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It had been a year now.
A year since Silent Hill, a year since Claudia and God, a year since her dad died. Cheryl Mason sat, her knees to her chest on the couch of her girlfriend's apartment, staring at a TV displaying nothing but a black screen.
She had been staying here ever since it happened. Douglas offered to let her stay with him but Cheryl hated the idea. It felt like replacing her dad, she didn’t want to do that. As irrational as that feeling was. She was 18 now. She didn’t finish highschool. Rebecca was kind enough to let her stay. They had been dating for a couple years now, Rebecca was smart only a year older than Cheryl but she had been a child prodigy. Part of Cheryl had been jealous of her, hearing Rebecca talk about her job, having already finished highschool and college. Things Cheryl missed out on. It was hard. She hated how hard it was.
Every day felt the same. She’d wake up at 1 pm, Rebecca would be at work, she’d eat a cup of applesauce and then she’d sit in front of the tv. Watching nothing. Rebecca tried to help whenever she was home, sometimes they’d play board games, sometimes they’d go out. Cheryl felt…heavy, as if she were a burden for her girlfriend to carry around. Rebecca of course always denied this, she loved Cheryl and deep down Cheryl knew it was true even if it was hard to believe due to her own personal turmoil.
Cheryl jumped as she heard the sound of the doorknob jiggling. It was too early for Rebecca to be off work, but she couldn’t bring herself to move from her spot on the couch, despite her fear of a break in.
For a moment her mind traveled back in time to the night she was almost kidnapped, her dad killing the attempted kidnapper. He wasn’t here now.
“Ugh locks jammed again-“
Cheryl’s face softened. It was no stranger, no kidnapper. It was Rebecca. She stood, walking over to the door and unlocking it from the inside, opening it to see her girlfriend with her hands full.
Cheryl grabbed some of the bags and watched as Rebecca walked towards the kitchen, closing the door behind her.
“You’re off early…” Cheryl followed Rebecca and placed the bags on the counter, nose twitching at a familiar smell.
“Yeah I asked for the rest of the night off. I brought Happy Burger - got your favorite.” Rebecca rummaged through the bags pulling out greasy brown bags of fast food, it made Cheryl’s stomach flip in her gut. Her brows knitted together.
“You didn’t have to…” She knew exactly why Rebecca asked for work off early. She knew what day it was.
“And I’m not hungry.” A lie, her stomach felt small and painful. She was starving. Cheryl had been struggling to bring herself to eat lately. It was an issue she had years ago but it had sparked back up ever since…it all happened. It was no secret.
Everything started up again after it happened.
“Cher, I know that’s not true. C’mon I know how hard it is but please try.” Rebecca stared at her with pleading blue eyes that Cheryl often had difficulties saying no to.
“I know todays been hard for you, I wish I could’ve stayed home. But I’m here now, okay? Just please at least eat some fries or a few bites of the burger, please?” Rebecca slipped off her jacket, tossing it aside on one of the nearby barstools.
The brunette pulled out two burgers and two bags of fries, scooting one of each over to Cheryl.
Cheryl sighed.
“I’ll try.” It was hard to argue with Rebecca, she loved her and whether she liked it or not, Cheryl knew she always knew better. That response at least seemed to make Rebecca happy, that’s what mattered. Cheryl sat on one of the stools and unwrapped the burger silently, staring at it. She could feel Rebecca’s eyes on her.
“What?”
That came out more cold than she intended, as regretful look on her face made that clear or at least that’s what she hoped.
“Nothin’. Just…worried about you I guess. How are you doing?” Rebecca walked around to the same side of the counter as Cheryl, sitting beside her and picking up a fry.
Cheryl stared down at the food, her head low and bleached blonde hair dangling in front of her eyes. She had been letting the roots grow out as of late but the black hadn’t quite overtaken the old bleach, she needed a haircut. But it felt…wrong.
She took a deep breath. She really didn’t want to talk about it, she’d rather do anything else.
“I’ve been fine.” Cheryl put the cheeseburger up to her mouth. The smell was…sickening. Just one bite…just to make Rebecca happy.
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” She opened her mouth, taking a small bite. Her mouth immediately watering, almost feeling like throwing it back up as soon as it hit her stomach.
Rebecca frowned.
“Okay…I just…I’m here for you, you know that.” Rebecca placed a gentle hand on Cheryl’s back, rubbing gentle circles. It was soothing, relaxing. Something that made Cheryl melt. She leaned against Rebecca’s shoulder, putting the burger down.
”I know…thank you…It’s just been…ugh. I don’t know. I feel like I should be over it by now. It's been a year…” She closed her eyes, letting her girlfriend soothe her. She smelled so nice, her perfume almost smelled like honey. It drowned out the scent of the fast food.
“I miss him.”
The words came out choked and unnatural. It wasn’t the first time she had said it but something about saying it now, today, felt much more difficult.
“It’s all my fault. He wouldn’t have died if he never took me.” This wasn’t a rare thing for Cheryl to get stuck in her head over this, she felt horrible about it and somehow even worse for always putting this on Rebecca’s shoulders.
“Cher - no it’s not your fault at all. I know it feels like it but it’s not. It’s that towns fault it’s - it’s that cults fault. Not yours. I know how much your dad loved you. He didn’t regret a thing.” Rebecca pulled her closer, the barstools wobbling.
Cheryl balled her fists in her lap, she wouldn’t cry. She was stronger than that, she hated crying. It was hard not to cry sometimes. Rebecca was always there when she did, she couldn’t thank her enough.
“It’s only been a year, no one expects your grief to be suddenly gone.” Rebecca planted a kiss on the top of Cheryl’s head, her hand reaching further around to rub her arm gently. Cheryl flinched as her hand rubbed against bandaids.
Rebecca seemed to notice this, moving her hand away from them.
“It’s just…so fucking hard I can’t…I think about him every day. Everything that happened I just. Don’t know what to do about it anymore.” Cheryl turned her body slightly, as much as she could on the stool, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend's torso.
“I still have the nightmares…about the town. I see her face.” She knew there was little reason to explain it, Rebecca knew. Cheryl has had these nightmares for as long as she could remember. They just seemed…to evolve over the last year. They were different. Rebecca had suggested it was ptsd. Not supernatural. She was probably right.
“I know…” Rebecca seemed to have entirely forgotten about their food, her focus instead entirely on Cheryl.
“I know…but I promise you it’s okay. I know it’s hard. I’m sorry…” There was a pause. Cheryl could tell there was something else that Rebecca wanted to say but wasn’t sure how.
Finally the silence was broken.
“You said…’her’ face. Who?” There were several people it could be. Cheryl felt stupid for not clarifying.
“Alessa?”
Cheryl’s chest tightened at the name before realizing Rebecca wasn’t calling her Alessa but was instead asking if she had seen Alessa in her nightmares.
Cheryl shook her head.
“Claudia.” Cheryl’s throat felt dry as she spoke her name.
Claudia Wolf.
In many ways Cheryl felt…bad for her. She remembered what it was like, back when she was Alessa. Claudia was like her sister, so small and vulnerable. Bruised and beaten by her father. So hopeful that they could make the world a better place or rather that their god could make the world a better place.
It was bullshit.
God wouldn’t do anything but make it worse. Cheryl stopped that, but not without Claudia’s death.
Not the way Cheryl wanted. She wanted to kill her herself. She knew it was wrong, she felt…bad for Claudia. There was a part deep down in her soul that felt horrible for her, the part of her that felt for her as if she was her little sister. That part was pushed down, drowned out by the part of her that wanted nothing more than to see her suffer, to die at her hand for what she did to her father.
She didn’t get to see that come to pass. Claudia consumed the fetus of god. Her hatred allowing it to form in full, it tore her open.
“Oh.” Rebecca’s response was simple. What else was there to say? Cheryl couldn’t blame her.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.” Cheryl pressed her face into Rebecca’s shirt. She had told Rebecca about how she felt. How she wished she got to kill Claudia herself, how she knew it was wrong.
“I’m kind of tired.” Cheryl admitted though, really she wasn’t tired. Not in a literal sense no, she was just…emotionally exhausted. Mentally she just wanted to shut down.
“Do you want to lay down? We could watch a movie?” Rebecca suggested, her tone gentle and full of love. It was warm, it sounded - no, felt like home.
“I can put the leftovers in the refrigerator.” Rebecca removed her hand from Cheryl’s shoulder and instead placed it in her hair. Running her fingers through it, tangling them in her black and blonde hair.
“I don’t mind.” The way she spoke, Cheryl knew she was being honest, telling the truth.
“Okay…that sounds nice.” Cheryl sat up, her hands in her lap as she watched Rebecca stand and put away their food. She felt bad about it, she wasn’t sure she’d end up eating the rest of it later but maybe she’d try. For Rebecca if nothing else.
She loved her, and Rebecca loved her. Maybe she didn’t always feel as though she deserved it but sometimes, she had to put aside all that self loathing and accept it. This was one of those times.
“C’mon.” Rebecca pulled Cheryl’s head to her face, giving her a kiss on the head before patting her back.
“I’ve got to get out of these clothes, you pick out the movie.”
Cheryl stood, already in her pajamas. She hadn’t changed clothes for a couple days now, really she needed a shower but wasn’t particularly up for it. Rebecca didn’t seemed too bothered by it, it’s hardly like she ever worked up a sweat anyway.
Socks helped her shuffle across the floor, arms wrapped around Rebecca who was a good five inches shorter than her. Rebecca giggled and grabbed onto Cheryl’s arms.
“Don’t make me pull you!” The brunette trudged forward, jokingly making a much bigger deal out of it than it really was. Acting as if she had to drag Cheryl across the apartment. Cheryl smiled, it was nice to smile. Rebecca could always make her smile even when things felt dire.
Cheryl put more weight onto Rebecca, now being fully pulled by the shorter.
“Soooo dramatic.”
“Nah I think I’m being a, like, reasonable amount dramatic.” Cheryl was now dragging her feet as much as she could while standing, her pajama pants sliding across the floor.
Luckily for her, Rebecca was pretty muscular, much stronger than she looked.
“We’re almost there, you can do it.” She teased.
They approached the bedroom door, Rebecca kicked it open with her foot. Cheryl finally lifted herself off of her girlfriend and climbed into bed.
“Maybe we could watch a horror movie.”
“A horror movie? I don’t know…don’t think that’s the best idea…” Rebecca turned to their closet, going through clothes until she found a suitable set of pajamas to change into.
“Why not a romcom? Or an animated movie. What about that one about the dog you liked as a kid?” Rebecca slipped off her clothes, undoing her bra and slipping on a shirt she had borrowed from Cheryl and never really returned, not that Cheryl minded. They liked sharing clothes, feeling as though it connected them.
“You mean Balto?” Cheryl tilted her head, feeling warm at the fact that Rebecca remembered. “Sure. I’m surprised you’ve never seen it, I think you’d really like it y’know. I won’t spoil it though.” She watched as Rebecca looked around on their bookshelf full of VHS and DVDs, a mix of her own and those that Cheryl brought when she moved in.
“I think you’d like Jenna. We’re kinda like her and Balto but like if they were both girls.” Cheryl chuckled, maybe it wasn’t exactly all that accurate but it was a cute idea nonetheless.
Rebecca finally found the VHS tape she was looking for, cracking open the case and putting it into the VHS player and turning on the tv, grabbing the remote and hopping in bed beside Cheryl, pulling the blankets up for them both.
As the movie started, Cheryl cuddled up closer to Rebecca settling in despite the pain that tried to plague her mind. Right now that didn’t matter, what mattered was that she was here with someone that loved her.
As the movie went on there was little said between the two, the only sounds other than the movie itself being the noise of their breathing and hearts beating.
“We could visit his grave tomorrow.”
It was a sudden string of words that broke Cheryl’s attention away from the movie.
“He’s not there.” It was true, her father had a headstone but he had been cremated. Douglas had paid for it with what little money he had. Cheryl appreciated it. She carried some of his ashes in her necklace, the same one that once held the aglaophotis.
Her jaw clenched tight.
“I know. I just thought…maybe it would be nice anyway. I dunno. We don’t have to.” Rebecca leaned her head on Cheryl’s shoulder gently.
“We don’t have to.” She repeated, clearly trying to keep Cheryl relaxed, it only moderately worked.
Cheryl felt…queasy at the idea. She had long accepted that he was gone, sure, yet…visiting his grave marker felt too real. Seeing his name on that headstone. The year in which he died, the engraving she wrote herself because there was no one else to do it.
It was too much.
“Not yet. I don’t…think I’m ready.” Cheryl tried to keep her eyes on the movie but couldn’t, instead turning her face towards Rebecca whose head was nestled in the crook of her neck.
She was so kind. So bright and thoughtful. Cheerful. It just wasn’t fair. She was everything Cheryl felt like she could never be again, but she didn’t seem to mind. Sure they had their fair share of arguments but above all Rebecca was understanding.
“That’s perfectly okay.“ Rebecca picked up one of Cheryl’s hands and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Toying with her hand in her own mindlessly. Fingers traced lines up and down Cheryl’s skin from her fingers to her wrists to her forearms.
“How do the bandages feel? Think they need a change?”
Cheryl couldn’t help but frown at the question, though she knew Rebecca meant well. She was a nurse after all, on her way to become a doctor one day, but it was just…a hard thing to talk about for her.
Cheryl struggled with harming herself, she had tried to stop many times but things never seemed to settle in her mind long enough to stop.
Rebecca was always there to comfort her, to patch her up, to stitch her wounds if need be. Rare but it happened more than once.
“I think it’s okay for right now. I’ll probably shower tomorrow, you can change ’em then.” Cheryl suggested before letting out a yawn, she was growing physically tired now on top of her emotional exhaustion.
“It’s okay.” There was a double meaning to those last two words. Not just saying that the bandages were okay but also the fact that she was okay, there was nothing else to patch up.
“I had the urge to smoke again. I haven’t told you. I didn’t.” She felt ashamed admitting it. She had started smoking when she was 15 but gave it up at 16, her dad helped her break out of it before it got too bad. It was a way to handle the stress, the fear, the anxiety. Sometimes she felt like it was the only thing she could go back to but she hadn’t given back in, not yet. Not completely.
She had snuck a couple cigarettes over the last year during particularly awful days, having bought a pack and hid them. She felt too guilty doing so, she confessed it to Rebecca soon after though she wondered if she had figured it out before she had even admitted it. The smell of nicotine had never been subtle. Cheryl couldn’t help but suspect that she did know, she just wasn’t sure how to confront her about it at the time. It didn’t really matter now though.
She had the urge and she didn’t give in, that’s what mattered.
“I’m proud of you. I know how hard that can be. You’ve done really well.” Rebecca somehow managed to pull herself closer, practically laying ontop of Cheryl.
“You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for y’know.”
Cheryl couldn’t help but feel her face grow warm. Rebecca was…proud of her. It made her heart do flips in her chest. There were days where Cheryl couldn’t help but be terrified that Rebecca deep down was scared of her, after all she was a freak. Someone who’s lived multiple lives and done and been through so much but it was times like these that reminded her that the fear was really all in her head.
“I couldn’t do this without you.” That was an understatement. Truthfully if Rebecca hadn’t been there for her, Cheryl wasn’t sure she’d even be alive now. Hell, she likely wouldn’t be.
“I really…can’t thank you enough. I know it’s a lot. I’m a lot.”
“You don’t have to thank me, I love you. I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t want to be here for you. You mean the world to me, I’ll always be here for you no matter what.” Rebecca sat up slightly, face to face with Cheryl now. She placed her hands on either side of her face, pulling her into a soft kiss.
Their lips gently colliding in a gentle pillowy kiss. It didn’t last long but it made everything feel better even if only for a moment.
“You’ll never be too much for me, Cheryl Mason.”
“I love you too.” Cheryl spoke quietly as they both pulled from the kiss, foreheads pressed together.
They sat there for a moment, enjoying each others company as the movie played on in the background.
Rebecca turned her attention back to the movie.
“Y’know what I think you’re right, I think those two fit us pretty alright.” Rebecca grinned as she leaned back against Cheryl’s shoulder again, settling in nicely.
“Yeah. I think so too.”