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The thing with Heeseung is he experienced the word jealousy first before knowing what it was. In other words, he got jealous way before he learned the word jealous. At two years old, when he saw his mother hugging his brother so tight and so long, he burst into tears. At four, when his brother patted his younger cousin's head, he head-butted his brother in the stomach.
Now, at twenty three, suddenly bursting out in tears or head-butting someone is of course out of the question, especially if that someone is not just one, especially if they were all part of the group Heeseung is also part of and most especially not when they were in the middle of a schedule.
The thing with Heeseung's boyfriend is that he is extremely adorable (Heeseung's words). He looked so soft and squishy, so huggable, so warm and comforting. One sunbaenim even compared him to mozzarella cheese. So, it was natural for the other members to flock around him, tease him and find his reactions so cute, touch him even. Heeseung understood that too well, but maybe they couldn't understand how their actions were starting to get on his nerves.
First, it was Jay, his best friend for many years. Sunoo was casually lounging at the couch inside the makeup room. That day, they had magazine photoshoot. Heeseung was having his makeup done, staring at the mirror and watching how Jay was sitting beside his boyfriend who was playing or watching something on his phone.
Jay chuckled as he looked at Sunoo. "Why are you furrowing your brows? How cute!" Then he poked his cheek with his finger.
To Heeseung's surprise, Sunoo just let Jay do that. Yes, he wasn't paying attention to him but he wasn't also telling Jay off. Heeseung wanted to, he would if only everyone in the room was trustworthy.
His frown deepened when Jay leaned on Sunoo, resting his head on his shoulder. That should have been him. "What's wrong?" the makeup artist asked him. "Did I hurt you?"
"No. I just remembered something," he reasoned out. He wanted to divert his attention from the mirror to stop the ugly feeling from blossoming further inside him but he just couldn't. It seemed like Jay detected his stares though. He briefly looked at him then moved away from Sunoo.
Just as Heeseung heaved a relieved sigh, his eyes narrowed again because someone occupied the seat Jay just left not even three seconds ago. "Sunoo-ya, my favorite dongsaeng." It was Jake. He poked his boyfriend's cheek once then proceeded to lie down on his freaking lap.
Heeseung tensed. He intently studied his boyfriend's face and something pinched his heart when Sunoo didn't even flinch or react. While he was having an internal turmoil, Sunoo was just calmly letting anyone invade his personal space. 'It's okay, it's okay, it's okay...' he kept repeating in his mind for it wasn't like Sunoo likes any of them romantically.
"You're done." Finally! "Jake, it's your turn." Heeseung wanted to hug the makeup artist.
But as he was approaching the couch, someone spoke. "Sunoo, sit here. Let's fix your hair."
Heeseung sighed. He thought he could relax beside his boyfriend even just a bit. He sat on the couch while Sunoo moved to one of the chairs in front of the big mirror, his eyes still on his phone. Heeseung thought of a brilliant idea. He texted Sunoo. 'Love...'
Minutes later, he got no reply. He tried again. 'Baby?? What are you doing on your phone?'
His already pouty lips pouted all the more when he received nothing back, not even one reply after flooding their chat box with emojis and gifs.
"Sunoo hyung!"
Heeseung's ears perked up when he heard their youngest member.
"Wow! What a cool hairstyle, hyung looks so manly."
Sunoo chuckled at Ni-Ki's compliment. He finally turned away from his phone to look at his reflection. "Yeah, it's cool." Then he looked at his dongsaeng. "You're cool too, Ni-Ki. I like your hair," he said while nodding as he inspected the other's look and hairdo. "So handsome."
The door to the makeup room opened just as Heeseung was about to walk to the two. "Jungwon, Heeseung and Jay, it's time to shoot," their manager announced.
Being in the industry for four years, excluding their trainee years, Enhypen can already be called experienced idols. Their photoshoots don't last as long as they did back when they were rookies. They did not need any detailed instructions. The director only has to tell them the general concept of the shoot.
After the unit shoot, the individual shoot proceeded. Heeseung went first while Sunoo was last.
During Sunoo's turn, everyone's eyes were on him. His concept was refreshing and confident. Almost everyone was cooing behind the camera, at awe with Sunoo's visuals. Heeseung didn't know if he should be proud and let them marvel at his boyfriend or he should sulk in the corner as they marvel at his boyfriend for he wanted the sight to be for his eyes only.
After Sunoo finished, he immediately walked towards him. "Sun--" His words faltered, his lips parted as Sunghoon overtook his steps and patted Sunoo's head. Really, he wanted to head butt the youngest 02-liner in the head just once.
What's funny is that the entire time Heeseung was going through all these situations, someone was watching him. Enhypen's leader had this cheeky smirk on his lips. It was fun for him to see the always put-together hyung gets antsy and stressed out and filled with jealousy. Quickly, he devised a plan to make him suffer all the more just because. No really, he just wanted to help the mathyung in his own way.
The next day.
It was their day-off. WOO-HOO!
02z and Ni-Ki left the dorms early. Unlike when they had schedules, the four woke up early very gladly and prepared to leave while making zero fuss. They were off to enjoy themselves that's why.
Just like the four members, Heeseung was also looking forward to that day. How can he not when he can finally have his boyfriend all to himself? Jungwon said he needed to be in the company so he and Sunoo planned to spend the day catching up to the latter's favorite k-drama series.
Smiling to himself, actually even whistling such a happy tune, Heeseung went out of his room. In the living room, however, he was greeted by a surprise.
"Hi, hyung!"
"What are you doing here?"
"Hm? I thought we'll hangout today?"
"We will, baby," he gently answered Sunoo then he glanced (glared) back to the other occupant of their couch who greeted him. "I meant you. Why are you here, Yang Jungwon?"
Jungwon grinned. "Bonding time. My meeting got cancelled. So I'm here to spend time with my favorite hyungs."
Heeseung could swear he aged up a year or two after the response he got.
At first Heeseung thought it was okay to have Jungwon around, that it would only look like Sunoo and him adopted a cat and was hanging out with it.
But said cat (ahem), said leader, didn't seem like the third wheel in this setup. Heeseung never knew the essence of being the third wheel until that moment.
"It's cold, hyung..."
Heeseung looked at the person beside him cuddling the person beside that person. Jungwon in the beginning had said, "I like the cushion in the middle of the couch, hyungs. Can I sit there?" And Sunoo had casually agreed and scooted to the side, leaving Heeseung on the other side.
"Hyung, don't you have any snacks here in your dorm? For sure, you do have some secret stash."
Heeseung almost rolled his eyes. Sunoo's cat was even asking him food.
When he didn't respond, Jungwon turned to his other hyung. "Sunoo hyung, you want some snacks, right?"
Heeseung's boyfriend was busy watching the drama, totally unaware of the bubbling lava inside Heeseung. He answered, "Sure."
"See, Heeseung hyung? Sunoo hyung is hungry."
"I'll get some for my boyfriend." He had to say that to remind Jungwon because obviously, he seemed to have forgotten it.
"Yeah, yeah, hyung. For me too please."
'And the cat can even roll his eyes!' Heeseung thought to himself.
"Love..."
Heeseung looked at Sunoo. "Yes, love?"
"Jungwon fell asleep. He must have been really tired."
Heeseung checked their leader and felt a bit bad. "Yeah. Do you want me to move him? Aren't you uncomfortable?" Jungwon was snuggled at Sunoo, almost pressing his entire weight on him.
"No, no. It's fine. I don't want to wake him up."
Heeseung nodded. "You sure?"
Sunoo smiled at him. "Yes."
Heeseung looked at Jungwon again and he didn't know if it was just his imagination or what but he thought he saw a smirk on his lips. But would Jungwon faked falling asleep? Why would he? "How about you, love? Aren't you tired?"
Jungwon made a whining sound in his sleep.
"Shh, love."
Hee can only sigh.
Heeseung fell asleep too. He didn't know how long he was out or what time it was. He just felt lethargic and a bit of a headache. He looked around and found himself alone in their living room.
He looked at their wall clock, it was way past lunch time. They hadn't eaten yet. He wanted to order food but then remembered he left his phone inside his room.
Slowly, still sleepy, Heeseung walked to his room and the sight that welcomed him was way worse than the surprise he saw in the morning. It was like a bucket of iced water was thrown at him, fully waking him up. "Yah! Yang Jungwon!!"
Jungwon was lying on his bed. Sunoo too. They were both sleeping. Jungwon was hugging Sunoo like his boyfriend was the leader's teddy bear. "What? Why? Did we miss a schedule? Are we late? Did something happen?" Jungwon, obviously disoriented, asked him.
Heeseung closed his eyes, steady his breathing, calmed himself. "What are you doing, Yang Jungwon?" Yet he wasn't calm when he said that, his voice and stare were sharp.
"Huh?"
"What happened?" Sunoo woke up too.
"That's what I wanted to know. Why are you two sleeping here? Why is Jungwon hugging you, love?" Heeseung's eyes started watering.
"What?" Sunoo was confused. "Jungwon said he was uncomfortable on the couch, but he can't sleep here when he's alone so..."
"Alright." With that, Heeseung walked-almost ran to the bathroom. He felt his tears falling as he closed the door with a bang. His hands were fisted and he wanted to punch something, he almost punched the wall.
"Hyung? Hyung, are you okay?"
His tears fell all the more as he heard Sunoo's voice. Truthfully, he didn't hate him. He can't hate the person he loves so much. But he was hurt, he was so hurt and he was also so frustrated.
"Hyung, come out and let's talk." He heard Jungwon speak.
"What's happening?"
"What are you guys doing?"
Heeseung heard other voices from outside the bathroom. It seemed like the other members were back.
"We brought some food, guys. Have you eaten?"
Heeseung dried his eyes and composed himself a bit then slowly, he opened the door. Sunoo was right outside with Jungwon behind him. "Hyung..."
He needed to speak, but his throat seemed to have a lump in it. 'You need to speak,' he urged himself still.
Heeseung smiled at the others, but his smile was void of joy. "Hey, guys, did you remember when I called for a meeting about asking to have one bite of my ramyeon?"
Everyone else was silent, not shocked but utterly confused.
"Yeah?" Jay answered unsure.
Heeseung nodded. "Good. I have something to tell you all again. I'm sure you all know it anyway but let me just remind you just this once." He glanced at his boyfriend. "Sunoo and I are dating and if I don't like to share my ramyeon, I sure as hell don't like and won't ever share my boyfriend with any of you too."
"Hyung, what are you saying?" Jake asked incredulously. "Of course we know that. Are you implying something?"
"Yes. Yes, I am. You all are way too comfortable touching what's mine whether in my presence or not. I don't think any of you guys know your boundaries."
"Hyung, what the hell?!" Sunghoon sounded so offended. "Have you forgotten that we're not just colleagues? Sunoo is our friend, Sunoo is dear to us just like how you are dear to us too. Can't we show our affection to our friends anymore now that they're dating?"
"You can but you must know your boundaries." Heeseung glared at Jungwon.
"Heeseung hyung, I think you're being too possessive," Ni-Ki said although hesitantly as he didn't want to hurt his hyung with his words.
"Yeah? I don't think so."
"You are, hyung," Jay countered. "You're being too much."
"What?!" Heeseung's eyes bulged with the comment.
Sunoo heard enough. He stood in the middle of the other members and Heeseung and raised his hands to quiet them down before he spoke. "Listen to me, everyone." He turned to the other members. "Hyungs, Jungwon, Ni-Ki, please understand that it's different now. Heeseung hyung and I are dating now so I think it's only natural for him to get jealous whenever you guys are around me. Please don't take that right away from him as my boyfriend."
Then Sunoo faced Heeseung, his expression softening. "And hyung, as much as I think you have the right to be jealous, I also think I have the right to know. I'm sorry I couldn't see it but please next time, tell me. Why suffer in silence when you can tell me and I can do something about it, hm?"
Jungwon smiled. He knew. He believed Heeseung is good in almost everything but if there was something he was certain Heeseung isn't good at, it is expressing himself. His hyung finds it hard to voice his thoughts and feelings, sometimes it takes an extreme situation to have him speak up. Mentally dusting his hands, Jungwon cleared his throat. "Heeseung hyung, Sunoo hyung, we're sorry. We'll go to the other dorm to reflect on our actions."
The leader looked at Jay, Jake, Sunghoon and their maknae. "Come on, guys."
The lovers were left alone. Heeseung's shoulders sagged at the release of all the tension he was keeping. He also felt exhausted and when he glanced at Sunoo, the embarrassment hit. "I'm sorry."
Sunoo nodded. "We should talk, hyung."
They were back at the couch but this time with no one in between. Heeseung couldn't look Sunoo in the eyes, while Sunoo was staring at him with a frown. "First," the younger began. "Why are you sorry?"
"I am sorry for being immature, for being overly jealous." Heeseung gulped. "Just like they said, for being too possessive."
"How about for not communicating with me?" Sunoo held his hand. "Look at me, hyung."
Hee did. "I'm sorry, love."
"Okay." Sunoo smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "I accept your apology, but only because you made me realize how much you love me."
"Huh?"
"You compared me to your greatest love in the world."
Heeseung tilted his head, he didn't get it.
"Hyung, you compared me to ramyeon. You said just like how you don't want to share your ramyeon, you also don't want to share me."
"Baby!" Heeseung whined.
Sunoo laughed at his boyfriend. "What? You said that."
Heeseung pouted before scooting closer and hugging Sunoo. "You know I love you more than ramyeon. If it's you, I don't mind giving one bite or even two or even an entire ramyeon. I love you so much."
Of course Sunoo was just joking, he just wanted to lighten up the atmosphere. He patted Heeseung's back and hummed. "I love you too. You don't have to be jealous of anyone. I love when they hug me because I love our friends, but your hugs are still the ones I crave the most. You are still the one I want to be with the most, hyung."
Heeseung melted at Sunoo's hug, his warmth, his words. "I'm sorry I overreacted."
Sunoo gently let go. "Hyung, you can be jealous, that's okay but always remember that I'm yours and yours alone. Sometimes, those guys are just teasing too so have more patience, hm?"
Heeseung pouted but nodded anyway.
"And don't forget to communicate. We could have prevented you from getting hurt if you only told me you were jealous, right?"
"Yeah."
"If you're truly agreeing then stop pouting."
"My lips are just naturally pouty."
Sunoo laughed and playfully hit his lap. "You're so cute. It feels like I'm the older between the two of us sometimes. I wonder how engenes will react if they see you like this."
"They'll probably call me princess."
"A jealous princess."
"A jealous princess that needs a kiss."
Sunoo shook his head. "A jealous cheeky princess." Then he stood up. "Come on, princess. I'm hungry. The hyungs and Ni-Ki brought food."
Heeseung followed him to the dining table. "Still, where's my kiss?"
"Later, princess."
"Okay, my prince."
They both chuckled at their own antics.
The thing after jealousy is the assurance. At two years old, Heeseung's mom had assured him that she loves him just as much as she loves his brother. At four, Heeseung's brother told him he adores him more than any of their cousins.
And now at twenty-three, Sunoo, his boyfriend, reprimanded him as he should and then reassured him that their love is two-sided. As it has always been.
Finally, they ended the day not overwhelmed with jealousy or anything else but the imperfect yet beautiful love they have for each other.