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Vanessa was used to cleaning up her father’s messes, and she thought she would escape that when she left Minnesota for New Jersey two years ago, but in a sad unfortunate twist of fate; she became an apprentice to America’s most wanted serial killer.
Cleaning up another old man’s blood stained messes.
But at least she met her wife by doing that. It was January 2006, The two of them had just gotten married illegally last month; despite knowing each other for only 18 months.
Same sex marriage wasn’t legal and Vanessa knew that it was unfair that she had to go the illegal route to get married. She was supposed to be upholding the law, not breaking it. But on the other hand, she didn’t give a fuck. She loved Amanda.
She mindlessly played with the ring on her finger until she was snapped out of her thoughts by a nuzzle against her cheek. “Hey, bunny. You okay back here?”
“I’m fine, Mandy. It’s just the game John has planned for April has me fucked up. Does he seriously want to kidnap a doctor and have them perform surgery on his fucking brain?!”
“John knows what he’s doing. It sounds mundane, but please don’t question him like that, okay?” Amanda’s slightly bitter tone sent sparks of electricity through Vanessa. If this was a bedroom situation, and Amanda was speaking to her like that, she would fold like a lawn chair. But since this was a disturbing situation, she was disgusted. She knew if she was anybody else, Amanda would be flipping her lid and screaming at her.
Amanda had a very weird relationship with John, and not in a good way. As a police officer, Vanessa has seen this case countless times. Amanda was a victim of grooming, John being the perpetrator.
Vanessa knew her wife was a victim of childhood abuse, and she recognized that John took advantage of that, especially at her lowest.
John had punished and tortured Amanda because she was a drug addict, claiming that this could fix her.
What John fails to realize though is abused children become abused adults, some of them having severely broken minds.
Watching John willingly take advantage of her wife, made her want to kill him, but she couldn’t. By killing John, Vanessa would be risking everything she had with Amanda.
Amanda pulled her in for a hug. “ I know you worry about me, but I promise I’m fine,” Amanda began, peppering kisses along Vanessa’s collarbone. “You need to relax.”
“ I cannot relax and you know that.”
“Why? Is that fucking weirdo security guard still looking for you?!”
“His name is Mike and I don’t know. He’s not weird, he knows I’m a lesbian and has not asked me out on any dates since I told him I was before I left Minnesota.”
Vanessa could see partial jealousy in Amanda‘s eyes. It was the protective type and she understood why her wife Felt the way she did.
“ I don’t trust any men besides John around you, not only because of my past, but because of yours. I had an abusive father, and so did you. But yours also killed a bunch of children and made you clean up the mess at the age of 10.”
Vanessa’s green eyes looked into Amanda’s “Babe, I don’t need a play-by-play of my childhood thank you.”
But the fact that she didn’t trust any men besides John made Vanessa sick inside. John was tearing Amanda apart, and since that evil old bastard had her right where she wanted him, she couldn’t even see it.
“You wanna go out? We could go to Wendy’s. We haven’t had a date night in a while.” Amanda’s offer cut through Vanessa’s thoughts like a butter knife. “Yeah. Why not?”
~
Vanessa, being nearly as tall as Mark Hoffman, threatened the hell out of him to take care of John and that’s how they were able to go out for the night. The two of them sat at a table, drowned out by chatter. two toddler aged siblings were play fighting on the floor near the couple, laughing.
“You still want kids with me one day?” Amanda asked, making a small gesture to the children.
“ Neither of us are mentally sound enough to take care of another human being, let alone multiple. Besides, we have a dog named Sparky, and I think she counts as our child.”
“VANESSA?!”
Vanessa knew that voice. Her body went rigid, her finger trembling against the table as she gripped it. She never wanted Mike to find her for her own sake, and yet he did. Amanda got up and stalked towards Mike. “What fucking business do you have asking for my girlfriend?” Amanda snapped. She wanted to say wife so badly, but she could not risk going back to jail.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” Mike asked, clearly bewildered.
“I’m sorry, Let me be more fucking formal this time. I’m Amanda, Vanny’s girlfriend, and you had no business coming in here to bother her.”
“It's a public restaurant. Besides, she’s a friend of mine.”
“ I don’t give a shit if it’s a public restaurant, ‘Mike’. “
All eyes were on Amanda now. Her relationship with Vanessa was nobody’s business, and this asshole from Utah was getting on her nerves.
Vanessa still sat at that table, just wanting to go back to their apartment.
“Ness?”
Vanessa’s head snapped up. There stood Abby, now sixteen. She hasn’t seen her since she left. “Hi, Abby. How are you?” Those were the only words she could get out, her brain still completely wracked.
“I’m okay, I guess. Was I the reason you left?”
Vanessa finally turned. “No, no, no. It wasn’t you. It was-“
“ It was Mike, wasn’t it?” Abby cut her off before she could tell her why, The teenager stormed off and started yelling at her brother. Amanda walked back, wrapping an arm around Vanessa. “Babe, we’re going home.” Amanda sounded almost aggressive and it didn’t help that Vanessa was trying to hold back tears.
It wasn’t Mike.
It wasn’t Abby.
It was her dead father, and that fucking restaurant of his.
She wanted to get away from it all. But now that the entire country knew who her father was, would she be able to? She legally changed her last name from Afton to a last name she picked out herself, Shelly, when she was 18 in 1993. It was the only way she could try to distance herself from him as much as she could, but even as a police officer, he was still controlling everything she did, and making sure she cleaned up every single victim he had.
And now, she was stuck doing it again.
She had her missing piece with her, but it was still a cycle of repetitive abuse. The two of them were nothing but puppets, the puppet master now in a stolen hospital bed in a crude replication of a hospital room.
Amanda helped Vanessa in the back of her car, seeing the stress in her eyes.
When they got back to the meat packing plant, Amanda quickly got her girlfriend inside and immediately to their shared mattress that lay on top of two floor shelving units. Sparky, their rescued German shepherd mix curled beside Vanessa in an attempt at comfort. Amanda kissed Vanessa’s lips before nuzzling her face and putting a blanket over her.
“Sleep well, Vanny. I love you,” Amanda breathed as she crawled into bed beside her. “Always.”
Sparky moved in between her human moms, wriggling until she flopped on her back.
~
Vanessa jolted awake in a sweat, sobbing. Amanda stirred. “Bunny?” She mumbled, voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“My dreams. I’m brought back to June 23rd,1985. I’m still nine, and I’m in the arcade of Freddy’s. My dad, William, calls for me. Mama was at work, so I often stayed at Freddy’s until dad left. I assumed he called my name because we were going home, but no. I stood in the doorway of the back room and I saw-“
Vanessa shook as she began to hyperventilate. Amanda pulled her in, whispering in her ear. “Ground yourself, Nessie. He’s not here, he cannot hurt you anymore. If he even tries to find you, I’ll fucking kill him myself. Okay?”
Vanessa gripped Amanda. Once she calmed down, she murmured, “I’ll kill yours, too. I know what he did to you, Mandy. I read his file at the station, and the amount of visceral rage he gives me is so fucking palpable.”
Amanda didn’t even flinch. She just leaned in, and kissed her cheek. “Little miss law breaker… I should put you in cuffs for that, you know.” Amanda winked, a light joke in the heat of the moment.
“Wouldn’t be the first time you stole my cuffs only to use them on me. Remember New Year’s Day 2005?”
“Of course I remember last year. We almost got caught by Hoffman. Absolutely disgusting.” Amanda grimaced, Vanessa laughing.
“Not my fault!”
“Yes, it was, you little bitch. You’re loud.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“But you love me.”
“Do I?” Vanessa joked, Amanda smothering her in kisses. “Yeah, you do.”
Vanessa kissed her back. “Of course I do.”
The two leaned back when Sparky wanted love. The pup was essentially their child, completing their family in a way.
But there was always the gnawing feeling of wanting more.
But in their line of ‘work’, it was impossible. Vanessa and Amanda wouldn’t dare bring a child into their world of blood and pain.
The two lay on that dingy mattress, dreaming of a life that could’ve been theirs. No games, no John Kramer, no blood to scrub off of walls. Just them, Sparky, a home, and maybe a child or two.
But dreams are just that. Dreams.