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there is no point in healing the bruises and bruises that appeared after the beating. there's no point in asking, no, in begging to stop.
there's no point in living.
jooyeon has probably lost ten kilograms this year. he mentally spread out on the bed, seeped into the mattress and died in a state of unpleasant goo. acid corrodes the soul, and deliberately made cuts corrode the body.
he sees no point in his existence and the only entertainment becomes lying on the bed and thinking: what am I going to die of? this is really a very exciting activity. after all, the brain draws such plausible pictures of a decomposing, emaciated body on the floor that it becomes scary. but jooyeon is having fun. he may die choking on the dust that was last wiped off a year ago. he may die of exhaustion, because he ate for the last time four days ago, when his brother brought him food prepared by his loving and beloved wife. jooyeon ate out of respect, because he didn't want to upset almost the only person who still cared about him.
jooyeon rolls over and picks up the phone, ripping the charging wire from the connector. the lock screen greets him with a cute photo of him and his beloved boyfriend. jiseok was probably the only one who saw through jooyeon and understood all his problems. he could support her with warm hugs and a light kiss. they hardly spoke, everything was clear and without words. they just lay in each other's arms for long evenings, occasionally giving hot kisses to their cheeks and the top of their heads.
jooyeon enters a chat with jiseok. not a single new notification. why? isn't it bothering jiseok that lee hasn't left the house for several days? the last message was dated a week ago, when jiseok asked jooyeon if he would come to the university today, to which he refused.
fingers are typing rapidly, trembling as if they were stuck out in a forty-degree frost. jooyeon feels that he won't last long if he doesn't talk to jiseok. there is not enough air. it's hard to breathe.
jiseok's phone vibrates and makes a pleasant "tinkle". he removes his hand from jungsu's waist and, without getting up from the warm bed, swipes up. it's hard to get up. the lower back is bursting with pleasant pain. jungsu fucks well. this is just one of its many advantages.
jooyeon
can i call you now? i feel very bad.
17:19
how he hates him with his eternal problems. jungsu is better. jiseok doesn't have to hug him for hours, listening to him cry softly. there is no need to bandage the stripes on the hands made with a knife blade. jungsu does not get into trouble, does not suffer from depression, does not have long hair, does not cut himself. he is not jooyeon.
honey ♡
sorry, no. i'm very busy right now.
17:22
jooyeon's heart skips a series of beats when his eyes see this message. the hand does not rise to ask what jiseok is doing. jooyeon doesn't push for pity, he just wants care and love.
jooyeon
seok-i, please… i want to hear your voice.
17:23
the voice? what is he talking about? jiseok is ready to block his number, delete it, throw his memories out the window so that they fly away on the wings of the wind to someone else.
honey ♡
you act like you're five years old. not now, jooyeon.
17:23
it seems that jiseok doesn't want to talk to him. but jooyeon wants to and needs to. therefore, he exits the app and, having entered the contacts, clicks on the jiseok's number, which rested in the favorites.
the sleeping jungsu shudders when the silence is cut by the harsh melody of jiseok's call. he gets out of bed, leaves the room and picks up the phone.
— hi, seok-i, — jooyeon tries to force a smile, but it doesn't work out a bit.
— what the hell? — jiseok says sternly and the smile instantly disappears from jooyeon's face, without promising to return. but he tries to ignore it.
— how are you? — trying to speak as gently as possible, he says.
— everything was completely fine until you called. listen, jooyeon, i don't know about you, but this is already a little annoying for me.
— what is it exactly?
— our relationship.
yes, that's what jooyeon was afraid of. he tries to hold back the tears that have risen to his throat, swallowing. if jiseok offers to break up, it will be a disaster. jooyeon lives near the bridge, and if their relationship ends now, he will live under the bridge, floating lifelessly in the water. or throw himself in front of a car. or swallow pills.
— n... no, seok-i. you don't want to... break up with me, do you? — jooyeon's voice is hoarse from the sticky fear that has risen to his throat like a lump of vomit.
— you're smart, yeon.
shot.
jooyeon's stomach is bleeding, making the beige t-shirt burgundy red. and jiseok stands opposite and wipes the muzzle of the gun with a handkerchief, smiling.
— but ... but you can't... — a tear falls gently on the blanket, leaving a wet imprint on it.
— i can.
— i need you, jiseok…
— and if i tell you that someone else needs me?
the sound of the second shot hits ears.
the bullet gets stuck in the heart. it cannot be pulled out by any surgical operations.
— wh... what do you mean... who? — words cannot break through a lump of fear, getting across the throat.
— why would you want to know that? — right now, jiseok is extremely disgusted with jooyeon. he wants to smash the phone so he doesn't have to hear that trembling voice.
— but you... you love me, don't you, jiseok? — naive. the brain understands what the ears are going to hear, but the heart wants them to hear something else.
— no. i'm sorry, but i'm ending the call. and don't call me anymore. i'm happy without you. good luck in love, — jiseok has no regrets. he apologizes because he doesn't want jooyeon to commit suicide after that call.
— no... no... ji... jisеok!!! — jooyeon screams, tearing his ligaments. tears flow from her eyes, washing her pale face. that's it. It's over.
there's no point in anything anymore.
there are a bunch of photos of jiseok hanging above the bed. maybe jooyeon should follow their example? hang himself? no. it will hurt.
hands grab one of the photos and, after holding it for a couple of seconds, tear it apart. the second one. a rain of pieces of pictures falls on the bed and the floor. jooyeon seems to be tearing his heart out, not a lifeless photo. a scream bursts out of chest, tears make it difficult to see what is happening. he wishes he could burn the whole damn apartment down. and burn himself out.
jooyeon storms out of the apartment, wiping away tears with his sleeve. he stumbles down the stairs and runs out into the street. the bridge is not visible behind the houses, but it is there. he hears «hey!» after him, but does not turn around. he doesn't want any more. he wonders when his body floating on the cold river is shown on tv the next morning and jiseok sees it, how will he react? will he be upset? at least for a little bit!
the bridge greets with flaming lights. it's winter outside, it's getting dark fast, it's cold, but jooyeon doesn't care. he's already dead. then, when his mother completely severed all ties with him. when his sister, who had raised him all his childhood, died. everything collapsed. life is terrible. It's better not to live at all.
jooyeon feels like he's being chased. maybe it's just his imagination. who in their right mind would run after someone who ran out into the cold in just a shirt and pants?
the beautiful railing on the bridge accepts jooyeon's trembling hands, beckoning to stand on them and jump off, leaving all the problems to the world. heart is not beating. a calmness appears on his face. finally. it's all over.
jooyeon stands on the railing with his feet and smiles through his tears. he leans forward, closing his eyes.
— hey!
strong male arms wrap around jooyeon's waist from below and press him against his body. lee opens his eyes abruptly, seeing at his feet a rather tall and unfamiliar guy who is looking at him with a very worried look. he doesn't like it at all.
— let go! — jooyeon screams, trying to break free and fall into the inviting abyss.
— hey, hey, hey, calm down, — the guy says softly, holding jooyeon tigher.
— let me go! — there's no one on the bridge, that's good. if he hits a stranger now, no one else will stop him from jumping.
stranger pulls lee towards him and his feet leave the railing. jooyeon ends up on a rock. the guy's hugs don't get any weaker, on the contrary. the jacket rustles pleasantly, warming with non-existent warmth. maybe it's the hugs that are so warm? suddenly, realization hits jooyeon's head. did he almost kill himself? this changes the expression of the face, and a convulsive sigh escapes from the mouth.
— did I almost... jump off a bridge? — he whispers, seeing in front of him a transparent veil created by unbidden tears.
— it's okay, hush, don't cry. i'm right next to you, — jooyeon abruptly raises his head. this phrase. it's the first time he hears it addressed to him. tears roll out of his eyes, glistening in the light of the lights. — I'm goo gunil. what's your name?
— joo... jooyeon. lee jooyeon, — jooyeon says, clinging to gonil even more tightly. jooyeon's not wearing a jacket, but he's not cold. it's not cold in gunil's arms.
— i was running after you. i thought that something is wrong. i was not mistaken, it turns out? — goo smiles very kindly and joo wants to smile himself. — so, where do you live? i didn't see which house you ran out of.
jooyeon gets up and wants to go, but gunil stops him, putting him right in front of him.
— here, — he takes off his jacket and hands it to jooyeon, who has no choice but to put it on. it's twice as big as his skinny little body, but she's warm. she is warmed by gunil's body. — super. now we can go. do you mind if i go with you?
— i have nothing to eat at home, — jooyeon admits, lowering his eyes to the floor. gunil laughs and wraps his arm around his shoulders.
— don't worry about it! — he says and jooyeon smiles broadly for the first time in a long time. what is this gunil doing to him?
jooyeon's apartment met the guys the same as it was when jooyeon left it. the torn pictures of jiseok scattered on the floor hurt jooyeon's eyes, making cry again. he sobs and gunil sits him down on the bed. after that, he sits down on the floor and picks up one of the survivors of the massacre.
— is this your friend? — gunil asks. Juen's eyes glaze over.
— no. my boyfriend… more accurately, ex. we broke up today, — he replies in a trembling voice.
— and you almost committed suicide because of him? — gunil looks at the photo and tears it in half. jooyeon's heart shudders and immediately falls into place. when gunil tears up paper memories, everything is completely different. easier. much more.
goo sits down on the bed next to jooyeon and hugs him. all emotions are being torn out of moral cells by rabid animals in the form of new tears. his arms wrap around gunil's saving body, and his face is buried in his shoulder.
it's kind of like a relationship with jiseok. words are not needed.
— i love him so much, gunil,— jooyeon shouts, and gunil realizes that this is what he needs right now. cry it out and shout it out.
— it's okay. it's all over. do you want me to talk to him? — goo asks quietly. jooyeon nods. he knows that gunil will do what needs to be done.
after going to the store and cooking food, gunil sat jooyeon down to eat. for the younger one, it was the height of care. Even jiseok never cooked for him. and here is an almost unknown person.
gunil stayed with jooyeon for the night. it was warm and cozy in his arms. it was the first night that jooyeon didn't cry before going to bed and slept peacefully.
three months later
the rays of the morning sun break through the thick curtains to wake up the guys still sleeping in an embrace. gunil opens his eyes slightly and looks at jooyeon's face opposite. a hand reaches out to a newly appeared pink strand and strokes it. jooyeon nose crinkles with a smile, and his eyes open, looking at the sleepy gunil.
— how long have you been awake? — jooyeon asks with a yawn and gunil, smiling, kisses him on the nose.
— just now.
the hugs become even tighter, and the lips touch in the tenderest kiss.
gunil never thought he would find love. he wasn't even looking for it. he had a lot of other questions, which needed to be solwed. and also, when he pulled jooyeon off the bridge, he didn't think that this guy with suicidal motives would become someone he would kill for. jooyeon became his little world, where he saw all the most beautiful things.
jooyeon imagined his future with anyone, just did not think that one day he would love the guy who pulled him off the bridge until he lost consciousness. but, as happens in all dramas, everything happened exactly as jooyeon did not think. gunil became his home. someone he can tell everything to. jooyeon, having lost one thing, gained another. this "another" is a thousand times better.
now jooyeon has a reason to live.