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“You don’t really mean this...”
You were dumbfounded by your boyfriend’s words. Or who you thought was your boyfriend until a while ago at least.
“I mean this, y/n. I’m far too old for you and up until now, we’re only facing difficulties. This can’t go on any-”
“Oh so because things are difficult you’re tapping out? This is so not like you to say, Erwin.”
“I’m not tapping out, y/n, I’m doing you a solid. Have you not noticed how everyone is giving us weird looks in the office? And they have been doing so for months! I’m your supervisor, we shouldn’t have this kind of attachment anyway...”
“Attachment? Erwin, we’ve been dating for four months now! The way couples do? And what solid, what are you talking about? Just say you’re bored or that you found someone new, enough with the lies!”
Erwin’s stern expression and calm voice was in complete contrast with your current state. You felt your heart beating faster with each passing second, the more you yelled at him, the harder it pounded inside your chest.
“I’m not lying to you, y/n! You should be with someone your age. I’m saving you from the embarrassment of dating someone twice your age and I’m saving the both of us from getting fired. Is that what you want? After all you’ve been through?”
“I thought it was worth it if we were in it together! Clearly, I was mistaken.”
You saw his shoulders drop at your words, still not approaching you. He remained across from you on the other side of the kitchen table.
“Y/n, don’t make this any more difficult for me...”
“I won’t, Mr Smith. You’ve made your point clear.”
Your fists were tight knots as you moved around Erwin’s apartment and gathered the few belongings you kept there and put them in your bag one by one. A comb, a spare t-shirt, your phone charger. There was nothing left for you to say. This is what he wanted and hell would freeze over before he changed his mind.
“I want to sort it out, y/n.”
Erwin broke the silence as he walked closer to where you were sat on the edge of the sofa, fixing your tights before putting on your boots. His hand was travelling back and forth on the back of the couch.
“Nothing to sort out Mr Smith. I’ll be on my way in only a few minutes.”
“Please, y/n… Listen to me...”
His pleading eyes made you reconsider. Maybe you read too much into your argument. What if he didn’t really want to break up with and you misunderstood everything in the heat of the moment?
“You’ve five minutes Mr Smith.”
“Please, don’t call me that…”
He said as he took a sit on the sofa right next to you, your thighs touching.
“Listen… You’re in your twenties and I’m well over forty. This is only getting worse from now on. You should be having fun with your friends, getting drunk and dancing, dumping boyfriend after boyfriend each week… Not making dinner for me and having those “at home” dates or whatever you call them… You’re still a kid to my eyes, y/n. A kid who isn’t living her life to the fullest!”
“I’m still a kid to you? Then what have these past months been to you? Because I’ve made it abundantly clear I want to spend my life this way. With you. I won’t regret not attending a party, but I’ll regret it forever if I fumble you!”
“You’re not fumbling me, y/n. I’m breaking up with you, I’m setting you free. You’re such a talented, beautiful person. You’ll find love again.”
“But I love you, Erwin? Has dementia taken over your brain? Why would you think I don’t want to be with you? Why break up with me if you love me?”
Erwin held your hands in his, pressing them together softly. He stared down at the bundle that was your palms and sighed before looking up at you.
“I’m doing this because I love you, y/n. You’re missing out in life if you stay with me. Don’t you see it?”
Tears began to swell up in your eyes as you realised his words were final. You felt your palms start trembling the moment you pulled them away from his, feeling freezing instantly at the loss of his touch.
“And there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
Your voice was seconds before breaking, but you somehow managed to hold it together. Even if it was just for a second longer. Erwin cupped one of your cheeks with his hand, his thumb softly caressing the place right beneath your eye.
“You’re a good kid, y/n. You’ll figure it out. You’ve all the time in the world.”
Flinching at his statement, you pulled away from him and got up, one of your boot laces left untied. After hastily throwing on your jacket and grabbing your bag from the floor, you headed for the door, quickly turning the handle.
The sound of the door slamming behind you felt like music to your ringing ears. You put a hand on the wall, preventing yourself from falling off and giving yourself some time to steady your feet. You took a breath in, held it for five, four, three, two, one, then exhale, then inhale again, steadying yourself as best as possible.
You didn’t know how long it’d been of you lingering just outside Erwin’s doorstep, when the door swung open.
“I never heard your footsteps leaving.”
You didn’t respond, only avoided his gaze by staring at the stairs that’d eventually lead you downstairs, then out of the building.
“Are you dizzy? How long have you been like this?”
“Fuck you, Erwin! Go back inside!”
Uttering those words gave you the stability and courage you needed to finally walk away. Your boot lace was still hanging sloppily on the floor but you felt in control. A single lace couldn’t hold you back now.
“Fuck me yourself, y/n, you coward!”
They didn’t break up after all.