Work Text:
Cooking Up A Christmas Surprise
Loki's Christmas Menu:
Oysters Rockefeller
Beet and Orange Salad
Celery Soufflé
Buttered Green Beans
Potatoes Au Gratin
Roast Goose Béarnaise
Plum Pudding
After researching popular Christmas menus from movies and the internet so he could get an idea to surprise Tony, Loki, with a shopping list as long as his arm teleported himself off to the Butterfield Market on Madison to do his shopping. To fortify himself for the challenge ahead, he stopped off at the coffee bar and picked up a London Fog Latte to sip as he wandered the store picking up items to add to his cart while checking them off of his list. Finally, as the last parcel was placed into the cart he headed up to the cashier.
An older, but still bubbly blonde with streaks of gray tingeing her hair and a tag on her chest that read Marli, asked him if he found everything okay as she slid his purchases over the scanner to the bagger. Loki gifted her with one of his warmest smiles because he was exceedingly happy today. “Yes, I found everything that I needed in your quaint little store.”
Marli's heart skipped a beat at the sensual warmth exuding from the tall, dark stranger. As she totaled up Loki's purchases, she wetted her lips as she told him the amount and patiently waited for his payment. His eyes never leaving the cashiers, he pulled an emerald green credit card that was embossed in gold with his name, Loki, on the front and that was all. He tapped it on the payment terminal and heard a cheerful "beep" as his magic transferred funds from Asgard into their equivalent in American money to cover his purchases. "Thank you for shopping at Butterfield's and please come again ... oh, and have Happy Holidays!" She stammered, breathlessly.
"Thank you, and you as well," Loki told her as he pushed his laden shopping cart full of its stuffed bags towards the door.
Marli rushed over to her bagger, Amy, as they both giggled about the handsome visitor to their store. They were very puzzled though, when he seemed to disappear before their very eyes. Chalking it up to holiday excitement, they shrugged it off and got back to work.
Loki and his shopping cart materialized into his kitchen. With a wave of his left hand, his reusable grocery bags were emptied, with their contents flying through the room into their places in the refrigerator and pantry. Loki then snapped his fingers and the bags with the chicken and the stores logo on the front neatly folded and flew to their place on the shelf in the entryway closet. The cart also vanished to reappear in an empty aisle of Butterfields, as if it had never been on a field trip to Loki's apartment. Loki brushed his long, elegant fingers together as if wiping away dust.
With those chores done, he walked into the living room and against the backdrop of the Central Park view from his over-sized windows, he conjured a Christmas tree festooned with multicolored lights, gold glass balls, with red satin ribbons and bows. Sighing, he inhaled the fresh woodsy scent of pine while sinking into the comfort of his over-stuffed couch. He then called his Stark phone to him and dialed the only number that was stored in the contraption.
It was picked up on the first ring and Loki heard, “Babe, I’ve been waiting for you to call. When do I get my surprise?”
Loki’s smile lit his eyes until they glowed with an inner light. “Oh, Anthony, you can be such a child. It is now one o’clock, and you may arrive at seven o’clock sharp. My address is Fifteen Central Park West, and I am in apartment #15-D.”
Tony let out an impressed whistle. “That’s a pretty ritzy address there, Lokes, and I can’t wait to finally get to see it. Here we’ve been going out for a couple of weeks now and you’ve been to my tower a few times, but you’ve never invited me back to your place. Usually, we just meet up somewhere like a restaurant or the park. I was beginning to think you were ashamed to bring me home.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Anthony, how could I possibly be ashamed of you? You’re a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist … and what was the new part you’ve added … hmmm, let me see … New York’s favorite son? Isn’t that it?”
There was the sound of a door opening and the beating of wings as a purple streak shot through the room to land on the bar with a screeching of talons across the marble top. Loki gave the creature a displeased look when Tony asked, “What was that noise, Babe?”
“I’m sorry Tony, that was my cat. She’s letting me know she’s hungry and that I’ve been neglecting her while I was out shopping this morning. I’ll have to go and tend to her.”
“I didn’t know you had a cat, Loki. My dad never allowed me to have a pet when I was a kid, and because of that I’ve always avoided them. I guess I’m just not an animal person.” Tony said, apprehensively.
“Do not fret, my Dearest, I know that Sigyn will instantly love you. I will see you later on, remember seven o’clock, and do not be late!”
“I’ll take your word on the cat, and I’ll be there with bells on!” Tony said and ended with a loud smooching sound before he hung up.
Loki tossed the phone down onto the sofa before getting up and walking over to the bar. There was a small dragon about the size of a medium-sized house cat staring at him as he approached. It’s burnished purple scales gleamed, and its wings fluttered excitedly. He reached out to scratch under her chin as her amber eyes whirled in pleasure. “You will behave yourself while Anthony is here. I very much wish for you two to like each other.”
Sigyn plucked the image of the man in question from Loki’s mind. “Yes, he is the one, my bright and clever girl! I really like him. He thinks I’m a human, so you will have to shapeshift while he is here. The little dragon rubbed her head under his hand before disappearing in a puff of purple smoke that when it cleared, revealed an elegantly marked orange Persian.
“Well done, my Love!” Loki said proudly as he stroked the small, furry body. He snapped his fingers on his left hand while a food dish filled with delectable slices of raw tuna materialized on the bar. The “cat” snorted as a puff of purple smoke drifted lazily from its nostrils. Loki smiled and reminded, “Midgardian felines do not breathe fire and smoke, my Darling.”
"Now off to the kitchen so that I can prepare Anthony's Christmas feast." Reverting back to her original form, the little dragon made a low rumble and a small puff of smoke emitted from her nostrils. Loki chuckled and tapped his finger on her snout, "I'm sorry my love, but no magic right now. I'm determined to prepare this meal the human way, for Tony. He doesn't know that I'm a mage from Asgard, and I am going to try very hard to keep it that way; I really like him and I don't want to frighten him away."
Loki unwrapped the plastic from a white book on his countertop that had the word 'JOY' in large letters above smaller one's spelling out, 'of Cooking' on the cover. He turned to the index page and looked up the recipe for roast goose. After quickly scanning the recipe, he found the directions to create a brine that you inserted the goose for twenty-four hours. "Oh, no! Tony will be over for dinner in just a few hours. I don't have the time to do this part."
Two O’Clock
Sign gave a little warble. "Stop trying to tempt me, Little One, I am not using magic, I will have to forego that part and go right into the rest of the recipe. The instructions advised trimming away any loose fat and sprinkle the cavity with salt and pepper before inserting the quartered apples, onions, oranges, and lemons. He placed the bird, breast side up in a roasting pan and carefully pierced the skin so that the fat could drain out, like the directions advised. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was already two o’clock and he'd asked Anthony to arrive at seven. The book said to preheat the oven to 350 degrees and bake the goose for two and a half to three hours. He knew that the meat needed to rest before carving and he wanted everything to be set up perfectly for his special guest. Loki came to the decision of turning the temperature up to 450, and he'd just keep an eye on the bird to keep it from burning. He also didn't have time for preheating, so he just shoved the goose into the oven.
The little dragon gave a questioning warble and Loki chuckled, "You worry too much; I'm sure it will be fine. Just help me to keep an eye on it," the mage said as he caressed the soft purple skin on the top of Sigyn's head.
Next Loki moved to the sink where he had a stainless-steel bowl filled with oysters in their shells, resting. He pulled up YouTube on his phone and looked up how to shuck the mollusks and found a variety of videos to pick from. He chose one that didn't require any special tools. With a dishtowel in hand and a butter knife, Loki picked the top most shellfish and began by wedging the edge of the knife at the hinge. The stubborn shell wouldn't budge, so using all of his strength, he only accomplished bending the knife until the handle broke away. Frustrated, he blew at the hair that had fallen into his eyes.
He remembered seeing something in Anthony's workshop that might suffice. Holding his hand out, Loki called the tool to him.
*******
To kill time, Tony was working on a repair to his latest Iron Man suit. He reached his hand out to retrieve his screwdriver from where he'd just laid it down on his workbench. Concentrating on his suit, he failed to notice the green mist that enveloped the tool just before it disappeared.
JARVIS started to say something, but Tony interrupted him when he said, "What the hell, I know I just put my favorite screwdriver right there," as he looked all around him for the missing tool.
The AI advised his creator, "Sir, there was a puff of green smoke and your screwdriver disappeared. I scanned the area for intruders and found none. Should I lock the tower down?"
Puzzled, Tony scratched his head in wonderment. "I guess just keep an eye out, J, and let me know if anything else disappears. For now, we'll just chalk this up to the Twilight Zone that is my life.
*******
The red handle of a screwdriver with the initial, 'T.S.' burned into it appeared in Loki's outstretched hand. Satisfied, he jammed the flat tip into the hinge of the bivalve and worked until he had the two halves separated. Smiling, he rinsed the bits of shell off of the half containing the oyster and then set it on a platter before dropping the other half into his sink. One by one, he shucked the dozen oysters that had been in his bucket. He waved his hand and teleported the discarded halves into the refuse receptacle for his building. He smiled at his now re-tidied kitchen, but his smile quickly turned to a frown when he noticed the clock now read three.
Three O’Clock
A whole hour had gone by while he opened the oysters and he hadn't even dressed them in the baby spinach, bread crumbs, cheese and cream sauce. He looked at the recipe and decided he'd have to skip a few steps, so he threw the spinach into a pot with a splash of white wine, cheese and lemon juice. He was in a hurry, so he put the gas up to high. Before too long, the mixture was bubbling. He scooped out a spoonful of the mixture and plopped it on top of the oysters and then sprinkled them with bread crumbs. He put them in his refrigerator to await his guest and started on the next part of his menu.
Four O’Clock
Loki cubed the leftover loaf of bread and soaked it in milk. Luckily, he'd cut some corners by buying the celery and onion already chopped up. He threw the vegetables into a frying pan with melted butter and stirred it around for several minutes before adding the bread and milk mixture. He sat the hot mixture to the side and added the yolks from the separated eggs, beating them quickly. He didn't notice that his mixture was starting to resemble scrambled eggs. Glancing up at the clock, and aware that his time was dwindling, he stirred the mixture into the foam of his whipped egg “whites.” He poured his concoction into a buttered casserole dish. Not knowing what a bain-marie was, he skipped it and popped the dish into his second oven, setting the temperature for 375 degrees.
Five O’Clock
Completely forgetting about the goose with all of the other preparations, Loki knew that a plum pudding had to boil for a while, so he decided to start that next. Beginning to feel anxious at the time, he didn't stop to measure, thinking he could "eyeball" the proportions. In a bowl, he threw in more bread crumbs with the flour, brown sugar, nuts, dried fruits, suet, spices, eggs, baking soda, a pinch of salt, and four whole non-pitted plums (another corner cut to save time). He’d forgotten the brandy, but did have some Asgardian ale in his pantry, so he added a good splash of the strong liquor. He’d have to remember not to let Anthony have too much, not knowing how a Midgardian would react to the ale.
Loki wet a heavy cloth in the boiling water from his pot, and then wrung it out to sprinkle with flour. He plopped the heavy mixture down into the middle of the circle created by the flour. Then he lifted the sides of the cloth to form a ball shape and tied a cord tightly around the top. He gently lowered the pudding into the boiling water, securing the cord to the handle of the tall stock pot. The recipe advised boiling for three and a half hours, so the pudding should be done by the time Anthony arrived.
Six O’Clock
Luckily, he’d done the “human thing” and bought the orange and beet salad pre-made at Butterfields. According to the recipe, the green beans would take the least amount of time to cook, so he decided to start the au gratin potatoes. To save time, he decided not to peel the potatoes first and using one of his sharpest daggers that appeared at his call, he sliced the potatoes and onions thinly, adding in the first layer into his buttered casserole dish. Then he started a cheese sauce to pour over the vegetables.
He was adding the cream when his doorbell rang. Annoyed, he was tempted to ignore it, but he didn’t want to arouse more suspicion among his nosey neighbors, so he decided to answer it. He forgot to move the pot from the burner in his hurry to get to the door. That was when he realized he was covered in flour, bits of spinach, and oyster shells; he’d even worked up a sweat. Waving his hand over himself with a cleaning spell, he was the picture of spotlessness when he peeped through the spy hole.
“By Odin’s beard, it’s Anthony!” Loki exclaimed with his back against the door. The bell rang again. Gulping, Loki tried to appear calm as Sigyn appeared at his heels. The once again “cat” stared at him with the same deep amber eyes of the little dragon, and without words, she conveyed her solemn promise to remember to be a feline in front of her companion’s new love.
“Thank you,” Loki whispered to his companion as he opened the door. “Anthony, you are early!” Loki reprimanded his boyfriend.
“I know Lokes, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. Forgive me?” Tony asked as he hugged his taller boyfriend and rose up just enough to place a kiss on the unusually rosy cheek.
Just then Sigyn growled, staring up at Loki, her amber eyes alight as she turned and sprinted towards the kitchen door where black smoke was beginning to billow out. Loki broke away from Tony’s embrace to follow the “cat” through the swinging portal and stopping in the doorway he found the room filled with an acrid, black fog.
Loki saw that the goose was on fire in the oven and the cheese sauce, that he’d forgotten to take off of the stove was burnt and smoking as well. An annoyingly loud shrieking was emitting from the smoke alarm and getting on Loki’s last nerve. Instinctively and without a thought, he flung both hands out to his sides as a green mist seemed to swallow the smoke, put out the fires, and silence the screeching.
Standing rigidly when he felt Tony’s body pressed against his back, Loki’s head dropped as he squeezed his eyes shut at the realization of what he’d done. He stood there in defeat as Tony squeezed around him to survey the now silent and fume free room. Walking around, his sneakers squeaking on the wood floors, Tony stopped agape at his missing screwdriver that he found on the drainboard of the sink. “Well, I wondered where that disappeared to,” was all Tony said.
The “cat” was winding herself around Tony’s feet before he thought he saw a little purple smoke escape from her nostrils when she let out a soft meow. She left Tony to leap into the air aiming for Loki and he unconsciously snagged her to clasp her purring body to his chest. Petting the soft fur, Loki swallowed and stammered, “I’m sor…sorry, Tony, for deceiving you. I so wanted to appear human and do everything like a human does, but as you can see, I am not a human. I am Asgardian and I am also a mage.”
“Well, shit… why didn’t you tell me, Loki?” Tony asked, his voice warring with hurt and surprise as he ran his fingers through his dark hair.
Swallowing hard and avoiding looking into Anthony’s eyes at all costs, Loki explained miserably, “On my realm, I am looked down upon for using magic. It is seen as womanly, and adding that to my preference for males as my bed partners, has me ostracized from our society and brought shame to my family. I was lonely and I came here looking for companionship, and I found it with you.”
To the sound of the water plopping in the pot around the boiling pudding, Tony sighed, “Come here, you magical nut. I was attracted to you the first time I saw you in park when those hoods were trying to mug you. I was sure that you were a goner before I could get there, but without even breaking a sweat you took them both down. You gave the best impression of a Mr. Spock nerve pinch I’ve ever seen… you used magic on them, didn’t ya?” Tony asked.
Loki muttered, “I spelled them to sleep.”
“Well, it was still awesome!” Tony exclaimed. Loki was surprised to see wonder in Tony’s eyes as he continued, “I knew you were something special when I got a good look into your gorgeous green peepers and I had to ask you out then and there. I don’t regret it, Lokes.” Tony said as he reached out to lift Loki’s chin back up so that he again could look into those amazing emerald eyes.
“Truly, Anthony, you don’t mind that I’m from another realm and that I can do magic?”
“Babe, haven’t I just been rambling all over myself about how crazy I am about ya?” Tony came over to Loki and put his arms around him, hugging him with the cat between them. Sigyn let out a contented purr as a puff of purple smoke wafted from her nostrils and her amber eyes dilated as a branch of mistletoe appeared, growing out of the ceiling.
Looking up, Tony grinned and stated, “I love magic!” before kissing Loki deeply until he moaned.
~FINIS~