Archive of Our Own

Yukikaze's a sub.

It's not a very intrusive fact—certainly not if you're not very close to him—yet it bothers Kafka nonetheless. A part of him knows he's being childish about it, but he can't help it. Yukikaze isn't one bit conspicuous about his dynamic, which only makes the whole thing all the more grating.

It doesn't matter if Kafka commands him to put him down in the most dom-like voice he can muster, because Yukikaze will keep on carrying him like he didn't even hear the younger man. But Kafka could randomly tell him to go sit, a nonsensical command that holds little weight at all, and Yukikaze would follow suit, not looking the tiniest bit flustered by the situation. He'd even look the slightest bit content, as though he weren't expecting any sort of reward from Kafka despite following his command. It was almost as though he didn't see Kafka as a dom at all.

Kafka supposes there's nothing inherently wrong with that, though it's annoying how Yukikaze doesn't seem to feel any urgency to heed the younger man's words—a childish part of his mind questions if Yukikaze's even aware that Kafka's his boss, before he silences it. He knows that in a normal relationship, there's no need for someone to act a certain way because of their dynamic, especially not in the workplace, and it's not like he wants to be the older man's partner or anything. Yukikaze could've not listened to a single one of Kafka's commands, nor expected any reward in return, and there'd be nothing wrong with that.

Until you factor Kaede-chan in.

“Kaede-chan!”

The older boy lifts his head in response, but he doesn't smile like he usually does. Instead, there's a furrow in his brows, deep-set like something’s been plaguing him. And before Kafka can even ask what, it spills out of his mouth in a rush of uneasy words.

“Uncle called me today. He said Yuki-nii dropped.”

Kafka is vaguely aware of who Kaede-chan’s uncle is, if only by drawing the logical connections, and he knows that he and Yukikaze had been overseas for a tournament—the news report detailing the older boy’s silver medal performance told him as much. He knew that Yukikaze was a sub, too; when he and Kaede-chan were just a little bit younger than they are right now, and brimming with curiosity about the mysteries of dynamics, it was Yukikaze who told them about his knowledge and experiences, although it didn't seem like he had much of either himself. Logically, it all makes sense, yet it still confuses Kafka. Dropping? That Yukikaze?

“He's okay, but when I called him earlier, he sounded so—” Despite his assurance about the older boy’s condition, which Kafka certainly didn't need, his voice shakes, like he could cry at any moment, “he sounded so weak.”

Kaede-chan sounds like he's on the verge of panicking, but Kafka takes the time to think over the situation. Objectively speaking, it was probably because he got second place. Constantly having the media on your case for never performing quite well enough to meet everyone's standards is probably not the ideal situation for a sub to be in, especially not if his dad's anywhere near as strict as the two have painted him out to be. It all makes a fair bit of sense, then. But still, Kafka can't seem to wrap his head around it.

“He said he's gonna go on suppressants, so it shouldn't be a problem anymore, but—”

“His dad was okay with that?”

He cuts off Kaede-chan's rambling, confusion winning over any desire to not seem interested in anything to do with Yukikaze. Kaede-chan looks confused himself for a moment, but a troubled look soon resurfaces on his face as he responds.

“He said there was no other choice.”

Kafka considers this. Generally, putting teenagers on suppressants isn't the most accepted practice in the world. The popular opinion is that people should get used to their dynamic and how to handle it, before being put on medication that does the handling for them. And Yukikaze's an athlete. It's hard to imagine someone as single-minded as his dad being fine with his son being put on suppressants, not when they could mess with his body at such a critical time during his growth. So if Yukikaze had to be put on them, it's because the doctors thought he was susceptible enough to drop again, and couldn't rely on the kind of play an adult could to protect himself.

Yukikaze, susceptible. The idea leaves a weird taste in Kafka's mouth, and he finally places that strange sense of dissonance he’s been feeling this whole time. Yukikaze must be resting in a hospital bed right now, much like the one Kafka is resting in himself, and he's probably in an even worse condition than the younger man is in at the moment. It doesn't make sense at all. Yukikaze, always so brazen and hardy, even weaker than Kafka. It's such a strange idea, Kafka can't even blame himself for not realizing earlier.

No wonder Kaede-chan's panicking. Kafka isn't particularly happy about how concerned the older boy's acting (though it feels hypocritical, considering Kafka's own dislike of being excessively worried over by Kaede-chan), but he can't blame him. If anything, he's more annoyed at Yukikaze. He's always going out of his way to act like their big brother, so what's he doing making Kaede-chan worry like this when he can't even be there to comfort him? Kafka would be plenty happy to be doing the comforting, all things considered, but it feels like he can't. Kaede-chan is just shy of getting his dynamic tested, and Kafka has a few years to go before it'll even be considered. He has no idea what he could say to make Kaede-chan feel better.

“He'll be back.”

That, at least, Kafka knows for sure, but he doesn't even know if he wants him to come back. It's not like he ever wants to see Yukikaze, but it feels like something will be different next time, something that'll make everything weird and uncertain. He wonders if the same thing will happen when he or Kaede-chan learn their dynamics. For now, though, Kaede-chan just smiles, like Kafka's little statement really did make him feel better, and that smile suits him much better than a frown.

In the short run, Kafka was proven wrong—the next time he saw Yukikaze, he was acting the same as ever, not bringing up what happened even once. Of course, Kafka wasn't about to bring it up either, so he thought it'd all be left at that. But then Kaede-chan found out he was a dom, and a few years after that, Kafka learned he was one as well.

In the long run, something did change: Yukikaze became even more clingy with Kaede-chan than before. Well, he was always clingy, but now Kaede-chan was responding to it differently, and even initiating it himself. Kaede-chan would ask Yukikaze to do something, and when he'd do it, his little cousin would always give him a hug, or thank him in a way more deliberate than the carefree way he did so before. It was like he was humoring Yukikaze, and if the older man's enthusiastic reactions were anything to go by, it was very much appreciated.

It pisses Kafka off, frankly speaking. He knows the suppressants can't be a perfect stand-in for proper play, and Yukikaze doesn't have any sort of partner that he can rely on for that. He just has Kaede-chan, who seems more than happy to pamper his cousin, as if he's not older than both of them. But still, Kafka can’t stop himself from feeling jealous. He doesn't have a problem with being a dom, far from it, and he knows there's more to relationships than dynamics, but he still wants an excuse to be all pampered like that by Kaede-chan. An excuse that lets Yukikaze act like he's a spoiled little kid one minute, and everyone's capable big brother the next.

It pisses him off, but he teaches himself to deal with it. He tells himself that his and Kaede-chan's lack of complementary dynamic doesn't make their bond any weaker, and being as dependent as Yukikaze can be probably isn't something he should desire. Besides, Yukikaze's dynamic works in his favor sometimes, too. He'd do anything to make his little brothers happy, and listens to Kafka's commands, if only on the rare occasion. More importantly, he helps keep Kaede-chan from dropping in turn, thus getting rid of the need for his little cousin to find an actual partner—that, Kafka knows he'd find more unacceptable than anything Yukikaze could ever do.

So he lives with it. Yukikaze acts as stoic as ever, and Kafka knows that he'd be overly affectionate with Kaede-chan regardless of their dynamics. It makes it easy enough to ignore. That is, until one moment Yukikaze's trying to mediate a fight between Liguang and Renga, and the next, he's frozen in place.

Kafka didn't see exactly what happened, but the air shifts in a way that doesn't suit their usual easygoing practice environment as everyone else looks at the older man curiously. When Kafka turns to look himself, he's met with an expression he's never seen before. Yukikaze's eyes are blown wide, his shoulders tensed up stiff, and from the way his body is as still as glass, it seems like he's not even breathing. Like this, Yukikaze really does look like he's made of ice.

Kafka's never seen him act anything like this before, yet his brain starts piecing together what's going on almost immediately. Yukikaze had come back from his tournament with his usual silver medal, and Kaede-chan, away on an expedition with a different group, hadn't been there for him afterwards. But is that really all it took for Yukikaze to drop? Just a silver medal and the lack of his cousin's presence, and from the looks of it, little more than a simple glare or comment from one of his little brothers? Is this what the doctors meant when they determined he was “susceptible”?

Kafka's mind is racing, but his body is even faster. Being raised in a hospital, where drops can be even more dangerous than in normal circumstances, he's been well trained to handle these situations, and he's a dom. He should be able to do at least something to help. Stepping forward, in front of a gaping Liguang and Renga, he takes hold of Yukikaze's hand. It's shaking.

“You're okay, Yukikaze. Just take a deep breath.”

Yukikaze doesn't even seem to notice Kafka's command, just staring blankly up above him. Almost as if he's searching for someone, taller and surely more capable of helping him. He's not making any attempt at breathing either, despite the command.

“Everything's fine. Here, breathe in…”

Kafka brings Yukikaze’s hand to his chest as if to demonstrate, but he's so unsteady and out of it, the motion just makes him wobble, like he's about to fall over. Kamina Yukikaze, the renowned athlete, lets his knees buckle as though he's as flimsy as a leaf, and though Kafka tries to help make his descent as smooth as possible, he can barely support the older man's weight.

“Someone, go get Sakujiro. Tell him a sub dropped.”

He can hear scrambling in the background, but all of his attention is on the man in front of him. Brought down to their knees, their eyes are more level now, and Kafka can get a clearer look at the older man's face. He looks scared. It's an expression Kafka's never even seen on him before. It's a good thing he called for Sakujiro, because he has no idea what to do. Yukikaze isn’t listening, and his hand's just shaking even more violently than before. At this rate, he'll have to go to the hospital if they can't do anything to calm him down.

Yukikaze, susceptible.

“Can you hear me? I need you to listen to me.”

Kafka knows he shouldn't be getting worked up. A panicked dom just means a panicked sub, and they can't have Yukikaze's condition get any worse. But Yukikaze's just not listening to him. It's like he doesn't even see Kafka as a dom at all. Why, why the hell does he follow all those stupid commands that the younger man makes, but can't even listen when Kafka needs him to, for his own sake? … If Kaede-chan was here, what would he have done?

“Kamina, inhale.”

Kafka can hear a deep voice from beside them, but he can't take his eyes off of Yukikaze, not when he finally seems to snap out of whatever trance he was in. Hastily taking a breath, Yukikaze rushes to obey the other man's command, now seeming to almost hyperventilate trying to fulfill what was asked of him.

“Slow down. Just like that, exhale with me.”

Resting his hand on Yukikaze's shoulder, Liguang starts to lead him through a breathing exercise, and it seems to be working. Yukikaze's chest starts to rise and fall shakily, and he slumps in place. He never loosens his grip on Kafka's hand though, just grasping it like he'll lose himself again if he doesn't.

By the time Sakujiro rushes into the practice room, medicine in hand, Yukikaze's breathing is almost back to normal, although there's still an empty, terrified look in his eyes that doesn't seem to be focused on anything in particular. He lets Sakujiro help him take the medicine, and sits there silently, catching his breath. When he finally opens his mouth to speak, he doesn't lift his head to meet anyone's gaze, an action that feels foreign coming from a man usually so frank and straightforward.

“… I'm sorry.”

“It's alright. Sorry for glaring at you. You know I'm not mad at you, right?”

Yukikaze nods, and Kafka takes a moment to think over Liguang’s statement. So Liguang had glared at him, and that was the final straw that caused Yukikaze to break down. And despite that being the reason he dropped, he still listened to Liguang’s commands, but not Kafka’s. It makes a little bit of sense, that he’d want to obey the man who made him drop, but still. So he'll let Kaede-chan help him, even Liguang, but Kafka's words just fly over his head? Maybe he really doesn't see Kafka as a dom, and was just going along with his commands for fun. Obviously, he wasn't that interested in pretending once he actually needed it, though.

What pisses off Kafka even more, though, is the fact that he wasn't just irritated by the whole thing, he was scared. Thinking about Yukikaze and his shaking, freezing hands tucked into a hospital bed scared him. Yukikaze's not supposed to be weak, chained to a room Kafka himself is all too familiar with. And what would Kaede-chan think, coming home to his cousin in the hospital, all because Kafka wasn’t able to help him?

Practice gets cut short with little fanfare, Ten leaving without complaint while Renga and Liguang linger in the practice room with Yukikaze, probably feeling a little guilty over what transpired. Kafka opts to see himself out and get busy with his administrative chores, but even once he's seated with his tasks laid out in front of him, he can't bring himself to focus.

Yukikaze's fine now. He's probably tucked into bed, resting, and he was told to call if he needed anything (although considering the kind of person he is, he'd probably get up and collect it himself). There's no need for Kafka to think about it anymore. But he can't get Yukikaze's blank, lifeless eyes out of his head. It was like he was staring right through Kafka, trying to find Kaede-chan instead. Who does he even think he is? Fine, ignore Kafka’s commands, but don't make him waste his energy worrying! He already wastes enough of Kaede-chan's time by doing that as is.

Try as he might, though, he can't quell the frustration lurking underneath his skin, so, not content to sleep with it, decides to do a quick check up on Yukikaze before bed. You know, as a reliable boss. But when he knocks on the door to the Rabbit Room and is let in by Liguang, there’s no Yukikaze to be seen, which, as much as he loathes to admit it, sends a quick flash of nerves down his spine.

“Kamina's in Kaede's room.”

Just as quickly, the anxiety melts into irritation, and Kafka finds himself glaring at the empty space on Yukikaze's bed. Of course he'd go there—he's always intruding on Kaede-chan's space regardless, and now he has the perfect excuse. Kafka doesn't have anything like that. Sure, they have their little dates in there all the time (though Kaede-chan probably calls them something else), but he couldn't just tuck himself into the older man's bed without Kaede-chan assuming he's acting like a kid. But it's always different with Yukikaze. And why's Liguang assuming he wanted to see Yukikaze, anyway?

He pulls his eyes away when they start to hurt from glaring too hard, and notices Liguang sitting off to the side, just silently watching him. Kafka hasn't been in here too often, only together with Kaede-chan or when Yukikaze has forcefully “invited” him over, but he's a little surprised that the man hasn't kicked him out yet. Maybe it's because of Yukikaze—he always seems a little soft with him. When Kafka meets his gaze, his eyes narrow softly, almost looking the slightest bit resigned.

“If you're worried about him, then go.”

“I'm not worried, just… frustrated.”

Liguang snorts, “you're not the one who made him drop.”

“At least he listened to your commands!”

Kafka knows he's acting a little childish now, with how his voice raises, and hates it. Yukikaze always makes him act like this, no matter how much he tries to stay in control. Liguang sighs, like he thinks Kafka's acting like a child too.

“You tried, and you got Karigane to show up and help. If you weren't there, Kamina probably would've—” he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of breath, “… would've had to go to the hospital.”

… Huh. Now that Kafka takes a closer look, Liguang looks pretty out of sorts himself, like he could drop in the wrong set of circumstances too. Well, thinking about it, it makes sense. Kafka’s never made someone drop before, so he has no idea what it's like, but it must be a rough situation for a dom to be in, even if Yukikaze isn't his partner. Maybe the fact that Yukikaze isn't his partner made it even worse, since the older man still needed the medicine and to retreat to Kaede-chan's room even with his help. And the fact that Renga was involved probably didn't help, either, especially not when they're both so fond of him. Since Kafka's their boss, maybe he should say something—Liguang was kind enough to invite him in, after all.

“… Have you guys talked about it?”

Rubbing at his forehead, Liguang sighs, and it sounds like he's talking to himself more than anything when he opens his mouth, “I tried, but he just started saying it was his fault, and that I shouldn't worry about it.”

Kafka teases his lower lip between his teeth as he considers this. Sure, Yukikaze was probably just trying to make him feel better, and it's true that he most likely wouldn't have crashed if it weren't for the medal and lack of Kaede-chan, but still, a sub blaming themself for dropping will only make the dom feel worse about the whole thing. Idiot.

“It was probably bound to happen sooner or later,” even if it wasn't him dropping, Yukikaze can't keep going like this.

“Doesn't matter. I should know better than to glare at a sub like that.”

“… Did you know he was one?”

“I've seen the way he acts with Kaede, yes.”

Something about that irritates Kafka more than it should, but he thinks it's justified. Just how obnoxious is Yukikaze about the whole thing that everyone's picking up on it? And knowing him, he probably acts like that in public, too. Is he even aware he has an image to maintain?

“… I should've realized he'd be more sensitive without Kaede around.”

“Liguang…”

Kafka hadn't imagined Liguang would feel this bad about the whole thing, but here he is, still quietly lamenting over what happened. It almost scares Kafka, how uncharacteristically the older man's acting, and how he could've ended up that way as a dom himself. He's always getting on Yukikaze's case with senseless commands, basically never giving him acknowledgement or rewards for listening. And who knows how often he scowls at Yukikaze, even if his glare isn't as aggressive as Liguang's can be. Maybe he should feel lucky that Yukikaze doesn't feel pressured by him, or he easily could've dropped long before today—Kafka wouldn't even be able to help him get out of it, if today has proven anything. Kafka can feel himself swallow when he realizes just how big of a bullet he's dodged.

“You really should go see him.”

Liguang's voice is soft, but he catches the younger man's eyes with a sharp gaze he has no hope of escaping from.

“… And you shouldn't?”

“I'll talk to him once he's comfortable enough to sleep in here again. He'll feel better if you're there.”

An assortment of protesting thoughts along the line of "my commands don't even work on him" flashes through Kafka's mind, but Liguang's expectant look is stronger. So off he goes, the short walk not leaving him any time to reconsider. Well, he supposes he wouldn’t want Yukikaze hogging Kaede-chan's room all to himself, in any case.

Kaede-chan's room is silent when he opens the door, nothing but near total darkness beyond the crack of the door. Yukikaze must've fallen asleep already, which isn't surprising, considering the day he's had and his usual early bedtime. Kafka isn't complaining—this just gives him an excuse to sneak into Kaede-chan's bed, not having to deal with Yukikaze and confront the irritation, helplessness, and fear that today brought on. Perhaps that thought made him a little careless, and he was too hasty in pulling back the covers, because as soon he tucks himself into bed next to the suspicious lump beside him, arms shoot out to wrap around him, pulling him further into the sheets. Even when Kafka lets out a shout and tries to bat them away, they don't budge, only tugging him closer until he's snuggled against a warm chest, a calm heartbeat right next to his ear.

“Kafka.”

“… Sorry I'm not Kaede-chan.”

The apology isn't one bit sincere—just thinking about Yukikaze reaching out to cuddle Kaede-chan instead pisses him off—and that fact is evident in his tone, but Yukikaze doesn't seem to mind, just letting out a breathy chuckle as he strokes the younger man's back.

“It's alright. Just being in here makes me feel like I'm with Kaede. Now I get to be with both of you.”

“Don't be gross.”

Kaede doesn't mean it, but it slips out as a command before he can even think twice. Yukikaze just keeps on laughing though, evidently not bothered in the slightest. So Kafka’s commands really do have barely any effect on him. Why's he even happy that Kafka's here, then? It's not like he can be of any help, not like Kaede-chan, or even Liguang could. And now Kafka's getting irritated again. Really, Yukikaze should've just stayed asleep.

“… What brought you here?”

“What, am I not allowed to be here? I heard you were hogging Kaede-chan's room all to yourself, but I guess it was true.”

That's decidedly not what Liguang said, but Yukikaze stops to consider it anyway. Kafka can hear him hum as he does.

“Did you meet with Liguang?”

Electing to stay silent at that, Kafka just buries his head further into the older man's chest. Yukikaze seems to take that as a yes, though, and while the hand patting his back doesn't stop moving, it slows down, as though the man is distracted thinking about something. Come to think of it, what's Yukikaze doing here? The answer is, admittedly, pretty obvious, but focusing on anything else would be better than Yukikaze questioning him like this, and finding out about how off-kilter the whole situation made him feel.

“What about you?”

“… I thought I'd feel better here. This whole room smells like Kaede. He called me earlier, and it felt like he was really here with me.”

Yukikaze answers honestly, not bothering to hide even the most unnecessary details. He's so earnest and sincere, the kind of sub many people would wish for, but for some reason, that part of him only seems to make him all the more irritating in Kafka's eyes. Because no matter how sincere he is, he'll still never bother to take the younger man seriously. He'll acknowledge Kafka's career and personal achievements, ones that he even scarcely begins to fully comprehend, but won't bother to actually rely on him. Yet when it's Kaede-chan offering up the smallest amount of praise, he eagerly accepts every last word. Would Kafka act the same way, if he were in Yukikaze's shoes? He already gets so flustered by every meaningless little offhanded comment the man makes.

He probably would, then, but there's no point in thinking about it, because he's not a sub like Yukikaze is.

“… Kafka? Are you okay?”

Yukikaze's the one who dropped, yet he still goes out of his way to be as coddling as ever. Kafka really wishes he'd drop the big brother act already, but it's not an act—he actually likes being everyone's big brother—so there's no chance of that happening.

“I‘m fine,” Kafka spits the words out into Yukikaze's chest, “just… why are you always like that?”

“Like what…?”

“Like… you act like you're so glad I'm here for you, but you won't let me do anything at all.”

Crap. Kafka didn't mean to say that, but Yukikaze's arms are so cozy and it's so late that the words spill out anyway. Yukikaze accepts them all without complaint, even though he shouldn't. He shouldn't let a dom get mad at him like this when he's recovering, though it’s not like he sees Kafka as a dom anyway.

“Is there something you want to do?”

“Not really,” that comes out easily, because if he could help it, he wouldn't want much to do with Yukikaze at all, “… but you refuse to listen to my commands, so I don't know why you're acting like I'm helping now.”

“You are helping me, though.”

He says it so naturally, Kafka can almost believe him. But this is the same man who will thank Kaede-chan for breathing. It doesn't mean anything, and even if it did, that would just be because Yukikaze is so sickeningly soft-hearted with his little brothers. Kafka can't accept that—he's not some useless kid who needs to be praised for every little thing anymore. And besides, if he can't help Yukikaze, the older man could end up having to actually go to the hospital some time.

There's a part of Kafka's mind that wants to avoid that at all costs.

“… No I'm not.”

“Yes, you are. I felt better when you held my hand, and I feel better now. You're warm.”

He punctuates this with a tight squeeze around Kafka's shoulders, pulling him even closer. If Kafka had to say, Yukikaze's the warm one, even though he felt like he was cut straight out of a block of ice earlier.

“So I'm a stuffed animal to you.”

“You're definitely as cute as one,” Yukikaze's voice has that lilt it gets when he's amused, “… but I mean it. I'm really glad you were here today.”

But I couldn't help you.

Kafka doesn’t say it out loud, but Yukikaze still hums in recognition like he understands. Were they close enough that he could read the younger man's mind?

“I was… scared. I messed up as everyone's big brother, and I couldn't… I didn't want to make you guys take care of me despite that. But a part of me was saved when you held my hand.”

Bubbling up inside of Kafka is a familiar irritation and a strange, less familiar flutter. Obviously, he needs to get called out for conflating his drop symptoms with his weird older brother thing—there's definitely something unhealthy going on there. But he can't quite bring himself to call him out, not when the words are trapped in his throat at the thought that Yukikaze had really thought that Kafka helped him, to the point where he felt saved.

“We're not your little brothers, so quit with that. Isn't Kaede-chan always telling you to act more spoiled?” Kafka feels himself grin, realizing there's times when Yukikaze doesn't listen to Kaede-chan too, “we can't rely on you if you don't rely on us enough to keep you from crashing like that.”

“… Okay.”

Yukikaze sounds the slightest bit sulky now, like a child getting scolded by his parents. Maybe Kafka was getting ahead of himself too much. Yukikaze's always been the type to shower his little brothers with uncalled-for services and favors—maybe that's how he likes to show them he's listening, that he cares about what they're thinking. Maybe he just isn't accustomed to the typical dynamic between doms and subs, which wouldn't be surprising when he's been on suppressants for so long without a proper partner. Kafka might’ve been a bit immature about the whole thing then, since it’s not as though he has much experience himself. It doesn't seem like Yukikaze was trying to make light of him, but then again, he doesn't have to to get on Kafka's nerves. That's not even the biggest reason why it bothers him.

“And I when I say “us”, I mean all of us, not just Kaede-chan.”

“I know…”

Yeah, Yukikaze definitely sounds sulky. Kafka does get it, to some extent. Kaede-chan is unbelievably supportive and accepting, it's one of the traits that makes Kafka love him so much, and it's only natural that that part of him made such a large impact on Yukikaze when his father was so cold and demanding. And it's not even like Yukikaze’s asking for much, if you ignore him constantly begging his cousin to watch him. All he wants is simple gratification in most cases, and he's willing to offer endless amounts of affection in return. Kafka knows he'd probably be just as doting even if Kaede-chan wasn't a dom, but the impact their dynamics have had on their relationship is undeniable. He's not sure if that's a good thing, though. Maybe Kafka should be glad some things have never changed between him and Kaede-chan.

But things should definitely change between Yukikaze and Kaede-chan, even if they don't think so themselves.

Kafka assumes that's the end of the conversation for now, and that it's finally time for bed, but Yukikaze's looking down at him rather intently, like he wants something.

“What?”

Why he bothers asking when he's already so tired, Kafka doesn't know. Perhaps it's because Yukikaze's still recovering, or because he said all that stuff about the younger man saving him.

“… Do you want to try giving me some commands?”

“Huh, now? Why?”

“You were frustrated about that, right? And I think I could listen now.”

Kafka wants to be surprised, but he really can't. No matter his personal circumstances, Yukikaze will always have it in him to care about his little brothers, even over the smallest of things. Given the older man's condition, Kafka's not sure if they should risk it—neither of them have much experience with this sort of thing—and it's not like he particularly wants to, either. Perhaps this could help quell the frustration that's been incessantly nagging at him this whole time, though, and besides, Yukikaze's so good at ignoring his commands anyway, so he probably won't drop again.

“… Fine. Let go of me for a second.”

“I don't want to do that.”

See, what did Kafka say about him not listening? But it's not like he's straight up ignoring the younger man, and it's not every day Kafka gets to see Yukikaze pout like a child, so he only scoffs in response.

“Do you even know how this works? That was a command.”

Yukikaze's pout deepens, but he does as he's told and pulls his arms away, letting them hover awkwardly in front of them. The way he looks so uncharacteristically antsy is so amusing, it makes Kafka want to keep watching how his eyebrows furrow deeper and deeper as each second passes, though he knows he should reward Yukikaze for listening. He sticks a hand out, stifling a laugh as the older man's gaze shoots down straight toward it.

“Give me your hand.”

It's another command, and not a reward, but Yukikaze complies without complaint, promptly reaching out to wrap his fingers around Kafka's. They're not shaking anymore.

Yukikaze looks strangely satisfied with that, though it's not much of anything, keeping a tight grasp around Kafka’s hand. Kafka isn't quite sure where to go from here, and perhaps Yukikaze isn't either. Kaede-chan doesn't really give him many spontaneous commands outside of telling him to relax on occasion, so there's nothing he can pull from there, and this situation’s not giving him much to work with. But whether he realizes it or not himself, Yukikaze's almost never so responsive to the younger man, and Kafka doesn't want to let such a rare opportunity go to waste.

“… Tell me how you're feeling.”

Though Kafka really doesn’t care that much, he's a little curious about how Yukikaze will answer. There's no way he's completely fine after dropping, even if he has a stronger spirit than most, and while he'd probably never go out of his way to tell Kafka he's feeling down normally, he's not good enough at lying on the spot to brush the question over. Besides, he almost certainly told Kaede-chan, so there's no reason he can't tell Kafka. He shouldn't force all his burdens onto his cousin alone. Yukikaze seems to hesitate for a moment, and Kafka can't tell if it's because he's thinking of what to say, or because he's surprised the younger man even asked at all.

“… I had a good day, thanks to everyone's help. Renga and Liguang kept me company for the whole rest of the day, and I don't…” trailing off, Yukikaze pauses for a second before continuing, wrapping his free arm back around Kafka, “… and I get to spend time with you now.”

“You don't what?”

“… Nothing.”

“Yukikaze,” Kafka wrestles his hand away from Yukikaze's, and while the older man still manages to keep a grasp on his fingers, the message is clear, “I am telling you to be honest. I'll leave if you don't tell me.”

The way Yukikaze's eyes are blown wide in an instant makes Kafka consider taking the command back, if only for a split second. Sure, Yukikaze could probably keep him here by force, but a dom threatening a punishment like that for such an unreasonable demand can't be easy to hear. He's actually listening to Kafka, though, and Kafka can't let this chance slip by. He won't.

“… Renga looked so guilty the whole time. And I'm worried about Liguang.”

“Mhm,” despite his earlier warning, Kafka squeezes the older man's hand, urging him to continue. This is important stuff to know, if it concerns the rest of R1ze.

“I could tell the whole thing took a lot out of him, and I tried telling him it was fine, but I don't think it worked. I don't want him to drop because of me.”

Kafka tries to picture it, Liguang dropping. Doms dropping is a rather rare phenomenon, and perhaps all the better for it, considering how hard it can be to get them out of that state. Liguang's pretty tough, though, and was reasonable enough to wait until Yukikaze is feeling better before giving up on the situation. He'll probably (hopefully) be fine, but Kafka can't convince Yukikaze of that. Liguang's one of his little brothers, and even if he turns out okay, the older man will probably still come out the other end with a guilty conscience, unless something changes.

“You didn't consider doing any sort of play with him?”

“I couldn't make him do that after the mess I caused earlier. I can't guilt my little brother into helping me like that.”

“It'd help him too, idiot,” Kafka wants to reach up and pinch him, but with how snug their current arrangement is, both his hands are pretty much stuck, “and running in here to sleep instead probably didn't send any good signs about how comfortable you are around him.”

Objectively speaking, it's painfully obvious to anyone who's known Yukikaze for more than two seconds that he only came in here because of Kaede-chan, so Kafka’s not really concerned about their relationship falling apart, but it's a convenient argument for him to make, if not for how he can hear Yukikaze's breath shorten just the slightest bit from above him. Though he's probably aware that Liguang won't lose confidence in their relationship either, there's no way hearing something like that wouldn't make him feel guilty as a “big brother”.

“Besides, I don't know how much longer you think you can stay like this. The suppressants aren't magical, and Kaede-chan can't be here for you around the clock,” and he shouldn't have to be, not when he could be spending more time with Kafka instead, “and I doubt you're interested in taking the time to find a proper partner.”

“That'd mean less time with everyone,”

He says it so matter-of-factly that Kafka can’t help but stifle a giggle into his chest, “yes it would.”

“Then… I'll ask Liguang about it. If it’ll help him, that's all that really matters.”

That's… pretty far off the mark of whatever point Kafka was trying to make, and Kaede-chan would definitely say something if he were here, but Kafka can't be bothered. It's such a pain, dealing with someone as ridiculous as Yukikaze. But he's listening, he's actually listening this time, so maybe Kafka can continue entertaining him, just for a little while.

“Anything else you want to add?”

“… I miss Kaede.”

Kafka doesn't know what else he was expecting to hear from Captain Obvious, but he guesses he shouldn’t be surprised. Yukikaze’s always whining about how much he misses his cousin when he's away for tournaments, and now that he's dropped without him, the solitude is probably even more unbearable for him. He even went as far as to sneak in here, though knowing Kaede-chan, he probably let him. Geez, Kafka knows he wants his cousin to be more selfish, but isn't this a little too forgiving? Although, Kafka does understand where Yukikaze's coming from—he gets horribly lonely when Kaede-chan's away too, after all.

“Me too.”

“We should go somewhere when he comes back,” even though they're cuddled so close together, Yukikaze's voice sounds rather distant, and Kafka wonders if he's imagining Kaede-chan in his arms instead, “or I'll make us something special. What would you like?”

“… Whatever Kaede-chan wants.”

“We can do both. I'll make the time.”

Oh, so Yukikaze was thinking about him. About what he wanted. He's always doing his absolute hardest to please Kaede-chan, but when he says stuff like that, it makes it sound like he wants to please Kafka as well. Even if it's not because of their dynamics, it'd be a lie if Kafka said his heart didn't feel a little warm after that. Maybe he should try being nice in return—Yukikaze has been listening to his unreasonable commands, after all, even if he's just been forcing himself to pretend they have any effect.

“I'll think about it. … G-Good job, on listening.”

“Have you ever done this before?”

“Shut up. Is there anything you want? I'll entertain you just this once.”

Yukikaze hesitates, and when Kafka strains his neck to look up at his expression, he looks the slightest bit flustered. He makes fun of Kafka for his lack of experience, but it's not like he has any either, huh? Though Kafka's always hated being the same as him in some aspects, and how it highlights just how different they are in others, like this, he thinks he can accept it. There's always been a part of Kafka that's understood how Yukikaze feels about his cousin, but right now, he can sort of understand how Kaede-chan feels about Yukikaze, too.

“… Are you going to sleep here?”

“If you are. I'm not letting you hog Kaede-chan's bed all to yourself.”

Yukikaze squeezes Kafka's hand when he says that, and it’s nothing like that trembling, desperate grasp from earlier. It feels tender.

“Stay with me.”

“Okay.”