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Hate Yourself

Summary:

To say Ness hated Isagi was an understatement. If you asked Alexis Ness to describe the hatred he felt for Isagi Yoichi he would tell you there weren’t enough words in any language to express how much he truly despised him. He would make it his mission to destroy Isagi Yoichi.

Notes:

This was written long before the Isagi and Kaiser team up.

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“ Find a new king”

 

Those words repeated in his head over and over again. Mocking him. Reminding him how he wasn’t good enough. He never would be. He knew this. Ness always knew that he would never be enough for Kaiser. He had just hoped Kaiser would’ve let him stay if not for his skill but for his unwavering loyalty. But even that wasn’t enough. It never was .

 

The match was over. 

 

Bastard München had won. But not Ness. Somehow this didn’t feel like a victory for him but rather a loss—a tragic one at that. All he could do was watch Kaiser head towards the locker room not even sparing a glance at him, leaving him behind. It really was over. He wanted to cry, to let the tears free. He wanted to scream. But he refused, not right now. Not when he was surrounded by teammates who were looking at him. Especially not when he could feel Isagi Yoichi’s piercing gaze on him. No, he wouldn't give Isagi the satisfaction of crying infront him. To let him know that he had won. 

 

From the moment Isagi Yoichi joined the team Ness knew he hated him. Well not right away at least. It wasn’t until Kaiser had become obsessed with beating Isagi that Ness began to dislike him, slowly his dislikeness towards him grew into pure unadulterated hate.

 

He hated everything about him. His ego, his skills, his play style, his smile but most importantly, he hated how Kaiser couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. It didn’t matter where they were because wherever Isagi was Kaiser's eyes were always on him. No matter what Ness did Kaiser’s attention would always end up on Isagi. Isagi Yoichi who tried to befriend Ness when he first met him only to be met with Ness’ displeased face. Isagi Yoichi who had the audacity to challenge Kaiser. Isagi Yoichi who took away the only person Ness had. 

 

Isagi Yoichi who was quickly approaching him.

 

“Ness are you…ok?” he heard behind him. He wanted to laugh. Was he ok? How could he be ok when his talisman has left him. But he would never say that out loud; instead, he turned around to look at the blue eyes that were staring intensely at him with an emotion Ness couldn’t decipher. A blue just a few shades darker than the blue he adored. 

 

“Mind your business clown” he spat out before disappearing into the locker room ignoring whatever else the striker tried to tell him. He just wanted to get out of there, away from everything and everyone.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Warm water ran down his chin onto the tiled floor, at this point he couldn’t tell if they were his tears or the running water. As soon as he stepped foot in the shower the tears began to flow. It started with small sniffles before letting out broken sobs. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing in the shower, only that it’s been long enough that his skin is starting to prune. But he didn’t care about that. The entire building could burst into flames right there and then and Ness still wouldn’t care. Because it didn’t matter. If he couldn’t be useful to Kaiser nothing mattered. 

 

“Let’s do this loser” 

 

From that moment on Ness had devoted himself to Kaiser, becoming his loyal servant in anything and everything that the emperor asked of him. He became his property. 

 

“Get up, we're going to practice,” Kaiser told him one night during their early days at BM. He looked up at the blonde, it was almost midnight the rest of their teammates at the academy had already fallen asleep. “It’s really late,” he half-whispered, trying not to wake anyone up.

 

“It wasn’t a question” the blonde said before walking out the room. Ness watched as Kaiser’s footsteps grew quieter and quieter before standing up and following the other to one of the practice rooms. How could he possibly be of use to the other if he couldn’t bother to do some extra practice with the striker. 

 

It was almost sunrise by the time the two of them went back to bed. Ness was tired out of his mind, almost falling asleep on the way back to the room. He looked over at Kaiser who was about to go to bed before turning to Ness and giving him a slight smile “You did a good job out there, keep it up and this team will be ours” he said before turning around to sleep. And thank god for that because Ness couldn’t help the small blush that arose on his pale cheeks. He was useful. 

 

Alexis Ness had finally found a use for his magic. 

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

He doesn’t know when he finally stopped crying or if maybe he just ran out of tears, it didn’t matter, eventually he managed to close his eyes and succumb to the slumber that he didn’t know he had. Perhaps it was the intense match or the fact that he cried until all he could do was let out dry broken sobs, the kind that hurts your chest with every breath you take. Whatever it was had left him drained to the point where he had fallen asleep long before his head hit the pillow.

 

By the time Ness awoke the next morning most of his teammates had already gotten up and left. Kaiser had already left. He found a water bottle next to his bed and internally thanked whoever had left it there for him before downing the bottle. He didn’t think about how dry his throat would feel the morning after or how heavy his eyelids felt, they were probably swollen from all the crying. He moved to sit at the edge of the bed, he stared at the floor contemplating his next move. He could choose to rot in bed for the remainder of the day but he would eventually have to get up for practice. Sighing he got up treading to the bathroom to wash his face. Ness didn’t recognize the person looking back at him in the mirror. He didn’t recognize the pale face with puffy red eyes and dark circles. He hated what he saw, no wonder Kaiser left him, how could anyone stand to be around him when he looked like a walking corpse. 

 

The cafeteria was buzzing when Ness walked in. He could spot several BM players as well as players from the other clubs. Blue Lock had probably permitted all its members to eat together now that their second phase seemed to be coming to an end. He opted to look for an empty table away from all the commotion.  He looked at the empty seat next to him. Eating alone was a foreign concept to Ness. He wasn’t used to being alone ever, not since he joined the team. Kaiser and him had a routine: they ate, trained, showered and slept together, literally. You could never find  Alexis Ness alone; wherever Kaiser was Ness was there too, he was glued to Michael Kaiser’s side from the moment they both joined Bastard München. If Kaiser was a rose then Ness was the thorns that protected it. 

 

On any regular day he would be sitting next to Kaiser, listening to whatever the other would talk about, a new transfer or a new play he wanted them to try out. And Ness would sit there and listen to every word, every detail with a radiant smile, his eyes staring at Kaiser like he was the center of the world; because to Ness, Michael Kaiser was the center of his world. 

 

Many would compare him to Kaiser’s dog and though it used to piss him off because no one understood their relationship, he was more than just a loyal dog, Ness would give anything to be something to Kaiser at this moment. Sitting alone in the empty corner of the cafeteria was daunting. For the first time since joining the team Ness truly realized how alone he was. 

 

He got along with his teammates just fine but he wasn't friends with any of them. He knew some basic facts about them, birthdays and what not but that was about it. With Kaiser around, Ness didn’t bother with actually getting to know his teammates. In his mind it didn’t make sense  to make friends since his main role was to pass to Kaiser, ensuring a goal for the striker. Without the blonde Alexis Ness was just a guy who could dribble but with the other by his side,  Alexis Ness was the magician whose enchanting passes led Kaiser to scoring. 

 

I really am nothing without him. 

 

The magenta haired boy thought as he poked at the food on his plate. His eyes wandered around the cafeteria until they landed on a particularly loud table, one that just happened to be the one that a certain blue haired boy was sitting. The blue haired boy was presumably sitting with his friends from Blue Lock. 

 

Ness couldn’t help but stare at the striker analyzing every expression and gesture the other would make, analyzing every detail he could of the blue haired striker. Trying to figure out what was so special about Isagi Yoichi, what could he possibly have to make Kaiser so obsessed with beating him. More importantly, what did he have that made Kaiser leave Ness. He hated Isagi Yoichi with every fiber of his being.  

 

It’s not fair

 

He thought as he watched the other laugh with his friends, still celebrating his victory. Even though they were on the same team both had distinct experiences. Whilst one revered in his success, the other wallowed in misery. And it was all Isagi’s fault. 

To say Ness hated Isagi was an understatement. If you asked Alexis Ness in that moment to describe the hatred he felt for Isagi Yoichi he would tell you there weren’t enough words in any language to express how much he truly despised him. Watching the other happily chat with his buddies was the breaking point for Ness. It’s not fair. He would make it his mission to destroy Isagi Yoichi. He was going to kill Isagi, devour him until Kaiser had no choice but to pay attention to Ness. He was going to prove to Kaiser that he could be useful, that he was worth loving admiring. An overwhelming wave of rage filled his being. He was going to destroy Isagi one way or another.