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Their parents always told him to share his gifts. At first, he hadn’t liked the idea, just like any other child, but then he realised there was no way around it; Chay’s grubby, baby hands reached for every single one of his things.
The last New Year’s he remembers as a family, their parents had gotten him a toy he had been asking for for a while. Chay had gotten one more stuffed animal to further his collection that threatened to evict him from his own bed. It had been all around a pretty insignificant celebration, one that Porsche still wishes he had etched into his memory in detail.
….
Porsche has been gathering money for a while. It’s December by now, and he’s pretty sure he’s gathered enough. He’s had to go without dinner a few nights, and ditch school to work some more shifts, but it will all be worth it. Anything to do with his brother’s happiness is worth it.
He comes out of the music store with a smile and a guitar case in hand. Maybe not the best one in there, but definitely the best one his savings could buy. Chay has been looking longingly at the store every time they pass by for months now, it was about time Porsche did something about it. He hides the guitar in Jom’s place and patiently waits for the new year.
To say his brother is excited is an understatement. He hugs Porsche for at least two whole minutes, and then squeals in glee as he very carefully opens the case and gently picks up the instrument. Porsche looks at the mug and the card thirteen year-old Chay made for him, and smiles. The new year has started well.
Of course, nothing that starts well also ends well. Two years later, Porsche is drowning in his efforts to balance all their debts. Their electricity has been cut for a few days now, and it forces him to do something Chay hates.
The afternoon of New Year’s Eve finds him in the fighting circuit, beaten bloody, yet victorious. He hates that he has to do this, hates the people gathered to see him bleed, instead of doing something better with their lives, but the promise of scraps from what the manager makes from him keeps the cocky mask on his face. The crowd wants a show, and that’s what they’ll get.
He hopes Chay will be asleep by the time he gets home, but his little brother is waiting for him, strumming his guitar on the couch. He’s been getting better at it every day, and Porsche couldn’t be any more proud. It makes his blood boil that their uncle left Chay alone on this day, to go God knows where and amass even more debt for Porsche to cover.
There is no gift exchange that year. They sit by the few lit candles and Chay tries his best to help patch him up, all the while trying to keep disapproval from showing on his face. He tries to convince Porsche to let him work, but Porsche is nothing if not stubborn. His brother is meant for greater things, bigger, brighter.
….
Yok gifts him a nice shirt, one that he can wear to work without feeling self conscious. In return, he takes on the new year shift, the one everyone avoids, quelling her objections with the white lie that Chay will be at a friend’s house. He’s a teenager by now and all that. Of course, Chay doesn’t like it, and he manages to stay mad at Porsche for about four whole days. All in all, it’s a boring change of year, though it pulls at Porsche’s heart to see friend groups celebrating together, in a way he’s always wanted to.
He wants people around him, loud and boisterous laughter to fill the space. Porsche needs people and their joy in order to feel his own. Usually, there’s guilt creeping in about this. Chay is all he needs, he’s enough, and yet… And yet Porsche selfishly wants more. When he gets back that night, he hugs his brother a little tighter.
…
In the span of a year everything in his reality turns on its head. He’s thrown into a world he’s always hated, has been made to do things he’d spit in his own face for, has turned into a completely different person. But more than that, he’s fallen in love like never before, he’s forgiven things he’d considered unforgivable, and despite the danger, he now lives his days without having to worry about his brother having enough food, or warm water.
Porchay hated all this at first, rightfully so, but they’ve come to an understanding, or so Porsche likes to think. It has taken too long for Porsche to understand his mistakes, and for Chay to come to him with his problems, but they’re getting there. A gruelling, slow process, but it’s happening.
And before Porsche knows it, the new year is around the corner. Between meetings and a few shootouts, he needs to find the perfect gift for everyone. Something that will show his appreciation and understanding of the people around him, which is made more difficult by the fact that each and every one of them is filthy rich and has everything at the palm of their hands.
It takes him more than he’d like to admit, and he almost doesn’t make it. Kinn is especially annoying, since whenever Porsche asks him if he wants anything, his response is that Porsche is the greatest gift of all. It’s cute, sappy, and infuriating.
The days leading up to new year’s eve go by in a frenzy. They attend two charity galas, the compound is decorated from top to bottom, and, before he knows it, everyone is gathered in one of the ostentatious living rooms, big enough to accommodate a legion.
Porsche sits between Kinn and Chay, whose side Kim has yet to leave. It took a great amount of self control for Porsche to not strangle the guy, but Chay loves him, and the brat looks at his brother like he hung the stars, so he practically had no choice.
Pete is right next to Vegas in another couch, along with Macau, trying to pretend that he isn’t at all awkward. Vegas and Kinn have not stopped glaring at each other, and, though understandable, it’s getting old. Porsche isn’t all that fond of Vegas either, but Khun wanted to play big happy family this year, and he needed Pete to be part of it, so here they are. Honestly, it's not like Vegas is a threat in this very moment: the man is still learning to walk again, or to stand for more than ten minutes.
Khun is milling about, Arm and Pol right behind him, rambling about how it’s time for presents after he’s set up his carefully curated playlist. As the others open theirs, Porsche feels that all too familiar anxiety bubbling in his stomach. Maybe he got everything wrong, and he’ll have ruined it. When it’s his turn to give his presents, he first turns to Kinn. His lover is absolutely gleaming with joy at the watch that has both their names carved on it, so that he’ll be reminded that Porsche is always with him, ever since they met over a watch similar to this one.
Khun is next, and it’s probably the riskiest gift he’s given. Porsche gets up, much to Kinn’s annoyance. As Khun looks over the movie tickets for that movie he's been rambling about for weeks now, with an unreadable expression, Porsche sneaks worried glances back at Kinn. In typical Khun fashion, he abruptly looks up at Porsche with eerily lucid eyes.
“You’ll be there too?” He almost sounds like a kid, like Chay asking him to come to a school play. Porsche smiles.
“Absolutely.” He reassures, and, after a nod, Khun signals that the conversation is over.
He goes over to Pete, who is caught by surprise at being given anything, and hands him a small box. Pete opens it, and it’s probably the most shocked Porsche has seen him.
“Porsche, what-”
“I know you don’t like living in the minor family compound. All of you need your own place if anyone’s going to move on. Also, I really owe you one, you know?” Vegas’ glare has him worried he’s made a mistake, but the grin on Macau’s face and the way Pete rushes to hug him is hopeful enough. Pete mumbles his gratitude, and even Vegas grumbles a thanks. It’s a relief, but he’s not done yet. He’s left the best for last.
He returns to his seat, handing his brother a fancy bag with a wrapped book.
“Happy New Year, Chay. It’s a gift for both of you” He smiles at his brother as he unwraps it, Kim looking subtly intrigued over his shoulder. The moment his brother realises what it is, he has an armful of Chay, just like the year he’d given him that guitar.
It wasn’t that much. An album with pictures of them as children, and some of the Theerapanyakul siblings as well, which had required him to enlist Khun’s. Chay has always loved photo albums, giving their memories tangible proof, but there weren’t many people around to fill the empty plastic pages. Chay understands that this is a promise of something new, a new beginning.
The night moves on. Porsche looks at the expensive alcohol Kinn got him, the necklace and handmade card from Chay, the rest of his gifts. He looks around at the people bickering and laughing together, the tension and the calm of the room at the same time. A strange melancholy settles over him when he catches himself wishing his uncle were here. His parents as well. So many people he had considered family aren’t here today.
Kinn wraps an arm around him. Porsche shakes himself out of it. He hasn’t gotten this far by dwelling on the past during the good moments. He’s here now, surrounded by voices he’ll still hear tomorrow, and it’s almost everything he’s ever asked for.
It’s family. Certainly not perfect, some things still leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, with many grudges to be mended among everyone, but a family nonetheless. Something Porsche hadn’t considered possible for years now. He is at home.