Chapter Text
Katsuki groaned as he walked, trying desperately to massage the tension out of his shoulder. He was exhausted from the long day. Honestly, the last few days had all been hellishly long, but today was especially brutal on him. With the extra surveillance work, and a shitload of paperwork on top of his usual hero work, he was barely making it through some of these days without passing out in the office.
He had mostly become accustomed to the 12-hour shifts– 2 months of that shit certainly forced his body to get used to it– but he typically was only asked to work those shifts once or twice a week. Today, on the other hand, had been his 3rd 12-hour shift in a row with a 4th creeping its way closer and closer as the day drew to its end. The hero was more than ready to get home and fall into a long, deep slumber before subjecting himself to the same routine tomorrow.
Katsuki snaked his hand into his pocket to open his phone and text his husband that he’d be home soon, but the blonde was instantly reminded of the mess waiting for him at home as he caught a glance of the couple's conversation from earlier that day.
Ei: Talked to Jeanist today.
Ei: He told me about the job.
Ei: Kats, I thought we talked about this…
Ei: Can you at least respond so I know that you’re okay?
Kat: We can talk when I get home.
Ei: … Okay.
Katsuki felt a sharp sting of guilt lace his stomach– or perhaps it was just the revitalization of anxiety for a conversation he did not want to have. His throat tightened at the thought as his mind raced through the list of excuses once again, only to come back to those same lingering insecurities.
Not strong enough
Not brave enough
Not good enough
Being a father added a variety of new stressors to Katsuki’s life, but the most frustrating was how he had been plagued by those thoughts of inadequacy once again. He felt weak. The thought of being unable to protect his kids plagued his mind most nights, especially with the rise in crime rates. Sure, it had been nothing compared to his UA days, but circumstances and time really work to put things into perspective. Now it was a completely different ballgame, and his mind had him convinced he was, somehow, going to fuck it all up.
As he turned the corner– his stomach making it harder and harder to keep a steady pace– he sent the quick “ on my way” message to his husband before clicking his phone off and placing it back in his pocket.
Lost in the daze of his thoughts, Katsuki was suddenly pushed backwards by another body, feeling himself stumble a few steps at the sudden hit before steadying himself once more on the concrete. The rush of adrenaline triggered the blonde’s defense, grounding himself quickly as he surveyed the situation. He looked down to find a much smaller figure on the ground, fallen on their ass and rubbing at the shoulder that had broken their fall.
Katsuki grimaced.
Just some fucking extra who can’t watch where they're going , he thought. His head felt the sharp pain return from the headache that had been forming all day– the one he had been successfully fighting off with his abundance of water and painkillers.
Katsuki looked down, getting a clearer look at the person– she had glasses, a mask on, and was wearing her hair up in a slicked back bun. She was brushing some nonexistent grime off her pleated blue top and black slacks. She looked as if she had just gotten off work from some kind of office, clearly not watching her step in her haste to get home.
Resisting the urge to berate her for not being aware of her surroundings, Katsuki offered his hand to help her up. “Sorry ma’am” he said, with an obvious scowl on his face.
She took his hand and began to stand, looking up at Katsuki with a certain gleam sparkling in her blue eyes. “Oh my goodness,” she squealed in an obnoxiously high-pitched voice, finally realizing the situation her daydreaming had landed her. “I was not expecting to meet the Dynamight today,”
Katsuki fought back the desire to roll his eyes for the millionth time today. He was already on edge from the week, so one might say his patience was starting to wear (incredibly) thin. “I have to go, miss,” he said, giving a half-assed smile as he began walking again towards his home, but before he could get far, he felt a rough tug on his arm that quickly turned him around to face the woman fully again. The movement felt strong and intentional– all things that immediately sent up red flags in Katsuki’s mind.
“Wait, I’m a big fan!” For a moment, Katsuki stood still, confused, unsure sure what his next move should be. It had been awhile since he had to deal with a fan like this. “I’ve been following you ever since you faced that sludge villain!” Katsuki twitched at the mention of a memory he was happy to forget. “You are so brave and strong and well… You are certainly a looker!” She smirked, now looking straight into Katsuki’s eyes, still holding onto the arm she nearly yanked off.
Katsuki grit his teeth and felt his face flush with heat, rage brewing along his cheeks. This lady was seriously creeping him out. Not only was it insanely inappropriate to try and hit on a pro, but she was also holding down Katsuki after forcibly getting him to pay attention to her! And what was with the sudden mention of the sludge villain? It all served to further add fuel to the ever-growing fire from Katsuki’s shitty day. She had more than done enough to lose any kind of respect Katsuki was trying to feign.
He was easily able to jerk his arm out of her grip, and give her a death glare before silently turning around towards his house. Silently he walked – deciding it’d be better not to reward her behavior with any kind of acknowledgement. His PR manager would be so proud of him
As he quickened, she yelled out, “maybe we could get lunch sometime!” And Katsuki felt his veins tighten, and his teeth clench at the shrill, high-pitched voice. As he walked, he practically prayed to whatever higher deity there was that he’d never have to hear or see that woman again.
…
As Katsuki quietly opened the front door, ensuring the clicks and creaks were as close to silent as possible, he slipped off his shoes and began his trek upstairs. He could hear the muffled voice of his husband gently speaking to their kids, lightly lulling them to sleep with their nightly bedtime story.
As he reached the top, he stopped right outside the door that led to the twins’ rooms– not wanting to ruin his husband's work of settling them into bed. He carefully leaned his head past the door frame, just enough to catch sight of Eijirou.
His husband was beautiful like always, his hair tied up into a low ponytail that allowed his bangs to loosely part across his forehead. Eijirou was reading from Akane’s new favorite book, Beauty and the Beast, and Katsuki couldn’t help but notice the small smile that crossed his face as he read to the two drowsy angels in bed.
Eijirou looked up for a moment, double taking before meeting Katsuki’s eyes outside the room. Almost instantly, his face fell to a tired expression– a reminder to Katsuki that his long day had not ended yet.
Eijirou licked his lips as he reverted his gaze back down to the book in his hands. “And just before the beast closed his eyes, Belle placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Suddenly the beast was transformed back into a human. Belle hugged him, and they shared one last true love’s kiss. The End.” Katsuki grimaced. This book wasn’t particularly his favorite, and it was far too centered on romance for his liking– the notion of true love’s kiss always made him roll his eyes– but both Eiichi and Akane seemed to love it, so there wasn’t much he could do other than wait for them to move on to another book. Any other book.
Eijirou quietly kissed their children goodnight, tacking on a quick “I love you” after. The kids grumbled back a drowsy response, as he tiptoed out and flicked off the last small light in the room. Katsuki moved away from the door frame, giving Eijirou room as he stepped out and closed the door.
After releasing a breath of air, Eijirou made a pointed look towards Katsuki, one he had become more accustomed to as of late– not angry or sad, but disappointed. He motioned for Katsuki to follow, and they moved down the hall to their room silently.
Katsuki quickly stripped out of his street clothes and into some pajama pants and shirt, not hesitating to make his way to his little carved out nook on the bed. The silence in the room was overpowering, tension thick enough to slice. Katsuki looked over to Eijirou, who was sitting on the end of the bed, head down and eyes pointed to the wood floors in their room. Katsuki sank deeper into the covers, hoping he could fall asleep before the inevitable.
Eijirou let out a low sigh before breaking the silence, “Can we talk about it?”
Katsuki laid on his side, looking pointedly away from his husband. “I don’t think there’s much more to talk about. It’s already happening…” He heard Eijirou breath in hastily, as if he had a quick retort, but he once again released it. Katsuki’s shoulders tensed under the covers, and he resisted with all his might to look over at his husband. Attempting to steady his breath, he said, “Listen, Ei. I know I said we’d talk about it tonight… I just…” Katsuki bit on his lip, searching for the words.
“... When we started this family,” Eijirou said, interrupting the hanging silence Katsuki had left open, “we decided we’d prioritize the family over any mission.” Eijirou stopped for a moment, but Katsuki only grit his teeth, unsure on how to respond, “The kids need you... Kats, I need you.” Katsuki heard his husband’s voice shift towards him. He finally turned his head towards the man, only now seeing the deep, untreated eye bags he was carrying. “If you really needed to be on this mission, that’s fine,” Eijirou continued, “but what if something had happened to you? What were we going to do? What was I going to do?”
“But nothing happened to m-” Katsuki tried to cut in, sitting up in the bed, but Eijirou quickly countered.
“-that’s not what I mean.” He said, voice growing more frustrated and hand motioning to stop Katsuki’s movements. His eyes broke contact, looking away and hiding from Katsuki’s gaze, “I just thought this was our decision, and if it was going to be your decision, I wish you would’ve told me that instead of just hiding it from me for… what? 2 months?”
Katsuki felt that familiar tinge of guilt stab at his stomach once again; the small fire that had built up throughout the day started to gnaw and bite at him, digging from the inside out. The spiral of thoughts began to swirl again and Katsuki felt his breathing begin to deepen in a low growl. “I didn’t…” He started, but immediately caught on his breath. He couldn’t look at his husband. He was embarrassed and tired and stressed and all he could think about was how weak he had become. “I didn’t think it’d go on for this long, and I couldn’t let Jeanist do it by himself, I didn’t want to let him down, I thought it’d be alright. I mean, it has been alright. I’m fine, you’re fine, the kids are fine.” He knew those were all excuses– a way to gut out the pain and guilt from hurting his husband– but all it did was cause Katsuki to spiral deeper.
He suddenly felt a warm touch cover his hand, immediately halting the thoughts, and he suddenly realized how much his volume had increased when compared to the vast silence. He looked at Eijirou, who somehow had gotten much closer during his rant. Katsuki couldn’t quite place the expression on his face. It wasn’t disappointment like before– rather something neutral and contained, as if he was holding himself back. “Kats,” he began slowly, being very careful about his words, “It’s okay. I promise it’s okay…” Patience. Eijirou was always so patient with him. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. I just wish you would’ve told me… that’s all.” Eijirou rubbed his thumb softly over the bruised knuckles Katsuki always seemed to wear.
His throat went dry. He couldn’t find the words. Lately, he felt like he could never find the right words for Eijirou. It always felt too hollow or too passionate or just too much. He never could find a middle ground.
Even now, he thought about his words that had just barely left his lips and couldn’t help but feel regret. All those words, all those excuses, and Katsuki couldn’t say his one real reason. He still couldn’t admit to his own fears– even after all the work he had done to heal, to better communicate– it all came crashing back in his face once push came to shove.
Weak
So he said nothing– letting his husband make his own conclusions on what Katsuki felt because he just felt like he couldn’t anymore.
Eijirou squeezed his hand once more before lifting himself off the bed. “I’m…” He said, hiding his face from his partner, “I’m gonna grab some water. Go ahead and start going to bed. You’ve had a long day.” And before Katsuki knew it, his husband was gone and out of his reach.
Maybe it was the exhaustion, or the burn-out, or the fucking extras that just kept getting in the way of his plans, but Katsuki couldn’t help the bubbling anger sloshing around him, mixing with the guilt and some lingering self loathing to create a cocktail of emotions he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager.
Pathetic
Katsuki gripped his hair, trying to massage his throbbing headache and screaming thoughts– practicing his breathing and focusing on the little sounds around him. His eyes caught the family picture they took about a year ago, him, his kids, and husband. He focused on the details, and it all brought him back to Earth. That picture seemed to be the only thing that could bring him back these days– the messy bangs that draped over Eiichi’s forehead, the dirt under Akane’s nails, the sewn in patch work on Eijirou’s shirt.
Eijirou…
He thought back to that conversation he and Eijirou shared when he first was offered the job. They were both wary of the offer at the time. After all, the last time one of them had been involved in an undercover drug bust, someone died. So, of course, the smartest decision was to decline.
Right?
Katsuki thought about the villain attacks leading up to the job offer. How he couldn’t seem to get a win. He lost so many people those weeks. He could barely sleep most nights thinking about the cost of all those fights. Could he protect his family in this condition? Could he be a proper father? Husband?
Inept
Maybe he was just being selfish– wanting to chase the dream just a little further. Go a step deeper. Feel the thrill one more time. He honestly wasn’t sure at this point.
The blonde let out a deep sigh, shifting to now lay fully in the bed, completely enraptured by the thick, warm sheets he and Eijirou loved so much. As he closed his eyes, he remembered what that damn woman said.
“I’ve been following you ever since you faced that sludge villain!” her words echoed in his head, getting louder and louder with each second. Repeating like the melody of a lullaby, rocking him to sleep in his bed made up of lies and self-pity.
That fucking sludge villain.
Worthless
Katsuki let his eyes drift, seconds away from sleep with the random thought escaping his lips, “maybe it would’ve been better if that fucking sludge killed me.”
CLANK!
The sudden noise quickly jolted Katsuki awake, habitually bringing his arms up, as if ready to blast someone, but all he saw was Eijirou standing there stunned– a now empty cup of water spilled over the hardwood beside him.
“Fuck!” Katsuki said as he jumped out of bed and grabbed a small hand towel from their bathroom, attempting to soak up all the water with it. Eventually, Eijirou blinked himself out of his trance, and grabbed a shirt from the laundry basket to help clean the spill.
They both sat there on their knees doing a rather poor job at trying to contain the small bit of water. Katsuki grit his teeth, feeling the lecture that Eijirou was about to spill, and just wishing he had fallen asleep when he had the chance. The sudden spike in Katsuki’s heart rate had gone down now, and he could once again feel the awkward tension between him and his husband.
“Don’t joke about something like that…” Eijirou said in a small but harsh whisper, more bite to his voice than he had let out previously. Katsuki remained silent as he stood up with the wet rag and shirt, beginning to take them to the washer right across from their room. “You were joking, right?” Eijirou asked once Katsuki returned– a neutral expression feeling comfortable across his face.
He was so tired, just processing the Eijirou’s words had him using far more brain power than he had available to him. He felt the fire begin to flicker back up, and he did his best to continue to douse it with buckets of water, but it seemed to only spread the shame around his body like a wildfire. A part of him thought about ignoring the man, knowing anything he said right then was probably wrong for a myriad of reasons.
He looked at Eijirou’s pained expression. He sighed as he brought his hands up to rub at his tired eyes before answering with a simple, “... yes…. I was fucking joking…”
Katsuki looked back at his husband, who made no movement and no real change in expression. He just stood there, staring at Katsuki like he was some kind of zoo animal. The blonde scowled, giving his husband a moment to respond, before turning and trudging to his spot in bed once again.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch,” Eijirou said, making a poignant movement towards the extra blankets and pillows they kept in the closet. He was out of the room far quicker than Katsuki thought possible, leaving him in a frozen trance.
As if breaking some kind of spell, Katsuki quickly followed his husband, who was already halfway down the stairs, “Ei?!” he said in as loud of a whisper as he could manage, trying his best to not wake the kids as he raced past their room. “What the fuck? I literally told you I was joking!”
“It’s not-” Eijirou started before suddenly stopping himself once he reached the couch, emphasizing the movement with an almost too loud thud – dropping the blankets and pillow harshly on top of the cushion. “Look,” Eijirou said after turning to face his husband and crossing his arms, “you’re tired, and I just… I can’t do this today, okay?” Eijirou turned around making his bed for the night, “We can talk tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever you decide you’re ready to talk about whatever is going on with you.”
Katsuki stood there, silently watching his husband create a cavern of distance between them. His patient, calm, rational husband was done with whatever game Katsuki’s emotions were deciding to play with him.
Once Eijirou finished making his bed, he stood straight up and gave Katsuki an unimpressed look. “Katsuki… just go to sleep,” he whispered, almost too quiet for him to catch.
That seemed to snap something in Katsuki– his whole hell of a day finally crashing down in front of him. He stumbled back, turning around with a huff and mumbling to himself as he climbed the stairs to his room about a stupid fucking joke that Eijirou wasn’t even supposed to hear. Once he got to their room, he– barely – resisted the urge to slam the door shut, remembering the kids sleeping not too far away. Katsuki instead jumped into bed, pounding his fist on an unsuspecting pillow before wrapping himself in the thick blanket once more. His mind raced on as his body forced him to fall into a deep, yet raging, sleep.
…
“Hmhmm” Katsuki hears among the black void he seems to be trapped in, the taunting laugh echoing from all directions around him. It’s low, but clearly feminine in tonality. He can practically hear the way the person is smirking, teasing him from beyond the shadows of the empty space. He begins surveying his surroundings, taking just enough steps to turn his body in place– unsure how much ground he has available below him. “Hmhmmhmmmmm,” he hears again.
“Show yourself you fuckin’ coward!” Katsuki yells, the last word, especially, echoing across the vast space, repeating 4 or 5 times before finally fading into a deafening silence.
“Oh Katsuki Bakugou…” He hears whispered into his ear. He jolts his head towards the sound, but sees nothing. “Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight!” It continues, now coming from multiple directions again, “That’s one long name, Hero.” Suddenly, Katsuki can see some kind of silhouette starting to approach him, appearing from god knows where, but clearly the source of the annoying voice. She spoke again, allowing Katsuki to pick up on the slight directional sound of her voice– confirming to him the silhouette was hers, “You must think pretty highly of yourself, huh?”
He gritted his teeth, beginning to charge towards the silhouette, until he felt his muscles stiffen up, causing him to stand rigid in place, as if his joints had been glued in his current position like some kind of action figure. As he tried to move other parts of his body, he found the same result– body tense and straining against the unnatural position.
“You really need to learn how to mind your business, Pro.” She chastised, “Besides, who would look after your precious family if something were to happen?” Katsuki’s eyes widened at the threat, jaw clenching and veins popping in place as he fought against the magic placed on him. He tried again to move towards her, still unable to see the bastard’s face, but so sure where she was.
“If you fucking touch anyone in my family, I’ll blast your fucking face off!” Katsuki choked out, resisting the tightness of his jaw and tongue enough to spit the words out at the woman. Every muscle in his body strained; every ounce of strength he had attempted to break free of his binds– but it was no use. He was stuck.
Katsuki let in a sharp breath of air as the figure that had once been shrouded in darkness and mystery was now standing face to face with him, suddenly lit by a spotlight coming from god knows where. She stood in front of him for a moment, simply smiling tauntingly at him, and Katsuki took the opportunity to study her features, memorizing her face to the smallest detail.
She appeared young, at least a few years younger than him. Her skin was youthful and clear with the exception of a cut that slit through the right side of her upper lip. The cut was very faded, making it easy to miss at a glance, but luckily Katsuki had experience with these kinds of situations.
Her eyes pierced him with their wickedly bright blue edge. The sight paired with her eerie smile did more than enough to send a shiver up his spine. She had thin, rounded eyebrows that heavily contrasted the sharp, angular shape of her eyes. However, they easily disappeared under her mane of hair. She wore long, wavy black hair that hit right above her shoulder, with curled bangs that covered the majority of her forehead, further pointing to her creepy fucking eyes.
Got it! Katsuki thought, mentally saving the image in the data files of his brain.
Scarface leaned back, furthering herself out of Katsuki’s personal bubble. She kept her shit eating grin plastered on her face as she crossed her arms, head high enough to almost, literally, look down at Katsuki. “Oh Katsuki,” she said in a sing-songy voice that sounded far too happy for Katsuki’s liking. “You were so damn close too.”
Katsuki’s eyes widened, finally processing all the words she had said throughout the interaction. He mentally kicked himself for getting distracted by his rage before tuning back in, memorizing her words to the letter.
“But you just don’t understand who you’re dealing with,” her voice dropped low and Katsuki didn’t have to look up to tell that she was still smirking down at him, “Tell me something, Hero,” she said, lightening up her tone enough to give Katsuki’s ears some fucking mood whiplash. She let out a small chuckle, barely half a breath before making eye contact with Katsuki once more, intently biting out her last words enough to send flakes of spit towards the man's face, “Haven’t you ever heard how you should be careful what you wish for?”
Just as quickly as she emerged, she disappeared, leaving Katsuki to hear only the echoed remnants of her deep and slow laugh in the black void, frozen, with no way to scream for help. The constant vibration of her resonating laugh rang throughout his ear drums– the screech showing no signs of fading. Katsuki’s heart rate quickened; his breathing became heavy; he tried once more to scream for help, for his family, for Eijirou before-
Suddenly, Katsuki was jolted awake, sitting up quickly as his body tried to find his breath again– heaving in and out deeply, doing its best to slow his rapid heart rate as he collected himself. He clenched at his chest, gripping his nightshirt, further stretching the stitches along the collar and almost ripping it all together
Once his breathing slowed, his vision finally cleared and his body could sense the immediate change in environment. At last, he looked around, taking in the room: the single twin bed with a bookshelf headboard, the slightly off-white walls plastered in All Might memorabilia, the well-worn wooden desk across the room that Katsuki could’ve sworn his parents had thrown out.
He was in his fucking childhood bedroom.