Chapter Text
The liquid fire slid down Nikolai’s throat like raging flames, it burned at his throat and soon it burned at his whole body. He sank to his knees in his cabin on the ship transporting him the first leg of the way to Mondstadt, clutching at his chest.
I’m going to die.
The process is agonizing. I’m going to die.
He clings to consciousness as it burns away memories that are anything but happy, it takes hours, with how much the bottled flames have to turn to ash. I’m going to die.
His skin is turning to ash, he’s sure of it.
He’s burning alive, every inch of him on fire with the invisible flames he must survive to choose his next path. My next path will be mine alone, ‘Father.’
He burns and burns. I understand. This is not a decision that can be reversed. I will send you north with the pretense of—
Memories flood his mind and are stripped away in the next second. My Sneznevich…you have decided to cast away painful memories—of my secrets and…I support your…
The memories are like butterflies, burning away in the next moment as soon as they land upon his skin. In the end, they will believe you dead. You cannot stay in Fontaine so instead–
When he finally lapses into unconsciousness, he passes out on the cold hard floor, having laid there to attempt to cool his body that was consumed with pain and fire.
He does not remember the pain when he wakes up.
As he pushes himself to his feet, there is a lingering ache in his muscles, he blinks as he sees an empty vial and a letter addressed to himself. He reads the letter, finding that it’s written in his handwriting. Nikolai has the vague notion that it was carefully checked over by someone, who? He doesn’t remember.
“My name is Nikolai. I’m 16 years old, I’m from Snezhnaya, and...:” he trails off, “And I’m on a ship from Lumidouce Harbor heading to Chenyu Vale’s Yilong Wharf.” The words feel foreign in his mouth but the memories of a conversation held about this very thing come to the forefront of his mind. A stranger walks him through his journey, “From Yilong Wharf to Qiaoying Village to Stone Gate then North to Mondstadt City, make sure to carry this map with you.”
The whispers of why he’s making this journey, are too far from his reach. But he doesn’t care, there’s a new sense of freedom he has, not that he understands why, not that he will ever remember there was anything more than what he knows.
He doesn’t remember a lot of things, he remembers the cold of the winters in Snezhnaya with its eternal blizzard. He remembers the sight of light brown almost blonde hair, his sister Mila.
Yet not all memories of the past he can remember are pleasant, he also remembers his mother. Her image in his mind is of a face looking down at him in hate. Visceral, horrifying hate. He also remembers her straightened back as she walked amongst men whose station far exceeded her own. Never bowing her head.
She had left him at ten years old, her face in that casket the starkest of his memories of her. After that it starts to get blurry, he remembers Nod-Krai. He remembers hiding his face with his thick scarf and living off the scraps he could buy through working odd jobs.
After that, things get even fuzzier, memories of training, what for? He can’t recall. I should be concerned, but I don’t feel a thing about it.
The—whatever had happened—had taken and taken and left nothing but echoes of the feeling that something used to be there, but had been taken away. It feels for the best. The lack of distress surrounding the empty hole inside him is curious.
He rereads the letter that he wrote to himself, “What I will remember when I wake up, I cannot say. I doubt…” A missing word. “...knows either. There is not much I can say, other than for the first time, this choice is completely mine. This is why I think I will not feel so terribly confused or distressed when I wake up.” There is an amendment, “This is why I hope I will not feel distressed when I wake up.”
The rest is simple reassurances of what he liked, “Ice fishing was my favorite back in Snezhnaya. However, I'll probably never like chess or swordplay.” The scars he bears are probably the remnants of that sentiment, whether the cause or result he can’t say.
There is another letter, one he knows is there but can’t remember who it’s from, it’s not for him. It’s to ‘explain the situation,’ to the first person he trusts enough to give it to. There’s nothing in there that as he so eloquently put in his own letter that ‘fucks the plan up.’ What plan, he also has no idea. Why don’t I care?
It doesn’t bother him, though it should. He trusts himself—more so than anyone else, he also trusts that he’s better off for having made this decision. If he had such conviction, then what could be wrong with it? Am I naive for thinking this way?
He pushes the door to his cabin open, as he steps past the barrier, through the hall that leads above deck, he pushes that door open as well. He smells the salty air of the sea, the sun beaming down on him, and he closes his eyes. It feels as if for the first time…I am free from fear.
He is jostled as a sailor pushes past him, but he just laughs at his carelessness, he stands on deck, leaning against the balcony as the boat sails through the water. Eventually watching as it docks in Liyue’s Chenyu Vale. Yilong Wharf is bigger than he ever expected. Is all of the world this wonderful?
Stepping off the boat and taking the lift down into the lower Harbor, Nikolai walks along the wooden path, the sun warm on his arms. He shed his jacket a while ago, his backpack slung over one shoulder, and his sword fastened to the belt around his waist. He pays a gentleman to take him from Yilong Wharf to Qiaoying Village.
He watches the water flow by, the bamboo raft the older man is taking on him cutting through the water easily. He sits cross-legged as he takes his map out, tracing with his finger the route along the Bishui.
“You seem a little young to be traveling all by yourself.” The man, Sun Rao as he introduced himself earlier, says. Nikolai just laughs, feeling slightly giddy for some reason.
Watching the scenery of Chenyu Vale pass by him he says, “I've just turned 16 Mister Sun Rao.” He grins, it’s a childish thing, how surprising. I never would have smiled like this before. I don’t know why, but it feels good.
“If you say so kid.” The older man chuckles, pushing the raft off again with his bamboo oar. The massive pieces of jade alongside the river capture his fascination, even if they are old sights to the ferryman. Sun Rao just shakes his head and chuckles under his breath, “They say an Adeptus cast the rings of jade down to stop the flooding and protect the people of Liyue.”
He hums in acknowledgment. The verses Mister Sun Rao sings are of Liyue’s folk tales, Nikolai turns his attention fixed on the passing scenery as he listens, not understanding Liyue’s native tongue but basking in the wonderful sounds. Once he makes it to Qiaoying Village’s docks, he tips Mister Sun Rao for taking him atop his bamboo raft, “Thank you for bringing me this far.”
The man just nods, “Take the path to the right to find the next set of docks, otherwise Qiaoying village is to the left.”
He waves as he takes the path right, walking along the beaten path he luckily doesn’t run into any stray monsters. He spots the Statue of the Seven in the near distance. He makes his way over there, setting a few coins and a Bulle Fruit at the foot. His letter had reminded him to pay proper respect to those who helped him, and generous rewards to those who protect him. Even if the god was no more, perhaps the act of giving would protect him anyway. He shrugs and leaves to return to the path again. He peels a Bulle Fruit as a snack for himself as well. “Well, Lord of Geo, enjoy the fruit.” He spots a really big turtle as well. Not that that’s really that important but still.
He walks along the path for a while, passing by ruins and the like along the way, it’s not that he wasn’t interested in checking them out, but that his goal was to make it to Mondstadt. For some reason, it seems really important.
The dock is small and there are only a few people milling around, he observes for a few minutes before asking a man who seems to be looking strangely enthusiastic about loading up his cargo, “Hello! I’m looking for passage to Mondstadt, do you dock along that route from here?”
The older man glances at him, “This route is from Qingce Village to Chenyu Vale, it ends south of here at Wangshu Inn.”
Nikolai blinks, he goes to pull out his map to check if that gets him close to Stone Gate, “Umm.”
“The answer is yes.” The man says quickly, “My name is Yizheng, I can drop you off at the docks near Qingce Village if you’re fine sitting with a bunch of cargo.” Mister Yizheng’s gaze goes to his sword at his hip, “Are you some kind of adventurer? Oi, Miss Hung!”
‘Miss Hung’ as he calls walks towards him, “Yeah, Yizheng?”
Nikolai glances between them and simply shakes his head, “No, I’m not an adventurer.” He crosses his arms, “I’m not even wearing those stupid green clothes.” They are a bit garish.
Yizheng looks at him, “Hey, not all adventurers wear the uniform you know?” He loads the last bit of cargo on the small boat and glances back at Miss Hung, “Hung Fan, we’re ready to go.”
Hung Fan as he addressed her calls out in response, “Okay, coming.” The older man helps Nikolai into the boat, it rocks slightly and Nikolai almost falls but manages to regain his balance quickly.
The trip to Qingce’s docks goes quickly and smoothly, Yizheng talks a bunch about the big boats that dock in Liyue’s harbor, which Nikolai frowns and says, “Yeah but aren’t Snezhnayan boats a lot more metal than wood compared to Liyue’s?” He had seen some of Liyue’s ships in Yilong Wharf after all and they weren’t nearly as impressive as the Snezhnayan type. He is met with a bit of indignation, but simply shrugs it off. Some people are just weird about boats I guess.
Nikolai thanks Mister Yizheng with a nice tip of twenty thousand mora. Tip 1 for myself: Be generous to those who help you. Nikolai doesn’t feel too bad about it, mostly because he has a lot of mora in his bag, and for the life of him doesn’t know why.
As he disembarks he follows his map for the rest of the way, he fights off a stray hilichurl one or two times, but he just kind of lets his instincts guide him and that works remarkably well. A bit strange but I’m not gonna question it…
Stone Gate is very…stoney. The massive mountains that shield the area are a testament to that. Nikolai stops at a small little tea stand, he pays double for a cup of tea, and there goes another two thousand mora. It’s run by an old man who insists he be called Pops Zhao. Nikolai thinks Pops is quite a strange way to address someone but does as the old man insists anyway.
After taking a quick rest he’s back on his feet, crossing through Stone Gate, Nikolai feels a slight breeze as he finally steps foot into Mondstadt. It’s late evening by this point and it’s almost time to make camp. Except he doesn’t really have the stuff necessary to make camp.
He makes it to the forests near what his map tells him is the Dawn Winery.
Well, tomorrow he’ll worry about getting supplies. He briefly debates climbing and sleeping in one of those trees. …he probably shouldn’t…
He climbs the tree.
He can’t see the setting sun as it casts shades of pink and oranges in the sky, but he can see the last of the Dawn Winery’s workers heading to their houses. He shuts his eyes for a moment and before he knows it he’s already drifted off.