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She had a feeling.
She tossed and turned all night, riddled with doubt. But he promised. Surely he wouldn’t go against it. Not when she was “a reason to stay”.
What even did that mean?
Nothing Hannah, it just means you’re his friend. Nothing more.
And yet it felt like more. The way he’d looked at her, forlorn. With so much sadness it brought tears to her own eyes. Was it crazy to think some things had been left unsaid?
She got out of bed almost an hour before her alarm was set to go off. What’s the point anyway? Might as well go in early and work.
And wait.
For him .
She’s acutely aware Dean shouldn’t be the one she’s most eager to spot walking through the doors of Gaffney’s ED. She’s acutely aware that when it’s Mitch who walks in first, she shouldn’t feel a pang of disappointment. Mitch is a great guy. On paper, he’s perfect for her. Except he’s not Dean.
She groans inwardly. What a mess she got herself into.
Right now though, the only thing she can think about is that Dean is not here. Not when everyone gathers at the nurse’s station at the beginning of shift. Not ten minutes later when Ms Goodwin emerges from the elevator and walks toward her staff.
She knows. Even before Sharon opens her mouth, she knows.
The fucker did it.
He quit.
“I’m sorry to announce, Dr Archer tendered his resignation last night. Effective immediately.”
Even if she expects it, the confirmation still digs through her like a razor-sharp saber. It burns white hot on its way in and leaves her frozen with rage when Goodwin retreats.
“Hannah?” Ripley’s hand on her shoulder startles her.
She wants to scream. She wants to crumble on the floor and cry.
“I’ll be right back,” she murmurs.
How she makes it to the empty locker room, she has no idea. She ends up sitting in the same spot she sat a mere 18 hours ago.
That’s where she lets go.
That’s where Mitch finds her minutes later, head in her hands, tears flowing silently through her fingers.
He kneels in front of her, brushing her hair away from her face.
“What's going on, Hannah?”
She wipes the moisture away from her face with the back of her hand, shaking herself to regain composure. “Nothing,” she answers.
Coward. Tell him the truth.
From the look on Mitch’s face, he already knows it. “Is this about Archer resigning?” He takes a deep breath when she nods. “I know you guys are close and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt here but is there something I should know?”
She wants to. God knows he deserves it but the truth is, she can barely admit it to herself. She looks down, unable to face the man in front of her, crushing guilt weighing on her shoulders.
“I see,” he says, pursing his lips. “How long have you been feeling this way?”
She shrugs. “A while, I guess.”
“Wow. So much for thinking we had something here. And here I thought you cared about me,” he retorts briskly, getting to his feet.
Hannah stands, walking toward Ripley. “Of course I care about you, Mitch,” she says, trying to place a hand on his arm to calm him down.
He pushes it off, taking a step backward. “But you care about him more.”
“I…” There’s no point denying it anymore, no point lying to him. To herself. “I’m sorry, Mitch. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just didn’t realize until… well now.”
He sighs, stopping to face her. “I know you didn’t.” His voice drops, the anger leaving place to pain. “But here we are anyway.” He throws her one last look before walking back to the door. “I guess I’ll see you around in the ED,” he adds before he leaves her alone.
The door shuts with a dull thud but it might as well be thunder.
What now?
She groans. As much as she wishes she could leave right now, she has a day’s work to get through. The ED is already short-handed with Dean not there, there’s no way she makes the situation worse than it is.
She grits her teeth through the next few hours. Working with Mitch is awkward, especially since he makes a point of avoiding her path at every turn. Not that she blames him. How could she when her mounting fury towards Dean Archer fuels her day. The irony of the situation doesn’t escape her.
When the clock strikes the end of shift and she makes her way back to her car, she already knows she’s not driving home.
Forty minutes later, she’s knocking on Archer’s door.
As soon as he opens the door, she bursts in. “What happened to waiting 24 hours?”
“Please, Dr Asher, do come in,” Dean answers as he closes the door behind her, his voice dripping with his usual sarcasm.
“Don’t you ‘Dr Asher’ me!” She faces him, her heart pounding with anger. “I am not in the mood, Dean!” Her eyes land on flattened moving cardboard boxes, still wrapped together with a hard plastic strap. It hits her like a wrecking ball to the chest. “You’re really doing this, aren’t you?”
“I am,” he replies, his voice resolute.
“Were you even going to say goodbye?” She turns her back to him when he doesn’t answer, hiding the tears pricking her eyes. “I can’t believe this.”
“Hannah…”
She doesn’t let him finish. If he’s determined to throw away every damn piece of whatever relationship they built over the last few years out of the window, then she sure as hell won’t make it easy on him. Ragingly, she wipes the moisture away from her face before she faces him again. “What am I supposed to think here? You were going to leave Chicago, leave me , without a word? How was I supposed to find out? Were you going to leave me a Dear John? Or maybe just a text? I thought we were friends. I thought we had something. Was I wrong?” She swallows hard but it does nothing to stop her voice breaking as she continues. “Did the last two years mean nothing to you?” She crosses her arms, gathering the last of her anger as she defiantly confronts him. “Tell me Dean, which is it? Are you a coward or a liar?”
“I never lied to you.”
“We had a deal!” She’s yelling now. “You were supposed to wait!”
“And what do you think would have changed, Hannah?” He yells right back. How dare he sound as frustrated as she does? “Don’t you think I reconsidered a million times over the last few days? But the reality is, I still got demoted, Sean is still in Florida and I’m still alone here!”
The word stops her like a slap in the face. “Alone?” She scorns. “Are you serious right now?”
“That’s not…” He pauses, raising a frustrating hand to his head. “You know what I mean.”
“No, Dean. Actually, I don’t. How could I when one minute you’re telling me I’m a reason to stay, and the next you’re sneaking out of town like a thief in the night?”
“You are a reason to stay.”
There it is again, that longing look he sends her sometimes, that soft tone that sends her stomach fluttering with the idea of more. The one that tears her heart apart when she remembers he was willing to leave her behind.
She drops her hands to her side, fresh tears blurring her vision. “Just not one you care enough about to stick around.” The grief of losing yet another person she loves knocks the breath out of her. “I guess that’s it then,” she says. “Goodbye Dean.”
Two steps. That’s all it takes. Two steps towards the door before a hand grabs her wrist. She freezes.
“Has it occurred to you that maybe I’m leaving because I care too much about you?” He speaks to her back.
He’s so close she feels his breath on her nape. Goosebumps rise from her back to her fingertips. She flips on her heels and he’s right there, inches away from her, his fingers still wrapped around her arm. His eyes lock into hers, making sure he has her full attention before he goes on.
“Has it occurred to you that maybe seeing you everyday with someone else is killing me? So maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m a coward because I used the job as an excuse. Losing Chief to Lenox hurt but not nearly as much as knowing he is your person now.”
The pain in his eyes matches hers and just like that, her anger drops. “He’s not,” she whispers.
“He’s not?” He repeats, as if he’s trying to make sense of the words.
She shakes her head. “We broke up.”
To his credit, he seems genuinely shocked. “When?”
“This morning. When we both realized he was never going to be the most important person in my life.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, the implication becoming clear to him. “You shouldn’t have done that.” He lets go of her wrist and takes a step back.
What in the whiplash…?
“Why the hell not?”
“Look at you, Hannah, you’re full of life and I’m… not. The last thing you need is to be tied to a grumpy old schmuck.”
She laughs. Clear and light and bright because of course it’s the way he’d see himself. She closes the distance he put between them, marching straight into his personal space. She threads her fingers through his. “What if I happen to be in love with this grumpy old schmuck?”
His eyes never leave hers as she trails her hand up his arms, grazing the side of his neck before she reaches his jaw. He doesn’t move away this time. Instead, she watches as he inhales sharply and his eyes flutter close at the touch. Somewhere in the middle, they meet. Just a delicate brush of her lips against his but it sends a flash of lightning coursing through her body. She wants to get lost in him, bury herself into his chest and hold onto his neck for dear life but not quite yet. Not until she’s sure.
She rests her forehead against his. “Stay,” she murmurs, her mouth only a whisper away from his.
“Are you sure about this?” He asks, the low sound of his voice vibrating between them. “Because I don’t know if I could ever let you go.”
She beams at him. “Promise?”
He smiles right back at her, with a tenderless that leaves her toes curling. “I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me. I’m irrevocably in love with you too, Hannah Asher.”
Her heart swells when he immediately captures her lips in a dizzying kiss. He snakes his arms around her back, pressing her to his chest as he devours her mouth. She loses all sense of time the moment he nips at her bottom lip, tracing it with his tongue to soothe the tender spot before he dips into her neck, quickly tasting the pulse in her throat. Colors are exploding beneath her closed eyelids and all she wants, all she needs in this moment is him. More of him. Her hands drop to his waistband. He stiffens when she reaches under his T-shirt, her nails gently scraping the warm skin she finds underneath the fabric. For a second, she worries she’s gone too far too soon but if the way he plasters her against him is any indication, it’s not far enough.
She happens to agree.
With one last kiss, she tears himself from him. Biting her lips, she starts walking backwards towards the back of his apartment. “I hope you didn’t pack the bedroom yet,” she says, smiling as the shock on his face leaves place to pure, unraveled hunger.
He catches up to her before she reaches the threshold.
As he pushes her into the bed, she sees the future clear as day. She knows there will be challenges in their path but she has faith. She knows they’ll face whatever comes their way.
Together.