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“I’m not your last… I’m your first.”
“Hey… They can be the same thing.”
They are breaking up and it doesn’t make sense. The discussion that is happening between Tommy and Buck doesn’t make sense. It's not even a discussion. It's just Tommy stating facts. Wrong facts. Something broke and Buck’s absolutely lost about how and why and when. Tommy opens the door, leaves the apartment and walks slowly towards the elevator. Buck stands still, contemplating his boyfriend, his ex-boyfriend, as he walks away, just a few steps away from him.
But Buck won’t have it, he won’t let him leave without an explanation, a more reasonable explanation, something that he can make sense into, so he takes two strides towards Tommy. “No, wait, don’t leave.” Me, but he leaves that last word unsaid. This can’t be happening, he can’t be fighting for this relationship in the hallway of his loft. It’s surreal.
“I can’t do this anymore, it’s not fair to me. I’m-” Tommy says as he stands right next to the elevator.
“What? What the hell are you talking about? Why can’t you do this-” Buck gestures between them, “anymore?” His eyes feel bewildered, his face contorting in weird ways, it must be a sight to see.
“You know why, Evan, come on…” Tommy turns to leave and glances at Buck over his shoulder. When his finger is about to press the elevator button, he hears Buck sigh.
“No,” Buck insists, “I really don’t.”
“Hmmm… but you do.” He sounds tired and exasperated. Buck cannot for the life of him understand what is going on with them.
“I…”
The elevator doors open and Tommy steps inside. Buck crosses his arm through the doors to stop them from closing, but doesn’t dare take the last step and get on the elevator with him.
“I mean. He’s just… Everywhere. I know and you know it too.” He presses a button on the panel and a lopsided smile appears on his face.
“No, I don’t think I do.”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t. But if you do, please tell me.”
“Evan… please.” Tommy is oh so gentle moving Buck’s arm away from the door.
A beat. Tommy is the one leaving, but still his face is making this pained expression that Buck cannot interpret. He tries to understand what’s going on. He feels so confused. This wasn’t supposed to go like this.
“It’s Eddie,” Tommy says as the doors close. Buck can hear it, as a whisper that reverberates through his body. And with that he is gone leaving Buck experiencing something similar as an out of body experience.
Those words hit him hard and deep.
Eddie.
It’s Eddie.
It’s Eddie.