Chapter Text
“Andrew you don’t have to do this. They have plenty of witnesses-“ Neil was pacing back and forth across the roof, frantic in his frustration and Andrew knew there was nothing he could do to make Neil understand this, but he also really couldn’t handle it right now.
“Don’t,” Andrew ground out, made a feeble attempt at sucking in a breath. He felt a little bit like his lungs were collapsing, a little bit like the ground underneath him was giving out.
Neil paused where he was pacing, deflated, and nodded in acquiescence. He stayed quiet as he settled down next to Andrew on the roof’s edge but he didn’t look happy about it. Andrew knew he hated this situation almost as much as Andrew did, but there was nothing Neil could do. He couldn’t save Andrew from this, and Andrew had already decided what he was going to do, even if it might tear up what was left of his soul to do it.
Andrew knew there were other witnesses, personal accounts, but none would guarantee that Drake got life in prison. The kids were young, still so freshly wounded that they wouldn’t be able to hold it together on the stand, in the same room as their abuser. Andrew knew he was the only one who could talk through it all enough to make it clear to the judge how guilty Drake was. And Andrew would rather himself have to do this, give up himself, than those kids, than anyone else who had to go through what he did. Because if he had had to go into a courtroom even a year ago, or 5 years ago, it would have broken him.
“I’ve made my decision,” Andrew murmured, more to himself than Neil. He would do this, and it might just tear him apart. But better him than anyone else, better him than any of the other 6 foster kids. He knew they would still have to testify, but if Andrew took the brunt of the questioning then maybe they could have a little reprieve. He could keep the spotlight on him. And he could make sure Drake would rot in a prison cell for the rest of his life.
“Aaron got off on self defense Andrew. You don’t have to do this for him,” Neil said, his voice edging on desperation.
“I’m not doing it for him.”
Neil bit his lip, looked at Andrew thoughtfully until understanding flooded his gaze and Andrew could see the heartbreak in his eyes when he realized Andrew’s motivation. He shook his head quickly once he realized, “No Andrew. Don’t put yourself on the cross just to save them. They’ll still have to testify.”
“They weren’t supposed to exist. Luther promised she wouldn’t foster anymore. I never checked and Drake got to 6 of them.”
Neil’s eyes blazed as he forced himself into Andrew’s field of vision, “That’s not on you,” he said, his voice hard, “It’s not your fault.”
Andrew ignored that and shook his head, “With my testimony Drake will get a life sentence. Without me it’s not guaranteed.”
“It’s not guaranteed with you either Andrew. What if you testify and the judge still sides with them? Then you’ve stripped yourself bare for nothing.”
Andrew swallowed the knot in his throat. He knew that was a possibility. But it was a small one. With the details of his testimony, the rape kit, Neil and Aaron as witnesses, the probability of that being enough to lock Drake up was high. Extremely high.
“Don’t be willfully blind Neil. You know with my testimony he’ll be in a cell. I won’t let him touch anyone else. This is the only way to guarantee that. A promise wasn’t enough last time. This is all I have.”
“But Andrew-“
“No Neil,” Andrew bit out, “It’s my choice. And I won’t leave it up to them. They’re still kids. They won’t be able to talk about it. It won’t be enough for the jury. I will.”
“It’s not fair Andrew,” Neil said, his voice rough with emotion, “You shouldn’t have to give yourself up again. You’ve given enough. And some of them aren’t kids anymore. This is just as much their burden-“
“Neil,” Andrew cut him off sharply. Andrew already knew everything that Neil was saying. He had talked in length with Bee about this situation. About which ways he could go about it and how each one would tear him apart in different ways. He could testify. He could not testify. He could refuse to take part in the trial. He could tell his story so that Drake would get locked up. At the end of the day this was his choice. He knew it would ruin him to do it but no one was changing his mind.
“Okay,” Neil said finally, his voice soft and tired. He blinked up at Andrew, “I’ll be there every step of the way.”
“I know,” Andrew said. That fact was the only thing holding him up some days. One of the biggest reasons he could stomach standing in a courtroom and revealing every single secret about what Drake did to him was that Neil would be there with him.
Neil rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder, shifted and kissed him there softly, he held out his hand for Andrew in offering.
Andrew let out a breath and took Neil’s hand in his, traced the delicate scars there and let himself revel in Neil’s closeness, how safe Neil made him feel. The words came to him almost unbidden, the thing that made him the most uncomfortable regarding the trial tumbled out of his mouth, “Everyone will be watching.”
It was something that still made Andrew nauseous to think about. It was one thing for him to have to verbalize everything that happened. He had already done that with Bee. They had already been practicing with questions he’ll be asked during the trial and how he’ll answer. It was another thing all together for Neil and Aaron and the foxes to be listening to it all.
“I can ask them not to come. I know Aaron and I have to. But the rest…”
“They’re character witnesses. They have to be there too,” Andrew said. The truth of it was something he had accepted but it didn’t make the discomfort go away when he thought of everyone knowing… knowing everything.
Neil huffed, pressed his forehead against Andrew’s shoulder and squeezed his hand tightly, “I hate this. I wish Aaron had killed him. He was so close Andrew.”
“There’s no point in wishing for that.”
Neil groaned, “I still hate it. I hate that you always have to give so much.”
Andrew looked down at Neil, the fire and frustration in his eyes. The love there. Andrew lifted his hand, held Neil’s jaw and caressed his cheek. His eyes were like ice and Andrew could see all the emotion swirling there. He could see how Neil would do anything to take this burden away from Andrew if he could.
Andrew leaned in and kissed Neil softly. Focused on memorizing the feeling of Neil’s lips soft against his and his hand in his. Nothing said in that courtroom could take this away. Nothing Drake did and Andrew having rehash it all could take away from how far he had come. How much he had healed. Andrew wouldn’t let anyone take this progress from him.
-
Andrew’s Victim-Witness Advocate was a woman named Evelyn Adranoe. She was middle aged and kind yet strong in the same way that Bee was. Bee knew her personally and had told Andrew that she would be invaluable to him during the case. Bee was there as a witness and to help Andrew throughout the trial but Evelyn’s specific job title was to do those things and to keep Andrew in the know about all court proceedings. It made Andrew uneasy to have another outsider be privy to so much of his vulnerability but he knew it was a necessary evil and something he needed to get used to. Soon enough every person he knew would know all the gory details of his past. Evelyn was just another face. But Andrew had to admit, after countless meetings with her, and with her and Bee, he had a begrudging respect for her.
She had a blunt way about her that Andrew appreciated. He wasn’t interested in pity or being coddled and she wasn’t interested in coddling. She was extremely knowledgeable in cases like his and had extensive experience with them. It was because of her he was able to mentally prepare himself for what would happen. The many hearings he would have to attend before the trial, the trial itself where he would be questioned by an assistant US attorney and by Drake’s attorney and all the fine and gritty details of court proceedings that he didn’t fully care to understand but memorized anyway.
He wouldn’t be able to escape it all until the trial was over so he let them talk and explain and prepare him. He let Bee meet with him and they practiced what questions he would be asked and how he would answer them. He had to work through countless panic attacks and bouts of nausea during this and a part of him that he refused to acknowledge was terrified he wouldn’t be able to hold it together on the stand. The knowledge that Neil and Bee and Evelyn would be there the whole time was the only thing that soothed him.
“So tomorrow is the day,” Bee murmured.
Andrew nodded and sipped his cocoa, letting the warmth and chocolate calm him down like it always did. The day had come and Andrew felt all at once prepared and completely out of his depth. He knew it wouldn’t really hit him until he was called to the stand and had to start answering questions. He knew that was the moment that would take everything out of him. Until then it just felt he was eternally on the edge of falling off of a very steep cliff. His body locked in fight or flight, unable to fight, unable to run.
“Do you have anymore questions about what will happen tomorrow?”
“No,” Andrew said. They had been through everything that would happen so many times that some days it felt like he had already been through the trial.
“Andrew I want you to remember that if the attorney asks you any questions you don’t want to answer you don’t have to. I know you may feel pressured but if you start to feel like it’s too much you don’t have to answer anything. And remember that at any point you can tell the judge you need a break and they will let you leave the room.”
Andrew nodded, “I know.”
“Good. Then I will see you in the morning. Call me if you need me tonight. Are you going back to the dorm after this?”
“Neil and I are spending the night at Columbia.”
Bee smiled softly, “Good. I’m glad you two have each other.”
Andrew swallowed and nodded. Stood up and passed his empty mug to Bee, “See you tomorrow.”