanted to go? Did he hate her for having made the choice to help instead of moving on with their lives like they wanted? But then again, where could they have gone without there being something around to remind them of the mess that had been made?
Her brow is pinched, fingers plucking at a stray thread on her pants as she stares out at the street, watching as various people carry supplies to different buildings.
“You look like you’re thinking pretty hard.”
His voice jolts her from her thoughts, body jumping as her head snaps up to meet Davrin’s gaze. He holds his hands up in surrender, a flash of his own guilt moving across his face before hands drop back to his sides and he moves to sit beside her instead. Her gaze drifts from him in favor of watching the people on the street again, brow pinching once more.
“I guess.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Truthfully, she doesn’t. As usual, Raenisa would rather keep her thoughts to herself and let them fester. But gradually in her time knowing Davrin, he’s started breaking that habit. So even though her initial reaction is to tell him no, she lets out a sigh, gaze dropping to her hands as she starts fidgeting with her fingers.
“...do you regret staying behind to help?”
She doesn’t look up, allowing the silence after her question to stretch. And then one of her hands is taken, his fingers lacing with hers. His thumb brushes against hers, gently bringing their hands to rest against his lap. Her gaze lifts then, meeting his where it’s focused on her. The furrow of her brow only deepens, searching his face for some sort of answer to either the one voiced or to the one in her eyes.
“No.”
The answer is simple, concise. It’s also said firmly, not allowing it to be misconstrued in any way.
“But-”
“Don’t, ‘nisa. You know me well enough to know if I didn’t wish to be here, I wouldn’t be.”
And truthfully, she did. Davrin and herself were similar in the way they looked at the world. Both of them saw problems and wanted to be helpful. It’s one of the reasons they worked so well together in her opinion. But that didn’t mean she didn’t wonder from time to time. Her gaze drops to their hands, watching as his thumb continues to move across her skin. Silence fills the space again but as usual it’s not awkward or weird. It’s more like a gentle pause and that was fine with her. When it’s finally broken, it’s him that breaks it.
“I’m here because it’s the right thing to do. Rebuilding the cities is important.”
Rebuilding the cities was certainly a monumental task. There were so many people working on both that you’d think it’d move faster but there was so much damage, so much that was lost.
“Of course it is. But I’m sure others could use you. Evka and Antoine I know talk to you about the blight that’s still everywhere and I know that you wanted to visit Eldrin to help with the griffons. Yet you’re here.”
“Because so are you.”
She blinks, head tilting up to look at him.
“What?”
His lips pull into a smile and she finds herself warmed at the sight of it. That smile has always melted her, always made her feel safe. It washes away her worries instantly whenever she sees it. And despite the guilt settled in her chest, she finds some of it lessening just seeing it.
“Don’t get me wrong, helping is important and I want to do it, but you’re right, there are other places that I could be useful. Especially with the blight. But I can’t bring you along. And what matters to me is that I get to stay by your side.”
Raenisa can feel the guilt start to melt further away with his words. It’s like he always knows exactly what to say somehow.
“...even though our plans of travel have been pushed off too?”
“We have years still to think about travel and visiting parts of Thedas we’ve never seen. For now, what matters is spending time together when we can.”
Just like that her chest feels lighter. The guilt that surfaced while by herself completely shattered in the face of the man she loves. She finds herself smiling now, a squeeze given to the hand that still holds her own.
“How do you always know just what to say?”
Davrin laughs then, bright and warm like the summer sun.
“I’ve had some practice being with you.”
Her own laugh bubbles to the surface. Eyes drift over his face before they meet his to see the fondness that is always present when she looks at him.
“Feel better now?”
She nods, leaning in to press her lips to his briefly. She doesn’t get a chance to pull away, however, his free hand moving up to cup the back of her head to keep her close as he kisses her back, lips moving easily against hers. When he does pull away, she finds her features flushed as they always are after they share moments like that.
“...much.”
That smile of his settles on his face again and she finds her own brightening in response. Then she shifts, moving to rest her head against his shoulder. He squeezes her hand and the silence returns once more. They’d have to get up and get back to work shortly, but for the time being, she wants to soak in the moment they’re having.
The guilt would inevitably return but she knows that no matter how she feels, Davrin would always come along and help her work through it.