Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It all starts on an unassuming, quiet Monday in September; two weeks before the first live show. Fourteen weeks later and everything Emma Slater knows about her life will be turned upside down, shaken and put right again. If you’d asked her at this point in time what the future held, she’d have said: ‘dance, more dance, maybe a new house, oh, and a man to do all of those things with,’ and if you asked her now. Well, you’d get the same answer.

Monday September 2^nd

This is where it all begins. Emma meets her celebrity for season 33 of Dancing With The Stars. She has what the Brits would call ‘a duffer’ in the form of screen legend Reggie VelJohnson. Luckily, he knows he’s not got natural rhythm but he does have personality in spades and Emma is quietly confident that she can choreograph at least a few numbers that show off his persona. Reggie is also a complete sweetheart and despite needing several breaks throughout their first four hour session Emma finds that she’s having fun teaching him the basics. She takes a moment to quietly celebrate a shorter season for her; she and Alan are on the hunt for a house and extra time is always a necessity. Not winning the mirrorball, whilst always disappointing, may work in her favour this year. She spares a thought for Alan and his partner and during another Reggie orchestrated break tiptoes across the hallway to peep through the glass of rehearsal room four.

The first thing she hears is laughter and Emma can’t help the smile that spreads across her face at the sound of Alan enjoying himself. The deep rumble of his laugh shudders through her chest and as she finally catches a glimpse of his face she can see he’s grinning from ear to ear at a tall brunette. Emma suppresses her gasp, catching it in the top of her throat as she checks the mirror over Alan’s shoulder seeing Olympic rugby player Ilona Maher’s face reflected back. The rumours are true then, she muses as Ilona’s grin threatens to split her face. Emma has no clue what’s so funny but she stays for a moment to watch Alan teach her some basic footwork. Ilona is almost the same height as Alan in her sneakers and with her bright red lip, white fitted t-shirt and brown pants she looks like she’s just stepped off the cover of a magazine. Her glossy chestnut hair falls down her back in waves that shimmer as she does a forward and back basic with Alan and the smile never slips from either of their faces.

Emma allows herself a little squeal as she watches them – she may not have a chance at the mirrorball but these two certainly do.

Tuesday September 17^th

The first live show rolls around pretty quickly. She and Alan have been on opposite rehearsal slots so she hasn’t seen much of him but when they do get to hang out she only has to mention Ilona and he goes into full word vomit. He spends hours talking about her and it should bother her but she finds it barely scratches when he says: ‘she’s just so funny, literally, the other day, and I can’t even remember what she said now, but she said it and it was just so funny I nearly peed myself,’. If anything it’s endearing the way they’ve bonded so quickly. Alan needs more friends and Emma doesn’t care if they’re six foot Olympic medal winning cover models or not, really, she doesn’t.

A lot of her own time is spent with Reggie in the studio rehearsing. She’s put together a passable Salsa for his skill set and she’s enjoying teaching him despite the lack of overall progress. She hopes that nerves don’t get the better of him tonight and prays for a score over five. Total.

As Emma sits in hair and makeup preparing for the live show she senses Alan walk in, her whole body attuned to this presence. He pats her on the shoulder with a small smile before striding over to Ilona, immediately striking up a conversation with her that has them both laughing within seconds. She watches them in the mirror, Alan’s hand on Ilona’s knee as she shows him a TikTok sound she wants to use later. It’s a familiar touch and Emma tries not to read into the way his fingertips swirl over her kneecap before scratching gently at her skin.

She takes a moment to study her own emotion realising that she’s upset by this development. It’s not the fact that he bypassed her to go straight to Ilona that irks her, a small frown settling between her eyebrows, it’s the shoulder pat whilst Ilona gets a knee rub. It feels condescending at best and you bet your ass she’s going to bring it up next time they get a chance to talk. She watches in the mirror as Alan says something softly in Ilona’s ear, squeezing her hoodie clad shoulder and then he makes his way over to Emma, his deep brown eyes softening at the frown she still wears.

Just his presence makes her feel calmer. Show day always brings out the best in Alan – like he’s incredibly grateful to do this as his job and he can’t wait to show the world what he and his partner have worked so hard on. His hand lands back on her shoulder and he bends down to press a soft kiss to the juncture of her neck and collarbone. He whispers ‘good luck babe’ offering her shoulder another pat and stepping out of the room before she can wish him good luck herself.

Emma feels stupid. Stupid for reading so much into a knee rub, stupid for even thinking that he was being condescending, stupid for believing that Alan could be anything but the quiet, kind, gracious, caring man she knows him to be. She catches Ilona’s eye in the mirror and the Olympian offers her a genuine smile and wave that Emma reciprocates easily. Stupid, she thinks again.

Monday September 23^rd

The day before the live show where a double elimination will take place, Emma and Reggie are completing their final camera blocking of their Paso Doble. On the sidelines, the other pros and their celebrities are watching, talking amongst themselves or on their phones. Personally, Emma likes to take these camera blocking days to scope out the competition. She likes to guess who will be top of the leaderboard for her own entertainment, at this point in time Chandler and Joey are leaps and bounds ahead of the competition in terms of actual dance talent and she’s sure they’ll top the leaderboard again after seeing their Rumba’s earlier.

The celebrities have formed their own little group, some sitting on the judges desk, others on seats around the dancefloor as they talk. Ilona and Stephen spend a lot of time together, she notices, they probably have more in common than the rest but she has noticed Ilona and Joey tend to sit together too where possible and promises herself to ask Alan his opinion on that. Although, she muses, mentioning Ilona will undoubtably lead to a ten minute ramble on how great she is and whilst Emma tends to agree, it can get a little annoying. She finishes up the Paso with Reggie and the two duck to the side to grab a water before the next couple are called. This week has been trickier than the last. They had five days to learn the Paso and Reggie’s memory isn’t what it used to be so she just hopes they can scrape by the first elimination. No-one wants to leave first.

Emma makes her way over to Rylee to wish her luck for hers and Stephen’s Paso and watches enraptured as the two take to the floor with their routine. She’s so engrossed in their dance that she nearly misses Alan slide onto the judges table straight into Stephen’s spot next to Ilona. She nearly misses the way Ilona leans back into him and Alan wraps an arm around her shoulders, resting his head against hers. She nearly misses it, but she doesn’t.

Emma knows there’s nothing to it, she’s seen Ilona’s interviews and she fully comprehends that Ilona is looking for a man who is ‘not Alan’ but the ease with which they have become friends still pulls at her a little. When Alan is not with Emma, he’s with Ilona and if he’s not with Ilona he’s talking about Ilona or on a call with her. Her own relationship with Ilona has grown too, sometimes she stops by their rehearsal space to check in and offer her assistance with any moves Ilona may be finding tricky, knowing that sometimes having another girl teach it can be easier to understand. But their friendship is basically non-existent in comparison to Alan and Ilona’s. The two are constantly with each other and it’s only been four weeks. Their bond has grown so quickly that Emma worries he may have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with his celebrity. Like hell is she going to bring that up to him. She resolves to keep a closer eye on the two of them, not because she’s suspicious, but because relationships like this tend to soar and then crash and burn and at the end of the day, Emma is going to be the one trying to put the pieces back together.

She watches them perform their Salsa a little later, a mix of cheeky, joyous choreography and serious lifts and she finds herself smiling along with everyone else. They really are captivating to watch; their personalities complimenting each other’s so perfectly it’s difficult not to have a good time viewing them. At the end of the dance, Alan lifts Ilona into his arms and the two share a laugh that feels as though it’s only for them.  

Monday September 30^th

Alan and Ilona start training at the gym together. They eat together. They recover together. It’s getting to the point where Emma starts to think they may actually be attached at the hip. The show is on a two week break for the presidential debate and both Alan and Ilona decide that that must mean they should be spending this time together, working. Emma can’t fault Ilona’s drive. She knows it’s one of Alan’s favourite things about her, she’s dedicated and hard working and that translates in their numbers. But this is next level. A two week break should mean some downtime and Emma has been looking forward to maybe some house hunting with Alan or some early morning runs together. On the one day Alan agrees to have a chill day watching movies with her, she finds Ilona’s sweatshirt folded on one of his kitchen bar stools. She hasn’t seen him in days, but Ilona obviously has.

Tuesday October 8^th

Emma knows she’s unlikely to get through this week, so far everyone has improved on last week and she and Reggie have stagnated with essentially the same scores as previous. Subconsciously she starts to prepare herself to leave, feeling sorry for Reggie and herself too before starting to think about all the free time she’ll have now she’s not spending near on six hours a day in the rehearsal studios. Maybe she and Alan can actually see each other now. Emma is so lost in this thought that she goes through the motions of cheering and clapping for the other couples before hearing Alan and Ilona’s names being called. She watches the two psych each other up as their package plays in the background. The secret handshake they invented one night over tacos in WeHo at the end of their ritual. Alan helps her onto the judge’s desk and Emma can’t help but think it’s a risky move to have her do footwork right in front of their noses.

Moments later, when it’s all over, Emma will wonder if she maybe accidentally jinxed them with her internal monologue. She bites her lip worriedly as Ilona does her best to keep a neutral face and she can tell from the grip Alan has on her waist that he’s trying to centre her, tell her through touch that it’s okay and if she can just get through this segment then she can cry. Ilona does well to maintain as much composure as she can before the camera pans somewhere else and the hysterical crying takes over. Alan drags her out of the skybox, away from the crowds and the cameras and Emma excuses herself to go with them, knowing that Alan and compassion aren’t always best friends and that maybe, just maybe, Ilona will need her.

“Take a second, take a second, it’s okay,”

“I fucked it up,”

In between bouts of sobbing Emma follows the sound and the B Roll camera man insistent on shoving the lens in their faces.

“Dude, step back, please,” she hears Alan say calmly and then harder, “I’m not asking,”

The camera man appears as if from nowhere and Emma takes his place, staying in the shadows as she listens in to their conversation.

“I’m so sorry,”

“Lo, please,”

The nickname is new. She’s only ever heard Ilona’s sisters refer to her as Lo but Alan appears to be part of the inner circle too now.

“I fucked it up and it’s not like rehearsal where I can just do it again,”

“I don’t care,” Alan says and something in the way his voice is so firm but gentle makes her genuinely believe him, “please Lo, listen to me,”

“I let you down, I’ve disappointed not just me but you and,”

“Ilona, shut up,”

The sobs subside and although she can’t see them clearly Emma knows from personal experience that Alan is wiping her tears away, his forehead pressed to hers. She’s waiting for the tough love Alan is known for, the moment he says something that just crosses the line into mean when she can jump in and offer Ilona the empathy she may need.

“What you did out there was amazing,”

“Al-,”

“No, I’m serious, give yourself more grace Ilona – not everyone can get off beat and then pick it back up again and carry on as if nothing happened,” his tone is wobbly as if there are tears in his eyes. Silence rings through the hallway, “what would you do if this was a rugby game and you missed a pass?”

The answer comes to Ilona easily.

“Carry on, make the play,”

“Exactly Lo, you made the play and I’m so proud of you,”

Alan’s voice is muffled and Emma realises that she’s not needed here, probably never was. She wants to step away but her gaze is locked on the gentle swaying motion she can see from her vantage point. Alan’s compassion and empathy for his partner is something she has never seen from him before. Emma knows Alan to be kind until he’s frustrated and right now he should be incredibly frustrated. But he’s just… not.

“What if we’re eliminated now?” Ilona whispers.

“I don’t care,” Alan replies, “I’ll still see you every day,”

“You will?”

You will? Emma thinks alongside Ilona. Is this what her life is going to be now? Moments with Alan and Ilona by his side? A never ending loop of always feeling like they’re not enough for each other? That every second he spends with Ilona is a second closer to the demise of what they’ve built?

“You can’t get rid of me dawg,”

It’s stupid but Ilona laughs anyway.

“You’re not upset?”

“Not at you, no,”

Emma walks away quietly, their voices disappearing into the ether.

Later, Emma hugs Reggie to her tightly, proud of his journey on the show. ‘Thank God that’s over,’ he mumbles and Emma throws her head back and laughs alongside him. She truly is so thankful to have had the opportunity to work with him and genuinely believes that they’ve had the best time together so this moment is bittersweet in a lot of different ways. Their fellow castmates surround them almost immediately after, offering condolences, words of wisdom, hugs, and Emma finds herself bundled up in Alan’s strong embrace for a brief few seconds. He whispers something she doesn’t quite catch before he’s gone, Ilona, crying softly with relief, now the one in his arms.

Thursday October 10^th

For the most part nothing changes. She and Alan talk every day and occasionally he’ll send her links to properties he thinks she’ll like or rehearsal videos of his and Ilona’s Rumba. She takes the week to view the houses and send Alan photos of each of the rooms. He’s an active participant, virtually, in the house viewings and it settles her racing heart to know he’s still planning their life together. She realises she’s trying to remind him of what he already has and starts showing her love and affection in more tactile ways. Emma is also glad to see that there’s no romantic chemistry in the Rumba, at least not in her opinion anyway. Ilona is too in her head and it translates to the video. She thinks about Alan’s quest to get the trophy and before she knows it, she’s made up her mind.

Can I come to a rehearsal this week?  

Sure!

Why?  

I think I can help Ilona, girl to girl

Want you to get that mirrorball

Emma can be the supportive girlfriend, just watch.

Friday October 11^th

Emma has watched enough of their rehearsal footage to be able to replicate the Rumba step by step. She’s moving through the routine when Ilona opens the rehearsal door, three coffees, two croissants and a pain au chocolat she knows is for Alan, tucked under her arm. It’s an incredibly kind gesture and she’s glad that Ilona is not surprised to see her here. Emma thinks it will be awkward for a split second before Ilona approaches her with her arms spread wide and such a goofy grin on her face that Emma fears she may laugh. There is nothing awkward about Ilona. Well, that’s not entirely true but it’s hard to care when she emanates such sunshine that Emma feels like she’s a cat, basking in her rays.

Alan arrives moments later and Emma explains her reasoning for being in the room. She promises she won’t stay long she just wants to show Ilona the emotion of the dance. She grabs Alan thoughtlessly and starts performing the choreography full out. She pours every inch of intention into her fingertips, her hips, her expression whilst Alan dances silently with her. She hopes she’s showing Ilona that connection is everything in this dance, that she really needs to sell the emotion of it all if she wants to succeed but something in Alan’s hesitance says otherwise. They finally come to a stop and Emma flashes a grin at Ilona, gesturing with her hand for her to take her place with Alan.

Alan’s face is stormy, Ilona’s is nervous and she realises instantly that this was a mistake. All she’s done is upset them both.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it quite like that,” Ilona says with a tremulous laugh but her voice sounds so far away Emma is amazed she heard the full sentence.

“Just be you, Lo,” she hears Alan say quietly, “that’s all I need,”

“Right,” Emma agrees, “just connect with him more,” she doubles down fixing them both with a strained smile.

Alan’s hands ball into fists as he glares at her and she knows she’s accidentally unleashed protective Alan. Emma decides to stick to her guns. She can apologise later, right now she wants to watch this Rumba and see it succeed.

Alan is furious at her, he’s trying to hold back she can see it in the vein in his forehead, but he is absolutely raging at her ‘insensitivity’. He tells her: ‘trying to assert your position with Ilona just came across as childish, condescending and downright mean,’ she only manages to say ‘that wasn’t my intention,’ three times before he is finally calm enough to listen to her. Emma tries to tell him that she isn’t threatened by Ilona and that asserting her dominance was not what she was trying to do. She admits it may have been kinder to show her a YouTube video of a strong Rumba rather than shove her feelings for Alan in Ilona’s face but it hadn’t occurred to her at the time, she’s always been a more visual learner. She takes a deep breath as her apology is met with silence.

Really Emma should be furious with him, after all he’s the one that is working all hours of the day without a spare thought for her, he’s the one that wants to win the mirrorball so badly and he’s the one who sent her rehearsal footage as if asking for her opinion. She can’t help but be a little mad at herself for not seeing what she was unintentionally doing until it was too late.

Only hours later, at Alan’s apartment he asks Emma to take a step back and move out. It happens so quickly she isn’t sure what to think. She’s been staying with him since her elimination last week and despite still not seeing him as much as she would like, he wants her out? One thousand questions fly through her mind but they all boil down to a singular thought. Ilona.

He promises it’s just until the end of the competition, says he sees Ilona going all the way after being saved by the public after their jive, that he wants to ‘focus on the mirrorball’, how it will be a fantastic addition to their new house. She asks if he’s planning on leaving her in a moment of weakness and the response is such a vivid ‘no’ that she has no choice but to believe him. At least, she wants to believe him. He swears on his life that this isn’t a break up and that he’s still planning on taking her on dates and seeing her in his downtime, just maybe not so much as before. She moves out in a couple of hours only really taking her toothbrush and a few jumpers with her.

She desperately tries not to cry as the first building blocks begin to crumble under the weight of the competition.

Tuesday October 15^th

She’s not really paying attention when it happens. Her mind is somewhere else whilst her body is going through the rigmarole of a dress rehearsal. Her ankle buckles underneath her and the next thing Emma knows, she’s backstage with an ice pack and the medical team. She insists she’s fine but she knows she’ll be taking an Uber to A&E after the show. Her fellow pro’s try to convince her not to stick around but she wants to see everyone dance.  

Ilona is one of the first to approach her, arms wide in a gesture that says ‘I’m hugging you whether you like it or not,’. Emma takes the opportunity, fully aware that she hasn’t apologised for her behaviour in the rehearsal room the other day. They make small talk about her ankle and Ilona gives Emma some recovery tips that may come in useful if her A&E trip doesn’t pan out. The apology slides from her throat when Ilona is halfway through a sentence about Epsom salts. Ilona quirks an eyebrow at her and slaps her on the shoulder a couple of times.

“No apology necessary,” she grins, “we’re on the same team,” and then she’s off, stopping to talk to Joey as he prepares for his Viennese Waltz. Emma feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. They are on the same team, aren’t they?

Emma feels Ezra’s hand on her back as they watch Alan and Ilona’s Rumba from the green room – it’s soft and sweet and every time their eyes meet Emma feels she should look away. It’s the perfect Rumba. It scores straight eights and when she manages to catch Ilona’s eye later backstage, Emma tries to infuse pride and happiness into her double thumbs up. Ilona smiles back at her softly, tears in her eyes as Alan squeezes her waist.

Emma promises to love and protect Ilona as much as Alan does. How could anyone feel any other way about her?

Monday October 21^st

She barely sees Alan all week. Over the weekend he invites Ilona round to his place to watch Encanto together as dance prep and Emma only finds out when he calls to check in on her ankle and she hears Ilona’s voice in the background. It feels oddly suspicious and even though she trusts them both (particularly after hearing another podcast where Ilona discounts Alan as a potential suitor) it’s still hard to understand the secrecy behind it. It’s another thing she needs to ask about and another thing she shoves to the back of her mind for another, less stressful, day.

Alan and Ilona have a Jazz routine and a group dance to rehearse and when he’s not rehearsing, he spends all his free time with Ilona. Or with Jeff. Jeff, the dog they were supposed to be getting together. At first when Alan had brought up getting a dog she didn’t think he was serious. Where would they find the time for a puppy? Seriously? He had only brought it up once when they first got together and she wrongly assumed that was the end of that. It turns out that Alan has taken her silence as acquiescence and gone looking for breeders. Emma is desperately hurt by his decision to not include her in the process but buries her feelings to spare his. It’s not ideal but she knows it’s what she must do until the competition is over. She doesn’t want to give him any more reason to push her away or any more ammo to break up with her.

Emma watches the camera blocking for Team Goofs with a huge smile on her face. Ilona is an absolute beast, she picks Jenna up and spins her around as if she weighs nothing at all whilst wearing heels. The dance itself is super cute and fun and Emma has no doubt that Team Goofs will come out triumphant tomorrow. Whilst she’s watching Team Roar Alan approaches her from behind to press a kiss to her temple.

She’s tried not to read too much into his behaviour since their ‘step back’ but it’s hard not to see how much happier he is now, the upbeat energy in his every move, the way his laugh carries across the ballroom. It hurts that she’s not a part of this change in him but she loves the man he’s becoming so it’s hard to take umbrage with it either. He invites her out with the rest of the team for good luck ice cream and Emma insists on bringing Ezra along, unable to bear the thought of being the only eliminated pro there.

At the ice cream parlour, Alan sits between Ilona and Emma, both his arms spread out on the bunker seat behind him, fingertips grazing both hers and Ilona’s shoulders. Jeff is curled up in Ilona’s lap as she occasionally lets him lick ice cream off of her finger and Emma desperately looks anywhere but at Alan’s reaction to this. Judging by the way the other pro’s are looking at her, she’s not the only one to notice the flush on Alan’s neck.

She joins a conversation at the other end of the table, laughing with Sasha and Jenn as they regale her with the time Sasha let go of Jenn’s foot in rehearsal and sent her flying. Sasha is looking at her with such concern Emma has to bite her lip to stop the tears.

“Dude, you gotta try this one,” Ilona’s voice reaches her as she desperately tries to stay present in her own conversation.

“What is it?” Alan replies,

“Peanut butter, you’ll love it,”

There’s silence and then a sound Emma is all too familiar with. Her head whips around at the moan and her eyes meet Ilona’s as Alan licks the peanut butter ice cream off of her spoon, his fingers wrapped around hers. The moment feels like it stretches on for forever before Emma shuffles out of the booth making her way to the bathroom.

She stares at her pale reflection in the mirror and tries to talk herself off the ledge, distract herself. Someone has carved a nasty slur into the sink. The hand dryer is permanently set to ‘on’. The back left cubicle door is locked. Alan is behaving like Ilona is his girlfriend.

“Emma,” Ilona bursts into the bathroom as Emma nonchalantly turns on the tap.

“Oh, hi Ilona,”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, we share food at crafty all the time normally and, wow, that’s not making anything better Lo is it, I just, what I want to say is-“

“Ilona, chill,”

Ilona’s green eyes stare back at her, frozen in horror. The smattering of freckles across her nose taunt Emma – Ilona is as beautiful as the day is long and she adores her. Regardless of whether she’s making her boyfriend moan or not.

“Chill?”

“It’s just ice cream,” Emma finishes washing her hands, turning off the tap as she tries to look unbothered.

“It’s just ice cream?”

“Are you going to repeat everything I say?”

“No, sorry, I,” Ilona fumbles before she takes a shaky breath, “Sorry Em, it was wrong of me to presume you would think the wrong thing,”

“I trust you Ilona,” Emma says, unsurprised that it’s genuinely the truth, “I know you’re just friends,”

Ilona looks emotional for a second before she throws her arms around Emma in a tight hug.

“Best friends, nothing more,” Ilona says, “which actually makes you my best friend too, we should spend more time together,”

Emma can’t think of anything worse.

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Chapter Text

Tuesday October 29^th

The irony of Ilona telling Emma that there’s nothing between her and Alan is not lost on her this week when Alan choreographs a particularly spicy section in their Tango. She knows she needs to talk to him, voice her fears and doubts but she also knows that it will only push them further apart and she’s just not ready for that yet. Only six weeks ago they were planning on moving in together and now Emma has no idea where she stands.

The week has felt incredibly long. Emma has found a property she loves and is patiently waiting for Alan’s opinion on it. He’s been more distant with her this week and she wonders if he’s starting to realise his feelings for Ilona have changed. There’s no use denying it, Ilona may not see it but Emma knows Alan, knows his every micro expression and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is starting to see her in a different light. She knows he won’t act on it and she trusts him implicitly to tell her if he wanted to. Emma realises her only hope to salvage their relationship is to pray that these feelings are just temporary. She doubles down on her resolve to remind Alan of what he already has.

Alan and Ilona’s Tango is first up and Emma waits with baited breath through a series of pivots and promenade walks littered with secret smiles for the moment that feels like it stops time. Alan snaps right into Ilona’s space, and through the camera lens close-up she can see his jaw clench and their lips brush as Ilona reaches for his neck to throw him to the floor. She knows this week they’ve tried hard to work on their chemistry and Emma feels they’ve flown high and above where they were with the Rumba. She applauds them alongside everyone else and if Alan notices that her body language is different in the skybox he doesn’t say anything.

Emma finds herself at crafty alongside a few other pros after the dances are over. More than anything she wants to comfort Ilona; what started out as strong scores were quickly undermined by everyone scoring at least one ten and then the icing on the cake was losing the dance off to Dwight. Emma knows Dwight needed the win as redemption for his original Cha Cha but she’s frustrated for Ilona and Alan as theirs was so much better. They’re fully reliant on the public vote to keep them in this week and Emma is well aware what a scary position that is.

Emma leans against the wall to afford herself a better view of the audience; Ilona is still at her sister’s side and Olivia says something that causes Alan’s head to snap up. Of course he’s nearby, Emma thinks, rolling her eyes. She watches as Ilona squats to the floor, Alan standing over her. He presses his forehead to hers, hand on her bare thigh and Ilona nods at whatever he’s saying to her. She’s looking at the floor and Emma knows from experience that looking into Alan’s soft brown eyes can undo you in ways you couldn’t imagine. Both his arms fold over her legs and she watches as they sit together for a long while in silence, eyes closed. It’s almost unbearable the way they communicate without words. She’s seen them in person enough to know this is an everyday occurrence. Alan’s left hand threads into her curls as he presses a lingering kiss to her forehead. Ilona throws her arms around his neck and Alan stands up, bringing her with him so he can embrace her fully.

Emma crunches a carrot stick forcefully.

Tuesday November 5th

Emma watches the presidential results roll in with dread. Her feet are in Alan’s lap on the couch and they’re both so focused on the TV screen they haven’t said a word to each other in at least twenty minutes. This is one of those rare moments where she feels they both need each other equally and she is taking full advantage of it. Alan’s phone vibrates on the arm of the couch and he casually stretches for it, leaning further into Emma’s space. At this angle she can see it’s a text from Ilona and she watches as they have the conversation that Emma wishes she had voiced:

Well, fuck

You can say that again

Well, fuck

How is this happening? Again!  

You’re asking the wrong person  

He is an ACTUAL FELON  

So’s Anna and she managed to get on the show this year

Are you suggesting you may have to choreograph a Make America Great Again number next year?

Dear God I hope not  

Perfect spot for an assassination to take place…

Just saying  

Jesus Lo, I could do without you in prison  

I’m not gonna do it, I was just thinking about it  

TikTok has rotted your brain  

Ha! Say’s the person who got my reference

I need to spend less time with you  

Don’t even joke about that, Bersten  

Can’t get rid of me dawg

Emma shifts in her seat as Alan stares at his phone waiting for a response, his other free hand resting on her ankle. The presidential election is still blaring in the background but she can’t hear anything over the awful thoughts that enter her mind. The way they go back and forth has such an ease to it, their soft teasing but heartfelt words lingering as she sees the little blue bubble appear at the bottom of the screen. The world has changed from blue to red and it’s such a heavy thought that Emma wishes she could voice her disappointment and have Alan cheer her up or distract her, the same way he has done with Ilona. Emma instructs herself not to feel jealous of their friendship. Right now Alan is with her and Jeff on the couch, his fingers still on her ankle and although his gaze is locked on his screen, physically, he is here with her.

Emma feels her heart rate start to pick up as Alan’s phone vibrates again.

Right back at you bro  

Emma releases the breath she was holding and cuddles further into Alan’s side reminding herself that he is here with her. He drops a kiss to the top of her head and slides his phone into his back pocket. Gently, Alan pulls the remote from her grasp and changes the channel wordlessly. Emma doesn’t question it, just takes the opportunity to go somewhere lighter.

Sunday November 10^th

Despite it being 11am on a Sunday Emma is awake and at the gym with too much energy to burn off. Alan has agreed to go with her to view a house today, a house she loves, and it’s put her in such a good mood that she decides to call into the rehearsal room on her way home with some fun snacks and a pick me up coffee. Emma kind of doesn’t care if Alan likes the house, she loves it and she’d move in tomorrow given half a chance. She finishes her run and takes a quick shower before heading to Erewhon for Alan’s favourite steak and egg burrito, a smoothie and some lunch for everyone else.

Emma is approaching the rehearsal room when Olivia appears in the doorway her face sombre. Immediately Emma knows something has happened and she resists the urge to barge straight past her and find out for herself. Instead, Olivia suggests she leave the food outside and they take a little walk.

“They’re both frustrated with each other,” Olivia explains, sliding an arm through Emma’s as if they’ve met more than a handful of times before. She wonders for a moment if this is what all the Maher siblings are like, forging relationships and connections in a heartbeat with a soft smile and a knowing glance.

“Oh,” is all she can manage before Olivia is talking again.

“Lo’s in her head because she doesn’t want an instant Jive and Al is frustrated because he knows it doesn’t matter what the dance is, she’s going to smash it either way,”

“Al?” Emma finds herself saying out loud.

“Yeah, anyway, the frustration is starting to get to them both and really I think they need five minutes apart but neither of them took me seriously when I suggested it,” Emma’s chest tightens, her heart in her throat, “so I think if we give them five minutes alone everything will go back to normal,”

“Right,” Emma mumbles.

“I think we should go to Erewhon and get another one of those smoothies and then we can have lunch as the four of us, cool?”

Emma knows there’s no point replying, when a Maher has a plan, there’s no changing it.

They return to Alan and Ilona locked in a fierce embrace on the couch. His whole body is lying over hers and whilst her legs are still tucked under her, every other part of their bodies are touching.

“You’re amazing,” Alan’s tearful voice muffled by Ilona’s hair echoes through the room as Emma leans on the door outside unable to tear her eyes away. Olivia had downed her smoothie on the way back and is currently in the bathroom; Emma wills her to hurry up.

“God, why is it when I cry, you cry?”

“Honestly I think we’re the same person,” Alan replies.

“I’m so glad I was paired with you,” Ilona mumbles, “nobody gets me the way you do,”

Emma closes her eyes, pushing tears that threaten to make an appearance away. Their heartfelt words causing her inexplicable sadness.

“You’re my best friend in the whole world,”

“Aside from Jeff,” Ilona adds with a small laugh.

“Including Jeff,” Alan says seriously, he pulls back to look her in the eye, his mouth opening to say something just as Olivia rounds the corner.

“What’re you waiting for, lets eat!” She says to Emma, pushing the door open with a grin, “look who I found in the hallway!”

Alan and Ilona’s gazes both snap to Emma as she stands awkwardly holding lunch in a paper bag.

“Emma!” Ilona grins, she wipes tears away and jumps from the couch wrapping her in a nice but unnecessary hug, “ugh I always knew you were my favourite, what did you bring?” Emma doesn’t know how to answer as Ilona starts rifling through the paper bag of food. Over Ilona’s shoulder Alan is staring at her like he forgot she existed. That’s exactly how she feels.

Tuesday November 12^th

The Quickstep is perfect. It’s the kind of dance that makes Emma fall in love with them both all over again. It’s an exact replication of their friendship, even starting with their signature handshake. Emma finds herself smiling the whole way through at the ease with which they dance together, their expressions matching as infectious joy spreads throughout the room. She’s elated for Ilona when she finally gets a well earned 10 from Carrie Ann but she can read the fear in Ilona’s face and see it in her fidgeting fingers as she realises their Instant Dance is up next.

Luckily for Ilona she pulls a Salsa and Emma watches in awe from the skybox as the non-dancer picks up new choreography as if she’s done it her whole life. Alan looks so inordinately happy as she gets each and every last step correct in the rehearsal before the live version. He is grinning ear to ear and although Ilona seems worried, Emma can tell Alan is speaking encouraging words to hype her up and make her feel confident. She hates to think it for the millionth time but they really are the best pairing Dancing With The Stars have ever created. They run through the choreography once more before their time is up and with a lingering hug and kiss to the forehead the show goes live again.

Alan breaks up with her at 11:03pm the same night – looking back now she knows they’ve been broken up a while, the last physical intimacy between them the night of the presidential election and really that was more to feel anything other than despair at a world turned upside down.

It’s easy to say where it all went wrong now, but at the time it all felt so salvageable and delusional and just a manifestation of her worst jealous thoughts.

She’s proud of the fact that she manages to hold her own in the break up, she tells him she saw it coming almost from the first day of rehearsals, predicted her own demise after the ice cream parlour but the final nail in the coffin was last Sunday. She should be his best friend. Not Ilona. Not Jeff. Emma. Instead, she doesn’t even enter his head.

Their break up chat lasts nearly an hour and they both cry for the future they will never have and the relief of letting go of a relationship that was drowning them.

Alan is nothing but apologetic, tells her he really thought they were right for each other but something about this season has made him realise he’s just going through the motions. Emma doesn’t want to ask but she knows she should at least try and find out if he realises the ‘something about this season’ is Ilona so she says: ‘are you planning on asking her out?’

Alan’s whole face screws up in confusion.

“Who?”

Emma raises an eyebrow.

“Lo?” He pauses incredulously, “No! She’s just a friend, I thought,” he sighs, “I thought you understood that,”

Emma almost laughs, he’s not trying to spare her feelings, he genuinely has no idea of his own. She hopes against all hope that she isn’t the one who has to spell it out for him.

“Okay,” she manages before he gives her a gentle hug and leaves her apartment in a whirl of pine and cedar.

Emma puts down a deposit on her own dream house the next day.

Tuesday November 19^th

A week later and Emma has lost count of how many times she’s cried. Sure the break-up was entirely expected but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Just knowing that Alan will be in the same building as her for a few hours makes her not want to go in and she almost doesn’t make it to the live taping before deciding to square her shoulders and walk into the studio with pride. She’s striding past the green room intently when she sees Ilona with her head between her knees looking for all the world like she might throw up. Emma glances around for Alan, he’s not usually this far away from her at any given moment but she can’t see him. It takes her less than a second to make up her mind - Emma grabs a still water from crafty and enters the green room.

“Ilona?” Emma says quietly, it’s dark and practically silent in here and she doesn’t want to break the spell. She sits down beside Ilona and gently places a hand on her back.

Ilona sits up and stares at Emma with red rimmed eyes. Wordlessly, Emma hands her the water and rubs small circles over the beaded bodice of Ilona’s Paso dress.

“Sorry, I was just,”

“It’s okay,” Emma whispers as Ilona’s head drops into her hands again, “you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Ilona chuckles, “I know it’s all in my head,”

“You worried about something?”

Ilona sniffles, her gaze meets Emma’s again and Emma is hit by the full force of her vulnerability, the flush on her cheeks and the wobble of her bottom lip painted red.

“I’ve psyched myself out,” she admits. Emma nods and stares her square in the face feeling nothing but compassion for the younger woman.

“I know I’m not the best at pep talks and Alan should probably be the one in here with you but,” she pauses to take Ilona’s hand, “you have achieved great things and you’ll still achieve great things whether or not your mind is in agreement,”

“Thank you,” Ilona mumbles, she sips the water slowly, “I know it’s just a dance but,”

“You care about it, so it’s important, I get that,”

“Hey, I’m sorry about you and Al,”

Emma stares directly at the floor, her hand slipping from Ilona’s. Alan has said to her before that Ilona will say whatever she’s thinking, no filter and Emma guesses now is one of those times. It’s slightly audacious but Ilona is forgiven immediately because Emma knows she’s trying to deflect her attention and there’s honestly no malice in it, only a genuine apology.

“It was a long time coming,” she manages to say, “you were just the catalyst,”

“Me?” Ilona sits up in surprise, a tendril, having escaped her slick back bun, curls over her jaw line. Of course he hasn’t told her why.

“You made him realise he deserves more and,” she pauses, “by proxy, you did the same for me,”

Emma searches Ilona’s eyes for something, maybe some guilt, maybe an acknowledgement that she knows how Alan feels about her, but she only finds genuine surprise staring back at her. Emma doesn’t blame Ilona for any of it. The cards would’ve fallen this way eventually she just sped up the process.

The door to the green room creaks open and Alan, a jar of pickles in his hand, stands backlit by hair and makeup across the hall.

“Lo, Em, is everything okay?” He flicks the low light on looking between the two of them with concern and Emma takes a second to really see him. She hasn’t looked at him in over a week and seeing his deep brown eyes filled with worry, the fresh buzzcut she much prefers over any of his other haircuts and the curve of his bicep that would so often keep her warm at night, she feels dangerous emotions threaten to spill over and into her eyes so she fakes a small cough and stands up quickly.

“Just having a little girl talk,” she smiles as Ilona smiles shakily back at her, “don’t forget what I said okay?” Ilona nods in agreement, “don’t forget who you are,”

Emma walks from the room and on her way out she sees Alan sit beside his dance partner, thigh to thigh, his arm immediately wrapping around her shoulders. He hands her the pickles and she laughs loudly, the thunderous cloud above Ilona starting to dissipate.

Now she has no skin in the game Emma indulges in watching the other couples in the semi-final. It’s clear that of the remaining contestants, Ilona has come the furthest but she’ll never match Chandler’s natural talent or Joey’s ease of movement. Ilona’s Paso however is a revelation, a blend of fierce femininity and grace that blows Emma away. She watches as Ilona gets emotional before the scores and Alan’s hands find their way to Ilona’s waist offering a small modicum of physical comfort. They’re over the moon when it scores 28 and Ilona coyly thanks Derek for the 10 as Alan grins behind her.

A little while later when the package for Ilona and Alan’s Viennese Waltz plays, Emma is transfixed by their bond. They agree to dedicate this dance to the relationship and friendship they’ve built over the last nine weeks and she can see, as they rehearse, that Alan has poured his everything into the choreography. In real time, Alan and Ilona are hugging as their video voices echo through the ballroom. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his back and his face is pressed into the side of her neck. If they were both wearing mic’s Emma knows she’d hear some variation on ‘you’re amazing,’ or ‘love you dawg,’ followed by an extra long squeeze before a forehead kiss in their starting positions.

Golden Hour starts to play and Emma watches the most beautiful routine unfold in front of her eyes. She can see their journey from start to finish in the choreography, Ilona’s gorgeous lilac dress floats through the ballroom paling in comparison to the sheer easy love reflected on both of their faces. It’s platonic for now, she can see that, but it’s real, true love none the less. There’s a beautiful phrase somewhere in the middle that Emma gasps at, the two reaching for each other in slow motion as the band sing ‘you slow down time,’ and Emma watches on the close up camera as Ilona’s eyes crinkle up into a smile. Everything culminates in the perfect dance – the routine, the costumes, the lighting, the song, all of it. Emma won’t be surprised if this dance cinches her the final next week. The whole thing has taken her breath away and she shakily pushes away tears as the two head to the judge’s desk.

She takes the opportunity to slip away, deciding she’s tortured herself enough for one night.

Wednesday November 20^th

Reggie’s schedule means Emma only has him for one day – the day of the finale. She choreographs around him knowing full well no-one really cares if he dances or not and if Reggie questions it when he shows up she can throw in some jazz hands to keep him satisfied. She arrives at the studio to practice a few numbers with the other pros and at nine PM finally calls it a day, ballroom shoes dangling off of her fingers.

Emma takes the long way out of the studio, hoping to stop by crafty for an apple or something before the drive home. It’s pushing nine twenty by the time Emma locates the table which rather disappointingly only has a packet of chips and a half eaten pot of hummus leftover on it. She takes the chips, turns to leave before realising a light has been left on in rehearsal room five. She sticks her head in, ready to berate the occupants that it’s way past time to leave before she spots Ilona’s Team USA backpack on the floor. Emma frowns as she glances around the room trying to find the pair. Her awful thoughts begin to take over again and she hopes against all hope that they’re not in here in the dark making out like teenagers. Movement catches her eye and she finally spots them - whilst they’re not making out, the alternative feels much worse.

The streetlights through the window illuminate the pair sprawled out fast asleep on the L shaped couch, each taking a wing with their bodies and Ilona’s head resting on Alan’s chest, her forehead just under his chin. Alan shifts in his sleep, the arm that was behind his head curling over Ilona’s chest and shoulders, fingers sliding underneath the collar of her t-shirt. It feels so obscenely intimate that Emma almost sprints from the room.

Logically, she can reason that they were probably taking a break, scrolling through their phones as their eyes closed and they both fell asleep but Emma feels anything but logical right now. The voice in her head screams that they’re laughing at her, that they’ve been laughing at her this whole time. That it wasn’t platonic love she saw, that they’ve been sleeping together for months, that Alan never really cared about her.

Ezra finds her sobbing in the parking lot. Tells her that these things take time. Promises her that it will get better. Emma doesn’t know how she can possibly agree.

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Chapter Text

Thursday November 21^st  

Emma’s phone vibrates on the kitchen counter, Alan’s caller ID a picture of him and Jeff showing on the screen. Emma debates not answering but she’s curious about what he could possibly want and so she picks up. Alan begs her to be in his and Ilona’s Freestyle. At first she thinks he’s playing with her but then Ilona comes over the speaker and proclaims that she won’t do the dance without her and so Emma has no choice but to agree.

She rocks up to the studio a couple of hours later to find Alan and Ilona filming yet another TikTok. Emma lets herself in and Ilona shoots her a dazzling smile that immediately improves her mood. The air is thick with tension but Ilona ploughs through it with her signature charm and ability to knock anyone off course with a single comment. They push through an hour of choreography for their freestyle, Emma chiming in every now and again with ideas made to feature Ilona. Emma watches Alan as surreptitiously as she can as he choregraphs. She’s used to watching him second guess himself a lot, especially when there are other people in the room but this time everything comes together quickly and Emma is suddenly grateful for Ilona in more ways than she can express. It’s difficult to admit but she didn’t realise just how unfulfilled Alan was before he met Ilona; seeing him now, relaxed and happy and thriving in his environment makes her sentimental for the man she lost but happy for the new man who has emerged. Ilona has given Alan some of her confidence to be fully himself and he in turn has given her the gift of an all-encompassing friendship she knows will transcend time and space. They are each other’s biggest cheerleader. Emma’s lower lip wobbles and she excuses herself to sit on the couch for a moment, pretending she’s on a call.

“Liv said that Russian place is definitely open tonight,” Ilona says quietly.

“That’s where we’re going then?” Alan responds, flicking absently through his phone.

“If you still want to try it?”

“Yeah I’m down,”

“Of course you are,” Ilona grins peering over his shoulder, “who are you texting?”

“The sitter, Jeff apparently got into his dog food again,”

“Ah, just like his dad,”

Emma watches Alan throw his elbow gently into Ilona’s stomach, both of them laughing as Ilona rests her head on his shoulder. Emma looks at the floor finding the scene in front of her too nauseating to watch unfold. There’s absolutely nothing sexual about their friendly banter but it still feels like she’s intruding on a private moment, a conversation between two people who adore each other.

“You ready to go?” Alan asks softly, Emma hears the tell-tale locking of his phone and looks up briefly to see him turning to face his partner.

“One more run through and then we can go?”

“Wow, dedication! You’re the best partner I’ve ever had, you know that?”

“Whatever,” Ilona says with an audible eye roll.

“Love you dawg,”

Emma looks up in time to see Ilona shove him hard before pretending to rugby tackle him, laughter in the air.

“Em, we’re gonna get a coffee before my car arrives, did you want to come?” Ilona calls as Alan makes his way over to the speaker.

“Oh I’ve got another rehearsal to get to, thanks for the invite though,” Emma lies. Ilona smiles at her in reply and Alan presses play on their music.

Emma knows Ilona is being kind, extending an olive branch so to speak, but Emma also knows when she’s not wanted.

Later that evening Emma receives a call from Ilona’s Instagram as she’s eating a pint of ice cream in front of the TV. She doesn’t pick up immediately, instead finishing her spoonful before sliding the answer bar across.

“Ilona?”

“Hi, yes sorry I didn’t have your number I hope it’s okay to call you on here,” Emma can’t help the laugh that escapes her.

“Sure,”

“I won’t stay long although I am a bit of a yapper so,”

“That’s okay, I’m not doing anything,” Emma replies as she mutes the TV.

“Oh good, I just wanted to talk to you about today,”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind that I asked for you to be part of the dance. I know it was probably a little bit awkward but I really wanted you there,” Ilona pauses briefly in her nervous ramble.

“Yeah it was a bit…” Emma cocks her head wondering how much of the truth she should tell, “uncomfortable but you asked and I couldn’t say no,”

“I didn’t think about how awkward it would be and I wanted to say I’m sorry for that,”

“It’s okay,”

“No, really, I wanted you there for purely selfish reasons and it didn’t occur to me how much it might suck for both of you,”

“Ilona, it’s really okay, we’re both professionals,”

Ilona sighs on the other end of the phone.

“Your pep talk the other day made me feel like I could conquer the world, you’ve always helped me with choreography and I know you were behind some of the adjustments Alan would make in rehearsals. Alan believes that I can do anything but you make sure I can, and,” she pauses, “I didn’t want to do the last part without you when you’ve been such an integral part of my journey,”

Emma feels tears prick her eyes, a hard lump stuck in her throat at Ilona’s words. She had no idea why Ilona had insisted she be part of her Freestyle and at the time she had been annoyed but curious. Now she suddenly finds herself lost for something to say. She swallows hard.

“Thank you Ilona, that’s really kind.”

“No, thank you Em, you’ve made me a better dancer and I’m really glad I met you,”

“Same to you,” she says softly, “and hey, let me send you my number so you can call me properly next time,”

“I’d love that,” Ilona says and Emma can hear the smile in her voice, “I better go, thanks again Em,”

“Yeah, g’night Ilona,”

Emma hangs up quickly before the dam breaks. Ilona has been nothing but kind and honest with her and she suddenly understands that Alan was right in making the decision to break up. They both do deserve more.

Friday November 22nd

Emma takes a well deserved sick day on Friday. She spends all morning in her pyjamas on Facetime with her parents as she spills everything that’s happened over the last couple of months. She feels infinitely better after unloading her problems and decides to take herself down to the sushi place on Melrose for her favourite salmon teriyaki rice bowl. On the way down she gets a phone call from her realtor confirming that the sale has gone through and she can collect the keys to her new house on Monday. Emma feels like this is a sign from the universe asking her to move on. All those little voices have been drowned out by the sun in the sky, the keys to her new place, the conversation she had with Ilona yesterday and a rice bowl from Sushi n Matcha Sho.

Emma orders and takes a seat in the window, enjoying the warm rays on her face as she waits for her food. The entrance door swings open and she hears Alan before she sees him.

“-do you go again?”

“Oh, like, the very end of this month,”

“You having Thanksgiving here or with your parents?”

“Here, it’s pointless to go home and then fly out again,” Ilona shrugs, the movement sending her long chestnut hair in waves down her back, “Liv is staying with me though so it won’t be a sad girl dinner,”

Emma watches as the two walk right past without seeing her and up to the counter.

“Have you got your winter stuff down here? It’ll be freezing there,”

“I’ll probably buy a coat out there,” Ilona pauses, “what are the red dragon rolls like?”

“I guess it saves your carry on too, uh, they’re pretty good! I’d recommend the rice bowls though,” Alan points further down the menu as he stands at Ilona’s side, she’s squinting and wordlessly Alan taps Ilona’s jacket pocket, “is the rugby better out there?”

Ilona pulls her glasses case from her pocket, sliding the frames on her face as her squint relaxes. Emma has no idea what Ilona’s plans are for after the show. Quite honestly she hasn’t given much thought to them but she had somewhat assumed she’d be staying in the US, doing press and playing more rugby. She knows she must have something planned since she’s not joining them on tour until April.

“Honestly my carry on is already ridiculous. The rugby is a different league,” Ilona replies, “we’ve been in talks for ages. Which rice bowl or do you want to get two and split them?”

Emma marvels at the way they’re holding two separate conversations as if they’ve known each other forever. Seeing them together she can’t help the soft smile that appears as she watches them gravitate around each other, knowing what the other needs without words. It doesn’t hurt to see them. Yes, today is a much better day.

Saturday November 23rd

Emma is due in the rehearsal studio bright and early this morning and between locating movers to help with her furniture and a phone call from Ezra to check in, she’s feeling flustered. She arrives a few minutes late, the other dancers in formation with Alan at the front as Ilona sits on the windowsill nearby.

“Nice of you to show up,” Alan says, barely sparing her a glance.

“Al!”

“I’m here aren’t I,” Emma snaps at the same time as Ilona speaks.

She watches Alan's head whip between Ilona and her before he bites his tongue, fully aware of the eyes in the room on them. As far as she is aware, only Ezra (and obviously Ilona) know about the break up. She doesn’t want to start the rumour mill so she puts down her bag and joins the formation as Alan counts everyone in.

Twenty minutes later Alan tells the group to take a water break before he pulls Emma to the side. Emma feels Ilona’s eyes on them through the mirror and she feels her mouth twitch up in a half smile as she realises Ilona is either spying for gossip (unlikely) or incredibly interested in what her attractive dance partner has to say to his ex-girlfriend (much more likely).

“I’m sorry,” Alan’s voice brings her back to his eyes, “Ilona and I had our final taping this morning,”

Emma needs no further explanation. The finale packages are awful, wrought with emotion and producers firing all kinds of asinine questions their way about how much they’re going to miss each other or how strong their friendship is. Now she’s up close to him she can see the tear tracks on his face and the redness of his eyes.

“It’s fine,”

“It’s not Em, I’m genuinely sorry,”

Emma lets the silence go on for longer than necessary, Alan’s eyes pleading her for forgiveness. She sighs.

“What’re you gonna do without her?” She asks jokingly with a slight nod in Ilona’s direction. The woman in question hell bent on looking at her phone.

Alan looks at Emma, his deep brown eyes sincere and filled with emotion.

“I don’t know,” he whispers.

Really, Emma was trying to deflect the conversation from the apology she didn’t need. Instead she opened up a new can of worms and the only thing she can think to do is gently pull Alan into a hug. It’s awkward and very uncomfortable for her but she did always know she would be the one to pick up the pieces.

“I hope you still think of me as a friend,” Alan says quietly surprising her, “the past few weeks have been horrible and I’ve missed you,”

Emma swallows as she steps out of the embrace.

“Yeah, me too,”

“I don’t want you to think I’m okay just because-“

“Hey, it’s fine. I know you’ve got to focus,” Emma says echoing words Ezra has repeated like a mantra to her all week. Alan reaches for her hand and squeezes her fingers softly.

“But, you’re doing okay?”

“Better than I was,” Emma admits.

“Good,” Alan’s soft smile meets his eyes and Emma can’t help but smile back at him.

“Make the most of it with Ilona,” she suggests, taking a step away, “soak it all in,”

Alan nods and with a barely whispered ‘thank you’ he makes his way over to his partner, stopping to grab her water bottle on the way over. Emma watches as he effortlessly swings up next to her, handing her the water with a small smile.

Sunday November 24th

Everyone is in the ballroom today rehearsing a full run through of the three hour finale that’s happening on Tuesday. It’s pretty early in the morning so the celebs and their pros can head back to their rehearsal rooms as quickly as possible. Emma is sitting in the audience surrounded by a few other professionals and the occasional family member. Ezra is on her left as he fills her in on the latest gossip surrounding Brooks and Gleb. She’s tuned out and is watching Rylee and Stephen perform their redemption dance. A deep laugh on the other side of the ballroom catches her attention and Emma looks across to see Alan sitting with Ilona’s family in the audience. Ilona is nowhere to be seen but Alan is engaged in a full conversation with her Dad.  

“You’re not listening to me,” Ezra says from beside her.

“In my defence, I don’t actually care about what Brooks and Gleb are up to,”

“Ouch,” Ezra holds his hand over his heart in mock pain, “just stab me next time Em, it’ll be less painful,”

Emma nudges her shoulder into his with a laugh as he grins back at her.

“Sickening isn’t it?” He says with a nod in Alan’s direction.

Emma thinks for a moment as she watches Ilona appear at Alan’s side. She sits down and his hand automatically finds its way to her upper thigh, Ilona throws an arm around Alan’s shoulders mid laugh.

“Y’know, I think it’s kind of nice,”

“Nice?!”

“Yeah,” she doesn’t want to elaborate, doesn’t even really want to be talking about this but she really does think it’s nice that Alan fits in so well with Ilona’s family. She knows how important family is to him and having Ilona’s family accept him so fully makes her genuinely happy.

“Are we looking at the same thing?” Ezra asks, interrupting her train of thought.

She follows his line of sight and verifies that, yes, they are looking at the same thing.

“And you’re not mad about this development?”

“Ah, you think they’re together,”

“And you don’t?!” Ezra stares at her incredulously.

“No,” she says, fully confident in her answer, “no, one of them would’ve said something to me,”

“Really?”

“Even if they didn’t I wouldn’t-” she stops herself from saying ‘wouldn’t care’ because it’s not true. She would care. “I wouldn’t mind, I want them to be happy Ez,”

Ezra sighs and wraps Emma up in an unexpected hug. Emma hugs him back feeling happier than she has all week. The realisation that she genuinely does want them to be happy makes her heart feel lighter.

“You’re a better woman than me,”

“Well duh,” Emma grins.

Monday November 25^th

“I’m not frustrated at you!”

It’s the first thing Emma hears as she steps away from camera blocking and into the backstage area.

“Yeah? Well it really feels like it when you’re shouting at me!”

Not one to miss any backstage gossip Emma hunts for the source of the argument. It sounds like it’s coming from the stairwell due to the echo but the two are whisper shouting at each other and she can’t quite pick out the voices from a line up.

“I’m not shouting at you and I’m not frustrated at you either,”

“You are!”

It’s Ilona, Emma realises. Therefore the other voice must be Alan. With a sigh, Emma begins to walk away suddenly uninterested in the drama.

“Lo, God,” Alan heaves a breath, “it’s this whole shitty situation I’m frustrated with,”

Emma pauses on the stairs, the raw emotion in Alan’s voice causing her to stand still.

“I don’t get it,” she sighs, “we knew this day would come, we were never going to be on Dancing With The Stars forever,”

“I know,” Alan sighs, she hears a thump followed by another one and realises they’ve taken a seat on the stairs, “I just keep thinking about not seeing you every day and it fucking sucks and it’s making me angry at every little thing,”

Emma peers over the banister, her long blonde hair hanging over her in waves.

“You can’t get rid of me dawg, screw the time difference, we’ll Facetime and call and I’ll even email you if you really want me to,” Ilona laughs as she threads her arms through his, “Jees, I thought I’d be the emotional wreck,” she chuckles.

“Oh, like you weren’t a mess this morning?” Alan tries to laugh too.

“Come on dude, you and me are gonna be friends forever, you’re one of my favourite people in the world,”

“Thanks Lo,”

“Now say something nice about me,”

Alan rolls his eyes but threads his fingers through hers with a smile.

“No matter what happens tomorrow, we won, okay?”

“Okay,” she agrees.

Emma knows they’re both competitive, that they’ll both spend the next few hours telling everyone to vote for them, that winning the mirrorball is the dream. But in this moment as she watches the two competitors together she knows that what Alan has said is right. They’re the real winners, mirrorball be damned.

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Chapter Text

Tuesday November 26^th

It’s been an incredible finale. Emma is watching from the skybox with the other pros, ready to run down the stairs to celebrate the winner in just a few moments. Emma’s attention is on Alan and Ilona. It’s between them and Joey and Jenna for the mirrorball - the producers have cut to an ad break as if to torture them further.

Emma thinks Ilona has a great shot at winning this. She’s been keeping up on social media tonight and finds that not only is Ilona trending for her Freestyle routine but Joey’s own Freestyle has been cited as underwhelming. Emma bites her bottom lip as she watches Alan cry. He’s been a mess all evening and Ilona has been his emotional crutch, she’s not sure they’ve let go of each other since their last routine. Her heart has been racing all night so she can barely imagine how the two of them must be feeling. She hopes they can take the trophy. Maybe Alan will take it as a sign from the universe and tell Ilona how he feels and Emma can finally have closure on that chapter in her life. Plus, they’ve worked so hard, Ilona, having never danced before, has come so far that she’s pretty confident Alan could take her in hold and choreograph a routine with her in his arms that she follows easily.

Alfonso starts talking again and Emma zeroes in on Ilona. In her heels, Alan looks so small next to her, her arm draped over his shoulder as his head rests against hers. They’re swaying slightly, a coping mechanism Emma recognises from Alan’s early competition days.

Everything happens rather quickly after that. Joey and Jenna are announced as the season 33 Dancing With The Stars champions. A confetti cannon goes off as everyone runs to congratulate them. It takes Alan and Ilona a long time to stop hugging and celebrate with everyone else. A clean-up crew arrives signalling they’re off air and family and friends rush the dancefloor. Emma watches Ilona wipe Alan’s tears and overhears her say: ‘we won Al, we won the second we were partnered up.’ Emma can’t help but agree.

It’s a lot later, most of the finalists in their trailers getting ready to fly to New York for Good Morning America, when Emma makes her way back into the ballroom on the hunt for Rylee’s family. There’s a handful of people floating around, mostly clean-up crew and behind the scenes guys, the occasional pro passes her with a smile. Emma takes a look around and spots the Maher family plus Alan still sitting on the side of the ballroom. There’s hundreds of empty chairs around them but Alan is perched on Ilona’s mum’s lap, his fingers intertwined with Ilona’s who has taken the empty seat next to them, Olivia’s arm linked through hers. Her heart aches at the familiarity, at the ease with which Alan has always slotted into their family dynamic. She once overheard Adrianna tell Olivia that Alan was the brother she always wanted; Emma supposes, in a way, that’s exactly what Alan is now. It’s clear Alan and Ilona are spending as much time in the ballroom as they possibly can before they have to leave and she wonders briefly why. But then again, she thinks, this is where it started for them and leaving the ballroom means it’s all over, they have no reason to come back here. She feels sad for them but then she watches Alan squeeze Ilona’s hand with a smile and realises they have better places to be together.

Wednesday November 27^th  

Emma’s phone pings in the early hours of the morning rousing her from sleep. Most of her house is in boxes now so the room is pretty sparse aside from her bed but she swears it’s helped her enjoy deeper sleep. The phone pings again and Emma rolls over in the dark with a groan to check her notifications.

The text is from Jenna and she’s included a photo she didn’t care to see. Alan and Ilona asleep on the private jet, hand in hand. Still.

YOU’RE OKAY WITH THIS???

Don’t worry, I woke Ilona up and slept there instead

Emma smiles at the protective streak in her friend. She figures she should probably tell her the truth and prepares herself for a phone call.

lol, we broke up, they can do what they want

She adds the shrugging emoji and hits send, waiting for the inevitable vibration of an incoming call. Sure enough her phone buzzes with Jenna’s caller ID.

“What? Oh my God, Em! You never said,”

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice thick with sleep, “you were so busy with Joey and everything happened so fast I kind of wanted to keep it private for a while y’know,”

Jenna sighs on the other end of the line.

“Are they together then? Did he break up with you for her? You know I love Ilona but I won’t hesitate to-“

“No!” Emma laughs quietly, “from what I can tell Alan has recently worked out he likes her but I’m pretty sure Ilona either hasn’t examined her own feelings yet or doesn’t feel the same,”

“Interesting,” Jenna mumbles, “they’ve not left each other’s side today – earlier I was sitting next to her in hair and make-up and they spent the entire time texting each other,”

“They are also best friends,” Emma reminds Jenna gently.

“At most, there was five feet of concrete separating them,”

Emma laughs.

“Girl,” Jenna’s voice is soft, “I wish you hadn’t carried this by yourself,”

Emma wants to cry at the genuine compassion in her friend's voice. Keeping it on the down low had felt right at the time, wanting to save face and not wanting to be at the epicentre of the rumour mill but now she’s realising it was too much for one person to bear. Alan at least had Ilona to help him through and whilst Ezra was great (mostly because she knew he wouldn’t tell a soul) he wasn’t Jenna.

“It’s done now,” she says quietly, “I take it you made it to New York?”

“Yeah,” Jenna replies softly, “I think we’re all exhausted but you can sleep when you’re dead right?”

Emma smiles to herself in the dark.

“Exactly, enjoy that winners high and we can talk when you’re home,”

“Please, I’ve missed you,”

“Me too,”

Emma hangs up and as she flips over, snuggling back into the warmth of her sheets, she realises that she needs to be better at talking about her feelings. The relationships she has with her friends are what get her through the majority of the bad days. The photo of Alan and Ilona on the plane makes her happy. They both deserve the kind of love that blossoms from a deep connection. The kind of love she has for her friends.

Friday November 29^th

A few days after the finale Alan reaches out. He says he has some of her things that she may want to take with her to her new house and would she mind if he dropped them round today? She prepares herself for what she knows will be a heart to heart the second he steps through her door. They’ve needed to talk for what feels like months and Emma is looking forward to getting to do so properly. She makes herself a cup of tea and him a coffee before they both take a seat at her breakfast bar.

There’s so much she wants to say to him but she has no idea where to start. Alan takes the burden from her.

“I don’t think I’ve said it yet but congrats on the house,”

Emma winces.

“Thanks,” she says softly, “it was one we viewed that you veto-ed but I loved,”

“Ah,”

An awkward silence hangs over them both and Emma curses herself for bringing it up.

“Are you going back home for Thanksgiving?” She asks in an attempt at levity.

“Yeah, gotta see the kids before Christmas,” Alan nods, “you staying here?”

Emma takes a sip of her tea and makes a noise of affirmation.

“I’m moving in a couple of days so there’s not much point going anywhere, plus you know my parents don’t celebrate Thanksgiving,”

“Right,”

“British,” they both say at the same time.

They smile at each other and it’s enough to break the tension in the room.

Emma ends up cooking them dinner as they clear the air. It turns out she had a lot to get off of her chest and most of it involved confronting her own feelings of abandonment and fear of not being enough. Alan is kind enough to talk it through with her and she feels so much lighter when he swears on his life that he will never abandon her. Not that she needed him to validate her feelings, but she does feel better when he promises that she is enough, they're just not enough for each other. Feeling braver after opening up Emma decides to confront her biggest issue head on.

“What about Ilona?” She asks, “and don’t tell me she had nothing to do with it because we both know that’s not true,”

Alan seems frozen in time. Emma watches him as the cogs turn and he formulates a response.

“I need you to hear me when I say this,” he starts slowly and waits for Emma to nod before continuing, “at the time of our break up I had nothing but platonic feelings toward Ilona,”

Emma’s heart stutters under her rib cage. She opens her mouth to speak but Alan beats her to it.

“However,” Emma’s eyes snap to his, “she probably was instrumental in what happened,” he takes a deep breath, “before Ilona I felt like I was living my life on the view finder of a close up camera. I knew what my every day looked like, I shopped at the same place, I got take out from the same restaurants, I ran the same route, I performed the same choreo, I was going through the motions every single day and that’s how I liked it. Then Ilona showed up and it was like she yanked the camera away and showed me the whole world and all its colour and its endless possibilities,” Emma watches as Alan’s eyes fill with tears, her own following suit.

“Alan,” Emma whispers, “that doesn’t sound very platonic to me,”

“Except it was!” Alan insists as the tears spill over, “suddenly my life was so much bigger and I experienced the same things in new ways and I realised, y’know, I hate shopping at Trader Joe’s actually, and I don’t like the colour of my bathroom,” Emma laughs through her tears, “I decided to do something about it,”

“So our relationship was one of the things you realised you hated?”

“No!” Alan is at her side in an instant. He turns off the stove and bundles her into his arms, “no, not even a little bit, I was so lucky to be with you Em, truly,” she sniffles against his chest, “I wanted to change things up with us, get us back into the wider world. I got Jeff as a way to force us out of our routine. Looking back, I know that’s stupid and although I don’t regret getting him I do regret why.” Alan sighs.

“I think I just realised that we were doing the same thing on repeat, neither of us were growing and we certainly weren’t growing together,” he sighs again, “take the house for example. We’d been looking for months trying to find something we both wanted, we compromised on practically everything and I think that the only way we would’ve ended up finding a house is by building one ourselves and even then I don’t think we’d have been happy in it,”

Emma wants to protest but she can’t find it in her to even try. Relationships are about compromise, she wants to say, they’re about showing up for each other when no-one else does. But there is such a thing as too much compromise and maybe they were each compromising their happiness for the other without realising it was making them both miserable.

“Maybe I could’ve tried harder to make things work between us and I’m sorry for doing it in the middle of the season, that was shitty of me. It’s just, Emma, you deserve a house you love and a life you love, you deserve a much bigger world than I could’ve given you, than we could’ve given each other,”

Emma is quiet for a long time as she processes what he’s said. It’s a lot to take in and she knows that later when she’s lying in bed staring at the ceiling she’ll wonder what would’ve happened if he had just spoken to her about how he was feeling instead of immediately breaking up with her. The outcome probably would’ve been similar, she reasons, whether he knows it or not Ilona is the ‘more’ he is looking for. It was for the best that they broke up before he worked it out. Feeling like she has full closure on the Alan chapter of her life, Emma’s outlook feels brighter. The way Alan talks about Ilona makes her want to find someone who will talk about her like that, as if she’s the very centre of the universe and life doesn’t exist without her. Maybe it’s time to start dating again. She has one final question for Alan, deciding that since they’re being honest and vulnerable right now, she may as well ask it.

“And now?” She pulls back from his embrace and wipes her tears away.

“Now?”

“Now how do you feel about her?”

“I-“

“You said your feelings for her were platonic, what about now?”

Alan looks like he’d rather not say but Emma has to know how he feels.

“Em, are you sure?” Alan’s eyes are pleading with her to just let it go but she can’t. She nods vigorously and Alan sighs before saying, “my feelings for her now are decidedly un-platonic,”

Emma tries not to smile, she really does, but she can feel her lips threatening to turn up as she bites down.

“I knew it,” she manages to say before she’s grinning like a mad man.

This isn’t healthy, Emma knows this. She should be heartbroken, sobbing, a mess on her kitchen floor but instead she finds only happiness in her heart at the thought of Alan living a life in technicolour.

“I,” Alan looks confused, “what?”

Emma turns the stove back on to reheat their food briefly as she pulls two bowls from the kitchen cabinet.

“I’m really happy for you Alan, I’m glad you found more,” she pauses, “and I’m not being sarcastic, I love Ilona I think she’s the sweetest, kindest, funniest woman on the planet and if you’re going to be with anyone I want it to be her,”

“Em, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be upset at this, I know I would be,” Alan laughs, “not that I don’t appreciate the blessing but… it’s pretty weird,”

“Yeah I know, I’ll work on it in therapy,” Emma rolls her eyes, “so let’s talk about what you’re going to do about these ‘decidedly un-platonic’ feelings,”

Tuesday December 10^th

They’re less than a week into tour rehearsals and Emma has already reached boiling point. The past few weeks since the finale have been stressful enough what with moving house and the full on therapy session she had with Alan - this just feels like the icing on the cake. She looks over at Alan’s sullen face as he checks his phone for the millionth time today and feels her rage increase.

“Em, can you go over some of this choreo with me?” Jenna calls, pulling her attention away from the reason for her anger.

“Sure,” she says plastering on a smile, “which bit?”

Emma approaches Jenna who’s moved to the back of the room away from the other pros.

“What is going on with Alan?” She immediately questions and Emma sighs in relief, glad she’s not the only one to have noticed something is definitely up with him.

“Hell if I know,” Emma replies, “he’s driving me insane today,”

“He can barely remember today’s choreography let alone yesterday’s which is not like him at all,”

Emma knows they’re both staring at him but he deserves to be put on the spot. For the past few days he’s been nothing but forgetful, messy, grumpy and a bunch of other things she would never say out loud. Their relationship has been much easier since their break up post mortem and Emma is incredibly glad they were able to talk through everything together enabling them to be friends. It’s certainly going to make tour a much more pleasant experience.

“Maybe it’s something to do with Ilona,” Jenna whispers. Emma feels her rage start to subside as she puts the puzzle pieces together.

“They’ve been apart for like two weeks,” she says, “you know what it’s like when you go from seeing someone every day for months on end to suddenly not seeing them at all,”

“It’s worse for these two because they’re not even on the same continent,” Jenna agrees, “is it bad that I feel sad for him?”

Emma smiles softly.

“It’s okay, I do too,” she takes a deep breath and then calls for Alan to join them.

He approaches looking like a schoolboy who’s about to be put in detention. His shoulders are hunched and now he’s closer Emma can see the small smile on his face is forced.

“Everything okay?” He asks curiously.

“Is everything okay with you?” Emma replies turning the question back on him.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on Alan,” Jenna chimes in, taking a seat on one of the raised platforms in their rehearsal room, “something is clearly up with you,”

Jeff takes the opportunity to jump at Jenna’s legs and she reaches down to lift him onto the platform with her. Alan stares at him traitorously.

“I’m just a bit distracted, sorry,” he says, glancing back at where his phone is left on the table plugged in at the wall.

“Yeah we know,” Emma rolls her eyes, “what’s going on?”

Alan stares at her for a moment and Emma wonders what he’s thinking. He cocks his head slightly and she realises that she can’t read him the way she used to.

“It’s Ilona,” he manages to say whilst still staring at her, as if checking she’s okay with this conversation. When he receives no push back from either of them he continues, “we usually speak every day but she hasn’t answered my calls or even read my last few messages from a couple of days back and I don’t know what to think,”

Emma watches the sadness play out Alan’s face. Now she knows for sure how he feels about Ilona it’s easier to see his emotions and right now he might genuinely be heartbroken.

“I spoke to her yesterday,” Jenna says matter-of-factly scratching Jeff behind the ears, “she’s fine,”

“Then why is she not replying to me?” Alan asks. If it’s possible, he looks even sadder.

“I don’t know,” Emma says kindly, she reaches out to place her hand on Alan’s arm and is incredibly grateful that Jenna does the same thing making it less awkward.

“I’ll find out,” Jenna says.

When Emma arrives back at her new house she finds her phone is buzzing with three missed calls from Ilona. She calls back immediately having not been able to get hold of her earlier in the day and figures the time difference must be longer than she thought.

“Emma!” Ilona answers on the first ring and Emma can’t help but smile at the genuine joy in Ilona’s voice.

“Hey, how you been?” She asks.

“Cold,” Ilona grumbles, “and wet,” she laughs, “there’s been a storm here recently, it’s pretty miserable,”

“Well, LA is still permanently sunny if you’d consider coming back?”

“Oh I am!”

“When?” Emma asks unable to keep the excitement out of her voice. The sooner she can reunite Alan and Ilona, the better. “Alan’s dying here without you,”

There’s a long silence on the end of the line.

“Just like everyone else I expect,” Emma can almost see Ilona flicking her hair over her shoulder in an attempt at sassy deflection.

“Mostly Alan,” Emma says but then concedes, “although we do all miss you too,”

“As you should,” Ilona laughs, “I’m back really soon I promise,”

“Well, when?” Emma huffs, “I can’t just tell Alan ‘soon’ he’ll pester me all day asking for more information,”

“You can’t tell him!” Ilona shouts desperately. 

Emma pauses, her forehead creasing as she puzzles out Ilona’s response.

“Why not?”

Another long silence comes down the phone line.

“I’m uh,” Ilona pauses, Emma hears whispered conversation and then: “surprising him! Yeah,”

It doesn’t sound right. If she were surprising him why wouldn’t she tell one of the other pros? She’d need to know the location and timings and Ilona hasn’t reached out to anyone about that as far as she knows. Emma doesn’t want to pry especially because Ilona is clearly uncomfortable talking about it but she has a sneaky feeling that Ilona may have fallen victim to the old adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. She decides to take pity on her.

“Oh, is that why you haven’t text him back in a while? Don’t want to give the game away?”

“Yeah that’s it!” Ilona sounds nervous,  “anyway, I’ll be back so soon but I really gotta go now so,”

“Ilona,” Emma interrupts.

“Yeah?”

Emma wants to tell her it’s okay. Wants to say to her ‘you can talk to me about Alan without worrying how I feel about it’. Wants to tell her that she will always be her friend first and the ex-girlfriend later. Instead she gives her an out.

“Just please throw him a bone, I can’t take any more of the puppy dog eyes,”

“Okay,” Ilona whispers, “thanks Em, talk to you later.”

Twenty minutes later Emma sees a video appear on Ilona’s Instagram, Alan’s name marked as co-collaborator.

Thursday December 12^th

When Ilona walks through the door of the rehearsal room Alan cries. He’s always been a man unafraid of his feelings and Emma can feel the relief rolling off of him in waves as they embrace. Ilona makes the rounds to the rest of the pros but Alan is never far behind and once she’s done hugging Emma, she’s back in Alan’s arms, his head buried in the curtain of her hair as they talk rapidly to one another.

“God I’m glad you’re back,” Emma says quietly to Olivia who is also watching them hug, a small smile on her face.

“Really?”

“I couldn’t take any more of Alan moping,” she confesses.

“Lo was the same,” Olivia rolls her eyes, “they didn’t speak for three days and she cried every single time,”

Emma takes a moment to think about Olivia’s confession as Alan presses his forehead against Ilona’s, her hands wrapped around his biceps. She knows that Ilona initiated those three days with no contact but what she doesn’t know is why. She can take a guess that she thinks is pretty accurate but she decides to ask Olivia outright. Curiosity getting the better of her.

“She finally worked out she likes him then?”

“Yeah and then she freaked out so hard she blocked him,” Olivia starts to laugh and then her laugh turns into a spluttering cough, “oh my God, Emma,” she stares at her with wide eyes, “I’m so sorry I forgot who I was talking to,”

“It’s okay,” Emma grins feeling nothing but ecstatic at the news, “this thing has been destined from the start,” she gestures to the pair in question who are pressed together as if they can’t bear to not be touching each other in some way.

“That’s uh,” Olivia pauses with a raised eyebrow, “really cool of you,”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, it took me a while to get here but, yeah,” she shrugs, “at the end of the day, I love them both and I want them to be happy,”

“Me too,” Olivia grins, “so if it’s not too weird will you help me get them together? Lo is being a stubborn bitch,”

Emma pretends to think about it for a moment.

“Only if you promise to help set me up after,”

Emma feels gratified in the knowledge that she was right. Everything has played out exactly the way it was supposed to. She watches Alan and Ilona with such a huge smile that they both ask if she’s feeling alright when she goes to film a TikTok for them.

“I’m just really happy,” she says. And it’s true.

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Chapter Text

Friday December 13^th

Emma is halfway through her lunch break with Jenna, Ezra, Riley and Stephen when Ilona and Alan walk in sipping lattes, deep in conversation. She tries not to pay too much attention to them but she finds she’s invested and, anyway, Olivia will be expecting her to report back on anything that happens.

They approach the table and Emma slides down the bench gesturing for them to take a seat. Ilona smiles nervously at her and Emma suddenly remembers that she’s the ex-girlfriend. If Ilona’s feelings are fairly new it’s no surprise that Emma’s friendliness is making her nervous. She dials back her smile and, deciding the easiest way is through, strikes up a conversation as Ilona takes a seat.

“So, happy to be back in the sunshine?”

Ilona’s leg is bouncing under the table and Alan places a hand firmly on her thigh as he steals a chip from Rylee. She relaxes immediately and Emma blinks hard.

“Very,” she grins, “England is beautiful but it’s fucking cold,”

“Are you back for Christmas now then?”

“No, Liv and I are going to Miami for a shoot and a mini vacay and then we’ll fly back to Vermont for Christmas,”

“Sounds gorgeous,” Emma grins.

“I’ve been dying to go to Miami,” Ezra says from across the table. Emma is grateful for his input and as her other friends chime in and Ilona relaxes further, Alan’s hand slides from her leg. She catches it and he shifts their fingers to interlace as Emma bites her lip, uneasiness settling in the pit of her stomach. She pushes it away and focuses on the table.

It’s just another example of them knowing what the other needs without words. Emma is glad their connection still exists outside of the bubble of Dancing With The Stars. The show can make you feel like you and your partner are the only people in the world and bonds are very easily formed but once that bubble bursts, the bonds can too. Emma knows this first hand. She tunes back into the conversation as Alan says:

“Promise you’ll come and watch the tour when you’re back?”

“I’m a very busy girl Al, who knows if I’ll have time,” Ilona jokes, nudging his knee with hers under the table.

“Not too busy for-“

“Jeff?” Ilona interrupts with a smirk, “no, never too busy for Jeff,”

It’s like everyone else has melted away and the two are in their own little world filled with flirtatious banter. Jenna shoots Emma a look she can only interpret as ‘are you seeing this?’ to which Emma sends her a pained smile.

“Well, I hate to steal him away Ilona, but we gotta actually do some rehearsing this afternoon,” Jenna says standing up from the table.

“Right, well, I best say goodbye until the tour then!” Ilona agrees.

What ensues is ten solid minutes of everyone saying goodbye to Ilona before Alan walks her to the door. It’s lovely how much of a family they’ve all become. Everyone loves Ilona and it’s hard not to understand why. She cares about every single person in the room, taking time out of her days to chat to each of them and get to know them individually during the season. It’s a trait that Emma thinks they have in common. Always the friendliest in the room no matter what.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she hears Alan say quietly. Ilona replies something Emma doesn’t quite hear and then the door is closed and without her the room suddenly feels like a light went out.

Saturday December 14^th

“I have to know why he was at yours!” Emma exclaims at her phone screen, Olivia’s pixelated face staring back at her.

“Hello to you too,” Olivia laughs, “Miami is lovely thanks for asking,”

“No offence but I don’t care about Miami, you can tell me about it later,” Emma rolls her eyes with a smile to let her know she’s teasing.

“First I want to know what happened during lunch yesterday,”

Emma quickly gives her the low down enjoying the laughter that rings out from Olivia as she tells her about their flirting in front of the whole table.

“You ready for this?” Olivia asks, eyes shining with mirth.

“Yes,”

“They exchanged Christmas presents,”

“That’s it?!” Emma cries incredulously, “I thought they’d gone to dinner or done something at least mildly romantic,”

“Oh they did that too,” Olivia adds cheekily, “Alan picked her up and took her to that Mexican they went to after their first show. They came home three hours later and Alan ran back out to his car to get her Christmas present,”

“Three hours?” Emma remarks, “what were they doing for three hours?”

“Lo said they took a walk,” Olivia says impatiently, “you haven’t heard the best part of this story yet Em,”

“For God sake, spill!”

“So, I was in the living room watching on the doorbell-“ Emma bursts out laughing at the image, picturing Olivia squinting at a fish eye angle of her sister and Alan, “listen, I had to be resourceful!” Olivia laughs along with her.

“Sorry, carry on,”

“They kissed!” She squeals.

“They did?!” Emma’s eyes widen in surprise, she’d been so sure that Alan wouldn’t have tried anything right before they were about to be separated for a few months.

“Well,” Olivia corrects herself, “it looked like they did but Lo says he kissed the corner of her mouth,”

Emma swallows and offers Olivia a strained smile. Now that’s more likely.

“And!” Olivia continues, “I think he got her jewellery,”

“Why do you think that?” Emma asks curiously. She feels a little sad for herself but not because she wants Alan to buy her jewellery but because her love life is in dire need of assistance. She’s living vicariously through her ex for God’s sake.

“The box,” Olivia admits, “I had a little sneak peek as I put the gift bag in my suitcase,”

“You did not!” Emma admonishes. Olivia shrugs unapologetically.

“As soon as I find out what it is I’ll let you know,”

Emma laughs as a particularly strong gust of wind blows through the speaker.

“Okay, well keep me updated,”

“Oh so you really don’t care about Miami huh?”

Emma rolls her eyes but relents and asks Olivia what’s it like. The two spend another twenty minutes chatting and by the end of the call Emma realises she’s accidentally befriended another Maher.

Monday December 16^th

Olivia reaches out again on Monday with a new idea for their master plan. It sounds incredibly convoluted to Emma’s ears and she tries to be the voice of reason when Olivia suggests she can contact a pilot who does skywriting. It’s as they’re having this conversation on FaceTime, Emma at rehearsal and Olivia in the kitchen of the AirB&B they’re renting in Miami, that Ilona strides in from the bathroom, face pink and frustration written all over her features.

“What’s up Lo?” Olivia asks, surreptitiously hiding Emma behind a plant pot.

“I don’t like any of the outfits I bought with me,” Ilona replies, obvious annoyance in her voice.

“What’s wrong with that one?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t feel like it says ‘crab dinner’ y’get me?”

“Lo, I don’t think any outfit says ‘crab dinner’,”

“Yours does,”

“Hey!” Olivia exclaims, mock offended. She takes a bite of the celery stick she’s been using to gesture at everything. Emma grins at the familial banter between two sisters.

“Livie!” Ilona whines, “help me!”

“I can’t, Rheann will be here in a minute,” Olivia says through a mouthful of celery, “you look great dickhead, why don’t you text Alan?”

“What for?”

“His opinion?” Olivia says, as if the answer is obvious.

“And say what?” Ilona asks sarcastically.

“Wanna tap this?”

“Olivia!”

“What? Nothing better than a thirst trap to say ‘hey, I think you’re the love of my life,’”

Emma bites her lower lip trying not to laugh out loud at Olivia’s forwardness. She can hear Ilona pacing and she wishes she could see this situation play out in person.

“Jesus Liv, that might be a bit much,”

“I stand by it,” Olivia shrugs as she throws Emma a wink. There’s a long moment of silence before Ilona says:

“Hypothetically, how would one go about formulating a thirst text,”

Emma feels like she’s smiling a little too hard and checks to make sure her Airpods are still in her ears.

“Hypothetically,” Olivia says slowly and Emma can hear the shit-eating grin in her voice, “one would stand in front of the mirror, take an incredibly hot selfie and caption it with ‘Hot? Y/N?’”

“And you think this is the outfit to do it in,” Ilona confirms.

“Yeah, just make sure you take it side on so he can see it’s backless,”

“I hate you,” Ilona mumbles.

“You love me!” Olivia calls after her before she grabs her phone and soundlessly screams with excitement at Emma.

“Oh my God, you’re a genius,” Emma grins, lost in the moment.

“I know,” Olivia tosses her hair over her shoulder looking incredibly pleased with herself.

“Alan’s in the next room, should I go get his reaction?”

“Emma, if you don’t walk over there right now I will not be contacting the Olympic Men’s Rowing team for you,”

Emma is out of her chair like a shot, marching down the hallway to the boy’s rehearsal space for the day. The door has a panel of glass in it and she positions herself against the wall out of sight, her camera pressed up to the door.

“What’re you doing?” Olivia asks.

“Getting you your footage,” Emma rolls her eyes in response.

“Emma, you’re a content creator, not to mention you run the damn tour! Go in there and tell them you’re filming some rehearsal footage for socials,”

Emma is momentarily stunned, amazed that she never thought of that.

“Wow, you really are a genius,” she mumbles, pushing her way into the room.

Barely anyone notices as Emma walks in, only Brandon offers her a smile, everyone else too busy checking themselves out in the mirror as they dance. She makes her way around the group, motioning with her hand for them to continue. Olivia’s face stares back at her onscreen as she gets a sneak peek into one of the tour dances. The song starts to fade out and Alan’s phone pings from nearby.

“Alright, I’ve sent it,” Emma hears Ilona in her ear.

“You did? I’m so proud of you! What did you write in the end?”

“Uh, ‘Is this crab-tastic or claw-ful?’”

“Fucking hell Lo,”

Emma swallows a laugh and watches as Alan makes his way over to his phone.

“You were supposed to be sexy, not make stupid puns! How on earth is he going to know you’re into him if you don’t tell him!” Olivia reprimands.

“I thought it was funny!” Ilona defends herself, “besides, I’m not even sure if I want him to know I like him. It’s too soon,”

Emma smiles as Alan unlocks his phone, a flush immediately running up his neck as he coughs weakly. Emma zooms in on Alan’s reaction hoping that Olivia is watching out of the corner of her eye.

“Oh don’t give me that, we both know you’ve liked him for a while,”

“He’s my best friend Liv,”

“Yeah and he’ll stay that way unless you stop sending him stupid crab puns!”

Alan’s fingers are flying over the keyboard as he types out a response. He takes a moment to read it back, his eyes connecting with hers briefly, guiltily, fingers nervously pushing through his buzzcut. Ilona’s phone buzzes.

“What is it?” Olivia says urgently, “did he respond?”

Ilona laughs and Emma feels immediate relief course through her. Alan is still staring at his phone.

“He said: ‘You’re crab-tivating’,”

“Fuck me, you two are actually made for each other aren’t you?”

Friday December 20^th  

Today is Emma’s first weekday without tour rehearsal in a while, a fact which should make her happy. Instead she feels a little lost. Her friends have all gone home for Christmas or are preparing for it with their children and Emma feels her abandonment issues begin to creep back in. She knows this is of her own making as she had plenty of invites; her parents invited her home and Jenna invited her round too but she couldn’t bring herself to be the sad, lonely single that people invited out of pity. So instead she chooses to be here. Alone.

Emma tries not to dwell on the thought. She spends a couple of hours listening to Christmas music whilst decorating her new house and unpacking a random box she forgot about that she found in the pantry. She puts on a Christmas film and tries to convince herself that she’s having a good time, that there aren’t more days like this to come. It’s a good distraction but then a text comes in from Alan inviting her on a dog walk and she forgets for a minute that she’s in this predicament because of him and says yes.

He meets her in the car at a dog park that’s situated nicely between the two of them wearing his trademark vest and jeans combo. She smiles at the familiarity, her heart rate increasing and her smile only grows when Jeff runs over to greet her.

“Hey,” Alan calls as he approaches, “thought you might be bored today,”

He’s always been an incredibly thoughtful man. Quiet and kind with a need to nurture and there’s no better example of this than his thinking about her today.

“I thought you’d have gone home by now,” Emma replies as they begin a slow walk around the grassy area.

“Later today, thought I’d try and get some of Jeff’s energy out first,” he throws a ball for the dog in question and Jeff just stares at it as if he expects it to come back by itself, “or not,”

Emma grins.

“You excited to see the kids?”

“Are you kidding?” Alan’s smile threatens to overtake his face, “it’s the best part of Christmas,”

“A Muppet’s Christmas Carol is the best part of Christmas,” Emma corrects.

“We’re never going to agree on the best Christmas movie,” Alan laughs.

“It’s okay, you’re allowed to be wrong,”

“And so are you,”

“This is starting to sound like a Maher sibling argument,” Emma grins. She’s spent a lot of time on the phone to Olivia the past few weeks and one of her favourite parts about it is getting to listen to their sister arguments. Emma and her twin sister Kelly have always been the best of friends, arguments never really featured in their lives so it’s been nice to hear what she’s missed out on all these years.

“Lo said you and Liv were chatting!” Alan exclaims, “She’s great, isn’t she?”

“Olivia or Ilona?” Emma asks cheekily as Alan rolls his eyes, “she’s very funny and she absolutely adores her sisters,”

“Lo says she could never do half the stuff she does without Liv,”

“You guys are still talking every day then? No more three days without contact?” Emma pries as Jeff finally retrieves the ball, parading around the park with it in his mouth.

“I made her promise not to ghost me again,” Alan says.

“Have you told her how you feel yet?”

Emma knows full well he has not. According to Olivia they’ve been engaging in flirtatious texts and long evening phone calls, sometimes having dinner over FaceTime but neither of them have admitted any feelings to the other out loud.

“Em,” Alan sighs.

“What!” She exclaims, “I know you think it’s not healthy to talk about this but actually I think it’s the polar opposite. It proves I’m over you and I’m not angry about it and,” she says, placing deliberate emphasis on the word, “I’m happy for you,” she pauses ignoring the pit in her stomach, “or I would be if you would just admit you like her,”

Alan is quiet for a long moment and Emma hopes she hasn’t crossed a line. She wants so badly to be friends with him, for this to not feel weird or awkward and Emma knows that if they can talk about this then they can talk about anything.

“It’s not that easy,” he finally says, pulling the ball from Jeff’s teeth to throw it for him.

“Because she’s going to England?”

“Well that’s part of it,” Alan nods, “I don’t know how to get us from friends to something more when she keeps shutting me down. We have a great time flirting but then when I start to sound serious Lo gets real quiet and then changes the subject,”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I think she’s scared of her own feelings and is using Bristol as an excuse to not talk about us,” Alan says honestly.

Emma thinks for a moment as she watches Jeff sniff at a particularly interesting patch of grass.

“If it were me,” she starts slowly, “I’d be feeling very vulnerable right now. I’m about to start a new job in a new place very far away from home with a completely new team, and, not only that but I’ve recently discovered I have feelings for my dance partner who, was not only not single two months ago, but is on the other side of the world from me and won’t have time for me because he’s going on tour and the time difference will be ridiculous and also if it doesn’t work out I lose my best friend and then have to dance with him again in April and people will be expecting our renowned friendship not two people who’ve just broken up,” she finishes breathlessly.

Alan stares at her like he’s never seen her before.

“That’s an insane amount of feelings,” he says. Emma shrugs.

“Women are multi-faceted creatures,”

“Well now you say it like that I’m not surprised she’s playing it cool, fuck,” Alan says, overwhelmed, “you really think she’s feeling all of that?”

“Yeah, I do,” Emma replies softly, linking her arm through his in an offer of comfort.

“So what can I do to help?” He asks.

Emma is once again reminded that Alan may be the best man she knows. He doesn’t ask how to convince her not to feel that way, he doesn’t ask how he goes about getting her to date him, instead he asks how to help. The world needs more Alan’s.

“No idea,” she sighs, “but I’d probably start with reminding her that you’re not going anywhere, no matter what,”

Alan looks determined and she can read on his face that he has a plan. Emma has no idea what it might be but she’s glad she decided to come on this dog walk. She feels thankful that Alan has opened up to her, that they’ve stepped right back into being friends who can talk about the deep and meaningful. She hopes she’s given him sound advice and nudged him in the right direction with Ilona. Emma resolves to text Olivia the second she gets home and as the thought enters her mind she realises that she’s not alone, no matter the distance.

Wednesday December 25th

Em, you’re not going to BELIEVE what Alan did

Happy Christmas to you too

Spill

Yeah Happy Christmas

Oh and Happy Birthday!

Thank you <3

And Happy Birthday to Kelly too

Yeah I’ll be sure to tell her

Get on with it

What did Alan do??

So it was jewellery

A gold necklace with a 33 charm

That’s cute

But then the doorbell went

And Lo came back in with a package

From LA

He sent another present?

Too precious for me to carry apparently

Em he bought her her Rumba dress

Jesus

And flowers

Red roses

And the card says

Lo, I’m proud of everything you’ve done so far

And everything you’ll do in the future

I’ll always be your biggest cheerleader wherever you are

And I hope this dress reminds you

What we can do together,

We’re a package deal, you are one of a kind

And you’re super hot

All my love always, Al x

Holy fuck

The man’s a walking romcom

Ilona’s currently crying because she bought him

Get ready for this

Well she can’t top his gift

So whatever she got him was gonna suck

You’re not ready though

Hers is BAD

Oh no

Dude she got him peanut butter from England

You’re kidding

I am crying laughing rn

I thought Leo’s were good at giving gifts!!

Tbf she is usually

Not sure what happened here

Has she spoken to him?

They’ve got a FaceTime scheduled for later

Of course

Ha! He’ll be teasing her about this for years

Oh, I’m putting it in my maid of honour speech

Friday December 27^th

Emma comes home from her sister’s fully intending to spend the next few days in her pyjamas with a pint of ice cream before she has to think about packing for tour. It’s been an incredibly long Christmas and even spending time with her sister hasn’t helped it feel any shorter. She has tried not to feel sad or lonely but it’s difficult when it feels like the entire world is spending Christmas with the love of their life and she’s back to being single. Emma’s friends all attempted to rally around her but she could do with some time either alone or with people who won’t judge her for being single. Not that anyone would actually judge her for being single (except her great aunt Carol) but Emma’s subconscious refuses to believe it.

Her phone buzzes with a FaceTime from Olivia and with a small smile Emma props her up on the kitchen counter and answers.

“So I have an idea,” is the first thing Olivia says and Emma immediately rolls her eyes.

Olivia wouldn’t know a good idea if it hit her in the face but whilst she may be terrible at ideas she’s actually turned into one of Emma’s closest friends. Over Christmas, Emma had spent one evening sobbing to Olivia about the state of her life when her therapist wouldn’t answer the phone. She of course called to apologise the next day but Olivia shut her down and said: ‘friends are unofficial therapists anyway. Don’t apologise for needing one Em,’ and since then they’d been inseparable.

“Your ideas are always unhinged Liv,”

“Well this one is actually the brain child of me and Lo,”

“Oh?” Emma questions, interest piqued.

“Come and spend New Years with us,” Ilona says as she suddenly appears in frame.

She looks radiant in one of her own merch jumpers, glasses and her long dark hair pushed behind her ears. The Christmas break has done wonders for her and she’s suddenly envious that Alan gets to see her every day.

“Come on Em, we’ll play games and drink lots and then we’ll go and watch the fireworks,” Olivia grins.

“Yeah,” Ilona says from over Olivia’s shoulder, “you can stay at ours, it’ll be like a big sleepover,”

Emma feels the smile appearing on her face as they talk and is incredibly grateful for these girls trying to cheer her up after a rocky Christmas.  

“Your parents wouldn’t mind me gatecrashing?” She asks as she pulls out her laptop to look up flights.

“They actually said ‘the more the merrier’,” Olivia confirms, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Well, Dad actually said ‘what’s one more girl anyway’,” Ilona chips in.

Emma laughs and twenty minutes later she’s booked on a flight to Vermont feeling significantly better than she has all week.

Sunday December 29^th

When Emma arrives at the Maher household she’s pulled into several hugs and a handshake from Ilona’s dad, handed a box and escorted to the guest room. Ilona hangs around in the doorway as Emma places her things on the bed.

“Livie’s gonna be so happy you’re here,” she grins, “not that the rest of us aren’t but I think you’re officially her best non-sister friend,”

Emma smiles right back at her, perching on the edge of the bed. The guest room is definitely the smallest room in the house with its sloping ceilings and one window. It doubles as an office judging by the desk in the corner of the room but it’s clean and tidy and it smells of jasmine, the unofficial Maher scent.

“I’m happy to be here,” Emma says, patting the space next to her. Ilona joins her and throws an arm around her shoulders in a side hug, “thanks for inviting me,”

“Liv said you’d had a rough Christmas and we are very good at cheering people up,”

“Happy to hear it,” Emma forces a smile just as Ilona’s phone starts to ring.

Ilona pulls the device from her back pocket and Emma see’s Alan’s smiling face staring at her from the screen as it vibrates in her hand. She tilts the screen away from Emma and looks at her apologetically.

“Sorry, I gotta take this but open your box, get unpacked and Liv should be home any second,”

Without another word Ilona disappears, shutting the guest bedroom door with a click.

Emma resolves to talk to her about Alan. She wants Ilona to feel comfortable around her whenever Alan comes up in conversation, she doesn’t want there to be any animosity between them and she feels the only way this can happen is by confronting the issue.

There’s a knock on her door as she’s lost in thought and before Emma can process it, Olivia has pounced on her, wrapping her in a hug that feels like it’s been a long time coming. She begins to feel her emotions rise to the surface in the arms of someone she trusts, someone who has quickly become a safe space for her. Emma bites the tip of her tongue to stop the tears but then hears Olivia laugh happily and she suddenly has the overwhelming urge to laugh too. The pair are still laughing when Ilona appears in the doorway.

“Adrianna’s already opened the wine,” she calls as the two pull back from each other, “get your PJ’s on and then get your asses downstairs,”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Olivia says, gripping Emma’s forearms as Ilona vanishes from the hallway.

“Me too although,” Emma pauses to look seriously at her friend, “you told Ilona about my sob session?”

“No!” Olivia promises, her eyes wide, “I just said you’d had a rocky Christmas with your sister and that you needed to be around friends,” Emma narrows her eyes but believes her all the same, “I don’t tell my sisters everything,” she adds.

“Speaking of,” Emma says, grabbing the opportunity to change subject, “I need an update on the Alan situation, he just called her,”

“Oh they do that all the time,” Olivia says rolling her eyes, “what’re you having for lunch?” She says, deepening her voice in an impression of Alan, “did you workout today? Can you remember what the wings place was called? Jeff misses you,” she clears her throat as Emma laughs, “honestly it’s pathetic,”

“So they’re just permanently on the phone to each other?”

“On the phone, on FaceTime, texting, DM-ing, you name it, they’re doing it,”

Emma feels sick.

“Hopefully they won’t need our intervention for much longer then,”

“I honestly have no idea how they’d survive if they couldn’t talk to each other every twenty minutes,” Olivia says fondly.

“Olivia! Emma! You must make haste!” Ilona shouts from the bottom of the staircase.

“Anyway, put your PJ’s on we have a puzzle to do,” Olivia says, “and apparently we’re watching Bridgerton again,” she hands her the box before slipping out of the room.

With a slight frown Emma opens the box and finds a care package of all her favourite things. There’s chocolate from the UK, pretzel sticks, popcorn, face masks, a pair of pyjamas and a bottle of white rum lying in a bed of shredded tissue paper. Emma grins and pulls out the pyjamas knowing full well she’s about to become part of a matching set.

Later, when they’re sitting around a puzzle on the coffee table, the buzz of the TV background noise to the chatter of three sisters and an interloper, Ilona’s phone rings again. Emma rolls her eyes as Ilona throws her another guilty look before scurrying off to answer it.

“I gotta do something about that,” she mumbles. Olivia cocks her head in a silent question and Emma spares a glance at Adrianna who’s mirroring her sister, “every time Alan calls or texts Ilona looks at me like she’s sorry about it. It’s driving me insane,”

“She probably thinks you’ll be upset,” Adrianna says, slotting another piece of the jigsaw in its place.

“I get that,” Emma agrees, “but I’m not,”

Olivia laughs and takes a sip of her wine.

“Have you told her that?”

Emma thinks for a moment.

“Not in as many words,” she says hesitantly, “Alan obviously knows but I don’t know how much of that he’s repeated to Ilona,”

Olivia shrugs.

“I’d guess not much by the looks she’s giving you,”

Emma hums in agreement, her gaze directed at the puzzle in front of her. It’s nearly complete after the girls have spent several hours carefully dividing it into sections for them each to finish. Emma wants to talk to Ilona, is sure that she can make her understand that she doesn’t need to feel guilty about her feelings for Alan, she should celebrate them. But Emma also knows that if she were in Ilona’s shoes she would still feel awkward and guilty regardless of the words she would impart. Emma’s eyes meet Olivia’s over the coffee table.

“I’ve got an idea,”

“Finally,” Olivia says, “I’ve been doing all the heavy lifting around here,” she kicks Emma lightly under the table to let her know she’s teasing and Emma grins at her.  

“How do you think your parents would feel about another house guest?”

Olivia looks confused momentarily and then her eyes widen as she understands Emma’s plan.

“You think he’d come?”

“If we buy him the plane ticket and say it’s from Ilona as his real Christmas gift,”

“Holy shit,” Adrianna murmurs from her spot beside Emma, “no wonder you two are friends, that’s devious,”

“More importantly it would work,” Olivia says, “even if he already has plans he’d change them knowing Lo bought him a plane ticket,”

Emma grins, she’s always believed actions speak louder than words and rather than explaining to Ilona how she feels, it may be better to show her this time around.

“What do you think? Should we do it?”

“Do what?” Ilona asks as she walks back in with the half empty bottle of wine.

Emma looks at Olivia who is looking at Adrianna.

“Try and put these two bits together,” Adrianna suggests calmly as she gestures to both Emma’s and Ilona’s sections.

Olivia looks back at Emma and with a barely perceptible nod Emma knows the plan is in motion.

 Monday December 30th

Olivia manages to book Alan a flight, hijack Ilona’s emails and convince Alan not to tell her all in the space of two hours. They tell him on Sunday that Ilona bought the plane ticket but chickened out of sending it before Christmas so they’re doing her a favour and inviting him to New Years. Alan agrees to come (to no-one’s surprise) and when the doorbell rings mid-morning on Monday, Emma, Olivia and Adrianna hide in the kitchen to witness the reunion.

Ilona wanders into the hallway, her focus on the phone in her hand as she composes a text. She reaches the door, slides her phone in her back pocket and pushes the handle. It takes her a long moment to react.

“Al?” Ilona blinks as if she can’t quite believe what she’s seeing.

“Hi Lo,”

Alan is on their doorstep bundled up in a coat and scarf, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and a small smile on his face. Ilona just stares at him in stunned silence and Olivia giggles quietly next to her.

“Okay, which of my shit head sisters invited you?” Alan’s smile drops and he flounders for something to say as Emma and Olivia share a slightly panicked look, “not that,” Ilona pauses, grabs his hand and pulls him inside to shut the front door.

“I uh, I can go if you don’t want-“

“No!” Ilona exclaims and Emma watches a pink flush creep up her neck, “it’s not that! I’m incredibly happy to see you, honestly” their fingers shift to an interlocking position as Ilona takes a small step toward him, “it’s just, Em’s here too,” she says quietly.

“Oh yeah, Liv told me,”

“Liv?”

“Yeah, she sent me your plane ticket,” Alan says, “I kinda wish you hadn’t wimped out on giving it to me yourself though,” he squeezes her hand gently and steps even closer.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,”

Alan cocks his head in confusion and Emma bites her lip worriedly.

“Uh,”

“Don’t worry I’ll get it out of Liv later,” she pauses, “did she invite you to New Years?”

“Yeah, I’m here for a couple of days if that’s,” Alan clears his throat, “if that’s okay?”

The pink on Ilona’s neck turns a shade darker.

“Of course!” Ilona says quickly, “but are you sure it’s going to be okay with Emma here?”

“Yes,” Alan assures her.  

“Right,” Ilona deflates and Alan hurries to correct himself.

“Emma and I have had some good conversations as you know and we’re friends again, I’m not worried about her being here too,” he lets the duffel bag slide to the floor, “anyway, enough logistics,”

Ilona lets Alan take her other hand as he leans in to gently press a kiss to her cheek.

“I’ve missed you,” she sighs and Emma watches as Alan bundles Ilona up in an incredibly tight hug, the pair sinking into one another in sheer relief. There’s a rolling sensation in her stomach that she’s desperately trying to ignore and she looks over at Liv who has an overly expressive grin on her face. Olivia nudges her gently and Emma forces a smile.

“I’ve missed you more,” Alan quips, his voice muffled by Ilona’s hair.

“Come on,” Ilona pulls back to look him in the eye, “leave your stuff here for a minute let me give you the tour.”

A few hours and an awkward greeting later, Emma, Olivia and Adrianna are spread out over the couch, Olivia acting as a footrest for both girls as they watch some shitty comedy on Netflix. Emma’s not paying much attention to the film, her gaze is constantly being drawn to the armchair in the corner of the room where Alan and Ilona have managed to squash themselves. They’re side by side talking quietly, a fluffy cream blanket curled over them both. Occasionally Alan will reach up to tuck a strand of hair behind Ilona’s ear and every now and again Ilona will scratch her nails on the top of Alan’s head causing his eyes to close in bliss. He starts saying something to her that Emma can’t hear and mid-sentence reaches down to hand Ilona her water bottle. She takes it from him with a smile, flipping the straw and taking a long sip.

It's a move so familiar and intimate that Emma feels it like a sucker punch to the gut. She can’t put her finger on why this is making her feel queasy but she can no longer ignore the pit in her stomach as she watches them together. Ilona tilts her head back in a laugh that makes Alan grin and Adrianna shush her and all of a sudden the reality of Alan being in love with someone else hits her full force.

“I gotta pee,” she says quietly, standing up from her spot and making her way up the stairs to the bathroom.

She’s barely on the first step before she feels tears slide down her face. This was a mistake, she shouldn’t have come. She diverts to the guest bedroom pulling her suitcase out from under the bed as she makes up her mind to go home. What had she been thinking?

“Em,” Ilona whispers from the doorway and Emma whips around to see Ilona staring at her guiltily. She sighs heavily, returning to packing her suitcase.

“Please Ilona, I can’t deal with that guilty look anymore okay? I’m fine, really,”

Ilona shuts the door and sits on the carpet, leaning back against the frame as if saying ‘you’re not going anywhere until you get through me,’

“Then why are you packing a suitcase right now?”

“I’m fine, I’ve just got to get back that’s all,”

“I know that’s not true,” Ilona says quietly, “Alan told me you kept saying you were fine but no-one can be fine about their ex moving on especially under their nose,”

“But I am fine!” Emma exclaims, cramming another jumper into her suitcase. The tears are still falling and she’s not sure if that jumper was hers or not but screw it, it is now.

“Emma,”

Emma is desperately trying to get her suitcase to close but the zip is fighting her every step of the way and the damn crying won’t stop and she can feel Ilona’s eyes on her and suddenly it’s all too much.

“Okay!” She shouts, throwing her hands in the air and turning to face Ilona, “okay,” she repeats quieter, “I want to be fine, I want to be fine so fucking badly and I guess I’m not,”

“Tell me,” Ilona suggests, patting the floor next to her. Emma sighs and shuffles over, sitting next to Ilona and throwing her head back against the door.

“I thought I was fine because I love you both,” she begins, “Alan and I have so much history and you and I bonded this season too, you’re both people I care an awful lot about and truly, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I want you to be happy together,”

“But,” Ilona prompts, nudging her shoulder gently.

“When Liv and I decided to help you and Alan get together it all seemed so abstract. Everything you were doing together was stuff I’d already seen you do a thousand times before so it was just like ‘oh Alan and Ilona are teasing each other again’ and it didn’t really matter. Even when Liv told me about the doorbell kiss and the rumba dress it was kind of exciting, watching two of my favourite people get closer. But now seeing you two actually together is, well,” Emma pauses to look at her, “really fucking difficult and I know flying him out here was my idea but I guess I just really wanted to prove that I was okay with everything, prove it to you and to me.”

“Okay well we’re going to circle back to you and Liv plotting and this ‘doorbell kiss’?” Ilona says and Emma has the good grace to blush, “seeing anyone with your ex is hard but when it’s a friend? It feels like a betrayal and I’ve felt guilty about it for weeks,”

“But I don’t want you to feel guilty about it!”

“But I do feel guilty!” Ilona says softly, “You’re my friend and no matter how much you said you were fine with it I knew you couldn’t possibly be. Because you’re only human Em and human’s need time,”

“Not Alan,” Emma mumbles.

“Alan too,” Ilona assures her, “it’s part of the reason I keep avoiding his feelings. It’s too soon after your break up to start anything else. I can’t lose him as my friend let alone anything else so I have to be sure he’s fully over you and I don’t think he is yet,”

Emma ponders this for a moment. If only she had Ilona’s emotional maturity she may have worked out that her obsessive behaviour over the pair of them was really a cover to hide her true feelings sooner.

“I’m sorry that it’s hard to witness and I’m even more sorry that neither of us have tried to be ‘less’ when you’re around. I’ll talk to Alan,” Ilona says, taking Emma’s hand.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide your feelings around me,” she says, “I really do want you both to be happy and I know that means spending time with each other,”

The bridge of Ilona’s nose goes pink, her freckles standing out against the colour.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, “but like I said, we’re just friends for now, until I’m sure,”

“Okay,” Emma nods.

She feels better after talking to Ilona, fully aware that the younger girl has both allayed her fears and offered comfort despite being half the reason she’s hiding up here in the first place. It’s a relief to know that her feelings are justified. Emma presses the length of her body against Ilona’s.

“We gonna be okay?” Ilona asks.

“As long as you promise to stop looking guiltily at me, we’ll be fine,” Emma smiles and Ilona matches the expression.

“So, how long have you and Livie been plotting this then?”

Tuesday December 31^st

Emma bunks with Olivia so Alan can take the guest room and the girls stay up until the early hours of the morning talking. It starts as small talk but as the shadows grow longer Emma finds herself spilling every thought and feeling she’s had in the last year. Her elation at being paired with Reggie at the start of the season, the excitement of building a future with Alan, the devastation as it all came crashing down. Olivia shares equally, her enjoyment of seeing her sister on Dancing With the Stars, her love of getting to travel and eat as her job, her frustration at having to move to England next year away from everything but Ilona. They promise to never lose touch with each other fully aware that their friendship has been forged in the fires of a relationship that intertwines them all forever. Olivia makes her pinkie promise and that’s how they fall asleep, little fingers entwined.

By the time the two get up for breakfast it’s already lunch time and Ilona has taken Alan to her favourite brunch spot in town. Adrianna is sitting on the floor with cold pizza and a can of Coke as she finishes the puzzle from a few days back.

“I’ve been thinking,” Adrianna says as Emma settles on the couch. Olivia is in the kitchen working on a smoothie that Emma hopes will keep her awake until the fireworks later.

“Yeah?”

“I think us three should go to Waterfront Park a bit earlier,” Adrianna’s focus remains on the puzzle in front of her, “we can take a midnight snack and watch the fireworks from the boat,”

“Ooh that’s a great idea!” Olivia says, popping her head around the door frame, “we can take card games and some blankets, get all cosy,”

“We’ll get a better view too,” Adrianna adds, finally looking up at Emma.

She knows what the sisters are doing, it’s hard to miss, but there’s no pity on Adrianna’s face and Olivia is all smiles as she brings them in each a smoothie. Emma is incredibly grateful to the Maher’s for taking her under their wing and looking after her as one of their own. She feels honoured to be loved by them.

“Sounds good,” Emma agrees, “what time did you want to head over?”

When the New Year rings in Emma, Olivia and Adrianna are on the deck of the Maher family boat wrapped up in coats, scarves, gloves and a mountain of blankets Olivia insisted on bringing. The girls are lying on their backs watching the sky burst into tendrils of colour as 2025 steps into existence.

They hold hands as the familiar dulcet tones of Auld Lang Syne drift over from the walkway where thousands of people are gathered to bring in the New Year together.

Ilona drops the Maher household group text a message that reads ‘Happy New Year from your favourite runners up!’ accompanied by a photo of her and Alan obviously taken earlier in the day when it was still light outside, each with one end of a fry between their teeth, Lady and the Tramp style. They’re both grinning and their cheeks are red from the cold and presumably the close proximity but they look happy.

Olivia squeezes her hand and the two share a look as they’re lit up by silver sparks. Adrianna snaps a photo of them all to reply with, heads pressed together, matching cheesy grins on their faces and Emma catches a glimpse of the photo before it’s sent. She looks happy. More importantly, she is happy.

In a few days Emma and Alan will be back in LA and Olivia and Ilona will be in England but for right now, they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be.  

Saturday February 1^st

A month into the tour and Emma still feels the same way: happy. She’s back doing what she loves most in the world with the people she loves most in the world. Every week she’s presented with a new city and the chance to explore new places and meet new people. She even went on a couple of dates with one of Olivia’s old school friends and has plans to see him again. Olivia calls every day when Ilona and Alan are on their daily FaceTime and their friendship has gone from strength to strength despite the distance. It’s only one more month until Olivia is back in the US and Emma is secretly incredibly excited to have her friend back, mostly so they can gossip over food and drinks instead of through a screen.

It’s not a surprise when Liv FaceTimes her later that evening but she is surprised to see a different backdrop.

“Where are you?” Emma asks, propping Olivia up on the medicine cabinet as she washes her face.

“Phoebe’s flat,” Liv says quietly, she yawns and rubs her eyes. Emma does the math and works out it’s nearing 7am for Liv.

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute, firstly, how’s David?”

Emma frowns but fills Olivia in on how her most recent date with David had gone almost forgetting to tell her about the flowers he had waiting in reception for her in her New York hotel. She feels herself blushing as she talks about him, butterflies she hasn’t felt in forever rising in her stomach.

“Damn I’m a good matchmaker,” Olivia says almost to herself, a sly grin on her face as she stares at Emma on the screen.

“Anyway, why are you not at home?”

“Oh!” Olivia exclaims, sitting up in a bed that Emma doesn’t recognise, “that’s what I called to tell you!”

“Okay?” Emma hedges, a raised eyebrow asking for an explanation.

“Guess who showed up to Lo’s game yesterday,”

There’s only one person she can think of but he’s supposed to be in New York tomorrow evening for a show so it couldn’t possibly be Alan. But Olivia is nodding with a grin as if she can read Emma’s mind and her eyes widen almost comically.

“You’re kidding,” she says, shocked.

“Nope, flew out for one day to see her play – he stayed at ours last night and is flying back today, with the time difference he’ll be home in time for the show,”

“Holy shit,” Emma replies, “you’re serious,”

“Yeah, he said,” Olivia pauses, “actually I have the video if you really want to see?”

Emma mulls it over. On the one hand seeing her ex with his potential new girlfriend (even if it is Ilona) will be upsetting to watch, but on the other hand she’s a massive fan of romcoms and just knowing that there’s videographic evidence of this moment is enough to make her want to see it for herself.

“Yes, send it over,” she finds herself saying.

“You’re sure?” Liv asks, “I should tell you that you may want to stop watching before the end,”

“Liv, it’s all behind me I promise, time and distance have helped hugely and now David’s in the picture I’m not worried about seeing it, in fact it’ll be a good test,”

“Okay,” Olivia replies cautiously, her screen pauses as she flicks to her photo reel to send her the video, “let me give you the context first,”

Emma nods happily as she dries her face and pads into her hotel bedroom. She slips under the covers as Olivia begins.

“Alan called me yesterday to tell me he was coming so I could arrange to meet him after the game to see Lo,” she says, “the boy turns up in her jersey with a huge flower arrangement which he asks me to leave in her locker room,”

Emma grins at the image, Alan has always been a bit of a romantic and it’s nice to know that Ilona is on the receiving end of it.

“We cheer her on from the stands and after the game I go and meet Lo in the locker room. She’s in there fully crying over her flowers but I force her to take a shower before we can go home. Then I told her I’d left my bag in the stands and need her help finding it. I let her take the stairs into the stands and then Alan takes over,” Liv grins, “sorry it’s a shitty angle but I didn’t want them to know I was there,”

“Okay, shall I call you back when I’ve watched it?” Emma asks, still smiling. She can’t get the image of Alan in England in a Maher jersey out of her head. He’d have been freezing and jet lagged and incredibly tired and yet, there he was.

“Nah, I’ve got to get to practice to meet Lo and you need to sleep, we can chat later,”

“Okay, see you soon,”

“Love you Em,”

“Love you too Liv,”

Emma hangs up on her friend and immediately opens the file she’s been sent. The video loads up and Emma hits pause to work out what exactly she’s looking at.

It’s a clear blue sky in Bristol but the stadium lights are on as the sun is setting. Olivia’s phone looks to be propped up against a wall and a sliver of it pushes into the frame. The view is side on to the seats in the stands and Alan is standing in row F whilst Ilona is in row E giving Alan a few inches on her. She hits play and turns the volume up.

“Congratulations super star,”

“Alan?” The sound cuts out with a gust of wind and rejoins as Ilona says “the fuck?” and Emma can see her pushing tears from her face.

“I just am so fed up of sending good luck texts and watching a shitty livestream on my phone. This is the only game that I could make with the tour schedule,” Alan replies, “so I thought I’d surprise you,”

“Al, I,” Ilona looks lost for words, “you came all this way,”

“Where you go, I go,” he says so quietly Emma almost misses it. The pair stand looking at each for a long moment before Ilona breaks the silence.

“Thank you for the flowers,”

“Any time,”

“I mean it, the daily texts and calls, the care packages, the flowers, it all means more to me than you know,” Ilona says as Alan reaches for her hand.

“I want you to know I’m thinking about you,” Alan replies, “that I’m always thinking of you,” Ilona looks away, “Lo, I’m so serious, please don’t push me away again, I need you to know,”

“I already know,” she interrupts.

“No, I don’t think you do,” Alan says, he leans over the row of seats between them so they’re eye to eye, “I adore you. You’re my best friend, my partner in crime, the person I want to call on good days and bad days. I don’t want to dance around this anymore I want you to know for sure how I feel,”

Ilona hiccups and Alan smiles, wiping her tears away even as his own start.

“I love you, Ilona,” he says and Emma’s breath catches in her throat, “I love you and I’m sorry if that scares you but my feelings aren’t going to go away because we’re both pretending they don’t exist,”

“Alan,” Ilona replies, her free hand stretching up to wipe his tears as his thumb cradles her jaw, “I just wanted to make sure you were one hundred percent about me,”

“I’ve never been more sure,” he says with a wry smile, “it’s why I’m stood in a Rugby stadium in a t-shirt in the middle of an English winter just so I could see you for a few hours before I have to fly back to New York tomorrow morning,”

“My jersey looks pretty good on you though,” Ilona jokes, clearly overwhelmed.

“Lo,”

“Al,”

“Would you please, please, let me kiss you?”

Ilona doesn’t answer, instead she closes the gap between them, pressing up on tiptoes and wrapping her arms around Alan’s neck to kiss him. The seats in between them suddenly become a nuisance, stopping them from being together properly so Alan pulls back with a whispered ‘wait there’ before he hops the seats and takes her in his arms to kiss her again.

Emma grins as she watches the two finally get together. It’s been a long road and she admires Ilona’s willpower and Alan’s resilience. She checks in with herself and is pleased to note that the only emotion she’s feeling right now is happiness. The couple continue to make out on screen and Emma scrubs to the end of the video, backtracking slightly to when they finally pull back from each other.

“You fly back tomorrow?” Ilona says.

“Yeah,” Alan replies sadly, “but then you’re home in a month right?”

Ilona hums her agreement as Alan wraps his arms around her waist, fingers playing with the waistband of her joggers as they sway side to side gently.

“So just one day huh?” She says flirtatiously.

The lust on Alan’s face is easy to decipher even through the screen.

“Just the one,” he echoes, his voice pitched much lower than usual. Ilona shivers.

“Shall we go and make the most of it? It looks like you could use some warming up,” Her hands run over his biceps as she smirks up at him.

“You always did have the best ideas,” Alan grins, “but first,”

Then, they share a look and in perfect unison say: “food,” before bursting into laughter. Emma hears a sigh as Olivia picks up her phone, faces the camera at herself and rolls her eyes fondly at the two opposite her. It’s the perfect end to the video and Emma hopes they treasure it forever.

Emma has no idea what the future holds for Alan and Ilona but she can see them joined at the hip for a long time to come. It’s a comforting thought, the idea that a relationship built on such a foundation as theirs will stand the test of time. It makes her smile. As for her? Well, for now she’s thinking dance, more dance, maybe a new, bigger house, oh, and a man to do all of those things with.