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Chan rubbed his eyes and decided to turn off his computer for the rest of the night. It was at that moment that a noise echoed at the door.
The young man went to open it cautiously, not expecting anyone in the middle of the night, and was shocked to see several of his friends—Minho and Jisung—entering his apartment, followed by Felix, who gave him a proud and embarrassed smile as he stepped inside.
Grumbling inwardly, Chan closed the door behind them and turned to ask what they were doing here. Felix, like the angel he was, took his friend’s hand and led him to the couch.
They sat down while the two troublemakers, aka Jisung and Minho, stood facing Chan.
“Christopher Bang. My dear friend. Chan. This is an intervention,” Minho began, with Jisung grinning slyly behind him.
Chan sighed. For god’s sake. He usually loved his friends, but he doubted he still did at that moment. It was so late that it could be called early, and his head was starting to hurt terribly. He was only dreaming of one thing: to disappear from the world for the few hours of rest his insomnia would deign to offer him. And now, even that simple request was being denied. Knowing the two individuals in front of him, he wasn't going to sleep at all , and Chan was already calculating how many energy drinks he would have to consume to survive all day tomorrow. Or rather, today.
Suddenly, Felix’s hand squeezed his, and Chan snapped back to the present, his whole body electrified.
Minho was looking at him with furrowed brows, and Jisung had that look he got when trying to hide that he was worried and nervous. Felix… Felix, well, Chan didn’t dare to look at him, afraid of seeing fear or disappointment in the usually so smiling eyes of his friend.
Minho snapped his fingers, and Chan focused on him, despite all the trouble he’d been having concentrating on anything lately.
“So, as I was saying, an intervention. With all my love, Chan, you look like shit,” Minho continued, interrupted by Jisung who was slightly fidgeting. “We’re worried about you, dude. You don’t sleep, you don’t smile anymore… You seem distant, all the time. Like we’ve lost you, in a galaxy far far away. In a world where we can’t reach you most of the time.”
Chan felt his heart swell and clenc and his eyes burn, as he listened to these words. It was so true. The world seemed to have faded behind a screen, just like his work, which was flying away in musical notes. And the young man felt himself drifting with them.
To be honest, despite his exhaustion, this was the first time in weeks that he felt real and that he could breathe. And if it was thanks to Felix’s hand and warm body against his, Chan didn’t want to think about what that implied. Not at all.
Gosh. He was so touch-starved he could cry. He, who was so affectionate, who needed to hold his loved ones in his arms, hadn’t given or received any tender gestures in weeks. No. Months, Chan realized, a lump forming in his throat.
He coughed to try and clear it, and to lighten the situation with humor. After all, that was his thing to avoid worrying people, even when his mind was dark. Except, it seemed he'd screwed it up this time.
“So you guys decided you were going to pull an all-nighter with me, huh? How nice, guys,” he said.
But he felt his voice waver, less confident than usual, and the unfazed looks from the others made him realize they weren’t going to believe him. Not this time.
“So,” Minho continued, as if he hadn’t been interrupted by some foolishness, “We’ve decided to leave Felix with you so you can finally get some sleep.”
Chan’s eyes widened at those words, and the suggestive smile shared by the two troublemakers made him understand what they were hoping for.
“We’ll leave you two,” added Jisung as the full-fledged member of Satan's supplicant duo he is. “We’ll come check on you tomorrow. And we highly suggest you to be rested, relaxed, and smiling when we come back.”
Felix, shrinking against Chan, said nothing, and Chan absolutely didn’t want his friend to be used like this. Furrowing his brows, he was ready to silence his heart and body to respect Felix.
“Minho. Jisung. No way! Lix, do you agree with this?” Chan protested, starting to panic. No one was supposed to know about his crush on Felix, and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to control himself when he would give anything to be touched.
“If it’s for you to feel better, Chris…”
Oh Felix. Sweet Felix. The only light among all the darkness that had reigned in Chan’s mind for so long.
Slowly, the other two had moved away, and Chan only reacted when he saw his apartment keys in Minho’s hands, who winked at him.
Jisung, with an arm around his demonic companion’s waist, wished them a good night and hurriedly added as they both left the apartment, locking the door when Chan tried to follow them,
“Felix, by the way, this is an intervention for you too!”
The laughter of their now ex-friends echoed in the hallway, and Chan hit his forehead against the door with a sigh.
“Sorry Lix… that they dragged you into this.”
Felix chuckled and stood up to hug the older man. “Let’s just say it’s a story for tomorrow, okay? Let’s go to sleep, Chris. The bags under your eyes could carry my whole wardrobe.”
And Chan’s body, the traitor, naturally reacted to that touch. How could he avoid it when he felt finally solid again, human again, just from the contact of human fingers on him? And if it came from Felix, Chan was definitely lost.
He nodded and let himself be led into the bedroom, a room he hadn’t liked much lately. Felix and he had already slept in the same room, even in the same bed. But Chan’s brain and body were reacting as if it was the first time.
In comfortable silence, because after all, it was Felix, his ray of sunshine, and everything was simpler with him, they prepared to go to bed.
With a pounding heart, Chan lay on the mattress, and soon, his friend’s body curled against his. A trembling hand, Chan’s of course, slipped into the boy’s hair, which was spread across the older man’s chest.
For once, sleep was eager to come, but Jisung’s words returned to Chan’s exhausted mind, and he worried,
“Hm Lix..? Why is this an intervention for you too?”
A weak voice answered softly, “Just… sleep, Chris. Okay? We’ll talk tomorrow. Let’s enjoy these few hours of sleep.”
In his normal state, Chan would have reacted. He would have rebelled, made sure Felix answered him. Worry would have come at the tone of the voice of the boy he loved, who almost sounded regretful and like a goodbye.
But Chan wasn’t thinking clearly anymore. His body felt heavy and bathed in the euphoria of feeling this human warm. His lungs were finally filling completely.
So, all Chan could do was hold Felix tight against him.
Tenderly, in spite of everything...
And suddenly, sleep overtook him.
The next morning, Chan woke up feeling less tired for the first time in a long while.
The effect was quite impressive, it must be said, and the world seemed new and full of promise.
And he owed it all to the little ball of sunshine who was peacefully sleeping beside him.
Tenderly, Chan’s fingers brushed through Felix’s blond hair, and he had to force himself not to plant a kiss on his serene forehead. Or on his full lips. Chan wasn’t asking for much, after all.
But despite his desire, he forced himself to get up. His body was reacting far too much to Felix’s warm proximity, and he didn’t want to put his friend through that. Felix didn’t deserve this perversity, for god’s sake. Chan was broken. He knew it. Barely functioning as a human being, and he didn’t want to impose that on anyone. Besides, Felix seemed to have his own problems, and there was no way he was going to add to them.
After a quick trip to the bathroom to clear his thoughts, Chris decided to make breakfast for both of them, so they wouldn’t die of hunger before Minho and Jisung would decide to release them.
While he was brewing the coffee, lost in his too many thoughts and feelings, Chan jumped when arms wrapped around his waist and a sleepy, deep voice mumbled something that sounded like “…cold…”
Chan cursed the shivers that ran through him, betraying the effect that voice had on him, and he coughed.
Damn, he was 27 now, he should be able to control himself! He held his breath and gently rubbed the arms around him. Before he could regain his composure and respond, the voice, in a lower tone, spoke again.
“You left me alone... I missed you when I woke up…” Felix murmured, and it made Chan’s ears turn red, cursing again his overly expressive body. He was about to turn toward Felix when those arms held him in place.
A brief silence lingered, and then Felix sighed, “Chan… let me sleep with you every night... Let me finally take care of you…”
“Lix…” Chan interrupted, his body stiffening.
“Chan!” Felix replied. “Let me speak first, because right now you’re hurting me, okay?”
Chan looked down at this outburst, a horrible emptiness opening in his stomach. He, who had loved Felix for so long and had restrained his desire and love to protect this wonderful boy from the failure that he, Chan, was...
He had failed and ended up doing exactly what he feared. Felix was suffering because of him, and that was inconceivable to Chan.
He swallowed painfully, a lump in his throat threatening to choke him, and nodded imperceptibly to show that he was listening.
Felix’s hand gently caressed the knotted stomach of Chan, and his deep voice continued in Chan’s ear.
“You wonderful stubborn head. How long are you going to make me wait? How many signals do I need to send? Stop thinking you’re protecting me or whatever bullshit you imagine by keeping me away. I love you. I know you love me too. And if what’s holding you back is thinking you’re not enough for me... Bullshit again. And that’s what hurts me”
“But...” Chan tried to express, tightening his fingers on the edge of the kitchen counter to avoid gripping Felix’s arms too tightly, which were still holding him.
And then, Chan felt it all.. It was the heart of that amazing man beating so fast against his back. It was the tears of the man he loved soaking his T-shirt. And Felix loved him. Him. Just as he was, because this angel knew everything about him.
Something finally snaped inside Chan, and he turned around. He needed to see Felix, and his eyes dove straight into Felix’s. And oh beautifu he wasl, with freckles scattered across his cheeks and eyes just as bright, glistening with held-back tears.
Chan’s heart tightened at the thought, and his thumb brushed against one of Felix’s cheekbones. Felix loved him. His gaze didn’t lie. And Chan loved him too. Like the moon loves the sun, ultimately united by light.
Chan, who had never dared to really touch Felix, finally cracked, giving in to his overwhelming desire, and he pulled Felix tightly against him.
Their lips met, a stellar collision creating a big bang, something new being born, something finally falling into place.
No space remained between their two bodies, and the powerful kiss could have lasted for ages, if not for a playful cough echoing behind them. In unison, they both turned their heads toward the source of the noise and saw the victorious and mocking expressions of Minho and Jisung, holding hands.
Chan would’ve liked to wipe that smug look off their faces, but he was far too happy for that. He did grunt, however, at Minho’s words as he exclaimed,
“And a win for us, jagi! We can finally take them on a official double date”
Double date? It was too soon! Felix and he hadn’t even made things official yet, and if...
“Chan, stop overthinking it. You two are made for each other. For once, enjoy all the good you’re bringing to each other. Oh, and by the way, you’re paying for our double date. You’re welcome!” interrupted Jisung, the other member of the infernal duo, showing off his most cocky smile.
Chan turned his head to look at Felix, who squeezed his hand. Indeed, everything would be fine, Felix’s eyes said.
And Chan believed him.