Chapter Text
Look
I like you, I like you more than I expected, more than I even thought I was capable of. And if you don't want anything, it's alright, I'm not writing to you expecting to gain something out of this, but I needed to be honest with myself and with you. Someone told me a thing that resonated with me recently, "you already have the no, so why not do it anyway?".
I know I've been keeping this for quite a while now and I could just keep it for the rest of my life, but who am I fooling? It gets harder and harder to ignore it, this whole anxiety of the "what if you felt the same way?". It's funny, I don't even know how it started, one day you were in my life and in the other I couldn't see myself without you, you became such a pleasant constant in my mind, and my heart felt full. I know I'm hopeless idiot wanting to make big gestures but I'm also a coward, writing this from the safety of my room, hoping it would minimize the pain if you left.
I can understand if you feel that we can't be friends anymore because of this, and if that's the case I will respect it fully, but I won't lie and say it'll be easy. I've grown too fond of you, you are the first person in my life that actually saw me for who I am and you did not judge me in the slightest. Maybe this whole anxiety is for nothing and we can just laugh it off in the future.
But as I said in the beginning, nothing needs to come out of this, nothing needs to change.
I am a mess right now and I still don't fully understand these feelings, but I would be more than glad if we could discover them together.