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One, two, three, four. Step forward once, twice, and then twirl...
Once again, the young goddess stepped on the hem of her kimono. She tried to kept her balance, but the force caused her to stumble backward. Her yelp was quickly muffled with a thud; pain bloomed on the back of her head, causing her to groan and rolling on the grass while clutching her head.
The flying fish worriedly approached their young lady, a flurry of golden scales lightly pressing their heads and tails on that whimpering figure.
“I’m alright,” she said, holding back a sob, “I’m alright.”
The pain was quick to dissipate, though it took quite a while for her to rise. The sun was not yet high in the sky, her light winked through the leaves. A breeze brushed the young goddess’ face and dried her sweat-soaked skin, carrying with it the scent of early spring.
The young goddess could only fixate her eyes on the sky above, straining her eyes to see through the leaves, wondering when she would reach that shining blue. Her divine companions floated around; some of them decided to wander off, leaving their lady to their peer that decided to stay.
“What do you think she’s doing right now?” The young goddess asked. “My sister—do you think she is happy there? Lord brother said that I could join her once I’ve learned how to manifest my divine power. But how? I’m not even yet to fully understand the aspect of this world I represent…”
Takamagahara will only accept those who rightfully belong there; her brother said it once. He was adamant about keeping his sisters inside his realm, never giving them permission to venture the world beyond the border. The only time he was willing to give permission was when the divine envoy came to take the oldest away. The glance she gave to her younger back then, however, was one of worry, a silent unease that could only be understood between them, before accepting the envoy’s request and leaving forever.
Perhaps not forever, but for a long time, still.
She blinked, suddenly aware of the tears blooming between her eyelashes. They used to practice dancing in this clearing, deep in the forest at the borderof their brother’s mountain, away from his watch. The sisters were careful not to wander too far, aware that it took only a short walk from the clearing to reach the border. Sometimes voices could be heard, carried by the wind from beyond the forest; laughter, chattering, and joyful noises of many. Their brother has told them about the existence of the mortals, notably human—a being created in the likeness of the gods yet lacking the divine power, limited by their short-lived and fragile bodies. To this voice, always, the young goddess found herself walking, eager to know more about them, the cause of their joy...
…only to be pulled away, her sister’s brows creased with worry even with the silent understanding in her eyes, head shaking as a gentle warning.
But now she was no longer here.
At this moment, she must have made friends—a lot of them, surely.
Her heart ached at the thought of her sister. A nearby fish flew closer, rubbing its head on the goddess’ cheek, trying to comfort her in the only way it knew. The goddess smiled.
“Sorry, did I make you all worry? Let u–Huh?”
She was about to bring the fish closer, but something slipped when she lifted her hand: cherry blossoms, red and white and in between, lining her sleeves and skirt. Frost-white blossoms wreathed her hair and antlers, gleaming like the stars on the pale pink tresses. Some of the smaller blossoms have been stripped; their petals were carefully arranged on the long sleeves of her kimono, forming numerous patterns that resembled the symbol on her forehead. They clung as she sat, glistening under the peeking sunlight.
The young goddess looked up and saw her flying fish freeze mid-air. Some still have flowers in their mouths. The only one that moved in that clearing was the fish who had been nuzzling at her before, lightly pecking on the spot between her eyebrows—a petal, soft and silky as the fish pressed it on her forehead.
Her laughter was one of joy and amusement, breaking the spell that held her divine servants. They swarmed onto her, pressing their heads on her hands and brushing their fins and tails to her face, asking for forgiveness. Though there was nothing to apologize for, the young goddess gathered them close, taking turns returning their affection until all the fish got their share of kisses and pats.
“Really, you guys..." she smiled, sadness long forgotten. “Thank you.”
Except for the ones on her antlers and hair, the fish gathered the blossoms and piled them on her lap. She took some on her palm and brought it closer.
“But where did you get these from? Is there a cherry blossom tree nearby?”
The only place where cherry blossoms bloomed was on her brother’s pavilion, and knowing her flying fish, they would rather not take the risk of drawing his attention. And as far as she and her sister knew, there was no cherry blossom tree in this forest.
So, where…?
A breeze swept through the trees, scattering the blossoms on her lap. Fluttering golden tails followed on its track; the fish tried to catch the drifting flowers to no avail.
“It’s fine, leave it be.” The goddess called. The fish returned to her, disappointment clear in the drooping of their silk-like tail.
A faint rustle could be heard, followed by the peeking head of a fish. It carried a tiny flower between its mouth—the same cherry blossoms its peer used to decorate her. Seeing the young lady has aroused from her grievance, it rushed forward, burying itself in the goddess’ embrace.
“Where have you been? Where did you get this blossom from?” she asked, hands gently cupping the sides of its head. This flying companion of hers had placed the blossom on the crevice above her right ear, its simplicity a stark contrast to her sky-blue eyes.
Around her, the flying fish seemed to share a troubled glance. She noticed it too, slowly connecting the clues. The direction of this little one coming from, could it be?
“Were you crossing the border?”
Their silence was enough answer. She sighed.
“I appreciate the concern, but that doesn’t mean you guys can freely go into danger just to cheer me up, alright?”
The fish swam closer to the young goddess, an awkward silence descending upon them. This time, they sure have something to apologize.
Noticing their remorse, she laughed softly. “It’s fine. Just don’t do it again in the future. At least ask me before going somewhere else.”
But that was not their fault either, she realized. She was in the middle of moping, and they were determined to find a way to cease her sadness.
Her expression turned somber with that thought. She traced the blossoms on her ear, its petals dewy under her fingertips. The memory of those curious voices surfaced, along with her brother’s description about the mortal world and those who dwell in it.
An existence with a beginning and an end—that is what mortals are.
The young goddess arose, releasing the fish from her hold. The other fish flocked around her, curiously following their lady.
Driven by desire, their hearts fickle, bodies bound to return to the earth they walked on.
“Show me the way.”
Her words caused a disturbance among the fish. One of them hurriedly clung to her, followed by its peer. Soon the young goddess was surrounded by a flurry of golden scales that desperately clung to every inch of her outfit, unwilling to let go.
Despite it, they lived through joy and despair, restlessly wandering in the ever-changing world.
“It’s alright. If lord brother did notice, he’ll be already here long before. It might be much earlier before any of you could cross over, even.” She tried to assure them, stroking on their trembling bodies as many as she could. “Now that I’m going, you guys can get as many blossoms as you want! And I’m not that weak, alright; I’m sure I can protect myself from any harm.”
After a long reassurance, the flying fish all calmed down, albeit reluctantly. They pressed their bodies close as she walked, slightly parting to give her some space to move, secretly urging for her to turn around and forget this risky decision.
Alas, they knew her all too well.
To flourish only for a fleeting moment, to persevere through endless struggle despite the wilting at the end—such is truly foreign for us, the gods.
The young goddess tried to ignore her fish’s concern, hands never stopped from carressing them one by one. It was the least she could do to distract herself from the looming dread, the sudden uncertainty that slowed her steps from reaching the edge of the clearing.
She took the cherry blossom on her ear, carefully holding it between her thumb and index finger. That was when she noticed it—the faint wrinkles and the fading of its color, stems all bent and uneven, the wilting of its delicate petals.
The sight stirred something in her heart. The blossoms from her brother’s mountain were always in perfect bloom; why was this one different?
This is the reason for your existence. To represent the ever-changing, just like how your sister is the never-changing, impermanence exists along with permanence, two sides of the same coin.
The sun was now high in the sky. She remembered her brother telling her and her sister once about the God-Empress Amaterasu, whose divinity turned into the sun to forever protect while also keeping watch over the world. The young goddess wondered if she were currently watching, perhaps while silently urging this indecisive little goddess to make her choice.
She wondered if any of her siblings were currently watching on her now, whether her sister from that heavenly plain high in the sky, or her brother from his pavilion high in the mountain.
Sakuyahime.
No one to prevent her from stepping into the forest. No one to urge her to return to the pavilion deep in the mountain. She did, however, turn around once as if being called by name. The great pavilion looked nothing more than a speck of white from where she stood, so high it was, placed nearing the peak.
Once you manage to find yourself, little sister, answer me this question:
The young goddess waved her hand towards that white speck, an act of silent farewell, before turning away and ventured deeper into the unknown.
Is there really a place in Takamagahara for the Goddess of Impermanence?