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Yoongi never said no to Jeongguk. Never got angry at him even when he should have. Never raised his voice when they argued.
When Jeongguk accidentally dropped the mug that Yoongi often drank from, and was also his favorite, he was prepared for the anger he should have received, but all that happened was a panic-faced Yoongi telling him to get on the chair immediately, so that the broken glass wouldn't hurt his feet.
"Hyung– I... I didn't mean to."
Yoongi wasn't looking at him, his eyes were on the floor, at the broken glass.
"Get on the chair, Jeongguk."
"I didn't see it and it fell when I– please... don't be mad at me." Jeongguk squeaked, moving restlessly to see Yoongi's sharp eyes staring at him.
"Jeongguk, Hyung isn't mad at you. That mug is nothing, now get on the chair, and stay there until Hyung finishes cleaning up the broken glass."
Jeongguk didn't hesitate, he shouldn't have, because Yoongi cared about him, he wouldn't be able to get mad at him for just one broken mug. But since Jeongguk knew it was Yoongi's favorite mug, he hesitated to leave Yoongi with broken glass.
Jeongguk was about to grab the one shard close to his feet when Yoongi almost screamed, making him flinch.
"No! Don't touch that, let go Jeongguk... Hyung will be angry if you hurt yourself. Please, get on the chair and Hyung will take care of this mess."
Jeongguk had no choice, he couldn't just climb onto the seat while it was his mess, and the broken glass could hurt Yoongi's hand. But he didn't want to add to the problem and climbed onto the seat as Yoongi brought a broom to clean up.
He muttered, "I'm sorry Hyung."
"You didn't do anything wrong, Bun."
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
Yoongi didn't get angry or make any comments as they woke up in the morning, still hugging each other, when suddenly Jeongguk said he wanted to get piercings for his ears.
It wasn't a final decision, he just told him, and decided he wouldn't do it if Yoongi didn't approve. Although he had thought about getting piercings for a long time, looking at the earrings that hang beautifully on Yoongi's ears.
Yoongi moved in his arms, he looked down to stare at Yoongi on his chest. Yoongi's eyes were on his ear, then looking up at him.
"It'll look good on you, Bun. When are you going to do it?"
Jeongguk had never felt so confident so soon to try something new. He nudged Yoongi's nose with his, listening to Yoongi giggle in the morning was the best thing.
"Soon, Hyung."
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
The first piercing in his ear was not so scary when he saw Yoongi whose focus was split staring at the earring display. His cat-like eyes widened, staring unblinkingly at the earring display near Jeongguk. He looked so adorable, with his body immersed in his winter coat, hands wrapped in soft cream-colored gloves that Jeongguk had bought him. An ash beanie covered his hair, highlighting the soft flesh on his cheeks.
Jeongguk didn't realize he had gotten two piercings in each ear. It wasn't scary when Yoongi enthusiastically pointed out the earrings that would fit him. And now Jeongguk realized he might be addicted to piercings, having many in his ears, one across his eyebrows, and two near the corners of his lips.
Yoongi wasn't upset about him being so different with piercings, he always said with a smile on his lips that he probably didn't even realize, "You look so fine with all those piercings, Bun."
And that's how Jeongguk gained the confidence to say he wanted to get a tattoo.
Something to carve and draw on his skin, something more permanent. Something that he wouldn't forget, maybe like the initials of Yoongi's name that he wouldn't tell. Because Yoongi was precious, and Jeongguk wanted to have him forever.
The tattoo would change him even more, because Jeongguk knew he would soon become addicted to the ink as well.
When Jeongguk first told him, Yoongi wasn't as surprised as Jeongguk was about getting piercings. Yoongi just sipped his cold americano, glancing at Jeongguk with a teasing smile.
Jeongguk could guess Yoongi would say the same things, like 'It'll be good for you', 'You're good with tattoos.' But Yoongi didn't say it.
He almost laughed in amusement, pinching Jeongguk's cheek. "Are you sure you're not scared?"
Jeongguk's eyebrows almost drew together, unconsciously puffing out his chest. Like in a position when he was trying to accentuate his confidence.
Yoongi still looked at him like Jeongguk wouldn't dare, and he still did as they stood in front of the tattoo studio Jeongguk had chosen.
Jeongguk didn't want to look at him, because he wasn't scared, he was just a little nervous. His hands were probably sweaty, his heart pounding harder against his ribcage than usual.
Reminded him of the first time when he got on the bus to go to university on the first day of orientation. He didn't have his wallet with him, and the bus was about to leave, and he was going to ruin his first day by being late. Jeongguk probably looked like a kicked puppy, he was too young and would cry when someone a little taller than him paid for the bus, it seemed like he looked so pathetic. As Jeongguk arrived at the line, not having to ruin his first day with punishment, his heart was still beating hard between fear, relief and surprise at the sight of the tall person standing at the front of the line, where the senior stood who had paid for his bus. And Jeongguk remembered he had to go to Yoongi for forgetting to thank him. And he now continued to grow taller than Yoongi.
The sting of the tattoo was not so painful. Not when Jeongguk wasn't so focused on his skin when Yoongi held his other hand, drawing random patterns on his skin. Yoongi stared blankly out the window, probably unaware he was doing it on Jeongguk's hand. The low hum of the tattoo machine was a reminder that something was now being carved into his skin, permanently.
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
Yoongi never scolded him when he came home wet, water seeping all over his clothes. Skin frozen from the weather and rain, and shivering from the cold.
"I forgot to bring an umbrella," his voice trembled and his hands shook trying to reach out to the body warmth radiating from Yoongi.
But Yoongi disappeared, running off with a pair of black fur slippers he bought him. This time maybe Yoongi would be angry, Yoongi always paid attention to the weather forecast, always reminding him to bring an umbrella. Rain wasn't something Jeongguk had worried about before, it wasn't like he was going to get sick right away, but seeing Yoongi's concern made him feel bad.
"Hyung." A towel was wrapped around his body, warmth immediately melting into his skin as Yoongi led him wordlessly to the bathroom. Telling him to take off his wet clothes while he prepared hot water for Jeongguk to warm up.
"Take a shower and make yourself warm. Hyung is in the kitchen making warm soup for you."
Jeongguk suspected that if Yoongi wasn't human, he certainly wasn't a vampire with his pale skin because the temperature was always warm like summer. If this was a fantasy world, then Yoongi was an angel who was bored in the sky, tried out human life on earth and got stuck being his lover.
Why is Yoongi being so nice? There's no one who always seems to be sincere in doing good. Yoongi is always filled with positive energy, which Jeongguk can relate to.
Yoongi is a gentle and very sweet creature. Who loved to be held by his hand.
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
They had gone out for their usual date, eating and walking to the park afterwards. Yoongi was humming softly but still softly, just a murmur, probably a song he was working on that was spinning in his head. And Jeongguk got his prank on when he walked a little faster than Yoongi, which was possible with his long legs.
Yoongi probably realized Jeongguk would leave him behind, and he would be left behind. Yoongi trotted along behind him. Jeongguk got off the sidewalk to go to the park, but Yoongi reached out, grabbing Jeongguk as hard as he could, his thick coat getting in the way. Jeongguk laughed as Yoongi struggled to hold him, half of Yoongi's face buried under the scarf Jeongguk was wearing.
They parted, Jeongguk resumed walking but once again he was pulled back. "Stop walking away from me–" the older one whined, and Jeongguk smiled, bright and wide until his nose wrinkled. He jumped up, hugging Yoongi and kissing the scarf where Yoongi's nose was buried. Yoongi fumbled for his hand as Jeongguk met it and reached into his coat pocket.
"Sorry Hyung," he muttered softly.
Jeongguk grasped his hand, walking faster than before, Yoongi's soft laughter ringing out, echoing along the way. Until they had probably walked enough around the lake in the center of the park, then Jeongguk noticed Yoongi's pace slowing, his grip on his hand loosening slightly and he glanced back to see Yoongi's eyes beginning to droop. Yoongi kept blinking in an attempt to stay awake.
Jeongguk smiled before stopping, crouching slightly, "Up, grandpa."
There was a moment of silence, "Are you kidding?" with a blush on his cheeks and a slight dip in his eyebrows. Yoongi moved onto his back, Jeongguk trying his best not to laugh, noticing how Yoongi struggled to get on his back even as he was crouched down. Yoongi had always taken pride in his status as the Hyung between the two of them, using any excuse to look after him since he was the youngest, helping him with assignments or randomly fixing his broken things.
So when Yoongi finally gave up, he climbed onto his back, letting Jeongguk take care of him for once. Jeongguk felt like his entire chest was going to explode, unable to help but smile widely again when Yoongi murmured his thanks under his breath, leaving a warm kiss on the nape of his neck that instantly made Jeongguk grateful Yoongi couldn't see his face heating up.
Yoongi wasn't too heavy and Jeongguk was used to working out, so the weight of Yoongi on his back wouldn't be physically taxing. His sweet Hyung on his back, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Halfway to the car, he noticed Yoongi's slow breaths on the nape of his neck, his weight slumped even more and his head fell on his shoulder. Yoongi was sleepy, and it was time for grandpa to take a nap.
Jeongguk kept smiling, like an idiot, feeling so proud that his Hyung trusted him enough to carry him home safely. And if Jeongguk had taken another little detour to get back to his car, there was no telling.
Jeongguk could cook, not great like Yoongi but he could be counted on to make dinner.
"Jeongguk."
"Yes," Jeongguk said, a satisfied grin on his face showing the dinner laid out on the table.
"I slept for a long time, didn't I?"
Jeongguk nodded, then Yoongi walked around the table, towards him, wrapping his arms around his small waist. A soft kiss on his lips, Yoongi smiled and Jeongguk gasped.
"Thank you, Bun."
Jeongguk blushed, looking down, hiding his face. Yoongi just chuckled, one hand rubbing his back, and the other cupping his cheek, thumb rubbing the scar on Jeongguk’s cheek that he got as a child.
"You're always so good to me, Bun."
Maybe being a little late for dinner was okay. Leaning forward to bury his face in Yoongi's neck, touching the skin there and enjoying Yoongi's soft giggles.
Jeongguk loved Yoongi so much with the same great love he received from Yoongi. Making Yoongi laugh and blush was the best thing he felt.
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
Yoongi never ignored Jeongguk's daily complaints. Like now he came waiting for Jeongguk at the exit of the city library, with a cold latte on a sunny day and a box of Cinnamon Rolls that they both loved.
Yoongi had never looked at him like that, surprised by the hurt that welled up in his eyes. He couldn't do anything about it.
The first time Yoongi ignored his calls and messages, the first time Yoongi ran so fast to avoid him, the first time Yoongi seemed to turn off his hearing when Jeongguk called his name was when Yoongi saw him kissing a girl on the lips fixed at the library exit.
Jeongguk kissed someone, and it wasn't Yoongi, his boyfriend.
Yoongi didn't get angry or show his dislike when Jeongguk told him his female classmates were asking him to lunch. He smiled, saying that he was glad Jeongguk was making more friends.
Yoongi was always kind, always understanding and knew what he wanted. So when he kissed a girl that he himself knew he liked, Yoongi would definitely understand. Maybe he thinks Jeongguk is just curious about how it feels to kiss a girl.
But Yoongi is human, he's not a robot let alone an angel. He has a heart, and he couldn't understand why Jeongguk would kiss someone else.
Jeongguk arrived at the apartment he shared with Yoongi. Found a glass of latte and a box of cinnamon in the kitchen trash. The apartment was so quiet, there wasn't even a beat from the speakers in Yoongi's small studio, or the tinkling piano Yoongi always played when he couldn't control himself.
Jeongguk thought he understood well enough that Yoongi didn't want to confront him about the kiss, so he stepped out of the room successfully interjecting sobs. He waited on the sofa, waiting for Yoongi to engage him in conversation, and Jeongguk to explain that the one he loved was still Yoongi.
The little lie that he had never thought of replacing Yoongi he would keep to himself.
Yoongi was always the one to step in between when they had to argue, because Yoongi was the oldest and Jeongguk was still too young to understand what he was doing.
So when Yoongi came in with a big sweater sagging next to his shoulders, Jeongguk knew it was his sweater that Yoongi was wearing. His black hair was sticking out, and his lips were pale, but his face remained calm.
Yoongi listened to Jeongguk's explanation, heard that he and the girl were just friends, heard that the only one he loved was Yoongi, and heard that the kiss Yoongi caught was not the first.
Jeongguk knew Yoongi wouldn't be mad at him, couldn't, because as much as Jeongguk loved Yoongi then Yoongi would insist that his love for Jeongguk couldn't even be measured.
Jeongguk hugged Yoongi tightly before letting go, allowing Yoongi to cook dinner. And the look of disappointment in Yoongi's eyes he kept to himself.
Jeongguk knew Yoongi would believe him, he always did. As the dining table contained far more food than a normal night, he ate it with gusto.
Yoongi's smile was the last thing he saw as he closed his eyes. Yoongi's hand rubbing his jaw was the last thing he felt.
"I love you, Jeongguk. I told you that the size of my love cannot be measured."
And that night was the last time Jeongguk heard Yoongi's voice.
Looking at the small red velvet box, a pair of rings, which he had kept for a year, waiting to be presented to their owner.
And it had been a year since Jeongguk had woken up without Yoongi's smile, without Yoongi's murmur in his chest. A year of cooking and eating alone, a year of wandering around the apartment alone. A pair of black fluffy slippers that were never seen running around on the floor, a lonely piano that its owner never played anymore, a studio that no longer had a life.
☾⋆｡ 𖦹 °✩
It's been a year since he got his first piercing, and now he no longer has his eyebrows pierced. And it's been a year since his first tattoo, which now has his right arm covered in tattoos. The initials MYG are still on his skin, like his love and regret that knows will be permanent.
It's been a year since Yoongi last wore his sweater, a year since he slept and woke up alone. It's been a year since Jeongguk was cold in winter and there wasn't a mug of Yoongi's hot chocolate to warm him up.
It's been a year since he was confused about what made him think of replacing someone like Yoongi. All the good in Yoongi, and all Jeongguk did was want to replace Yoongi? He must have been crazy and ignorant back then.
Jeongguk was so curious if Yoongi's black hair would stay the same or if he would dye it, if Yoongi still liked to wear oversized clothes to hide his body, if Yoongi still liked to bathe with his favorite bath bomb.
He was so curious if Yoongi's smile was still as beautiful as ever, if his touch was still as warm as Jeongguk had ever felt.
Did Yoongi still love him? With a love that cannot be measured?
Jeongguk was too wrapped up in Yoongi's kindness, Yoongi's perfection in loving him, to forget that Yoongi only had one heart. Which Jeongguk had destroyed, so he had nothing left.
Jeongguk forgot that Yoongi cared about him too much. When Yoongi thought of his happiness, then Yoongi was sure Jeongguk would be happy with the woman who had taken Jeongguk's attention from him.
Jeongguk forgot, Yoongi always kept his word. And when Yoongi promised Jeongguk that he would never see him again, he actually kept it. No matter how far he went, no matter how much he tried, he never saw Yoongi again.
"I- I wasn't always so good to you, was I, Hyung."
It had been a year since Jeongguk lost his purpose in life. Since the last time Yoongi called him Bun.
The first time Yoongi was disappointed in him, he punished Jeongguk with the solitude of regret permanently carved into his head, in his every breath, in his every wake and sleep.