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“Wow, these are the ugliest things I've ever fucking seen, and I saw all your solo act costumes.”
“Kayn!” Ezreal squawks as he unleashes a flurry of offended smacks on Kayn's head, because he's a rude fuck and deserves a beating Ezreal can't properly give him. “Take that back!”
“Nev- ow! Okay fine, fuck- your costumes were only mostly- ow- ” Kayn manages through winces and snickering, fending off blows. “Quit it-”
“No!” Ezreal huffs, still flailing at him until his hands are caught and swooped into one of Kayn's, leaving his face open for Kayn to plant smooch right on his cheek – ugh. “A kiss doesn't make you not rude!”
“No, but it makes you sweeter,” Kayn teases him, wiggling Ezreal's wrists to make the point that he has in fact stopped trying to struggle. “You're so easy.”
“And you are an asshole,” Ezreal grouses, lurching forward to thunk his shoulder into the wall of Kayn's chest. It doesn't do much, but it makes him feel better. “Now take it back.”
“Fine, I think most of your costumes made you look cute.”
Damn right they did, but that's not what Ezreal was talking about.
“No, I mean-” he glances around to make sure Sett isn't nearby before hissing, “-don't insult the sweaters, I'm pretty sure Sett's mom made these for us.”
Kayn squints down at him, clearly dubious. “ These? ”
Ezreal nods up at him, wriggling his wrists around until Kayn lets them go, then picks up one of the admittedly not the cutest sweaters.
“Yeah, remember Sett said she was planning on knitting something for all of us? There's six in here and they look homemade.”
“Yeah, but Mrs. Sett's Mom makes the good shit,” Kayn reminds him, nose wrinkled as he pokes at the knit contents of the box. “This is just... shit shit.”
“Don't devalue artisanal labor!” Ezreal chides, swatting Kayn's hand away. “It probably took her ages to make all of these, of course there was a drop in quality! And she's getting older, what if her eyes are going and she can't even see anymore? She'd never even know they're so...”
“Ugly?” Kayn supplies, because he's heartless.
“I was going to say unique,” Ezreal sniffs.
“That's just another word for ugly,” Kayn mutters, but shrugs and pulls his hands away from the box. “So what are we gonna do with them?”
“Uh, duh.” Ezreal can't help but roll his eyes – Kayn can be so socially obtuse sometimes. “We're going to wear them when she comes over to show her how much we cherish her and support Sett, obviously. ”
“...do I have to?”
“Yes.”
“ Fine.”
Not one to be content with a partial good deed, Ezreal makes sure K'Sante and Yone are also on board with the plan, pressing the sweaters into their arms with a tone that brooks no argument. They will be wearing these to show their appreciation when she arrives for tea this Sunday, and they will be grateful and happy about it.
What he hadn't expected was the friction from Aphelios of all people – about his own basically mother in law.
“You're gonna wear it!” Ezreal huffs, glaring at Phel, who only arches an eyebrow in response from where he's half-turned in his chair. The sweater falls from his shoulder where Ezreal had thrown it at him – fully expecting Phel to catch it and not this blatant disrespect of the gift. “She made it for us!”
Phel blinks at him, cocking his head before looking down at the sweater and back to Ezreal, a question clear on his face.
Oh. Maybe it was a surprise... oops.
“Uhh, they're from Sett's mom, she was making us something, remember? Shit, maybe you weren't supposed to know... um, but we're going to wear them tomorrow to match and be supportive, so...” he trails off with a wince that he tries to cover by shaking a finger at Aphelios, “-so you better put it on and look grateful!”
Aphelios sucks his lips in and clamps them hard, face wobbling – which is fair, that's what Ezreal would look like too if someone told him he had to wear something this...uh... unique under normal circumstance, but it's not normal circumstances, and Phel should know that better than anyone else.
Thankfully he leans over from his chair and scoops it off the floor, giving Ezreal a thumbs up.
He wraps Sett's in the tissue paper that was in the bottom of the box they all came in and leaves it on his bed – he's always had a crap poker face, so hopefully the little note will come across as more sincere.
So cute! We love them – can't wait for tea!
There, good deeds all done.
Ezreal makes sure the whole house is set up all nice and cozy for tea – something Sett usually does, but he and Aphelios left to get his mom and Alune earlier, which meant the preparation fell to someone else, and no one else seems to be taking this quite so seriously.
Frankly, he's appalled at everyone else's insensitivity – he'd be crushed if he was losing his skills and fully expects them all to lie to make him feel better until he's too senile to care.
At least he's managed to bully Kayn into submission – artisanal sweater on and his hair combed back away from his face. He's even wrangled him into the only pair of khakis that he owns – like he's going to the world's goofiest church service or something.
“This is never happening again,” Kayn grumbles as he sets out the good tea set that they keep around exactly for this occasion. It looks downright silly in his hands with the golden scalloped edges and the dainty pink flowers. “And you owe me for playing along.”
“I'll suck your dick when she leaves,” Ezreal assures him, because he was planning to anyway – Kayn's cute forehead gets him going. “Thank you for being so good.”
“You're taking the sweater off first, or I'm never going to get my dick up again.”
Frankly, that's fair – even if it would probably be improved by a little redecoration.
K'sante and Yone come bustling in with the cookies and scones they've been working on all morning – plus the matching fancy pots with tea in them, Sett's mom's favorite type of course.
With all of them there together in their matching sweaters they look like the world's least sexy maid cafe.
The things he does for love.
A car door slams outside, nearly making him jump right out of the ug- unique sweater in question – showtime.
“Okay, remember everyone-” Ezreal tells them with fluttering hands and a stern look on his face, “-we love them and we're supportive!”
He gets three nods in return and scurries to the door to open it for them, because he's a good host too.
“Welcome!” he chirps – right into Phel's face. Phel who is not wearing the swear, as discussed, but is wearing a smirk. “ Phel- ”
He's brushed aside by his ungrateful menace of a bandmate, who turns to take his sister's coat instead of acknowledging Ezreal's annoyance. She's not wearing a sweater either – but she didn't have one in the first place.
Or rather, they are both wearing sweaters... just not the same unique sweater. Theirs are much nicer, and matching with cute little moons on them – no fair!
“Hey, Ez!” Sett's booming greeting startles him from his sweater-envy, and he's not wearing the right sweater either. His matches the other two, kinda, and has little boxing gloves knitted into it... extra no fair, what the hell! “Looks good in here!”
“Yeah, well, you know-” Ezreal titters, trying to conceal his incredulity that Sett would betray his own mother like this, “-I wanted to make sure everything is perfect for your mom, who we all love and respect.”
So maybe he squints at him aggressively as he says it, it's not like Sett notices anyway from all the way up there.
“Aww, you're the best.” He reaches down to ruffle Ezreal's hair. “Sorry I couldn't be all matchy with you guys, I gotta wear what my momma makes me, yanno?”
“I... yes?” Ezreal blinks into the palm engulfing part of his face. “I do know?”
“Knew you'd understand.”
He's not sure he does.
“Ezreal!” He does know he's being hugged by Sett's mom, who smells like flowers and sunshine and love. It's a shame her son doesn't appreciate her as much as Ezreal does. “My little Sett told me you spent the whole morning setting up the tea just for me!”
“Yes'm,” he muffles into her shoulder as he pats her on the back. She feels as sturdy as ever and not like someone who is so frail and blind they'd make an extra unique sweater. “Just wanted you to know how much we appreciate you.”
She pulls back and cups his cheek with a palm, all bright smiles and kind eyes – not even foggy squinting old ones. She's not even wearing glasses... she looks just as young as the last time Ezreal saw her a few months ago, which doesn't seem quite right.
“Well, I appreciate you boys too.” She leans in close, like she's got a secret, and whispers, “I even made something special for everyone.”
Ah – maybe not having glasses is the problem? Maybe she can't even see that the rest of them are already grateful and appropriately bedecked in the fruits of her labor.
“Wow, that's so kind of you!” He laughs, throwing a look over her shoulder to Kayn – a clear S.O.S. “Let's get you some tea first though, it's a long trip isn't it?”
“Only about an hour, if we stop to get sweet Alune,” she offers, but lets herself be led over to the couch where Kayn is gallantly pouring her a cup of tea with his handsome forehead just out for anyone to admire.
Speaking of sweet Alune... the sweet sweaterless twin of fiend number one is whispering something to Yone that makes the other man look down at himself and pass a hand over his face. A quick glance at Aphelios confirms that the evil smirk is only growing as he snags his own teacup and settles by his too-good-for-him almost mother in law's side.
She pats his knee when he gets her a cookie. He doesn't deserve it.
Tea commences as usual, battle lines drawn by sweater pattern. Yone whispers something to K'Sante, who takes his cup of tea like a shot when Yone gestures to his chest. Kayn sits by his side like a good boy, not even fidgeting in his khakis, even when Phel smirks the smirkiest of smirks at him and mimes taking a picture.
He's so getting laid later.
But now is not later. Now is when Sett's mom flaps a hand at her son to bring a big box over and opens it with a grin and the dexterity and cognizance of a woman half her... well, actually, Ezreal doesn't know how old she is, because that'd be super rude to ask. He just figured she must be old, because Sett is very big, and it must take quite a while to grow to that size.
Point being, she pulls out sweaters with a flourish – nice sweaters. Very classy, tasteful, handmade, soft and wonderful sweaters. Unique in a good way sweaters. Made with love sweaters.
His has hamsters and candy and hearts all over it, and it smells like flowers and sunshine and love, and it's perfect-
“Now, I can see that you already had a little theme going on here, so I understand if you want to wait-”
But Kayn already has his sweater off and chucked into the corner – pulling on his new one (covered in little Rhaasts, so cute!) in a way that ruffles his hair all up. He's grinning so hard it looks like his face might break, and he swoops Sett's mom into a hug that makes it look like she might break.
“Thanks, Mrs. Sett's Mom,” he mumbles into her shoulder before pulling away to smile down at it again. “We love it.”
“Aww, I'm glad dear.”
K'Sante and Yone have replaced theirs as well, leaving just Ezreal in the original artisanal attire.
“They're lovely,” Yone tells her with a smile, reaching over to pat her hand – then cuts a glance to Ezreal. “Don't worry about the other ones, Alune ordered them for a promotional shoot, we were just practicing.”
Ezreal blinks at him, then down at the ugly sweater still disgracing his body.
“Yeah,” Alune laughs, leaning into Phel's side with an equally evil smirk. “It's an ugly sweater shoot to promote some fancy shoes – I believe they're going with the contrast vibe for the ad... isn't it so nice that someone opened a gift wrapped box that wasn't addressed to them so they could give you a sneak preview of it?”
…Ah. Hmm. Well.
In his defense... it wasn't addressed to anyone.
He peels the sweater off and replaces it with the one made of love and sunshine and kittens, determined not to look anyone in the eye except Sett's mom, because she is lovely and perfect and would never give him the kinds of looks he can feel boring into his skull from all angles.
“Oh good,” Sett's mom laughs, reaching over to pat Ezreal's knee with a wink. “I was worried I'd missed the memo making these new ones, and that was the style now with such a fashion trendsetter wearing it.”
“Aww,” he waves away the praise – okay no, he basks in it a little bit, but he flaps his hand to look humble anyway. “No way, these new ones are going to be the talk of the town – I'm gonna wear it everywhere.” He looks around to his gathered friends, the ones looking mightily unimpressed. “In fact, we all will, right guys? Matching Heartsteel sweater outings! Nobody will look cooler than us in these, right? Red carpet ready-”
Because he wasn't wrong – Sett's mom does deserve matching sweater support. He was just... a little early. A trendsetter if you will.
And now they can't even complain, because they look cool as hell.
He takes a sip of his tea and pats himself on the back – another brilliant plan, flawlessly executed, as usual.