Work Text:
I've told these feelings for you as happy as I felt them
Embedded it in my pages so my heart can forever replay them
But when the lightness felt heavy
I couldn't write the sadness, heartbreak, the aches
As this is no longer my most important piece
And you are no longer my significant muse.
"The song I wrote are verses that failed to reach you."
Autumn passes in the blink of an eye. Before Kayamori knows it, Christmas decorations are dangling down the streets. The lights are blinding but they feel nostalgic, making her stretch her hands and catch small snowflakes that reflect the moonlight. It's been a while since she could take it this easy in the neighborhood she once called home. But the snow melted just as she was about to grasp it.
Even if you are surrounded by darkness
I’m sure the moon would illuminate those days
Leaving nothing but a good experience.
"It'd be nice if we both could steadily move forward."
Fame gives her a hard time. Paparazzi everywhere she goes, fans so crazy it feels suffocating sometimes. But the idea that her songs can save lives—It made all the sacrifice worth it… Or did it?
Say that we know the answer, say that we′ve heard it all our lives.
Her feet guide her to a familiar restaurant, footsteps slowly losing their shape just like yesterday buried in snow. But Kayamori knows it was molded in her heart. Even if she closes her eyes, the memories would lead her back here, to the moment she felt the snow the closest.
Because if I let go, where can I stay?
With the chime of the bell, the old door creaks and what greets her is the bustling sound of music. Looking around, she sees familiar faces gathered around tables, maybe some even drunk.
Seven years really have passed.
It’s obvious. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
It’s okay. Nothing has changed.
We are still friends. She tries to calm herself down but her body wants to run away.
"Ruka-san! It's rare for you to be on time. Come here, everyone is very excited to see you again!" The little ball of pink guides her to the center table and before Kayamori knows it, she’s surrounded by everyone excitedly talking at the same time.
It comes close to the type of paparazzi she wants to avoid but here she knows she is safe.
Don't let this end, don't wake me up.
When the crowd settles down and the food is served, the party starts with a few games which Kayamori dominates. Good thing her weird talents can prove their worth.
"I ain't losing next time!" Aikawa plops herself next to Kayamori who was taking a break after an intense round of tug of war.
"Megumin really has a lot of energy," She laughs lightly, giving Aikawa a glass of water.
"Hey, you two! Come play duelo with me. I'll destroy you like cancer into pieces!" A brunette jumps in front of them holding a worn out board game.
Memories sealed in a box ready to escape—She remembers it as clear as the full moon. The box that is the product of countless sleepless nights creating stupid rules with an apocalyptic world setting. It’s a miracle they even finished it. She thinks back to those days.
"Let’s create a board game please, I'm begging you! If I don't manifest my imagination, I will explode!" Kayamori rolled around like a child throwing a tantrum.
"You and your weird games. Quit saying random things without thinking it through. Besides, creating one takes a lot of time, you know." The other girl stated, eyes not leaving her computer.
"As long as we are together, I know we will surpass everything! Don't worry, I'll make sure to bring snacks and recite some motivational poems in case you feel like giving up!" She sat beside her, resolve not wavering.
Since when did things change?
"You're really hopeless. At least help in the creating process..." She dropped whatever she was doing and got ready to take notes.
Kayamori remembers a warm feeling.
Always like that, harsh in words but kind with actions. It's one of the many reasons why Kayamori fell in love with her and even now, she's still in love.
If only these butterflies knew how to fly.
"What? You still have that after all these years? Did you miss us that much?" Kayamori jokes, hiding her true feelings.
"I'll kill you if you say another word," said the brunette, getting ready to throw the box.
"Why can't you just be honest? Seriously, just say ‘I've been taking care of this box carefully because I want us to play it again.’ That would be much faster," Tojo interrupts, holding the brunette by her neck, immobilizing her like a cat.
"Let go of me, you-!!!"
As always, fight ensues when the two of them are put together, just like water and oil.
"Someone get their twins before we got kicked out again by the owner..."
The night is just getting colder.
The party goes on greatly, even with reports that someone broke a table or two. After all these years, the colors are still there, dancing as they have fun.
And yet it feels empty.
"Hey Karerin, can I ask you something?" Kayamori feels nervous all of a sudden, but thankfully the brunette nods, allowing her to continue.
"Where.... No, How is she?" The words taste bitter as soon as she lets go of them.
Asakura doesn't know how to answer. There's an unspoken rule to never bring up anything related to her. And yet, after 7 years, the burden has only become heavier.
The moon can never hide under the snow.
"She’s doing great. Although we rarely talk anymore, she gives us updates to let us know that she’s alive.”
The answer is as vague as possible.
"I see… As expected, she doesn't make it this year either,” she fails to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Oh, sorry for bringing the mood down. Silly me! I'm gonna go and have some fresh air on the balcony!"
Kayamori doesn't bother to hear the other girl answer.
Running is all she is good at.
The air on the balcony hits her bangs lightly. Looking down at the busy streets, couples can be seen holding hands while going on a date, just enjoying the moment.
If I had tried hard enough, would we have been like that?
It's been 7 years and yet I'm still here, unmoving... From the spring where we met, to the summer where we fell in love, to the fall where we were together and down to the winter where we fell apart—It keeps me awake at night.
"Let's end this, Ruka" I remember you saying that but I don't remember what happened next. I know I cried and begged for you to stay. I gave you promises I was determined to keep because without you, I am nothing but an uncompleted verse.
It all felt right, until you left.
The next thing I knew, I stood on the stage singing out my feelings because the pen felt too heavy to hold, and the tears I tried to hide had begun to roll.
I wish the winter would freeze this crying heart of mine.
"Idiot Yukki," A helpless call never to be heard by anyone.
When was the last time I said that name?
"It's not nice to talk behind someone's back."
At the speed of light, Kayamori turns to look at the presence of a person. The tears on her face obstruct her view and make everything blurry. But she recognizes the voice.
She is there—Izumi Yuki in the flesh. With one cry, she is guided to Kayamori Ruka.
"You'll catch a cold, so have this."
The girl gives her a scarf and then settles beside the blonde, taking in the scenery of the night.
“…”
"It's embarrassing if you keep staring, so at least say something. It'll make me look like I'm insane" The hacker adds, face going red. Is it from the awkward atmosphere or the cold? Nobody knows.
Kayamori stays unmoving, afraid that even a little touch would melt the snow. She takes in every feature changed by time—From her gorgeous long hair to her iconic round glasses, everything screams home. And home is where she belongs.
After what feels like an eternity, Kayamori whispers, "You're here.”
"I am," Izumi responds.
"Why?" She takes a step back. She wants to run away, back to her fantasy, because she is afraid that reality will reject her once again.
"I wanted to talk to you."
Stop.
Don't give me hope.
"Asakura told me. You were searching for me, right?"
Kayamori just wants to jump off and forget everything. But she goes for a cheerful response.
"I was just worried. But I'm glad that you seem very healthy. Have you been eating on time?"
"Don't run away," Izumi reaches for her hand, and that's when Kayamori realizes that she was holding her breath, body so tense that it relaxes when in contact with the warmth.
Please stay.
"Don't give me that! You…You're the first one to leave!" She tries to speak calmly but her voice betrays her.
Izumi stays silent.
"Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I not love you right?" She breaks down right in front of the person she desperately didn't want to, tears falling uncontrollably. She’s too tired to hide them in the clouds.
"Please answer me, Yukki!"
"You did everything you could," she finally says.
"Then why?" Kayamori clutches the scarf.
"You were exhausting yourself in the process. Did you think I didn't notice? Someone gave you a great offer, right? And yet what did you do? You turned it down for me."
"I…I wanted to love you to the fullest!"
"And I'm destined to love you from afar.”
Please just stay.
"Are our feelings that different?"
"Of course not. I'm not that strong, Ruka..."
She misses this, the way her name is spoken in such adoration.
"Loving you felt like a dream, I've spent many sleepless nights because I was too happy I got a girlfriend as perfect as you, too happy to finally call you mine, but I don't want to be the one hindering your dreams, please don't limit yourself for me."
Kayamori did not respond, afraid that the tranquility of the moment would get ruined.
"I'm determined to support you and your dreams even if I have to sacrifice everything. And look at you now, you've reached greater heights and continue to save people by music. You are the brightest star."
"But I only wanted to be your moon.”
She catches the hacker off guard, red blush making its way to her ears.
The moon is very beautiful, so beautiful that the snow chooses to thaw to feel its warmth.
"Was I easy to let go?"
"You already know the answer. Everything I do reminds me of you. I wanted to cry but I didn't deserve it. I was the one who left after all. I wanted to go back all these years but for you...I couldn't.” She laughs bitterly.
We are both hurt,
And yet we both tried.
"You really are an idiot. Always thinking about others, if I don't think about you then who will?" Kayamori embraces the warmth she misses even after years.
The cold doesn't feel so bad now.
"Stop. It's embarrassing," Bright red hands try to push her away.
It’s never too late with you.
"No. I’m never gonna let you go away," She picks up the hacker and twirls in circles, not caring if anyone calls her childish, because what she wants
is already in her arms.
In the end of everything, there's you.
Snow melts under the sun but with the gaze of the moon, it gives light that tells hope.