Work Text:
I’m so tired of this.
Of all of this.
All of this stress and work I have to put in just to be seen as a someone capable of affection.
No boy ever seems interested in me
Even if I show I’m interested in him.
But then she came along.
The cutest smile in the whole world came along.
I had never seen a smile quite like hers before.
It was so enticing and mesmerizing to look at.
She must’ve noticed me staring because
The next thing I know she’s standing right in front of me.
I feel a rush of butterflies in my stomach
Hit me like a tidal wave which is weird because I never thought I liked girls.
I decide I’m just excited to make a new friend and that girls shouldn’t like other girls.
Right?
We find that we share several of the same interests so we decide to exchange numbers and head to our next class.
Why do I feel so depressed when we separate ways? Girls don’t like other girls like that.
Right?
I find myself lost in her beautiful smile envisioned in my mind for the rest of the day.
As soon as I get home I type her number into my phone and text her.
We text and eventually FaceTime into the late hours of the night.
I wake up to realize that our phone call is still going and we fell asleep on our call.
I feel myself blush seeing how cute she looks sound asleep.
Which is weird because girls can’t like other girls.
Right?
I hang up the phone and decide to go back to sleep for a few more hours.
Once I decide it’s time to roll out of bed I rush downstairs to tell my mother I made a new friend.
She then tells me to invite my new friend over for dinner that night.
I immediately pull out my phone and call her.
She answers the call and I am greeted with the cutest smile in the world.
I invite her over to dinner that night and she agrees happily.
The hours leading up to our hangout I spent trying to look my best.
I did my hair, my makeup, and even put on a nice outfit even though we were staying at my house.
I never do this much when I have a friend coming over.
Why am I doing it now? Is it because when she sees me I want her to think I look pretty?
Why am I thinking this?
Girls can’t like other girls.
Right?
My alarm blares, signaling to me it’s 5:00 and she should be here any minute.
Just as I finish that thought the doorbell rings.
It’s her.
It’s the cutest smile in the world.
I usher her inside and out of the cold as quickly as possible.
She’s wearing a gorgeous red skirt and black top.
I feel the same wave of butterflies in my stomach that hit me the first time I ever saw her.
Why do I keep getting this feeling?
Girls can’t like other girls.
Right?
I introduce her to my mother and we sit down at the dinner table.
The three of us interlock hands and my mother says Grace.
While she is saying the prayer, I’m praying at the same time for God to help me push these feelings away.
Girls can’t like other girls.
Right?
I open my eyes once the prayer has ended and lock eyes with her smiling back at me.
The cutest smile in the world.
I see her blush and I know I did as well.
I just hope mother didn’t see us.
After all, girls can’t like other girls.
It’s a sin.
Right?
Once we finish dinner I swiftly take her up into my freshly cleaned bedroom.
We plop down on my bed laughing and decide to watch a movie.
I let her pick and she chooses her favorite movie.
I find myself cradled in her arms after I leaped from a jump scare.
I look up and there it is.
The cutest smile in the world.
I quickly push myself out of her arms because it’s wrong.
It’s a sin.
Girls can’t like other girls.
Right?
We’re both silent the rest of the movie.
As soon as the movie finishes she quickly gathers her stuff to leave.
I stare at her as she’s leaving my room.
The smile I’m looking for isn’t there anymore.
I jump from my bed and pull her close to me.
The wave of butterflies return and I decide to do something stupid.
I kiss her.
I kiss her right then and there.
She doesn’t pull away and neither do I.
What’s my mother going to think?
Am I going to hell?
No. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I want to be with her and her cutest smile in the world.
We both are so lost in our feelings for each other we don’t hear my mom coming upstairs to check on us.
And there it was.
My worst fear playing out in front of me.
We got caught.
Everything goes blurry and all I hear is my mother screaming at me saying what I’m doing is wrong and that I’m going to hell.
The next thing I know I’m awake the next morning alone in my room.
I check my phone immediately.
There’s just one text.
And it’s from the cutest smile in the world.
She tells me to sneak out and meet her by our towns most famous hiking trail at midnight.
I’m not sure how but my mother must’ve known I had woken up because she bursts through my bedroom door.
She tells me I’m going to a camp.
And that I’ll never see the cutest smile in the world again.
From that moment on I really knew why she wanted me to meet her by the hiking trail.
Midnight comes agonizingly slow but it eventually arrives and I sneak out my window.
After a long walk I finally arrive and there she is standing there.
With the cutest smile in the world on her face.
We hike to the peak of the trail.
It leads to a beautiful waterfall glistening in the moonlight.
I tell her where my mother wants to send me to a camp and that I’m never allowed to see her again.
She assured me that there’s a way for us to be together forever.
I take her hand as we stare down at the seemingly never ending waterfall below.
I turn to her and say what I’ve been meaning to say for the longest time.
You have the cutest smile in the world.
We exchange one final kiss and take our final step off the edge.
It turns out girls can love other girls after all.
Just not until you reach the afterlife.