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"I have to tell you something," Moiraine said, snuggled in Siuan's arms. "Something that I haven't told anyone else. Not even Lan."
Siuan ran her fingers through Moiraine's hair, massaging at the base of her scalp. "I thought you told each other everything?"
"He'll find out," Moiraine said. "I'll tell him later. But there was something else within that, that I wanted to tell only you."
"Is it something you saw at Rhuidean?" Siuan asked. She planted a kiss on the side of Moiraine's neck, still milky white and covered by her hair, untouched by the harsh sun in the Aiel waste.
"Something like that," Moiraine said. "Firstly, I've seen a thousand thousand futures, and in every future where I live, Rand dies. And in every future where he lives-"
Don't say it, Siuan screamed inwardly. Don't you dare say it.
"-is if I don't."
Siuan's heart sank all the way to the ground.
"I'm sorry," Moiraine whispered, peering up at Siuan through her lashes, crystal-blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"It's not your fault," Siuan said, and knowing Moiraine would look away, she cupped Moiraine's face in both hands and tilted her face upwards. "Moiraine, why do you always blame yourself for everything, my love?"
Moiraine shook her head. "Because it's my fault," she said. A few tears escaped and slipped down her cheeks.
Siuan wiped them away, then leaned in and kissed Moiraine's forehead. She wanted to snatch her into her arms and hold her as tightly as she could and never let go, but she wasn't sure whether Moiraine wanted to be held.
"Moiraine," Siuan said, "Don't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. Lan told me that you blamed yourself for Mat taking the dagger at Shadar Logoth. How was that your fault when you were unconscious the entire time?"
"Easy," Moiraine said. "It was my fault for getting hit with a Trolloc blade."
"While saving the people in the Two Rivers," Siuan said, pressing a kiss to the faint scar on the front of Moiraine's shoulder. Moiraine somehow managed to make it look beautiful.
"Still my fault, though. I should've been more careful."
"Moiraine Sanche," Siuan chided. "You need to stop blaming yourself."
Moiraine's face crumpled then, and Siuan reached for her, holding her close, until her shoulders stopped shaking and her breathing slowed.
"I love you, Moiraine," Siuan said, taking both of Moiraine's hands in her own. "So much. If I could, I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat. I know I can't, so that's all I'm going to say about it. But I just thought I'd tell you. If it's any comfort."
Moiraine shook her head. "Thank you," she said. "It does help. But there was another thing that I didn't tell you, which is the bit that I only wanted you to know. I hope it'll make you feel better somehow."
Siuan pulled Moiraine into her arms. "I'm listening, Pufferfish."
Moiraine took a shuddery breath. "Well," she said, "When I was there, I saw a thousand thousand futures."
"Mhm," Siuan said, kissing the top of Moiraine's head.
"And in all of them, somehow, even in the ones where I died..."
Siuan took Moiraine's hand in hers, squeezing it gently.
"...there was you."