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Alexander examined his reflection in the mirror. He almost didn’t recognize himself, dressed in expensive fabrics tailored perfectly to his measurements. It seemed like only yesterday that he arrived in New York—a scrappy young orphan dressed in rags, with dreams of making something of himself. Now, he was about to marry the woman he loved and start a family that would never have to worry about money.
He fiddled with his cufflinks, still unfamiliar with the new pair his soon-to-be father-in-law had gifted him the day before.
There was a knock at the door and Alexander turned away from the mirror to see his best man watching him from the doorway.
“John. Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You cleaned up well.” It was true—John’s hair was combed neatly into place; his jacket had far more wear than the new one Alex wore, but it looked good on him. His face was illuminated by that contagious smile of his as he came to stand by Alexander’s side. His eyes raked over Alex, taking in his appearance.
“You look different,” he remarked.
“Is that a compliment?”
John pointedly ignored the question. “Give me those,” he motioned to the cufflinks in Alexander’s hands. He obeyed silently, handing them over. John pulled Alex’s hands towards him one by one, setting the cufflinks into place.
“There you go. Now you look perfect.” He let Alex’s hand drop back down to his side, immediately making him crave the warmth again. “Eliza’s a lucky woman.” There was something about the way his smile didn’t meet his eyes that caught Alex off guard. He found himself searching the man’s face for some sign of what could be wrong.
John laughed, then, his eyes crinkling with humor. Alexander could get lost in those eyes. “Never thought I’d see the day Alexander Hamilton was at a loss for words.”
Shaken from his stupor, Alex rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous, John.”
“And you’re about to marry the girl of your dreams, Alex. You should be jumping for joy.”
Eliza—the girl of his dreams. He’d been dreaming of this day since he first met her at that winter’s ball. She was all he could have ever hoped for in a wife.
“You’re right. I couldn’t have found a better woman than Eliza. She’s perfect.”
She was perfect.
She was beautiful, kind, smart.
She was his, and he loved her.
John nudged him teasingly. “So what’s got you so quiet? Drafting the general’s next letter up in that big head of yours?”
Alex just rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing.”
“I never took you for a liar.” His tone was joking, but the sentiment was still there. Somehow, John always seemed to be able to read his mind. He’d always loved that about the man. Now, he resented it.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Come on, tell me what’s up.”
“Don’t worry about it, John.” The words came out sharper than intended, but they seemed to have the intended effect of cutting off the questioning.
John stepped back, hurt and confusion replacing his playful smirk. When he spoke again, it was quiet and timid. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Just drop it, Laurens!” He hadn’t meant to snap, he just needed this to stop before he said something he’d regret. John had a special talent for getting under his skin and dredging up his deepest secrets. Alexander could feel something weaseling toward the surface. He couldn't let it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“Hey!” John shouted, cutting him off. His face was flushed with anger that slowly melted into concern. He put a comforting hand on Alexander’s shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on, Hamilton.” His voice was gentle, but firm.
Alex turned away, shaking his head. He needed to pull himself together. He was getting married soon, for God’s sake. “I told you, it’s not important.” He tried to step further, but John caught his hand. He needed to pull away. He wanted to pull him closer.
“Talk to me. Please.” The look of desperation on his best friend’s face hit Alexander like a punch to the gut. He wanted more than anything to see John’s lips back in that bright grin of his.
He cut off that train of thought abruptly. He needed to stop thinking about John’s smile. His lips. That was a dangerous path.
“I need to get ready.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I can’t let you go into this thing with your head clouded. What kind of best man would that make me?”
Alex sighed. “Why do you always have to care so much, Laurens?”
John brushed a loose hair back into place, letting his hand linger on Alexander’s face. Alex couldn’t help but lean into the touch.
“Because I want to. You’re the closest friend that I’ve got.”
Alex smiled at his best friend, who finally smiled back. It was such a beautiful smile. Before he even realized what he was doing, Alexander found himself leaning in. His lips met John’s, and he could have sworn fireworks went off around them.
John’s hand rooted itself in Alexander’s hair as he deepened the kiss. It was magnificent. It was breathtaking. It was…
Laurens broke away. It felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice over him.
What had he just done?
His mind was running a mile a minute. He’d actually kissed John.
He’d kissed his best friend.
It felt like the world was closing in around him. How could he be so stupid?
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should never have—”
“Alex.”
He couldn’t breathe.
“I’m sorry. I should go.”
And then John’s hand was cupping his face again. He looked so devastated, all because Alexander had to go and act without thinking. Like always.
“I was being stupid. I know you don’t… I didn’t mean to—”
John cut him off with another kiss—barely a brush of lips, but it left Alex dumbstruck.
“I want this, Alex. Believe me. God knows how long I’ve wanted this.”
“I love you,” he couldn’t help the words that escaped him.
John shook his head with a bitter smile. “You love Eliza.”
“But—”
“I wish we could have this, but we can’t. You’re getting married. You finally have a chance at building the family you never had.”
“You’re my family.”
“I’d never forgive myself if I let you give this up.”
“John…”
“Alexander. Do not throw away your shot.” It was a command, like an officer to a soldier.
“I am not throwing away my shot.”
He was so close to the family he’d dreamed of.
“I am not throwing away my shot.”
There were a million things he still had to do.
“I am not throwing away my shot.”
He had a future to build, and this was the first step.
“Alexander?”
He took a steadying breath, breaking out of the foolish fantasy he’d let overtake him. “I am not throwing away my shot.”
“Good. Now get your ass out there and marry the woman you love.”
Alexander nodded stiffly. He was going to marry Eliza. He was going to marry his true love. This was just a little hiccup in his plans. It was time to move on.
“Thank you, John.”
He didn’t hear the “I love you, too” muttered under John’s breath as he left.
Maybe things would have gone differently if he had. Maybe not. Nevertheless, he married Eliza an hour later, John Laurens standing by his side.
And if Laurens was already blackout drunk by the time speeches came around, no one gave it a second thought.