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You know what's great about vacation? Never having to see annoying people in your life. The teachers that grade their assignments months after they're handed in. The annoying nerds who won't shut up about how little sleep they got last night— the girl who can't stop being friendly to everyone around her.
In a regular school, you'd have weeks before seeing these guys again. Time to forget. Instead, they're spread around the resort like bacteria. All of us got off the bus and got assigned our groups. I scanned the paper for all the other pricks I was forced to hang out with. Admittedly, there were interesting picks.
"Yo, Ichinose," I called out to her, making my way over.
Ichinose put on a nice smile and approached me, "Looks like you're in my group."
"Yeah, how lucky for you," I smiled, "So, how about I make all the decisions and you guys follow everything I say?"
She's a pushover, so it might work. If it were Suzune or Sakayanagi, they'd tell me to jump off a cliff.
She put a hand on her hip, "Why does there need to be a 'leader'?"
"Efficiency, making sure none of the ugly ducklings get lost, blah blah blah. You get it."
Ichinose was practically glowing before, but now it seemed like there was a hole in that bubble of excitement.
"We don't need a leader, but if you want to do something or go somewhere, we can all decide as a group. Seems fair that way, right?"
She'd make a good kindergarten teacher, but she's not budging. Eh, it was worth a shot. I rubbed my eyes briefly, my gaze falling to her ankles. She was wearing white shoes, black leggings, and a woollen pink shirt. Then, she had a long grey coat down to her ankles.
"Also, can't believe you guys came third in the exams. I thought your class was filled with nerds, how is a class with Sudo Ken and Sakura Airi beating you?"
Her smile faltered for a second, and she put her hands into her pockets and sighed.
"Ah, well, they tried their best and beat us. It happens. Nothing else we can do besides trying harder next time."
What a diplomatic answer. God, I hate it. Any sane person would be annoyed or disappointed. How can you be this positive? Infuriated. That's all I'd feel if I was in her class. And she'd think that if she had a seat in mine. The despair that only comes from being surrounded by people with people who are your opposites.
A few of Ichinose's friends passed us, and she waved at them.
"Yeah, I'll see you guys at lunch."
"So I'm not invited?" I asked.
She flinched, raising her hand as if to dismiss that comment: "No, no! You can definitely come, no worries."
This is too easy.
I rolled my eyes, "You need to learn the word 'No'. You're like one of those people who start all their sentences with 'I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, you're... Oh, right."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"See you later, dumbass."
* * *
After lunch, we went skiing. I saw Ayanokouji fall on his face—a great start. Trudging across the snow in my boots, I got in line for the ski lift. In front of me were Ichinose and a girl called Yamamura from class A.
"I seriously don't need them," Yamamura said.
"I seriously don't need them either," Ichinose replied, "Besides, I've got spares. It's completely fine."
Yamamura was up for her ride, and the other girl was already on the lift, crossing her arms and waiting. With a reluctant sigh, she grabbed the ones from Ichinose and got on. Ichinose began to rub her hands together, blowing hot air into them. We got on our ski lift, and her hands remained gloveless.
"Wow, you're an idiot."
She whipped her head at me, "What?"
"You didn't have spare gloves, but you lied and gave them to her," I pointed out.
Ichinose awkwardly laughed, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, "What? I definitely have spare gloves. I'm just too lazy to put them on right now."
Mhm. Right.
"Show me."
She looked frozen. It might've been the weather, but I doubt it. Ichinose leaned back into the seat carrying us up the mountain.
"Okay, fine, yes, I lied. Happy now?"
I nodded, "Very much so. It's a good lie, I'll give you that. The conversation didn't seem like it was going too long, and that's because if it had, she would've asked to see the spare gloves."
"You don't know that, she might've just trusted me to be telling the truth."
I scoffed, "Yeah, she might've. You didn't let it get to that part, though. You probably started the convo a little bit before their ski lift came down, so she would've had the pressure of not holding up the line. She didn't think about checking for your spare gloves and just took them, hoping that you were honest."
The strawberry-blonde girl kept fidgeting with her hands, "You make it sound more manipulative than it was."
"It's what you did, ain't it?"
She rolled her eyes. "What? Were you so impressed by my lying that you needed to compliment me?"
Ichinose treats lying as something that should only be done if it helps someone. But, behind all that, she's a chronic people pleaser. People like that would rather chop off a limb before letting someone else suffer just the tiniest amount.
"I plead the fifth."
She chuckled, "That's an American thing."
"I know my rights."
"No, you don't."
The slowly rocking ski lift moved up, and our conversation died. It was a nice view, but after about twenty seconds, the picturesque landscape got boring.
"It just reminded me why your class sucks so much," I said.
She sighed, crossing one leg over the other. "Of course, it did. Helping someone else at my expense correlates to how well my class is doing."
"I mean, the way a leader acts is reflective of their class. Class A might not be full of cripples, but there are plenty of weirdos in there with fat egos."
Ichinose looked off to the side, the ski lift slowing down as we reached the top of our course.
"Maybe you're right," she muttered, exiting the lift.
Ugh. This is no fun. Seriously, what's it gonna take to get a reaction out of this chick? Suzune would be threatening physical violence by now.
* * *
I followed her as she scrambled for a good spot to glide down. It was hard on the skis; I felt like a penguin trudging through the snow.
"Honami!"
She stopped and looked back at me with the most puzzled expression I'd ever seen.
"Where did that come from?" she asked.
"From my mouth," I shrugged, "So, you're not a beginner?"
I already called two girls their first names without their consent, so I could fill out the Musketeers. Honami stuck the ski pole into the ground, adjusting her helmet as she spoke.
"Uh, yeah, I went once for a field trip. Fell on my face a lot, what about you?"
"Same, except for the falling on my face part. I'm just talented," I smiled, my gaze dropping to her hands.
She seemed to have noticed because she shook her wrist and blew air into them again.
"I'll be fine."
"You know that 99% of the guys here would give you their gloves if you just looked in their direction, right?"
She looked at me curiously, "But not you?"
"Fuck no. I'm cold."
The corner of her lips went up slightly, "Right, well, I don't want to bother them."
Man, she doesn't get how much power she has. It isn't just the guys who would probably kill for her; the girls, too.
"What's the point of being so nice if you never take advantage of it?" I asked, "You're not seeing the potential here."
Ichinose crossed her arms and looked at me as if to say, 'you don't get it'.
"Is it being nice if you just do it to get things?"
"Well, as long as you say you're doing things for good reasons, you can do whatever you want."
"And as long as you don't care about the reasons, you can say whatever you want."
"You know me so well. I'm touched."
Honami rolled her eyes and turned around. Her palm wrapped around the ski poles, and she edged closer to the sledge. That was the conversation ender. Interestingly, she didn't move a muscle after she got into position. This was only one level above the beginner course, so it was a warm-up. Even someone who's only skied once, like her, could do it.
"Yo, Honami."
She didn't turn around, "Hey, Ryuuen. How are you?"
Did I start talking to a chatbot?
"I'm fine."
"Cool, cool. So, how are you doing?"
Yeah, she's lost it.
"Pretty good. I'm gonna go and rob your rooms after dinner."
"Great to hear," she muttered cheerfully.
Her eyes were focused straight downwards. Her form looked good. She was just scared.
"I know, right? After that, I'll go replace all your shampoo with glue.
She forcefully laughed, "Completely feel the same way."
I sighed, shaking her a little. Honami flinched, looking at me with shaken eyes.
"Don't be a baby, you won't die."
Honami softly nodded, looking back at the cliff with renewed determination. She moved the poles ahead, planted them into the white earth, and leaned forward. Then, right before she was about to ride down, she hesitated.
"I don't think I can—"
Moving my hand to her back, I gave her a push.
"Have fun!" I yelled.
My earnest, kind, and gentle sentiment was drowned out by Honami's screaming.
* * *
It was the second night, and I was finally settling into a routine here. Today was free, and my legs couldn't move after skiing, so most of my time was spent lounging around the cabin. Nobody minded since they were all in the same boat, and considering I hadn't seen Honami since the push, I took it she was avoiding me.
"Hey~!"
Amikura barged into our room. Then, one after another, like people coming out of a clown car, the rest of the girls infiltrated our room. Honami looked at me with a slight smile so she'd either gotten over it or was faking.
"We wanted to figure out what we were gonna do tomorrow," Amikura explained.
A part of me wanted to say, 'Then let's do it tomorrow,' but I had a better idea.
"It's just sightseeing and stuff tomorrow, isn't it?" Watanabe said.
Amikura raised the assignment sheet and began pointing to the different spots rapidly.
"Yeah, but we need to figure out the path we're gonna take. We need to take a photo of six of the fifteen locations," Amikura said.
"Just start from what's closest," Kitou suggested.
"All the fun stuff isn't close," Amikura grumbled.
Amikura was sitting on the floor beside my bed, so I looked at the map. She was right. Nothing interesting was close by. Honami was on the opposite end of the room from me, averting her eyes from my direction. How bipolar.
"Honami!" I called out, "What do you think?"
Every other person in the room looked delirious. Amikura was snapping her head between her best friend and me, her mouth agape. Honami sighed, running a hand through her hair.
"I think we should all just vote on the best locations and the six most voted are the ones we'll do," she suggested.
Simple, efficient, and caring about what everyone else wants. Ignoring that, Amikura stared at me speculatively.
"When were you and Honami so close?"
"I gave her a lot of advice yesterday when we were skiing," I lied. "She was probably going to fall on her face without my help."
Honami arched a brow, "I wasn't that bad!"
"Everyone heard that scream on the way down," Watanabe added.
Her lips were glued shut, and her face went red in embarrassment.
"Okay, maybe I was a little loud..."
Moving past the ensuing laughter, everyone voted, and a tie was discovered.
"We can flip a coin," Kitou suggested.
"Boring. Do a pillow fight, I nominate Honami for my team," I said, tossing my pillow to Ichinose.
Honami looked at the pillow and then back at me with confused eyes. It was finally happening. She would tell me no. Then she smiled and stood up.
"Who's my opponent?" she asked.
She might just have a mental illness.
Her opponent was Amikura, and it wasn't even a competition. A hit to the head, so Honami blocked her head. Then Amikura swiftly hit her side and swung around to hit Honami's head again.
Seriously, a quadriplegic had a better chance.
* * *
Ibuki and Suzune are like that one video of the two clowns fighting in the park.
"You didn't hit me!"
"I did."
I knelt down and formed a ball with the snow, launching it toward the girls who weren't paying attention to us. As it was flying, I moved behind Albert.
"Who was that?!" Amikura complained, stomping over to us.
I swatted Albert's arm, "If they blame you, just pretend you can't speak Japanese."
"I can't speak Japanese well."
"Whatever, close enough."
In a few moments, a very grumpy Amikura trampled across the snow alongside two other girls to interrogate me.
"Why do you have to be so annoying, Ryuuen?" Amikura grumbled.
I shrugged, "No idea what you mean."
"Uh huh."
Ichinose trudged over to us, her hands in her pockets. Stopping beside Amikura, she put a hand on her hip and sighed.
"I saw you do it then run over here."
"That's just allegations. 'Cause I didn't do it."
"Allegations?" she scoffed, "Your hands have snow on them."
I wiped my hands on my pants, "No, they don't."
She rolled her eyes, "Right."
Honami began to walk away, and once she was a small distance away, I moulded another snowball and began to aim. Before I was about to throw it, Honami's head snapped back momentarily, and she jumped to the side. She looked at me with a small smile, kneeling and making a ball in her hands.
"Albert, come on, be my human shield."
"No."
I sighed, looking up at him with my best-disappointed expression, "Lo—."
The freezing snowball hitting my cheek cut me off. I rubbed my cheek, glancing over at Honami, who looked the happiest she'd ever been. Amikura and her friends couldn't stop laughing and dashed to her. I'm glad my pain amused them, but they'd feel it soon.
I still had another one in my hand, so I aimed and fired, knocking Ichinose in the forehead.
Now, it was three-on-one. I could even the scales a little.
"Albert..."
"I don't speak Japanese."
Shit.
* * *
The dim sun was setting across the horizon. On our very last day of the trip, a small part of me would miss this shitty cabin. The chipped wood, creaky floorboards, smelly bathrooms... Yeah, never mind, I wouldn't reminisce on the cabin that much. Still, it was fun.
Snow was dropping like rain and began to coat the world. I had walked towards the highest wooden deck, my eyes landing on the small back of a student leaning against the wooden handrails.
"Yo," I called out.
Honami whipped her head back at me, "Oh, uhm, Ryuuen, hey. Did you want something?"
"Nah," I said, my back resting on the handrails, "Why are you out here?"
"Just felt like being alone."
Honami placed her chin in the palm of her hand and looked into the snow. Her eyes looked at nothing in particular as if they were just accessories.
A snort escaped my lips, "Vacation's over, so now you have to go back to your shitshow of a class, huh?"
"Something like that," she sighed, "Why are you here?"
Wow, no pushback.
"Eh, just felt like being outside," I shrugged, "You're really gonna let me say your class is shit and not reply?"
"Will my complaining change anything? You are what you are, and you'll make snide comments until you're bored."
She sharply exhaled, turning around and letting her back lean against the handrails now, "But I guess who you are is why you do so well in this school. I'm not cut out for it."
God, what a fuckin' mess.
I scoffed, "That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. You're throwing a pity party for the sake of it. Do you think Suzune is cut out for it? Besides, you're acting like it's over."
She sniffled, "Might not be over, but it feels like it is. I quit."
"What the hell do you mean you quit? You gonna drop out?"
"No, I still want to keep my classmates safe. But as for class A, I give up."
It was one of the shakiest voices I had ever heard. That cracked resolve of hers created this downward spiral. And the only way off the train to hell was to stop it.
"Don't act like that. God, you care about everyone else's thoughts too much."
She arched a brow, a self-deprecating chuckle slipping past her lips, "Everyone else's thoughts? I'm doing this because I can't handle it. That 'I want to win no matter what' thing everyone else has isn't me. You and the other two do, you guys love it when you win. It isn't because my classmates think I can't get to class A."
"Oh, yeah, because you don't find it fun to win."
She pinched the bridge of her nose, "That's not what I... Okay, look, everyone loves to win. But no amount of enjoyment that comes from winning is worth feeling this horrible. I don't want it. I can't keep people safe and win."
She doesn't get it. People who think they're self-aware are usually correct, but when something escapes their expectations, it's almost impossible for them to see it. Let alone accept it.
"You're doing it for them."
For the first time, Honami narrowed her eyes at me, "What? This entire trip, you've been messing with me. Can't you just be a normal person for a single second?"
I chuckled, "Yeah, that's true, I kept trying to piss you off. But you never got grumpy even once. You're chronically thinking of making others happy and getting angry makes that difficult. It's a good quality to have if, you know, you wanna be mistreated all your life."
"Well, you got your reaction. I'm annoyed and putting my own needs above my classmates, happy now?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You're not doing it for yourself."
"I am!"
Selfishness and selflessness aren't all that different at the extreme ends.
"You're doing this because you need to keep them happy. They want to stay, so you're going to make sure they do. All you want to do is make others happy and that's why you can't handle it. It's not going to happen, and that's why you're quitting."
You can't be everything to everybody. At the end of it all, you just end up unravelled and miserable. Getting caught in the middle of everyone's troubles and being spread so thin your mind can't handle it. Honami looked at me blankly for a second, putting together the pieces of what I said. Then she shifted her gaze to the staircase that led back into the cabin.
"So you never worry about your classmates?"
I sighed, my breath coming out as frost.
"Okay, small confession."
Honami turned her head to look at me, her eyes locking with mine.
"Around this time last year, I was going to drop out."
She blinked in quick succession.
"R-really?"
I nodded, "Yes. Didn't want to lead the class anymore, so I decided to give up my place in the school. I even had the form right in front of me. And before I signed, a classmate said they'd drop out if I did. So, I stuck around."
Honami was silent for a while. Long enough that I assumed the conversation was over, but then her lips began to tremble.
"Ryuuen," she muttered, her voice as soft as the snow, "What do I do?"
"Take care of yourself before anyone else."
That was all the advice she needed. I could go on about her issues, but that's not good for anyone. It's her choice to take the first step.
"Well, whatever you end up doing, you'll still end up second place to me," I chuckled, putting my hands in my pockets and moving towards the staircase.
I began to walk back to my room, rubbing my hands together because I hadn't brought gloves outside. Since it was almost midnight, the only things in the halls were ghosts and furniture. Everyone had to get up early tomorrow to leave. Before my hand could grasp the handle to my room, I heard some fast footsteps approaching me.
"What?" I asked, meeting her eyes.
"Why did you change your mind on quitting?" Honami asked, a little out of breath.
It was an earnest question. Well, everything she does is earnest. Part of the charm, I guess.
I smiled, "I like to win, besides, those idiots couldn't do anything without me."
Honami nodded, accepting the answer with no trouble. She began to walk past me and towards the girl's room. Then she stopped and looked back at me.
"Thanks for the advice, Ryuuen."
"Yeah, sure," I muttered.
She was never going to quit forever. Even if I can't prove that, I know it.
"Oh, and I promise to not tell anyone how much of a softie you are," she teased.
"Not a softie."
She turned around again, and I noticed a smile at the corner of her lips before her face went out of sight, "Mhm. That's exactly what I'll say."
"Yeah. That's 'cause it's the truth."
"Good night, Ryuuen."
I sighed.
"Yeah, night."