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There’s something about Sollux Captor that has honestly bugged Eridan Ampora for the longest time. A strange feeling, a primal instinct, a tugging at the heartstrings. Sensations he tries to put in words over and over again but simply can’t.
Is it loathing? He had really hoped that wouldn’t be the case, because that would’ve really complicated matters with Vriska. Pity? Maybe? Hard to say. It would definitely suck to be so low in society as Sollux is, Eridan could imagine. He could feel bad on Sollux’s behalf for that.
Or maybe it’s something far, far worse.
Everything and nothing, all at once. An obsession, a desire, a hatred and an affection because Sollux is everything Eridan stands against but also everything he badly wants.
When Feferi talks about Sollux, Eridan can practically feel her beaming through the husktop. She waxes poetic about the gutterblood, as if he’s the most amazing troll on Alternia, and if Eridan is being honest, he fails to see what makes Sollux so interesting.
Sollux is just another lowly pissblood who happens to know how to code, right? What’s particularly noteworthy about that? Any idiot can learn how to code. Kar’s learning how to code, amazingly. Eridan didn’t even think he had the patience for it.
Sollux is a mess of contradictions in Eridan’s head, and that’s what drives him insane. He stands out, but he should be ordinary and forgotten. He’s a nobody, yet he rubs elbows with the likes of Feferi. She’s never talked about Eridan in that matter and so he hates Sollux for it, for taking what should be rightfully his.
So when Eridan finally makes his way to LOBAF, and its disgusting webs of brain matter, he immediately hunts for Sollux. The troll’s not hard to find. Even if Eridan couldn’t see it, he’d never be able to ignore the crackling electricity of red and blue psionics.
Now, how should he get Sollux’s attention? Well, there’s one pretty easy way to do it.
Eridan simply points Ahab’s Crosshairs at Sollux and pulls the trigger.
Sollux’s head hurts. Which isn’t exactly out of the ordinary for him. His head always hurts. Hearing the voices of the doomed since birth will do that to you.
Maybe dying and then waking up on a new planet isn’t really helping matters either. It was such a surreal experience too, to see his own dead corpse like that. Feferi is kind, a bit overwhelming with how much energy she radiates all the time, but she did do him a solid with that whole “kiss of life” thing and so Sollux lets him accompany her as he tears apart the imps of LOBAF.
Ugh. What a dumb planet. It’s so blazingly hot, which only adds to Sollux’s annoyance. The brain matter feels too soft and squishy under his feet. Feferi is babbling about the giant fishbowl her land consisted of and Sollux wonders if she might be willing to trade.
Oh right, he can’t swim. Probably a bad idea again. Back to the hellfire it is.
Feferi talks a lot. Something about Eridan too. Mostly about Eridan. Ick. Sollux hasn't even met him in real life but already he can’t stand the guy. He knows he really shouldn’t be taking satisfaction in hearing of Eridan’s romantic failures, because now is not the time to be petty, but he does anyways. A guy like Eridan always deserves to get knocked down a few pegs, at least in Sollux’s mind.
Maybe…maybe it’s also jealousy too? Sollux doesn’t really want to confront that. He doesn’t like the idea that Eridan occupies so much space in his head. No, he can’t be jealous of Eridan. Jealous of how much prestige and wealth Eridan has, how he can live his life knowing that he’d have a future where he isn’t stuck as a slave to someone else’s whims. Eridan’s power and authority. Sollux totally doesn’t care.
Except he kinda sorta does.
Shut up. Shut up!
That train of thought is immediately put on pause when a blast of baby blue light comes ripping through the air and incinerates the imp that Sollux was about to beat to a bloody pulp.
“What the-” Sollux glowers at the pile of ash before him. “FF, you can’t be psionic. Seadwellers don’t have psionics!”
“That wasn’t me, dummy! That was Eridan!”
“Eridan?” Sollux feels a strange knot in his stomach. The idea that he both matters that much and that little to him. Eridan could’ve killed him right then and there! How inconsiderate!
Okay, Sollux still has that extra dream self maybe it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But still…
Another beam of light flies over his head. Sollux bristles, cackling with electricity. “Ugh. What a douche. I want nothing to do with him. Come on, FF. Let’s go.”
After all, if he says it out loud, it’ll make things true…right?
There’s something about being ignored that makes Eridan want to scream. Especially by Sollux as well.
So Eridan keeps moving. Forget about his quest. Forget about all the stupid angels that were bothering him. They don’t matter. His mind is beyond clouded and all he can think about is Sollux, Sollux, Sollux, Sollux…
Everything that makes Sollux who he is, Erisan hates about himself. And it’s not fair. How Eridan has become the laughingstock of the blue team, completely ignored by everyone and totally abandoned by even his ex-moirail, while Sollux is lauded as a hero for just being good at coding. Feferi goes out of her way to bring him back to life and she couldn’t even break up with Eridan to his face.
Sollux, Sollux, Sollux, Sollux. It’s always been Sollux.
He just makes Eridan so bloody sick. How he wants to reduce Sollux to nothing but ash. How he wants to feed Sollux to the angels on LOWAA. How he wants to shove Sollux against a wall and nip at the asshole’s ears, feeling Sollux’s hot breath on his cheek as they-
Well.
Eridan squeezes his eyes shut and snarls to himself. He cannot afford to let all these conflicting feelings overtake him from his mission. His mission of…what, exactly? Getting Sollux’s attention. That’s pretty fucking desperate, Ampora. Even for you. God, aren’t you head over spades for the douchebag? Or is it hearts?
Oh, you don’t know. Isn’t that the funniest thing.
“Shut the fuck up,” Eridan tells the stupid little voice in the back of his head. “I don’t care ‘bout the guy. If he were dead, I wouldn’t do shit to revive him.”
Never mind the fact that part of him wants Sollux dead at his own hands.
Eridan stalks after Sollux, jumping from brain to brain to keep up with the floating troll. He doesn’t care about not being spotted. Just anger and limerence and all those nasty things that are being built up until they reach their limit and boil over like no tomorrow.
Kiss me. Kill me. Notice me.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you and I want to be you.
Why do you spark this fire within me?
It’s hard. It’s hard being a kid and having all these emotions and no outlet to express them with. It’s hard and nobody understands.
So he keeps running and shooting, because violence says everything he can’t put into words. Being unwanted is better than not being noticed at all, right? Because as long as Sollux knows he’s there, then it’s better than being alone.
A victory and an escape later, when Eridan blasts Sollux across the room with a white science wand, he thinks he finally has an answer for the burning questions haunting him ever since he knew the goldblood’s name.