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—] I [—
She came to her on that side of night.
She entered gracelessly, stepping noisily, dancing through the room in a manner that caught the eye; the only startling sound was that of her belt hitting the floor. It was that which drew the commander’s attention—or maybe it only tore her inebriated gaze away from the scattered mess of paperwork and maps that meant to consume her whole, a sea of possibilities and questions that all begged for priority and investigation, of which she was certainly drowning.
The commander didn’t move, didn’t stir from her seat. The girl danced closer, her jacket falling from her shoulders, and slowly, coyly, leaned against the edge of the desk. Teal eyes observed her through heavy lashes, betraying a storm and swirling clouds. The girl healed off one boot, and then the other, and a delicate foot turned the commander’s chair. An open invitation, dubiously given. She straddled those strong legs, smelled the wine on that gasp, breathed in the lavender in her hair. The girl cupped a cheek, thumb ghosting the turmoil laid plain and bare for the world to see. Confusion. Hesitation. Dissension. Supplication. She smiled, very slowly, chasing a kiss on perfect lips—she smelled like strawberries, then escaping the commander’s hands on her shoulders, and she stood, a breath away. In those teal eyes she was a vision, radiant, near-perfect. Strawberry blonde looking deep pink in the shadowed gloom of waned fixtures.
There went the beret. The girl fell into the bed, with open legs, inviting eyes, and with a single well placed hand, asked for a response. A body responded. A heart was shackled, the pain shoved aside. A mind was relieved, the consequences ignored. Wanting hands and willing lips and soft pleasures pulled her under.
Drowning, she sank into an ocean of strawberry and lavender.
—] II [—
“Caitlyn.”
She raised her head, torn from sleep. The sun was already up, a shining spear piercing the sky, slipping through curtained windows and invading her room with solid beams, and splitting her head with thunderous deft. The commander shaded her eyes as mallets pounded behind her eyes, confused at the weight she felt beside her, on her.
“Caitlyn. I’m coming in.” There was no time to ward off Lucius. “You better have a good excuse—ah. Officer Nolen.”
The girl sat up, covering herself with the eiderdown, a trickle of saliva still cool on Caitlyn’s shoulder, where her lips had been but seconds ago. Maddie scrambled from the bedclothes and for her jacket, handed to her by an about-faced Lucius. The commander rubbed her eyes—shielding them from the sun, and perhaps the shame from the judgment seemingly emanating from that turned back. But hiding was not the Kiramman way.
“Maddie …” she said, hesitantly.
The girl of last night had changed. All that confidence was gone, red coloring those freckled cheeks. There was nothing of the woman imagined when eyes were closed. Those hands weren’t calloused, those arms weren’t corded with muscle, and that hair was too long, frame too slim, body too pliant. None of that had mattered then, but now in the sunlight it was all too stark. Glaringly. Shame writhed within Catelyn when she realized that she felt resentment towards Maddie, a resentment that she hadn’t been someone else, that the pleasure she gave was intoxicating, and wasn’t that damning.
“Wait,” she said. “Maddie … I need to say—”
“There’s nothing to say, Caitlyn. I—I have to report to my section leader,” said Maddie. “Don’t wanna overstay the welcome … Sorry.”
Half dressed, flushed, disheveled—the girl pattered towards the door, bare feet on carpet, no longer reminding Caitlyn in any way of …
… Vi.
“Lucius,” she said, reaching for her brassiere. “I hope you understand that what you just saw doesn’t leave this room. It … I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I?”
“Several.” He handed her a chemise after intimate modesties had been covered. “But I’m not here to lecture you about the dangers of fraternization among officers, especially those of unequal rank. When you failed to show for your meeting with the Merchant’s Guild, your secretary became worried, and doubly so when you missed the Cadwalder luncheon.”
“Shit.”
“Poor lad feared you’d been assassinated,” continued Lucius. “I assured him that wasn’t the case, and decided to personally check on you just to make sure, what with the terrorist Jinx still at large. And what a surprise it was to find that the officer tasked with guarding you was nowhere in sight. As the Chief of Security for House Kiramman, I’m again recommending a permanent detail of household guards be assigned to you.”
“And I will again refuse. I don’t need round the clock protection.”
Lucius sighed. “Very well. You’ll still need to remove Officer Nolen from rotation and reprimand her with a sufficient punishment. Member of your former strike team or not, what she did was a serious breach of protocol, and if we had a sheriff I’m sure they’d agree with me.”
“No,” Caitlyn said, too quickly. “Maddie didn’t—” do anything wrong , she meant to say, but those words lodged in her throat. What she had done was wrong, so very wrong, and yet it had been so right in the moment. Who was Caitlyn to condemn a breach she herself exploited? Enjoyed? “I’ll speak with her about it, and then I will make a decision. Now is there anything else?”
“I’m sure your secretary has the schedule. But unofficially, I’ve received word from the Ferros’ principal intelligencer.”
Caitlyn sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror and barely recognized the woman staring back.
“Her name is Camille—”
—] III [—
“—Ferros.”
Caitlyn’s smile was halfway to genuine, the memories of schooling and laughter and fun they’d shared not yet stale, an immutable link still strong. But it had frayed over the years, and certainly the woman who stood before her was more stranger than not given the circumstances. All the innocence was gone.
Her secretary beat a hasty retreat and shut the door.
“Commander Kiramman,” said Camille, such little warmth in her voice.
“Camille,” she said, “Cait is fine.”
“Oh?” Arms were crossed. “Pardon me if I assumed otherwise.”
“We’re still friends.”
“Are we? The friend I grew up with wouldn’t have backslid this city into a dictatorship propped up by a Noxian warlord.”
Caitlyn clenched her jaw to keep from frowning. Some of it still slipped through. “I’m not a dictator, and General Medarda is only here to help. She has no say in policy or the governance of Piltover.”
“I find that hard to believe.” Camille paced her way through Caitlyn’s office, that dancer’s grace accentuating her every step. “Yes, I wasn’t present at that impromptu meeting that Salo called, but Stevan was. Everything went too smoothly to be anything but carefully orchestrated. The elder Medarda positioned herself as queen-maker, and you just played your part. The enforcer reluctant to do what she was being asked, yet still accepting nevertheless. Quite the coup.”
Caitlyn restrained herself. “You think I planned this?”
“No.” Camille smiled so cruelly. “You’ve never been able to play the game, you’re merely a piece on the board, and we’re dropping players like flies. Three dead in the attack. Two disappeared. Two sidelined. Leaving only one left.”
“I’m still in control.”
“Of course, Commander.”
It felt like a slap. Commander. Caitlyn’s fingers were red from how hard she’d clenched them. She forced them open, busied herself with pouring a cup of tea, turning her back from the judgement. What did it matter what Camille thought? She didn’t lose anyone in Jinx’s attack. She wasn’t sacrificing anything in hunting down that terrorist. Caitlyn was the one giving blood, sweat, and tears for a better Piltover.
“You didn’t ask for a meeting just to berate me, so what do you want?”
Camille tried to read her expression. Whatever she found must have been enough, for she said, “I just wanted to see if I could still find Cait in you. The real Cait, not this ‘Commander Kiramman’ you’ve become. The little girl who I used to go shooting with.”
“Well?” Caitlyn said, biting back the memories.
Nothing. Of course, she’d never understand. Caitlyn moved to leave, had the door open, and frowned when a hand caught her on the arm. The little girl beneath the hard woman was still there, hidden away, peaking out.
“Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of justice,” Camille said, and Caitlyn tried to yank her arm free. That grip was like steel. “And open your eyes, Cait. If you’re not careful, the Noxians will dig their claws into you, if they haven’t already.”
Arm finally free, Caitlyn adjusted herself and righted her white beret. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Cam.”
“And you do?” She licked her lips and tucked a stray length of hair behind her ear. “I wouldn’t put it against Medarda to place one of her rats in your inner circle just so she can know your every move, your every thought. There’s no line the Noxians won’t cross.”
—] IV [—
Maddie hesitated, then stepped over the threshold, and snapped a salute, closed fist over her heart, knuckles facing out.
Caitlyn observed her, last night flashing before her mind’s eye, and returned the salute. They were alone, or as alone as one could be on a terrace just outside of a luncheon. The Cadwalders had a very nice view of the city.
“You wanted to speak with me, Commander?”
“Just Caitlyn, Maddie,” she said. Beret in hand to keep it busy. “We’re hardly strangers.”
That got a blush. “I—I overstepped last night. A mistake and a horrible breach in the rules.”
“Are you saying I was inadequate?”
“No!” Too loudly. Pink turned to red. “I mean—You were good. I enjoyed it, but it was a mistake. I saw that you were stressed and I thought I could help, but I overstepped. It won’t happen again.”
“And if I … wanted it to?”
The girl was lost for words. Clearly she’d expected anything but. Caitlyn relaxed and let herself grin. She was among friends, and clearly the difference in rank was disparately large.
“It was wrong,” she confirmed, just for Maddie’s sake. “But I’m willing to overlook it. I … I really did need help.”
Maddie smiled hesitantly. Stepped a tad closer. “Can’t have you pushing yourself too hard now.” She winked.
Caitlyn caught the hint of strawberries.
It was blissfully intoxicating.