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They had been sleeping together for months, and that’s all it was. At least, that was what Steve kept telling himself. They were sleeping together, not in a relationship. There were no relationship activities, the parameters of their dynamic entirely in the bedroom. That was the deal. Steve had been inexperienced, and Tony had offered to help. It was as simple as that.
Except, it wasn’t.
It might have started out that way, but Steve Rogers was a man of many feelings, and even though he saw the danger coming from a mile off, he’d still run headlong towards it. He knew he would fall for Tony–who wouldn’t?–and he had. Hard. And it was time to bring everything to a head, no matter the consequences. Even if it meant he would never have the pleasure of being taken by the most attractive man he’d ever met ever again.
Steve stood and clenched his hands into fists. He could do this. He was Captain America, for God’s sake. He could do this. He could be honest.
And whatever happened, he would have to cope with the results.
*
When they got together that evening, Tony had Steve up against the wall within seconds. Their current lessons revolved around dominance, not exactly the BDSM kind, but more a sense of confidence and assertiveness in bed that Tony had in bags and Steve seemed to lack.
“Tony,” Steve muttered against his instructor’s mouth, “there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Oh?” Tony said, pulling back with a grin. “Is this something I’m going to want to hear? Something you’ve been dying to try out?”
“No, it’s not.” Those three words put a pin in Tony’s enthusiasm. His grin dimmed and Steve went on. “It’s something that’s been weighing on me for a while now and, well, I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”
Tony’s grin slipped entirely and he stepped back, leaving Steve leaning against the wall. “I don’t like the sound of this already.”
Steve palmed the back of his neck with one hand and sighed. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you. About… About being bad in bed.”
Tony’s eyes widened and a crease formed between his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, it started honestly. It really did.” Steve held out his hands in supplication. “I was as inexperienced as I said. I just am no longer as…hopeless as it seems. Not any more. You sometimes comment on how I don’t seem to learn all that much, right?” Tony gave a terse nod. “Well, that’s not true. I’ve learned a helluva lot and I know what I’m doing. Or at least, I could be showing you I know what I’m doing. But I don’t.”
Silence stretched between them. It thickened and stagnated, and Steve wanted nothing more than the wall behind him to open up and swallow him.
Eventually, Tony managed to speak.
“I can’t believe that all this time, you’ve been lying to me.”
Steve opened his mouth but no words came out. Because really, there was no excuse. Instead he lifted his hands in a small gesture of surrender and let his chin fall to his chest.
“Yeah,” he managed eventually. “I have been lying to you.”
Tony shook his head and the crease between his eyebrows deepened. “You’ve been pretending to be bad in bed, even though all our ‘lessons’ have been so thorough. You’re telling me you’ve been, what, holding back on me?”
“I guess that’s one way of putting it.”
“Why?” Tony asked, shaking his head again. “I can’t get my head around why you would do that.”
Steve felt his blush start at his hairline and work its way down his face. “Because that’s what this,” he gestured between the two of them, “is all about, right? You teaching me everything you know to make me better. Well, you’ve succeeded. I think, anyway. I’m a lot more confident than I ever was before.”
Tony stepped backwards until his calves bumped the side of the bed. He took that as his cue to flop down onto the plush covers. He brought his hand up to his head as if a deep ache had started. “Steve, I don’t get it. Why lie about it? Why make it seem like you’re the world’s worst lover?”
Steve sighed and pushed himself off the wall, falling into an attention stance by default. “Because then this would be–we would be–over. And I just… I couldn’t bring myself to accept that. Because for me, it’s gone beyond just lessons in sex.”
Tony’s scowl gave way to a frown. “So what you’re telling me is that you’ve been holding out on me because you were afraid this would end? That we would be done with, and you didn’t want that?”
“Yes. That’s what I’m telling you.” Steve sighed and palmed his face. “And I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry it’s come to this. I kept trying to tell myself it wasn’t anything, it didn’t mean anything, it was just a kind thing done for me by a friend. But. Things got out of hand. In my head. And I just… Didn’t want it to end.”
“Steve…” Tony shook his head. “For a smart guy, you can be incredibly dumb sometimes.”
“Wha-” Steve’s brain did not compute. Where was the anger? The justified rage at being lied to for months?
Instead Tony was looking at him with a warm fondness that belied all sense.
“Tony?”
The other man stood up again and stepped forward. He drew Steve’s hands from behind his back, grounding the manic spin Steve’s brain wanted to take him on.
“Steve, this might have started with lessons, with me helping you out, but that’s not all it is. Not to me, anyway.”
Steve allowed his hands to be held, as if Tony’s grip was the only thing keeping him tethered to Earth. “It’s not?”
“No.” Tony gave a little chuckle and brought Steve’s knuckles up to his mouth. He kissed one, the scruff of his beard rough on Steve’s skin. “It’s not to me, and from the sounds of it, it’s not for you either.”
“It’s not,” Steve blurted out with such vehemence it brought a new flush to his face. “It’s really not. I just… I didn’t know whether you felt the same way.”
Tony dropped their hands, fingers still twined, to his chest and stepped forward, bringing them toe to toe. “Why else did you think I put up with you for so long? Why else would I keep going to bed with Captain Clumsy?”
Steve winced. “I can be a lot more careful than I was being.”
“Why else,” Tony continued, “would I keep going to bed with someone incapable of lasting more than a few minutes?”
Steve’s wince turned into full-bodied mortification. “I swear, I can have better self-control.”
“Why else,” Tony said once again, breaking his grip on Steve’s hands to cup his face instead, “would I spend hours with someone so sloppy, so silly, so seemingly hopeless.”
His mouth hovered close, and Steve couldn’t help himself. He seized Tony’s mouth with his own, pouring everything he had into the kiss. This was his chance to show Tony that nothing had been in vain. He had been a diligent student, listened in all his lessons, took notes like a good little soldier.
“I swear,” he said against Tony’s mouth, “I’m not as bad I seem.”
“Well,” Tony said, pulling back a little, face flushed, “now would be a good time to show me what you’ve really got.”
*
To say it was a success would be an understatement, but Steve had no brainpower left to think of anything better. Judging by the lax limbs of the man beside him, it seemed like Tony felt much the same.
“That was…” he started several times, but he was never able to bring himself to finish the sentence.
“Yeah,” Steve replied, winding their legs together that little bit tighter. “Did you like when I did the thing with my finger?”
“Mmm, yes,” Tony purred. “You really are a good learner, because I only ever did that once with you.”
Steve chuckled and tucked his head under Tony’s chin. “I told you I wasn’t as hopeless as I seemed.”
Tony tightened his arms around Steve and pressed a kiss to the top of his golden head.
“We’re going to have further words, though, about the dishonesty thing.”
Steve felt himself go red, but only nodded. “Okay.”
“But not right now,” Tony said with a sigh. “Right now, I just want to stay in this moment.”
“Agreed, Tony. Agreed.”