Work Text:
Act One
Scene One
Gryffindor Common Room, late at night
[The dark presses in on the tower windows, kept at bay only by the light of the fire blazing in the hearth. JAMES sits on a pile of rumpled blankets, quickly tapping his hand on his leg. Everyone else has gone to bed. After a moment, he stops and frowns disappointedly at his kneecaps. REGULUS climbs through the portrait entrance and JAMES looks up, surprised.]
JAMES
Oh, hello.
[He smiles, hesitantly.]
I wasn’t sure you’d come.
REGULUS
[Shrugs his shoulders, taking off his jacket and folding it neatly on the couch.]
You’re my boyfriend. I make an effort.
[He walks over and sits down next to JAMES.]
JAMES
[Smiles.]
Sometimes.
[He pokes REGULUS in the stomach.]
REGULUS
[Dips his head in acknowledgement.]
Sometimes. When you’re not being completely insufferable.
JAMES
[JAMES gasps in mock offense.]
Insufferable?!
REGULUS
It’s almost a talent, how every day dunking you in the lake becomes less of a dream and more of a reality.
JAMES
[Grins.]
Oh, really?
[Opens his mouth, preparing to sing dramatically.]
REGULUS
[His eyes widen.]
No-
JAMES
I’d like for you and I to go romancing-
[REGULUS tightens his mouth, refusing to be endeared.]
JAMES
Say the word, your wish is my command-
[REGULUS sighs, tucking his hand over his mouth to disguise his smile. JAMES leans against REGULUS, with his hand dramatically swept against his forehead.]
Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy.
[REGULUS pushes him away, smirking.]
JAMES
Whatcha doin’ tonight, hey, boy?
[Laughing, JAMES reaches over to grab REGULUS’ arm and trails off when he sees the Dark Mark revealed from beneath REGULUS’ risen shirtsleeve. JAMES’ eyes soften, and he looks at REGULUS ruefully, at the reminder of war REGULUS must disguise his allegiance to. He reaches for his wand. But REGULUS can only stare, frozen, as JAMES taps it against his forearm.]
JAMES
Finite incantatem.
[Nothing happens. JAMES’ brow furrows. He shakes his wand.]
Finite!
[The Mark remains unchanged. James lowers his wand.]
It’s not coming off.
[He looks up at REGULUS, concerned.]
Reggie, why isn’t it coming off?
REGULUS
[REGULUS says nothing, can only stare at JAMES until he realizes the truth, before yanking his arm back.]
Don’t pretend like you didn’t know.
[He grips the Mark with his other hand tightly.]
The whole school told you.
JAMES
And I defended you! To the whole bloody school! When Mulciber threatened your muggleborn chaser enough she quit the Quidditch team, when you’re going on prefect rounds with Lucius Malfoy who’s one Ministry connection away from a Death Eater himself, I never once fucking doubted! Because they were wrong! They were wrong, and, and they didn’t know you, just the act you put on for your mother, the whole Black family, and they were wrong, Regulus. They were wrong, please tell me they were wrong. Tell me that isn’t- Tell me you didn’t get the fucking mark on your arm.
[REGULUS gazes at the mantel top and says nothing. JAMES tangles both hands in his hair, huffing sarcastically.]
JAMES
Merlin’s beard, Regulus, you’ve already got half the future Death Eaters in your House, did you really need to become one?
REGULUS
As if you can seriously defend your moral superiority on House integrity when you brought me here while everyone else was asleep.
JAMES
[He clenches his jaw, gaze dropping to the floor, before shaking his head and looking up.]
What was I supposed to do, then? When half of us, when I signed up to fight, any arsehole pathetic enough to join Voldemort’s fucking pureblood army?!
[The wand still in his hand begins to give off sparks, he drops it with a huff and lowers his shoulders.]
Because I would jump between all of them to save you and I can’t fight myself, Regulus, you can’t keep asking me to do that.
REGULUS
[He looks back at JAMES sharply.]
I have never demanded anything of you. I never asked you to bleed out for me. You stole my books and insisted on carrying them fifth year. I told you even then chivalry had a bad habit of leaving heroes dead and you laughed. Flat on your back from slipping on ice, and you laughed, and said heroes wouldn’t bother showing up if that ever stopped them. That was a choice, James, that was a fucking choice. Love is a choice or it is an expectation, and my mother has made it all too clear love is not something you can disappoint.
JAMES
Why?
[His expression twists in confusion.]
That’s not love Regulus, you know it’s not, but you keep going back to that big, empty house like you like being trapped there with her. You don’t have to stay that scared little kid!
REGULUS
Yes, because eighteen means so much more than eight to the Noble House of Black. You think it’s easy to leave? When my mother would rather have me die in the Dark- Voldemort’s favor than have the family’s name dragged down once more? I am still. their goddamn. property!
JAMES
[JAMES stubbornly shakes his head from side to side.]
No. No, she can’t keep you. She can’t-
REGULUS
[He laughs mirthlessly.]
James, if we kept discussing everything my mother can’t do, we’d be dead before we found the end.
JAMES
She can’t keep you, Regulus, because eventually there won’t be any pieces of you left for her to take! And maybe you’re okay with that, disappearing, but Sirius left because he wasn’t and I won’t let you…
[A moment passes, and JAMES’ eyes widen in alarm as he realizes his mistake. At the sound of his brother’s name, a mask drops over REGULUS’ features, leaving him cold, sharp, and unreachable.]
JAMES
[JAMES inhales sharply and his eyes dart downward, but he looks back at REGULUS pleadingly.]
Reggie…
REGULUS
[He stares back unflinchingly, voice biting.]
Do you know what happened before that? Before he left, what your friendship cost him? The beatings he endured, the black eyes, the bruises.
[He snorts dryly.]
Those were the only times he walked away from her grinning and I marveled at the stupidity of a love you were glad to bleed for.
[He shrugs carelessly.]
Because even then I knew if you were bleeding, it wasn’t love. But that’s what you demand, James, that’s what heroes demand. You grow up safe and loved and happy and you forget that for the rest of us destiny abandoned, fighting is not a purpose but a necessity. One we can only wish would end.
[His voice grows hard.]
Don’t tell me what I should fight for, James. Sirius left because he couldn’t suffer for you any longer.
JAMES
[JAMES’ shoulders hunch against REGULUS’ harsh words. His eyes are desperate.]
That’s not fair!
REGULUS
Isn’t it?
[He raises his chin loftily.]
JAMES
Then I’m sorry!
[His voice trembles, and he sweeps his hands to the side wildly.]
I’m sorry I didn’t know, I’m sorry I thought the worst thing bruises could come from was a stopped broom throwing you headfirst into the garden! I’m sorry I met Sirius on the train. I’m sorry that he seemed so much like me, the lonely boy in front of a crowd, trying to stuff seventeen chocolate frogs in his mouth and grinning! I’m sorry I stole them, when I saw his nostrils flare, when he couldn’t close his mouth, when he grabbed another fistful because they weren't going to stop him and I don’t think he really cared!
[His hands drop to the side, and he looks down, deflated. His voice grows quiet.]
I wasn’t trying to be his hero, I was trying to be his friend.
REGULUS
James…
JAMES
[He doesn’t see REGULUS start, take a step forward, stop. Exhaustion pools in the cracks of JAMES’ voice, and he can’t manage to fill his words with anything more than bitter resignation.]
And I’m sorry I ever met his brother. I’m sorry I switched dittany for doxy eggs and blew up our Advanced Potions final. I’m sorry that no matter what I do, I’m never able to help.
REGULUS
[The silence stretches out, until into the stillness, REGULUS snorts, amused.]
Slughorn gave us failing marks and I spent two days trying to clean the stench out of my robes.
JAMES
The sun was peeking through the dungeon skylight. You never told me your eyes match the look of the pine trees when it’s misty on the Quidditch pitch.
[A small smile creeps across his face.]
I’m sorry Gryffindor beat Slytherin in the Cup this year.
REGULUS
[Raises an eyebrow.]
No you are not.
JAMES
No, I’m not.
[He quirks his mouth to the side.]
Well then I’m sorry I kept smiling at you so much you missed the Snitch.
[REGULUS’ lips curl up at the memory, before dropping back down. He can’t help scratching his nails along the back of his wrist. ]
JAMES
Sirius introduced us on a broom, you know. Shouting across the pitch at me that Slytherin’s annoyingly adept Seeker was his little brother and we had better beat the moody git, or he would personally wash all our Quidditch robes in Moaning Myrtle’s loo. But watching the game from the clouds, spiraling down, racing to catch the Snitch…flying was the only thing that could drag a smile out of you, and after that, I didn’t want to see your face sadly trudging through the halls alone again.
REGULUS
[He stares at the ring on his thumb, twisting it.]
I never minded being alone.
JAMES
Did you?
[REGULUS fiddles with his shirtsleeve. JAMES sighs. He pulls a hand through the back of his hair.]
JAMES
Maybe disappearing’s easier that way, if you don’t care, if you can’t even look at me. If you turn away from boys who slip on ice for you. Easier, if pain happens anyway, to rely on yourself for it. Other people…
[JAMES moves forward unconsciously, and REGULUS tightens his arms against his chest.]
JAMES
They’re unknowns.
[REGULUS looks down, at JAMES’ hands, reaching out to just barely brush his arms.]
JAMES
[Whispers.]
You’re so afraid, Reg. What are you so afraid I’ll do?
[They pause for a moment, with their breaths entwined, and REGULUS’ eyes flutter shut.]
REGULUS
Open a window. You’ll make me open a window, James Potter, and forget I can breathe without the sun on my face and the wind in my hair and my books in your hand.
[JAMES leans forward to wrap his arms around him, and after a second, REGULUS rests his head gently on James’ shoulder.]
REGULUS
And I have to forget. I have to forget, James, that’s the only way to live without…
[He buries his head in JAMES’ sweater, tightening his arms around him, clutching his back like they’ll both be safe if he just never lets go. They sink to the floor in front of the fire and JAMES’ combs his fingers through REGULUS’ hair to soothe his stuttering breaths. Slowly, it steadies and REGULUS turns his head to the side, lost in thought.]
REGULUS
It’s too late now…maybe, maybe it wasn’t, before.
JAMES
[He stirs.]
It’s not too-
REGULUS
[REGULUS smiles indulgently at him, sadness in his eyes.]
James…I already have the Mark.
[JAMES’ face falls and he grows quiet.]
REGULUS
You would fall for me, Gryffindor’s golden boy, and it would consume you.
[He twists his hand in JAMES’ sweater.]
I won’t permit it.
JAMES
You won’t permit it?
[He smiles.]
I thought we weren’t allowed to be heroes.
REGULUS
[REGULUS snorts, before falling silent.]
Not heroes. Fools…But perhaps we can remain fools, for now, together.
[Lights dim.]
End Scene