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Its been hours into this sort-of party, way too many cups of punch and unnecessary comments from Lysander, hours of trying not to climb the fucking walls of this goddamned house as he kept staring at Nathaniel meaninglessly chat around instead of being with him.
He was growing sick of the whole ‘lets pretend to hate each other’ act for a while now, mostly because it meant they couldn't have seen together unless they were arguing, but sometimes a guy wants nothing more than to chill close to his boyfriend and not worry about the questioning glances from their friends.
He’s not sure if its the alcohol speaking but he cant really remember why they even decided to do that. They were friends before, right? Well, kind of, but still. The frustration and impatience build up inside his chest as he finished yet another cup of punch. He pretended not to see Lysander very clearly staring at him from across the room, most probably in disapproval.
He frowns, as he tosses the cup into the nearest trashcan.
Fuck.
His head hurts a little, maybe from frowning too hard for too long. Lysander never bothered hiding the details of his drunken moments. Castiel already knew he had fun with it, he was just too much of a little shit to tell him that to his face. Another thing Lysander made sure to tell him was just how ‘aggressively needy’ he was.
“What the fuck does that even mean?” he asked
“it means you stare at the walls like you wanna kill god then complains about not getting enough hugs. Very angrily”
He was mildly offended that day but Lysander never gave him a chance to prove him wrong. And right now? Hes ashamed of admitting just how fucking right he was. Surely that’s why Lysander was staring, not some weird telepathic way of making sure he didn't drink himself to oblivion… This is a party for fuck sake, he is allowed to want a place to kiss his boyfriend if he wants to. And god, does he want to. Almost more than he wants to get him the fuck away from Melody.
Some may call it jealousy, Castiel simply cant take how annoying it is when she is very clearly trying everything in her power to get his boyfriend’s attention (and praise). He already thought she was generally annoying, but this? Is too much. Especially when he cant talk to Nathaniel because of their own stupid rules and she can. So yes, he is very much jealous. even if he knows she doesn’t stand a chance, it’s just a matter of personal opinion, and a bit of despise, too.
But his drunken self doesn't do a very good job following through with his smart thoughts, instead, his instincts kick in and he does some terrible shit he’ll definitely regret later when Lysander is working his ass off trying to make him feel better.
Standing up and without a single word dragging Nathaniel out of his conversation With melody and Iris definitely are part of that ‘terrible shit’ and guarantee a spot into the top 3 most dumb things he did because he refuses to use his brain cells.
“Cass, what the fuck?” Nath whispers, not moving an inch or trying to get out of his boyfriends grip. Good.
They get inside the nearest room available, which just so happens to be Iris’s. He shuts the door close, completely ignoring his question and they’re finally alone.
Castiel takes them all the way across the room until Nathaniel’s back softly hits the wall, head down, humming a long ‘Hmnnn’ in pure satisfaction. “Cass.”Nathanielrepeats himself,in a way that could almost make him forget all the cups of punch they both had earlier. He feels a sudden wave of relief at the thought, entirely too happy to know that they're both too drunk to give a shit about the consequences of their actions.
“Hm?” All too innocently, he keeps on his little game. Leaning his head in the wall and shutting his eyes close, taking in how close they finally are. And its then, losing himself in the smell of his boyfriend's cologne, when Castiel asks himself where did all his self restraint go? He could try and blame it on the alcohol, but he knows too damn well that whatever this feeling is, it happens all to often too be simply the results of intoxication. He was called possessive before, way too many times to be the deniable sort of rumor. But it’s not just that, it’s the almost uncontrollable urge to be next to Nathaniel at every possible moment.
Its almost shameful, honestly. He feels like a middle school girl with her first boyfriend. Also kind of reminds him of the early days of 7th grade, when he would hold Lysander’s hand a little too tight for a little too long whenever anyone started picking up on him at school and his stomach would turn around for hours to an end. It took him months to understand what it was then, but now he’d recognize it in a heartbeat.
He supposes all the secret situation is also making it 10 times worse. It was never like this with Debrah, or anyone else for the matter. All it took was a blond nerd for him to be this weak in the knees? He’s surprised he kept his cool for 3 whole hours before cornering him against a wall.
The realization after shock faded along with most of the muffled voices coming from the kitchen and living room. Leaving Nath’s irritatingly calm breaths as one of the only things breaking the silence, the walls just barely thick enough to make them believe there was no one else here but the both of them. Neither of them moved significantly, other than the discreet and mostly unconscious way Castiel’s head came to rest on his boyfriends shoulder.
He tried not to focus on the softness of his sweater, or the surprising roughness of his palm. So stupid, he thought as he felt his cheeks heat up again, only this time it was not the alcohol’s fault. Its official, he’s obsessed. Their closeness making him remember the conversation his boyfriend had with melody earlier that day, definitely not something that Castiel should have over heard, and yet...it left him with an intoxicating sense of superiority. Knowing that he was the only one who could be this close to him. A smirk made it’s way up to his face at the thought.
He was the one to make the first move, again, bringing his lips close to where the neck of his sweater met the flushed skin of his neck, placing goosebumps kisses all the way up to the side of Nath’s jaw before coming to a full stop when they finally reached the corner of his mouth. They shared a glance and as if their thoughts were connected, they both reach out at the same time, lips crashing against each other with a bit of an abrupt, though very much welcome, force.
They were magnetic. It was the only way Castiel could ever describe the out worldly experience that was kissing him. Its like they met every single end the other ever had, always a push and pull game they cant seem to get tired of. They give it all and are not afraid to take it either. Maybe that’s why they match so well. Its that conviction, solely keeping them going for days to and end if necessary. He bites, he pulls and he sighs, giving next to zero shits if anyone could hear them from the living room, not that he even remembered them, or where he was, for the matter.
He focused on the confident way Nath reciprocated his advances, kissing him with a twinge of desperation that makes him question which one of them was anxiously waiting for a moment to snatch the other away from everyone just for this. They pulled away just to get back again and again, hot breaths hanging over each other mouths. Nath's warm tongue brushed over his bottom lip and with a dull shudder Castiel could only enhance the grip he had on the boy’s right wrist. He couldn’t tell which noises were whom with how fuzzy his brain sounded right now, the numbness from all the booze and the hand holding him by the waistband of his jeans consuming what was left of his coherent thoughts right away.
Nath pulled back, leaning his head against the wall taking a deep breath, followed by a very satisfying sigh that made Castiel want to pull him back once again. He didn’t though, not with the way Nath stared down at him after it, with the ghost of a smile in the corner of his mouth.
“That’s why you brought me here?” he had the audacity do smirk, goddamn him and his handsome face.
“maybe,” he muttered, trying to maintain at least a bit of the control of the situation as if they both didn’t know the real reason for them to be here other than Castiel having little to no self restraint and making a fool of himself.
“come on, Cass. I saw you looking over me frowning all day long. drop the act, dumb ass. I know you’re jealous” his smile only grew, in that cute way it did when he'd find the right moments to make fun of Castiel knowing he’d have no comebacks.
He pondered a bit before answering, “you're right, I’m jealous as fuck and have all the reason to be.” trying to emphasize his joke tone but it came out way more genuine than he’d like to.
“wait— did I just hear the Castiel talk about his emotions? I cant believe it.” the little gasp he faked sounded suspiciously like melody’s during their discussion earlier, Castiel loved it.
“oh shut the fuck up, now” finally letting Nath's wrist free, he shoved him at the wall softly, as if offended, but his small smile betrayed him.
“sorry, sorry ‘I'm just, not used to it.” his grin was intoxicating. “talk to me” he tilted his head to the side a little.
He suddenly felt overexposed, not expecting his make-out plans to reverberate like this, doing a full turn into actually discussing his feelings for once. They didn’t to this often, maybe it got easier with the booze. But a part of him kind of needed to run off, the other felt so at ease in his presence he felt like he could spill everything with no regrets or second thoughts. He didn’t know which one terrified him the most.
“not exactly a fan of staring at you while you talk to everyone knowing I wont have my turn” he did have more specific people in mind, specific situations and specific rules that he wanted to call bullshit on before he did something stupid without Nath's agreement. instead he left it hanging in the air.
“we’re talking right now ain't we?”
“come on, you know its not the same.” He crossed his arms as he felt Nath's hand raise to his hip. “I want you with me, and not 10 feet away pretending that we can’t stand each other.” He left melody out of it, for the moment, at least. He knew this statement alone would bring enough of a reaction from Nath.
“you want to stop?” Nathaniel's expression changed substantially, his gaze suddenly unreadable.
“I mean, its gonna be weird as fuck for a while, but yeah” he admitted. “also if we stop maybe Melody will get the hint and get the fuck out of your hair.” and by that he means he’ll finally be able to rest in peace with the knowledge that Melody will be pissed that Castiel of all people was the one to beat her on this. But he wont tell Nath about that just yet.
“I have to think about this…” Nath’s voice is slightly apprehensive, for the first time in the whole conversation. It leaves Castiel feeling uneasy, his self protecting instincts kicking in full force, but there’s nothing he can do about it.
“that’s fine. we’ll figure it out,” he offers, its uncharacteristically soft for him, he can notice. But he wants to try anyway, he knows whats at stake here for Nath. It’s way more difficult for him so he’ll help out or fucking die trying, that’s how dedicated he is.
Nathaniel spares him the softest of all looks, and he doesn’t regret going for sweetness for once.
“who are you and what you did to my boyfriend?” an accusing poke to his chest turned caress was enough to bring the flush back to his cheeks.
“don’t make me regret comforting you.” his hand flies to the back of his neck unconsciously, he curses himself for being so inapt to vulnerability to the point of actual shame.
Nath’s hand leaves his chest slowly and he finds himself missing the contact immediately, so he reaches out for his hand, bringing their palms together and entangling their fingers, his eyes never leaving Nathaniel’s. He seems a bit better, still apprehensive but better.
“just so you know— I'm not against dropping the pretend thing.” he fumbles with his words, something he so rarely does. “I'm just scared,”
“you don’t think they’d accept it well?” he referred to their friends, though it honestly applied to anyone. he didn’t now much about Nath felt regarding his sexuality, except for the fact that he was terrified his father found out, which Castiel understood completely. He was hit with the sudden urge to ask, to find out everything there was to know about him. Maybe to find a way to relieve some of his worries, or purely out of self satisfaction.
“its not them I’m worried about,” he sat down slowly, sliding his back all the way down the wall, his head resting against it with a quiet thud, he sat with hes knees close to his chest. “what if Ambre finds out? I just don’t know what id do if she told them, I don’t even know if she would, but— I can’t risk it, Cass” there was a twinge of desperation in his voice, like he’d imagined this scenario before, once, twice, god knows how many times, before bed, a breath away from a full blown panic attack. Castiel personally watched one of them from up close, and he did not want a reprise, for both their sake.
Castiel just, sat there, next to him. He’s bad at this, the comforting. careful words had never been his thing, but he tries. “we don’t gotta go full official if you don’t want,” he tried to ignore the way his stomach squirmed. “maybe just, being able to be less than 3 feet apart without killing each other, how’s that for a good start?” his sarcastic tone not being enough to calm either of them.
“we can’t be that bad…”
“every single person other than Lysander thinks I’d willingly hunt you for sport.”
“there’s no fucking way they believe that,” Nath snorted, It was quiet, soft and frankly relieving to his system.
“you’d be surprised.” he smirks, even though he knows Nath ain't seeing it.
“wait, why is Lysander not on the list?”
“he’s too smart for that,”then quickly adds, “and before you ask, no, he doesn't know anything. I told you I’d warn if I planned on talking to him ‘bout it.”
Nath didn’t pretend he cared, they had this one rule of the people that could know about them, an enormously huge list of a single name that read:
PEOPLE SAFE TO TELL:
- Lysander.
It was a bit pathetic, but so were the rest of their rules, no none of them cared much. It was obvious Lysander would be fine with it, at least Castiel hoped with every fiber of his being he didn’t misread the morals of his decade long best friend/ex/platonic soulmate. he felt stupid for naming it that, even in his mind, but the truth is, Lysander is one of the most important people in his life, so if someone’s gotta know, its him. Plus, he'd find out by himself sooner or later. Castiel could only hope it was the latter. He never fell for the little hate act even when it was partially true.
At first he thought the fact that he dated Lysander would be more of a problem in his relationship with Nath. He remembered how Debrah used to be about him, honestly he cant remember why he didn’t break up with her as soon as she told Lys to get the fuck away from him. He didn’t, obviously, he didn’t care about her at all, it was a bit funny when he ignored her, he’d be talking to Cass and even if she was also in the room it was like they were the only ones there.
It was just different with Nath, maybe because he’d already seen their friendship from up close, he's not sure. All he knows is that they never had any Lysander related issues, which, he’s immensely grateful for, because he couldn’t take anymore of those, he had more than enough of them with Debrah. Plus, he wasn't about to give up his best friend for a guy, or anyone else for that matter. Yeah they used to date, fuck they were 13 who even cares anymore? Don’t understand don’t fucking bother then.
He pushes his anger down a notch, now’s not the time. Focus.
“when you’re gonna tell him?”
“’ve got no idea” hes been squirming, thinking of a way to break the news to his best friend. He doesn’t know why, but he’s nervous, not about his reaction...maybe a bit about his reaction, but can you blame him? Even Castiel had been shocked to find out he’s into Nathaniel, it was a hell of a week for him, and Lysander was there to witness him make a fool out of himself even if he didn’t know the reasons.
He mimicked the way his boyfriends head leaned in the wall, a foreign sense of tiredness embracing his whole body all at once, maybe it was the cozy atmosphere of iris’s room, along with the warmness of Nathaniel and all the alcohol he drank. God he needed to sleep. Instead, he stared at Nath, as he stared back not even half as intensely. “you're gonna stand there and do nothing?” Nathaniel asked and with a clearer mind, Castiel would've recognized the very glaring offer to get back on kissing him, instead he sat, and stared a bit more, not even trying for a response as Nathaniel decided to take the matter into his own hands, approaching him while still kneeling and pressing him against the wall, just like he'd done not long ago.
“you're fucking slow today”
“gimme a goddamn break, I was the one who got you here in the first place.” hr finally found his energy back, enough to grunt and complain even as he smirked. Looking up he followed Nath’s eyes decidedly hovering over his own lips. He grabbed the back of his neck in one quick motion and they were back over each other. They got even closer, his hand found the buzz at the base of his boyfriends hair quite satisfactory, he wanted nothing more than to get absolutely fucking lost on the feeling, and by the looks of it, it wouldn't be long until he was.
His mind was fog, no cohesive thoughts went through his brain as he allowed Nath to kiss him silly. It was lazy, weirdly domestic and 200% fucking perfect, he could have sworn he completely forgot how to speak there, with exception for the quiet moments Nath pulled away slightly just to tell him the dumbest shit that he remembered from the party while kissing for some reason. It was the moments he remembered Nathaniel was just as inebriated as him, he honestly masked it well, or maybe he didn’t, who the fuck could tell at this point? He could be mad about it but fuck was he attracted to thislittle shit. So he did nothing but agree to everything he said, even throw in a quick chuckle or two for his satisfaction. Damn what had this guy done to him?
He has Nath panting into his mouth, lips swollen beet red and still biting, he can’t articulate a single word, he’s just glad to forget melody even exists outside these walls. He’s not sue if the pleasure he feels comes from knowing no one other than him has this, the passionate deep grunts that come directly from the base of Nathaniel’s throat, or the particular way he licks into Castiel’s mouth. Its dizzying, he can’t fucking wait until they all know about this.
And that’s what this is all about ain’t it?
Hes has the selfish wish to come out, just to be able to kiss him right in front of her. call him a horrible person all you want, but he’d give anything to see her face watching Nath turn to mush into his arms like now. He’s aware that’s not gonna happen, at least not for a long time. While Nath has the final verdict here, he’d very much like to be open about it, fuck it all to the weird stares they'll get from anyone. In this moment it feels like he needs it more than he needs air, maybe because all the air hes breathing is impregnated with the scent of Nathaniel’s cologne. Not really helping with the obsession problem if he’s honest.
Nath’s hands find his thigh, he feels the light pressure of his palm as he leans away, for a second Castiel thinks he’s about to say something stupid again, but instead, his eyes flutter open and lazily asks “Hm, what time is it?”
“late” he hums, “at least for you, I guess.” he simply hands him his phone and watches his eyes widen slightly as he checks the hour.
“shit, I didn’t realize it was past 9” he runs a hand through his hair as if to shake off the remnants of alcohol from his system.
“am I that good?” he smirks, and gets a small shove in return.
“I don’t have time for your ego right now,” a grin, “if I’m not back in half an hour I’m fucked” Nath sits back.
“want me to take you home? I can come back for Lys later.” he offers.
“no, it’s fine, I don’t think you actually want to do that”
“why not?” Cass worries for a second, he doesn’t know what he’d do if Nath told him he feels unwanted.
“I may have agreed to take melody home after today…” he lets out in fragments.
“why the fuck would you do that?” Castiel questions, hes not even mad, just— how did that happen? Was it during the party? Maybe when Melody dragged him away to talk after the punch… Castiel knew he should’ve listened to the whole thing—
“we bumped into each other in the way here and she insisted, I wasn’t even paying attention I just agreed and now we’re here.” Nath sighs, and a wave of relief washes over his body.
“hmm, that’s better” he exhales.
“you’re so damn possessive, you know that?” Nath’s hand find his chin and he can’t contain his smirk as he comes closer and closer, stealing a long kiss before he gets up on his feet, wiping out some imaginary dust off his pants.
“you don’t need to worry about her, Cass. After everything that happened today, she might not even want me to go with her.”
“I doubt it, shes always so desperate to get your attention”
“oh my god you cant let it go, can you?” Nath chuckles, looking down on him fondly.
“I just don’t like her getting all over you all the time, its pissing me off.’’
“I can tell her to back off a bit if it upsets you that much.”
he bets Nathaniel doesn’t have the slightest idea of just how much he wants to take the matters into his own hands and—
“hey stop, I see you thinking. Whatever it is, she doesn’t deserve it.”
“you don’t even know what it was.” he scoffs, turning his head.
“knowing you is enough” Nath ruffles his hair as he walks towards the door of Iris's room. Before he opens it, he stops to say “i’ll see you tomorrow then?”
he takes his time with the answer, instead, raising his head to look at Nathaniel, his flushed face and now messy blond hair he definitely forgot to straighten up before leaving. He has no idea how the laid back look fits him.
“yeah,” he rubs his nose. “yeah, I’ll call you”
Nath chuckles at him before saying his goodbyes and fully leaving the room. He focuses on the light conversation that can still be heard from the living room, it’s much quieter than it was when they came in, probably because of the late hour, they were already starting to leave. He’s mostly disassociating at this point, the pleasant buzz of the alcohol leaving his mind unusually peaceful, until he hears Nathaniel’s voice from the hallway. Muffled sounds of him and melody that didn’t last very long, considering his rush to leave, Castiel isn’t even sure melody left with him, and honestly he doesn’t even want to know. Maybe that’s the reason he doesn’t move an inch and just… sits there.
He isn't feeling bad about it, he doesn’t have a single reason to. So what if melody doesn’t know Nath is taken, so what if nobody else knows? He shouldn’t be having this much trouble with keeping it low. Sure,he never had to hide any of his past relationships, but that’s not enough reason for all of his impulses be screaming the need to be out, let everyone know about them. It feels out of character, even he can recognize that. But the thought isn’t enough to diminish his wishes. He doesn’t care about what other people think, mostly, then why hes filled of the sudden need to show off?
His head hurts, hes definitely had more than enough cups of punch not to trust his mind with any harsh decisions at the current time. He runs a hand through his hair. He should drink some water and probably call Lysander, he must be tired too.
Fuck, he needs to stop thinking. Maybe another cup wont be so bad.