Work Text:
“No.”
“Mr. Malfoy…” Draco’s long-time solicitor looked more ragged than ever, which was really saying something.
Draco’s eye twitched as he repeated himself. “No.”
“There’s nothing to be done.”
“There is no way that-“
“All divorces issued in the past five years are null and void.”
“No.”
“Which means that you are, in fact, entitled to a substantial portion of the settlement you paid and-“
“I don’t want the money nor her.”
“Well…” The solicitor’s cheeks burned with embarrassment at the news he had to deliver now that he’d had adequate time to sort through the Ministry’s latest dictate. “Neither are really up for debate as the law does require you to perform coitus at least once a year.”
“No.”
“With your record, the slightest infraction of this law will have you in Azkaban for the rest of your life so perhaps you could just-“ The solicitor looked at the ground as he shuffled his feet awkward. “Close your eyes and think of England?”
“Oh,” an unwelcome voice rang through Draco’s private office. “I see your representation has also worked their way through all the fine print.”
“Granger,” Draco snarled at he fought the urge to magically urge her towards the Floo. “Surely you and all your Golden Girl bullshit can make this go away.”
“Nope,” she popped the p dramatically. “I tried. The puritanical forces are entirely too high on their own supply. Divorces are a thing of the past and all those whose magic are still intertwined at all, as it often takes a decade to fully disentangle, are still lawfully and woefully married.”
“She’s right,” his solicitor confirmed as he inched towards the door, having no interest in watching the next interaction unfold.
“So that’s it then?” Draco sighed deeply. “You’re my wife forever then?”
“Just as we once promised each other,” she confirmed gravely. “Before you became the world’s biggest arsehole.”
“You know,” Draco sat up straight, looking for anything at all to go his way, “A lot of married people don’t live together so-“
“They do in this law,” the lawyer said quickly before slipping through the Floo.
Draco let his head fall onto his desk dramatically. “I hate it here.”
“Same,” his ex-ex-wife agreed with an eye roll.