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Who I Want To Be

Summary:

Molly had always trusted Sherlock. When he asked her to fake his death she trusted. When he used her flat as a bolt hole she trusted. But as she lays with the cold damp earth suffocating her in its depths, she starts to doubt, to give up hope. Will he ever come? Can he find her before it was too late? Will she make it out alive? She gasps for air, willing the oxygen to flow to the life inside her. Overcome by an unconscious oblivion she whispers, "I'm sorry."

Note: Feb. 2022 - unfortunately I was never able to finish this and have decided not to continue working on it. I will leave what I have up? even just for myself to see what I wrote. Thank you to everyone that showed their support and enjoyed what I did release.

Chapter 1: I'm Surprised You Haven't Deduced This

Notes:

Hey there this is my first fanfic and I kind of dropped it about half a year ago and today I decided I wanted to finish it. So, I started it on fanfiction.net but decided to start uploading chapters on here as well. I hope you enjoy it and I will be updating regularly (which for me means sporadically ;p ). I do not own most of the characters they are Conan Doyle and Mofftis' amazing creations! :D

There will be some bits of French in this chapter so I'll translate them in the end notes.

Oh yeah it's betad but if there are mistakes its all my fault. I like to play around with stuff after I get it back from my beta.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Prologue

The full moon emits light over a constellation mobile embellishing the wall with shadows of planets and stars. It's enchanting vibe surrounds a young mother as she croons softly to her baby. The baby fusses as it tries to fight the sleep that's inevitable, but eventually it drifts away. The mother smiles, pressing a soft kiss to the baby's head and places it gently into the crib. She sighs as she looks down at the perfection before her. She could have never wished for anything better. Tears threaten to fall as she thinks, 'Blast those stupid hormones.' She turns to leave the room and glances wistfully at the constellations spinning in lazy circles above the crib. The past is the past, she can't dwell on it, the future is all she has left.


The fluorescent lights cast a pale glow on the nearly empty hallway. Sherlock walked down it with a sense of purpose and perhaps even excitement. As he strides by offices, heads poked out with curiosity and amazement. Whispering began to echo off the walls but he paid them no heed as he continued toward his goal.

Sherlock pushed through the doors of the morgue and scanned the lab. It appeared empty so he grabbed a stool and turned a microscope on. He'd created several slides at home but with John not living at the flat anymore, 221B was utterly boring. Analyzing the slides in the morgue was more exciting for some reason.

Molly heard the doors open but paid no mind. Lestrade had phoned earlier and mentioned that they would be bringing in victims of a double homicide. She finished her report on John Doe #2 and grabbed her cuppa, 'Ugh it's cold again. Well time for a new one.' Molly got up and checked her mobile for any new messages as she walked out of her office and into the lab of the morgue. She was almost through the doors when she realized she wasn't alone. She paused and turned her head. Her face registered shock, and joy, and so many emotions that not even Sherlock could say how she was feeling.

Sherlock didn't even turn as he said, "I see you've started using highlights since I last saw you. Don't, it makes you look drab."

Molly gaped at him for what seemed like a lifetime before she gained her composure and whispered, "I thought you died."

"Well obviously not." Sherlock looked at her and continued, "I've been disbanding Moriarty's Network for three of the past four years, and the final year I had to check up on my homeless network and reintegrate myself into society. Only Mycroft was to know of my where-a-bouts."

Molly gritted her teeth and practically screamed, "Why, Sherlock? Why? You disappeared in the middle of the night and expected me to just accept it?" She continued her rant waving her hands in his face, "I waited and waited, hoping that you would come walking in here like you own the place. Not one word! NOT ONE WORD! How could you? I gave up, I stopped hoping, and I moved on. And now you think you can come waltzing in here like it was only yesterday that you left. Well let me tell you…" She was interrupted by a commotion behind the morgue doors.

"Miss, you can't go in there! Hey stop hitting me, are you daft?"

A high pitched child's voice exclaimed "Let me in I want to see my-!"

A voice with a French accent rose above the others expelling curses that would make a sailor embarrassed. "You let me through salaud! Cette petite fille est têtue comme une mule*.

Molly's anger was replaced with shock and recognition as a plump French lady tumbled through the doors while attacking the hospitals security guard with her hand bag. The poor man looked like he'd rather be sitting back in his chair drinking his earl grey.

Sherlock watched in amusement as Molly stormed towards them yelling, "Ms. Agard, leave Tim alone. What are you doing here? Where is…"

A movement by the door caught his eye. A small head covered in dark brown curls peeked around the door. Sherlock squinted as he tried to place the face but before he could match it to those stored in his mind palace the child disappeared.

Molly managed to calm Ms. Agard down and explained to Tim that she had everything under control and dismissed him. Tim went through the doors creating a big birth between him and the curly haired kid. Obviously Ms. Agard hadn't been the only attacker. The child glared menacingly at Tim, making him scuttle away like a scared crab. The child stayed by the door so Sherlock turned back to Molly and the distraught French lady.

"Lucille, please explain what exactly is going on?"

"I can't do it anymore. Votre fille** is crazy, and she's not a normal child. I told you if she mentioned mon poids*** or my outfits one more time I would hand in my resignation. Well, this is me handing in my resignation! A young child should not be telling a grown woman what to wear; it's unacceptable." Ms. Agard handed Molly the documents that officially broke her contract and stormed out of the morgue before Molly could utter a word.

An awkward silence settled over the room and it was then that the child called out, "Mummy, can I stay with you until your done work?"

Molly spun around, and for the second time that day she found herself with her mouth wide open and speechless.

Sherlock chose that moment to break the silence, "So, Molly, I see you've not only coloured your hair when I was gone but also managed to keep yourself busy." He smirked and gave her a wink.

Molly gave him an undecipherable look and said in a cross voice, "Alex honey, please go in my office and wait till I call you."

"But, mummy, I didn't do anything wrong. Lucille was stupid and her idea of games were so boring!" Then, as if noticing Sherlock for the first time, the child points and asks, "Who are you?"

Sherlock replied, "Sherlock Holmes."

Before Alex could ask more, Molly reiterated, "Alex Taylor Hooper, I said go!"

Sherlock noticed that Molly appeared to be more composed of herself, and more confident not the fumbling enamored doctor she was four years ago.

Alex left them, dragging what appeared to be a blanky, and went into Molly's office slamming the door for good measure.

"No father?" Sherlock tilted his head and tried to deduce her. "You weren't dating anyone when I left. Hmm that Bob fellow kept asking you out for coffee though. Oh please tell me it's not him, he was such a moron. Having his child would signify the end of the world."

Molly's flaming eyes dared him to keep up his rude deductions, so he went on.

"Aha, I know! A one night stand! You were always such a romantic, but something happened making you change your opinion on the matter. One night stand; quick, easy, no questions asked, and no expectations." He quirked his brows at her and asked, "I'm right, am I not?"

Molly shook her head sadly, "Sherlock, I am absolutely and utterly infuriated with you right now! I hope this answers your absolutely horrid deduction. After all you have the right to know."

"Know what?" he asked her, actually looking confused.

"I'm surprised you haven't deduced this." She chuckled sadly. "Alex is short for Alexandra…"

"Oh well that's not something worth deducing," he interrupted.

"It is worth deducing when she's your daughter."

 

Notes:

Hmm what will his reaction be? Stay with me to see if Sherlock can handle the responsibilities of a parent.

Please do review I would love feedback on what's good/not good, stuff like that. Thnx! :D

So the translation is (thank you to Lilly for pointing out the mistake, its edited now):

*You let me through abruti! Cette petite fille est têtue comme une mule: You let me through you bastard! This girl is as stubborn as a mule.

**votre fille: your daughter

***mon poids: my weight