Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ice King was having a terrible week. He’d been rejected by five different princesses! He’d thought everything had been going so well too, since that huge jerk Billy never showed up this time. But the Princesses still ended up getting away from him somehow… Why did they run away? Was his cell not comfortable enough? Was it something he said? Was he just that ugly?

He’d spent the past two days crying while gorging himself on ice cream, but it wasn’t enough. So he decided to try taking a mini-vacation on the beach to try and relax and unwind.

“Ugh, this sucks. It’s so boring… Gunter! Why did I let you talk me into this?!” Ice King demanded as he laid on a beach towel staring out at the ocean.

“Wenk.” Gunter responded, laying on another beach towel on top of a pile of snow the Ice King had made for Gunter since it was so much warmer out here than in the Ice Kingdom.

“Grrr… I’m gonna go for a walk. Princesses like that, right? They like guys who go on long walks on the beach? I don’t get it, but if that’s what it takes to get the Princesses to love me, so be it!” Ice King said, standing up and walking along the beach.

Gunter followed after him.

“Seriously, how do people enjoy this kind of thing, Gunter?” He sighed. “Maybe we should just go home…” He was about to grab Gunter and fly off when he heard something.

“Huh? Is that, crying? Come on, Gunter. Let’s go check it out.” Ice King stated, grabbing the penguin and flying off towards the sound.

Eventually he found it. A baby in the woods near the beach, laying on the ground on top of a leaf, crying.

“A baby? What? Who left this out here?” He looked around before setting Gunter down, approaching the child, and picking him up. “Why, hello there. Aren't you just the cutest little… UGH! That smell!” He held the child out away from himself and turned his head. “Gunter, I think this kid made a boom boom…” He looked around for a moment before looking back at the baby. “What do we do? I’ve never been in this sort of situation before.”

“Wenk wenk.”

“I… I suppose you’re right. We can’t just leave him like this, can we…? Hello?! Is anyone there?! I found your kid! Someone?! Anyone…?” Ice King waited a moment for a response, but none came. “I think he might be abandoned, Gunter.”

“Wenk.”

“Right! Who just abandons a baby in the middle of the woods?! Someone completely irresponsible, that’s who! He could’ve been eaten by bears, or crabs… or seagullsI You might not think it, but seagulls are surprisingly vicious, Gunter. Hmph! Well I certainly have some serious words for whoever left this baby out here! Ooh, when I get my hands on them… But, first things first. If his parents aren’t around I guess that means we gotta do something about this ourselves…”

He looked back at the baby in his hands who was still crying.

“Hey there little guy. No need to cry. Ice King’s got ya. Here look at this funny dancing snow golem. He’s just so silly! Look at him go! Doo do do doo. Isn’t he just hilarious? Ah ha! Ahahahaha!” Ice King said, holding the baby in one arm, making a miniature snow golem in one hand, and having the snow golem do a silly dance in his palm.

The baby slowly started to calm down, then began to laugh, reaching out towards the little dancing golem.

“There you go, little guy. See? You look like you're feeling better already. We still need to get you cleaned up though ‘cause glob you reek ! But I don’t have any diapers or anything like that… What am I gonna do…?”

“Wenk wenk.” Gunter said, patting Ice King’s leg and motioning back the way they had come.

Ice King gasped. “The towels. You’re a genius, Gunter! Come on! Let’s get this little guy clean! Then we can find those rotten jerks who left him out here and I can give them a serious piece of my mind!”

Ice King dropped the snow golem, picked up Gunter and flew back to the spot where he and Gunter had been laying on the beach.

He set Gunter back down again, made a table out of Ice and laid Gunter’s towel on it, crudely folding it with one hand a few times to give the baby a bit more insulation from the ice. “I know it’s probably cold, little fella, but you’re gonna have to bear with me for a minute okay?”

The baby babbled nonsense at him.

Ice King made a pair of scissors out of ice and proceeded to cut up his own beach towel into strips.

He then made a wheelbarrow out of ice.

Finally, with a look of immense disgust, he proceeded to peel the leaf off the baby and tossed it into the wheelbarrow. He then started wiping the child off with the strips of towel, before throwing the used rags in the wheelbarrow too.

“Gross… Well, kid, you probably need a bath but your dookie butt’s all clean. Now you just need a diaper. Good thing I still got a few clean rags left over. It’s not the best, but it’ll have to do for now.”

He used his ice-scissors to cut one of the remaining clean strips to size then tied it around the child like a diaper.

Finally he made another snow golem. “Go dump this wheelbarrow in the ocean.” He ordered it.

The snow golem complied, taking the wheelbarrow and pushing it across the beach towards the ocean.

“Now, let’s go find this little guy’s parents so I can yell at them. Leaving their baby in the forest… Horrible! I’ll show them! They should feel ashamed!” Ice King said, picking up both Gunter and the baby and flying off, muttering angrily to himself.

“I’m tellin’ ya Margarite, I heard it right over here. It sounded like a baby crying. Then I heard an old man yelling about something.” Joshua stated.

“Are you sure? I don’t hear or see anything.” Margarite asked.

Joshua scratched the back of his head in confusion. “Huh. Must have been a passing family.” He then caught a whiff of something. “Oh! Smells like someone made a boom boom.”

“That’s probably why the poor little thing was crying then. It just needed its diaper changed.” Margarite stated.

“Huh. I guess so.” Joshua nodded. “The old guy was probably yelling because they were out of diapers and had to rush home. Well, I’m sure the kid’s in good hands.”

“Hey, stop squirming so much! I almost dropped you… Man you’re a rambunctious little guy, aren’t you?” Ice King said, trying to keep a good grip on the baby as he flew over the beach looking for any traces of the kid’s parents. “Gunter, I’m gonna need both arms for this. Can you climb on daddy’s back while I make sure I don’t drop this kid?”

“Wenk.” Gunter said before grabbing onto the Ice King’s neck with his flippers. Ice King helped him up the rest of the way onto his back.

“There you go. Thank you, Gunter. Now hold on tight. I don’t want you falling off either.” Ice King told the penguin.

They continued flying over the beach and forest in a wide zig zag pattern looking for any signs of the child’s parents. He found no signs of life, but he did find a raft washed up on the beach, with tiny footsteps in the sand, leading away from it. On the raft he found a little wand.

Pressing the button on it, it began playing a little song while producing a stick of bread.

“Hot breadsticks is what we bake! We don't bake pie and we don't bake cake! Breadsticks bustling down the line!”

“Huh. Cool. Endless breadsticks. I’m keeping this.” Ice King said, releasing the button.

He saw the remains of a stuffed bear on the raft as well. It was tattered and shredded.

He looked between the remains of the stuffed bear and the hat on the child’s head a few times before something finally clicked.

“Wait a minute… Whoever was using this raft totally destroyed that bear and gave you its head as a hat!”

“Wenk, wenk wenk.” Gunter objected.

“Huh? His raft? What do you mean you think it’s his raft? There’s no way! A baby couldn’t have survived at sea like that! Let alone steer a raft.” Ice King rejected the idea.

“Wenk.” Gunter pointed at the tiny footprints in the sand, then at the bread wand.

Ice King raised a hand to his chin in thought. “If this is true the situation is way more dire than I thought… Who am I gonna yell at for being awful people now?! Gah! Dang it! I had this whole speech I thought up and everything!”

After a bit of grumbling, he sat down on the edge of the raft holding the baby in his arms. Gunter hopped off his back and sat next to him.

Ice King sighed. “What are we gonna do now, Gunter? If he was lost at sea, who knows where he came from? That means we can’t give him back to his parents, after I yell at them and make them feel completely ashamed of themselves for being awful awful people, of course…”

“Wenk wenk.”

“I guess you’re right. I’m certainly not gonna be such a huge jerk as them… Welp. It’s decided then. You’re coming home with me, little guy. I guess that means you’re gonna need a name. What to call you though… Hm… How about… Gunter?”

“Wenk.” Gunter tapped the Ice King’s leg and held up a remnant of the stuffed bear, with a tag on it.

“Huh? What’s this? A name tag? What, you don’t wanna share your name? Don’t be so selfish, Gunter! Just look at the little guy! Doesn’t he look like a Gunter to you?!”

Gunter gave the Ice King an unamused look.

“Oh, fine ! I’ll read the stupid name tag!” Ice King took the remnant of the stuffed bear and looked at the name. “Finn… Mertens…? Finn, huh? Not exactly what I’d have picked for you, but I like it! Alright then, Finn. You’ll love the Ice Kingdom! I know it's a bit cold for most people but we’ll get you a bunch of nice warm blankets and get you all bundled up. Then when you're older you can play in the snow with all the penguins, drink hot coco, and have warm soup to keep you nice and healthy. You’ll get used to it in no time! And you know, I hear the ladies love the single father type. So having you around might just be the key to getting a princess to finally marry me! I’ll have a hot wife and you’ll have a new mommy to help take care of you! Wouldn’t that be nice, little guy?”

Finn smiled and babbled at him, grabbing his beard and tugging on it.

“Dawww… You like daddy’s beard? Don’t worry. When you’re all grown up, I’m sure you’ll have one just as great as mine! Well, almost. No one can ever really have a beard as awesome as mine.”

Finn started crying.

“Huh? Shh, shh. It’s okay! I didn’t mean to upset you! There’s no shame in having the second best beard in all of Ooo! Come on, kid, you’re killing me here… Here, look, another funny dancing snow golem!”

Finn started calming down a bit, then his stomach rumbled.

“Oh, that’s why you’re crying. You must be hungry! It’s not about the beard at all! Hahaha! Silly me… You need milk or baby formula. But where on Earth am I gonna get that…? Maybe there’s some formula in the Grocery Kingdom? And I’ll need a bottle… While I’m out shopping I guess I should pick up some proper diapers too. Maybe some baby clothes to keep you warm…” Ice King said, helping Gunter back onto his back and taking off into the air.

 By the Time the Ice King returned home, he had Finn in one arm, dressed in a warm blue onesie sucking on a bottle of baby formula, while carrying bags of other supplies in his other arm. He had not been at all prepared for any of this, but he was doing the best he could on such short notice.

“Oof… Finally home… Gunter, be a dear and go get me as many extra blankets as you can. I’m gonna have to make the kid a crib and I don’t want him getting frostbite, hypothermia, a cold or anything like that.” Ice King told the penguin as he set the bags of baby supplies down on the ground, and Gunter hopped off his back.

“Wenk.” Gunter nodded and waddled off to go get blankets.

“Oh glob, now that we’re home and have all this baby junk the reality of this is all crashing down on me…” Ice King started pacing nervously. “I’ve never taken care of a kid before, let alone a baby. What if I’m a bad father? What if I mess everything up? What if he grows up to hate me? What if he gets sick and dies because of all the ice and cold?! Ooh… Maybe I’m in over my head… Maybe I should try to find an orphanage or drop him off with one of the Princesses. Princess Bubblegum’s nice. Maybe she’d know what to do with him…”

He slapped himself. “No! You can do this, Ice King! You cleaned this kid’s boom boom, entertained him, fed him, gave him clothes, got everything you needed to take care of him. You got this!”

Ice King carried the child over to his bedroom and made a crib out of ice, making it deep enough he could stuff it full of blankets to insulate the baby from the cold. The crib had one of those funny kinetic sculpture things above it too. It couldn’t spin on its own but it had a little platform where a tiny snow golem could walk around in a circle and make it spin. Little penguin, snowflake, and crown shaped charms hung on chains from it, entirely made of ice of course. It was perfect!

“This is gonna be your bed from now on! Well? How do you like it, little guy? Look! This thing even spins!” Ice King said, showing the baby the crib and twisting the top of the kinetic sculpture by hand to make it spin.

The baby continued sucking on its empty bottle, barely paying any attention.

“Haha! You love it!”

Gunter walked in carrying a big pile of blankets.

“There you are, Gunter! Quickly, bring those blankets here.” Ice King said.

Gunter waddled over and Ice King took the blankets and started stuffing the crib with them. It was just a temporary measure until he could get thick mattresses for the crib, but it would work for the moment.

Finally, when he placed the last blanket in the crib he set Finn inside, and covered him up with it, tucking him in. “There you go. All bundled up. That should keep you nice and warm.”

Ice King yawned. He’d spent all day running around getting everything he needed to take care of this kid. “Welp, it’s getting pretty late. How about I read you a bedtime story, Finn? I’m sure I’ve got a story book around here somewhere…”

Ice King wandered off and looked around. Eventually he found what he was looking for. A story book. It was more of a novel, really. A bit advanced for such a young kid. But it would do for now.

Creating a rocking chair from ice, he sat down next to the crib and read to Finn.

He barely made it through the first chapter before the little guy’s eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep. Though Ice King only noticed Finn was asleep by the time he was already three chapters in.

At that point Ice King smiled and closed his novel. Then he stood up. “Good night, my little Ice Prince…”

He paused, having caught himself off guard with that.

Thinking about it, he supposed it was true. He was a king and he had taken the boy in since he couldn’t find his parents. So he supposed that did, in fact, make the child a prince. His prince. It was a little weird thinking about that.

It made him happy, in a way, but simultaneously made his loneliness ache even more. Like he was missing something. Missing someone … Princess… His princess… His princess? He didn’t have a princess… He wanted a princess. He needed a princess. A wife to help him raise the boy. They could be a happy family and live out their days here in the Ice Kingdom. A nice happy family. Living their lives. Watching their son grow up, together. Being there when he finally was old enough and married a beautiful young princess himself. Then helping raise their grandkids...

His mind was consumed by these thoughts as he laid down in his own bed and drifted off to sleep for the night.

Chapter Text

It had been three weeks and Ice King was exhausted. Taking care of Finn was practically a full time job. Fortunately his Penguins were able to help him, so he could take short breaks and have a nap during the day, but he still hadn't had nearly as much time as usual. He loved his son, but glob was he a lot of work.

The Ice King hadn't even had a chance to go out and try to kidnap a princess once this entire time. It was starting to make him antsy. After all, trying to capture princesses could be pretty dangerous sometimes and he didn't want to risk his Prince getting hurt if he brought him along for the ride.

So, despite his exhaustion, he had been making plans for the past few days and preparations all morning.

He had just finished changing and feeding his boy, and reading him a few of his favorite stories. After a bit of trial and error, Ice King had discovered Finn absolutely adored stories about heroes fighting bad guys or evil monsters and saving the day. He always listened so intently whenever Ice King read one to him. Until he got all tuckered out and fell asleep anyway.

As he had now.

Ice King closed the story book, set it on the nightstand next to Finn's crib, and stood up.

"Alright, Gunter. I've prepared several bottles of baby formula. They're plastic so you can't break them. They're waiting in the kitchen. All you need to do is warm them up when it's time to feed Flint." He told Gunter.

"Wenk."

"Yeah, Finn, that's what I said! Anyway… You know where the diapers are, and don't forget the baby powder after you change him. We don't want him getting a diaper rash now do we? If he gets cranky, let him play with his toys for a while. That usually cheers him up. Just make sure to watch him, or better yet play along with him, if you do. Otherwise he might wander off and get stuck in one of the lower kitchen cupboards again. I'm trusting you, Gunter."

He then leaned over the edge of Finn's crib. "I'll be back soon with a brand new mommy for you, my little Ice Prince. Be good for Gunter while I'm away." He whispered, not wanting to wake the sleeping child.

He then walked over to the entrance window and flew out.

"Is it a bad idea to leave Finn with Gunter? I mean, the penguins are great assistants in short bursts so I can take a break, but can they really take care of him while I'm gone? Hm… Ah, it'll only be an hour or two. I'm sure it'll be fine. Now, which Princess do I pick up? Raggedy Princess is always pretty easy to catch. She seems nice. She'd probably be a great mother for my Prince. Not very hot though… Maybe Princess Bubblegum? Hm… She's hot but she always finds some way to get away. Even when that jerk Billy doesn't show up and ruin our dates. Maybe, if I had a better plan to stop her from getting away… Breakfast Princess? Eh… She's pretty hot, but I don't know if she'd be a very good mother. Or Wildberry Princess? She's attractive, she's nice enough, and she won't get away very easily… Yeah, Wildberry Princess it is! And I'll get Raggedy Princess as back up, just in case!"

After the Ice King left, Gunter crawled into Finn's crib and took a nap with him, as he often did ever since Ice King had adopted the boy. Fortunately, Finn was a pretty heavy sleeper and didn't wake up whenever Gunter did this. If anything, he seemed to sleep better with Gunter by his side.

Gunter hadn't been certain it was a good idea when Ice King had decided to adopt the boy. He wasn't sure if he'd like the child, and Ice King could be pretty weird. But Finn was starting to grow on him, and Ice King was being surprisingly careful with the child. It seemed like raising the boy was helping the Ice King in an odd way. He was still just as crazy as ever, but he was generally happier than usual and seemed to be trying to direct his weirdness in ways to entertain and raise the child. As much as he could, at least.

So, ultimately, Gunter was quite happy with this arrangement. Even if it meant he couldn't have castle parties with the other penguins as often anymore. Unless Ice King left the castle with Finn for the whole day.

Too much noise might disturb Finn during his nap times, and the penguins could get pretty rowdy. He didn't want Finn falling in the ring during one of the walrus fights or anything like that either. And he couldn't leave to party outside the castle either. The Ice King had left him in charge of taking care of Finn while he was gone.

Maybe when he was older the Prince could join in on the parties, but right now he was still a baby and thus the castle parties had to remain on hold for now.

Gunter and Finn napped for a few hours, until Finn woke up and started crying.

"Wenk…?" Gunter awoke, groggily.

Seeing the Prince crying, Gunter got up, unlatched the hook that kept the crib door closed, and picked up Finn.

He brought him to the bathroom and, reluctantly, changed his diaper before bringing him to the kitchen and setting him on his high chair. Fortunately the Ice King had made a portable set of stairs for Gunter and the other penguins so they could perform tasks like this.

Gunter then pushed the stairs over to the "fridge", which was really just a shelf made entirely of ice, and reached the bottles Ice King had prepared.

He tried to clink them together but the sound was far from satisfying as they were made of plastic.

Gunter frowned at the bottles, but took one and put it in the microwave, heating it up.

Finally he fed Finn, burped him, then brought him to the living room to play with his toys.

He had a rubber ball, a stuffed penguin toy to replace the stuffed bear he lost on the raft, and several toys made of ice. Such as a race car, a plane, a dragon, a castle, a princess, a buff poseable action figure with a vague resemblance to the Ice King, a shape puzzle, and blocks with letters carved in them. All too big for the prince to swallow or choke on and they lacked any sharp points that he could accidentally hurt himself on. He had mittens, so it was safe for him to crawl around on the icy ground and play with the toys the Ice King had made for him.

Gunter watched Finn play for a while, before he noticed he was getting a bit hungry himself. Thinking it would probably be fine to leave him for just a minute or two, Gunter went back into the kitchen to make himself something to eat. Some fish sounded great right about now.

As he was in the middle of making his meal he heard a loud crash like glass or ice breaking. Turning the stove off, he quickly waddled off to check on Finn. Only to find him missing.

"Wenk!" Gunter exclaimed in a panic.

He heard giggling and looked towards the source, only to find the entrance of Ice King's Secret Sanctum of Ice Ninja things was completely shattered.

Gunter's panic only grew. How had the Prince even broken the ice?

Then he saw the race car amongst the debris of ice, and the rubber ball laying not too far away.

"Hello! Princess!~" Ice King called out.

"Eep! Ice King!" Raggedy Princess squeaked, and muttered to herself. She needed to hide before he found her.

"Come on, Princess! Where are you? I got something really cool to show you back in the Ice Kingdom!" Ice King called out as he searched for her.

She dove into some garbage, trying to conceal herself.

"Oh wait, I get it. You're playing hide and seek with me! Hahaha! How fun! Well, ready or not, here I come!"

This was bad, this was really really bad! Billy had recently given up being a hero and had gone into hiding. So if the Ice King caught her, no one was coming to save her.

She needed a way out. Or at least a way to save herself if he did catch her.

She thought hard. Usually he kept the princesses he caught in a cell in his castle. The cell had a lock. If she had something to pick the lock, maybe she could get away while he wasn't looking?

She waited for the Ice King to pass by before emerging from her hiding spot and looking for something, anything, she might be able to use to pick a lock.

She rifled through the garbage as quickly and quietly as she could. Diving into whatever hiding spots she could find whenever she heard the Ice King getting too close.

"Princess! Come out, come out wherever you are!" Ice King's voice called out.

Eventually she found something. A few old hair pins in a nearly empty box.

She quickly grabbed the box and hid again, putting the pins in her own hair while she had the chance.

Gunter quickly waddled into the Ice King's Secret Sanctum and saw Finn climbing up one of the Ice King's display cases.

"Wenk! Wenk wenk wenk!" Gunter squawked, rushing over to grab Finn but it was already too late. The prince had managed to climb all the way up the table leg, grab the edge, and pulled himself the rest of the way up. How was a baby strong enough to manage that?!

"Wenk wenk!" Gunter demanded the child get down. Unfortunately, Finn didn't understand him.

Finn grabbed one of the Ice Kunai in the case and giggled as he started waving it around like a sword.

"Wenk!" Gunter squawked as Finn threw the Kunai and it crashed into another display case.

Gunter immediately rushed to go get his portable stairs so he could reach Finn and bring him back to his crib while they waited for Ice King to get home.

"Raggedy Princess? Darling? Come on, I know you're here. I checked the other places you usually hang out before coming here and you weren't there, so you've gotta be hiding here somewhere." Ice King called out tiredly.

Raggedy Princess had managed to evade and hide from him for several hours now. He seemed more tired than normal so maybe if she could hide from him for just a bit longer, he'd get exhausted and give up?

"I get it, hide and seek's fun but this has gone on for a while now. Maybe you could give me a hint or something? Oh, I know. I'll close my eyes and shout 'Marco' then you shout 'Polo' back at me! Marco…! I said, Marco…! Arrrgh! You're supposed to shout 'Polo'!" Ice King shouted in frustration. He then took a deep breath. "It's okay. I forgive you. I know it can be pretty intimidating learning a new game. Let's try this one more time. When I say 'Marco' you say 'Polo'. Got it? Good! Marco!"

Ice King waited several seconds for a response before sighing. "You know, I'm starting to think you aren't playing hide and seek, and you're just hiding from me… Please come out? Seriously, this is important! There's someone I really want to introduce you to back in the Ice Kingdom… Ooh… I really wanted it to be a surprise but fine. I'll just come out and say it. I have a new adoptive son!"

Raggedy Princess reeled in surprise. "What?!" She exclaimed, only to realize her mistake as soon as the word left her mouth.

Ice King's gaze immediately shot towards her hiding spot. He rushed over and pulled away the garbage she was hiding under. "Ah ha! There you are! I knew that would get you! Pretty surprising right? A hot stud like me, a single dad? Well, it's true! He's a beautiful baby boy named Finn I found abandoned in the woods near the beach a few weeks ago. You'll love him! I'll tell you all about him on the way to Wildberry Kingdom!"

Ice King grabbed Raggedy Princess and threw her over his shoulder.

"By the way, are you trying a new hairstyle or something? It looks great on you." Told her with a smile as he flew off.

"U-uh… Yes… Thank you?" Raggedy Princess responded, terrified, not wanting to upset him.

"Of course, of course!" He yawned and stretched his other arm. "Now that I look at the sky it's past noon. Wow. You know, you're really good at hiding when you want to be. I've already been gone longer than I'd wanted. Hm… Maybe I can come back and kidnap Wildberry Princess tomorrow… Yeah that sounds good. I really need a nap after all that searching."

Gunter had finally managed to wrangle Finn and put him back in his crib, much to the Prince's displeasure. Gunter had left his stuffed penguin in the crib with him, so he'd have something to play with that he couldn't break or break anything else with. He still wasn't happy but it calmed him down a bit.

Gunter was now cleaning up the mess Finn had made in the Ice King's Secret Sanctum. Fortunately, despite playing with several sharp and very dangerous weapons before Gunter finally caught him, the Prince hadn't gotten hurt. He just made a mess and broke the thin transparent ice of some display cases.

It was Gunter's own fault. He should have made his lunch while he was making Finn's, instead of letting the boy out of his sight while he was playing. Still, he couldn't believe a baby was capable of breaking the entrance, thin as it was, and climbing up onto display cases all by himself.

As Gunter finished sweeping up all the broken ice and putting Ice King's collectibles back in their places, he went back to the kitchen and finished preparing his own lunch.

"Finn, Gunter, I'm home! And I have a potential new mommy for you!" Gunter heard as he finished eating.

He waddled out to go meet the Ice King and saw him carrying Raggedy Princess over his shoulder.

"Gunter! Why is the entrance to my Secret Sanctum broken!?" Ice King demanded, pointing at the missing pane of ice.

"Wenk wenk." Gunter explained, admitting his mistake in shame.

Ice King gasped and raised his free hand to his mouth in shock. "Finn? He's not hurt is he?! Wait, my collectibles! He didn't break them, right?!"

"Wenk wenk."

"Whew… Okay, good. As long as he's safe and none of my stuff's broken, that's all that matters. Shame about the cases, but they're easy enough to make. But you and I are gonna have a serious talk about this later, mister! I trusted you not to let Finn out of your sight and what did you do?! Let him out of your sight! Gah… Last time I trust a penguin to watch my Prince while I'm not around… Next time maybe I'll just bring him with me…" Ice King muttered as he carried Raggedy Princess over to the cell.

He opened the door, set her down inside, and closed it on her, locking it.

"Now you just wait right here, Princess. I'll be right back with our boy!"

Raggedy Princess watched as Ice King walked off towards his bedroom, after locking her in his prison cell.

She hadn't quite fully believed it when he was telling her about it on the flight here from the Raggenbone Kingdom. After all, the Ice King had never done something so egregious as kidnapping a child before. His obsession was always with Princesses. But now that she was here and saw the toys on the ground and heard him talking about it with his penguin it was starting to seem a lot more real.

And in just a few moments, it was proven completely and undeniably true as the Ice King came out of his bedroom gently cradling a baby in his arms. A proud smile on his face.

He walked over to her cell and held him up for her to see. The baby looked… human? But that couldn't be. Humans were extinct. Right? He had a blue onesie and mittens, a pacifier in his mouth, a strange white bear hat, and stared at her curiously. "Look at him. Isn't he just the most adorable little guy? His name's Finn! I've had him for just three weeks, and he's a lot of work to take care of but I wouldn't trade him for anything in the whole world!" He then cradled Finn in his arms again and looked at him. "You see that, my little Ice Prince? This is your new mama! Well… Maybe… I still gotta go get Wildberry Princess tomorrow. Then we'll see which one would be a better mother for you. Then we can live happily ever after as a family! It'll be great! Doesn't that sound wonderful, Raggedy Princess?"

"Oh… Um… Yes… It sounds… lovely…" She lied, trying not to upset him considering he had a child in his arms and she didn't want the baby getting hurt if the Ice King had an emotional outburst, like usual. She had to tread very carefully here. It wasn't just her wellbeing that was on the line right now. It was the child's too.

"Haha! Yes! I thought you'd finally see it my way! The ladies can't resist a single father. I'd let you out so you could hold him, but you don't exactly have arms… Hm… That's probably a point against you as a candidate, but maybe we can figure something out. Some kind of carrier or something? Eh… Well, it can wait until after I have Wildberry Princess."

He yawned again. "Woof… I really need a nap. This little guy likes to wake me up in the middle of the night sometimes."

He walked over to his recliner and took a story book from a pile next to it. He proceeded to recline back and read the story to the baby cradled in his other arm until the little guy fell asleep still sucking on his pacifier. Ice King himself fell asleep not long after with the story book covering his eyes.

At that point Raggedy Princess took one of the bobby pins out of her hair and bent it into shape before reaching through the bars of the cell to pick the lock.

It broke, but she managed to get the remnants out of the lock and tried again with a fresh one.

It took her several tries but eventually she got it and opened the cell door.

She looked over at the baby sleeping peacefully in the Ice King's arm. For a moment she wondered if she should try to take the child and run for help. She could probably sew up a sling to carry him in a matter of seconds.

But she was hesitant. Ice King claimed to have found him alone and abandoned, rather than having kidnapped him. But this was the Ice King. It could have been a delusion. Yet the boy was unharmed and seemed happy and healthy enough.

She didn't know what to do.

Then she spotted Gunter nearby staring at her. Something in that Penguin's gaze terrified her.

Gunter pointed at the baby and shook his head before pointing at Raggedy Princess then the window.

Raggedy Princess hesitated a moment longer before running to the window and jumping out. Not wanting the Penguin to wake the Ice King and ruin her chances of getting away.

She rolled down the slope of the mountain and landed safely in some snow at the bottom.

She didn't know what to do. She needed to tell someone about this. But Billy was gone, so who?

Suddenly an idea came to her.

"Princess Bubblegum! Princess Bubblegum!" Raggedy Princess shouted, rushing into Princess Bubblegum's lab.

"Huh? Raggedy Princess? What is it? I'm kinda busy so I really don't have time to hear any of your poetry right now." Princess Bubblegum said, standing over some vials of chemicals.

"Ice King has a baby!" Raggedy announced.

"What?!" Princess Bubblegum demanded, accidentally spilling chemicals into the wrong beaker causing an explosion.

Princess Bubblegum coughed and waved some of the smoke away from her face.

"Oops… Uh… Sorry." Raggedy apologized.

"It's fine… Never mind that. What's that you just said? I think I must have misheard you. I thought you said the Ice King has a baby." Princess Bubblegum asked, wiping some of the soot from her goggles.

"He does! He kidnapped me today, but I managed to bring some bobby pins to pick the lock and get out. He showed him to me. Ice King says his name is Finn and he's his new son."

Princess Bubblegum took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Are you telling me the Ice King actually kidnapped a child?"

"Uh… I… don't know. It's sort of unclear? The Ice King says he found him abandoned, but it's the Ice King, you know? But also, the baby… He looks almost… Human? But that doesn't make sense… Humans are extinct…" Raggedy Princess explained.

Princess Bubblegum sighed. "Alright. Let's rewind. Tell me everything, from the beginning. Don't leave anything out."

Chapter Text

"I still can't believe she just broke out of her cell and ran off like that! I mean I really can't believe it! I have no idea how she did it! Hair pins?! That shouldn't have worked! My locks are impeccable!" Ice King exclaimed in frustration, holding Finn in his arm whilst feeding him. He then sighed in frustration and shook his head. "And I thought things were going so well this time, too… Can you believe it, Gunter?!"

Gunter shook his head.

"Well, I've reinforced the lock. So that won't be happening again… Anyway, today's a new day! If Raggedy Princess doesn't want to be my wife and help raise Finn, maybe I'll have more luck with Wildberry Princess." Ice King said to himself.

He then looked at Gunter. "I'm still mad at you for letting Finn break into my Secret Sanctum and mess with my collectibles while I was gone. You're lucky I didn't give you the squirty squirts!" Ice King pointed to a spray bottle full of water sitting on a shelf. "So today I'll be bringing him along with me. I've got a baby carrier and a backpack with everything I'll need. I'll just have to be extra careful to make sure he stays safe!"

"Wenk."

"I know you're sorry but you need to earn back my trust, Gunter. Just think of what could have happened! My Prince could have gotten hurt! And he could have broken my stuff! So you'll only be able to look after him while I'm home to supervise for a while."

Ice King then checked and saw Finn had finished his bottle. So he took it and gave Finn his pacifier instead. Then he took Finn over and set him down in his crib, before grabbing a baby harness he'd bought and putting it on. It was one of those odd forward facing things that babies sat in, like a reverse backpack but for babies. Then the Ice King grabbed an actual backpack he had prepared, full of everything he'd need to bring Finn out on a day trip.

Finally he picked up Finn and put him in the baby carrier on his chest. His beard was going to be a little in the way, but he could tuck it underneath the harness whenever he wasn't flying.

"Alright. I think that's about everything. I'll be back soon, Gunter." Ice King stated, heading off towards the window, only to pause when he heard something odd.

"ICE KING!" A voice demanded. The voice sounded familiar but distorted in some way. He looked out the window but he didn't see anything.

"Huh? What's going on?"

"COME OUT, ICE KING!"

"Where is that coming from…?" He flew out the window and circled around his castle, finally spotting the source of the noise. On the path leading up to the back entrance of his castle were hundreds of rattleballs with Princess Bubblegum standing at the head of the army, holding a megaphone.

Ice King was curious about the rattleballs for a moment but quickly dismissed them, his attention immediately being drawn to Princess Bubblegum. A princess had come to him? Could she be here looking to go on a date with him?! Of course! That must have been it! His handsome looks and charming personality must have finally broken through to her! Why else would she be here? They'd go on a date, get married, and she could help him raise Finn!

Any thoughts of Wildberry Princess had been completely forgotten as he descended towards the back of his castle.

Landing in front of Princess Bubblegum, he stuffed his beard beneath the baby harness so Finn could see and said, "Why hello, Princess! I wasn't expecting company today! Hahaha! Are you here to ask me out on a date?"

"No, I'm not. What are you doing with that child, Ice King?" Princess Bubblegum demanded, pointing at Finn.

"Huh? Oh!" Ice King took Finn out of his harness and cradled him in his arm. "This is my new son, Finn! That's right, I'm a single dad now. Pretty attractive right? Just look at him! Isn't he adorable? He's a bit of work but I love him! I'm still looking for a new mama for him to help take care of him. Sooo, if you're not seeing anyone…"

"Not interested," Princess Bubblegum shot down his advances immediately. "Where did you get him, Ice King? Where are his parents? Did you kidnap him, too?"

Ice King gasped in shock and offense. "Kidnap…?! How dare you?! NO I DIDN'T KIDNAP HIM! WHAT KIND OF JERK DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!" Ice King shouted angrily, Ice Magic blazing around his free hand.

Finn whimpered then started crying.

Ice King flinched and started bouncing Finn in his arm, comfortingly. "Shh… Shh… It's alright. Daddy's sorry for shouting. I'm just dealing with a very rude guest!" He shot an angry glare at Princess Bubblegum, before refocusing on Finn. "It's alright… There there…"

Eventually Finn started to calm down.

"If you didn't kidnap him, where did you get him? Where are his parents?" Princess Bubblegum demanded, unperturbed by the Ice King's anger.

"Bah! I wish I knew! I found this little guy in the woods, next to the beach. He'd fallen in his own boom boom, and had a leaf stuck to him. I shouted for someone to come help but no one else was around, so Gunter and I had to cut up our beach towels and use them to change him, until I could go get some real diapers later. I looked everywhere for any sign of his parents. I was gonna give them a real piece of my mind for abandoning a baby in the woods like that! I mean what kind of jerk just abandons a baby?! I had a whole speech planned and everything. I was gonna yell at them and make them feel totally ashamed of themselves for being such awful people!"

"Stop rambling. Get to the point, Ice King!" Princess Bubblegum demanded.

Ice King frowned and pointed at Princess Bubblegum. "You know, you're being incredibly rude right now! You're lucky you're hot, or I'd get really mad! Anyway… Long story short, we found a raft on the beach with little baby footsteps leading away from it. It had an infinite breadstick wand and a torn up teddy bear, matching Finn's hat. Yadda yadda, I couldn't find and yell at his parents before giving him back because he's from somewhere across the ocean or something, but I couldn't just leave him there either. Say what you will about the Ice King, but let it be known here and now, I am not the kind of jerk who just abandons a baby! So I adopted him and now he's my precious son, who I love!"

Princess Bubblegum sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Shoot… You're actually telling the truth, aren't you? That makes this a lot more complicated… I was hoping I might have some way of finding his parents and returning him to them, but I guess it's not going to be that easy… Well, an orphanage it is. Hand him over, Ice King." She held out her arms.

Ice King gave her a confused look. "Huh? Orphanage? What are you talking about?"

"You might not have actually kidnapped him, but you're still insane and are therefore mentally unfit to care for a baby. So by my power as ruler of the Candy Kingdom, I'm taking the human child, and putting him in an orphanage where he can be raised by someone far more mentally stable. Hand him over." Princess Bubblegum insisted.

Ice King's confusion turned to wrathful indignation. He shook his head. "No."

"No? Ice King, I don't want this to escalate and put the child in any danger, but if you don't hand him over, I will have no choice but to order my rattleballs to take him by force," Princess Bubblegum told him.

"I… said… NO!" The Ice King roared furiously as he floated up into the air and cast a bolt of ice that curved over Princess Bubblegum's head and struck the rattleballs. All of them were immediately frozen in a massive iceberg. Ice King then raised his hand and the iceberg with the rattleballs began lifting off the ground. It then shattered along with all of the Rattleballs inside of it, sending chunks of ice and robotic parts raining down across the snowy ground.

Princess Bubblegum ducked and covered her head to protect herself from the falling debris.

Finn was crying again.

The Ice King hovered above Princess Bubblegum, his left hand crackling dangerously with potent ice magic. The wind began to pick up and it began snowing as a blizzard started to form. "Who do you think you are, threatening me, and demanding I hand over my son?! You think you're the only ruler around these parts?! I'm the Ice King! Ice King! As in the King of Ice! You're in my land! My Kingdom! You aren't the boss of me! I found him and adopted him, fair and square! I've been taking care of him for three weeks, and I like to think I've done a pretty good job! So no, Princess, I'm not going to let you take my Ice Prince away from me!"

He flew a bit closer to her, ice magic still crackling in his hand. He could not remember the last time he had been this angry. Had he ever been? He wasn't sure, and he didn't care. "I like to think I've been pretty nice up until this point, Princess. I've kidnapped you a few times, we had some nice dates, you escaped or Billy crashed the party and ruined our dates before beating me up! It was fun, we had a nice thing going on! But not today… I can handle your horrible accusations, and your rudeness, but this? Threatening me to try and steal my son?! You've gone too far! I'm not going to let you take him! I'll do whatever I have to to protect him! Even if that means I have to destroy you and the entire Candy Kingdom to do it! Now get out of here, before I turn you into a bubblegum flavored popsicle! GO!" He pointed towards the rubble strewn path behind her furiously.

Then the Ice King felt Finn shivering in his arms, and his attention immediately snapped towards the baby. Finally he noticed the blizzard. Was this… his doing? It was too cold out here for Finn! He needed to get the boy inside and warm him up, stat!

Ice King immediately started flying back towards his castle, but he looked back at Princess Bubblegum who was staring up at him in horror. The fear in her eyes sent chills down his spine. That look of complete and utter horror. It wasn't like the fear he often saw on the faces of Princesses he kidnapped. This… This was something else… He didn't like it.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and his rage returned, "GO ON! GET OUT OF HERE! AND DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK UNLESS IT'S FOR A DATE OR A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!"

He then flew back inside his castle and immediately rushed to get Finn in his crib, bundling him with extra covers. "Gunter! I need chicken soup, stat! We gotta get Finn warmed up! Hurry, Gunter!" Ice King ordered the concerned looking penguin.

Princess Bubblegum was terrified as she ran away from the Ice King's castle. The Ice King destroyed her rattleballs without even a real fight. One spell, just one single spell wide ranging and powerful enough that their robotic forms couldn't escape it in time, and they had all been frozen in an iceberg and smashed to pieces. He'd never displayed that kind of raw power in the past. She'd never seen the Ice King so angry before either. He'd threatened to destroy the entire Candy Kingdom if she tried to take the boy from him again.

Would her gumball guardians be enough to stop him if he attacked? After that display, she wasn't sure. She was no longer certain just how powerful the Ice King really was, or what he might be capable of if pushed too far. She was no longer sure what to do.

Marceline… She needed to talk to Marceline.

They weren't on the best of terms right now, but this was her only real option. If anyone would know what to do in this situation or how to handle the Ice King, it would be her, considering her past with the Ice King.

The Ice King had banished the blizzard, the snow, the wind, and the arctic chill to try and warm things up as much as possible. Then he toiled away in a blind panic, trying to warm Finn up.

He was going to give him a warm bath to warm him back up as quickly as possible but something inside him screamed at him that this was a bad idea. So instead the Ice King kept him covered with blankets and just fed him warm soup.

Eventually Finn stopped shivering, much to the Ice King's relief, before finally drifting off to sleep.

The Ice King just stood over his crib, watching him sleep. His mind was a storm or rage, fear, and sadness.

Rage at Princess Bubblegum for threatening him and trying to take his Prince away. Fear for Finn's safety and wellbeing. And sadness and remorse because… had… had he been the one to make the blizzard…? Was he the reason Finn had gotten so cold…? Had he hurt his son…?

He stood there staring at Finn. Until finally he clutched the sides of his head and growled furiously, marching off outside of the bedroom so as not to wake Finn. Then pounding his head against one of the frozen walls of his castle in frustration. "Stupid Princess! Stupid blizzard! Stupid… me…"

He turned and leaned his back against the wall, before letting himself slide down, clutching at his head. A chaotic jumble of thoughts swirling around his head. He started crying.

"What did I do…? What did I do…? This is my fault… It's all my fault… It's… My… My prince… My son… I… But I was… protect him… I… I didn't mean… If it wasn't for Princesss Bubblegum I wouldn't have…" He paused, that thought settling in his mind. If it wasn't for Princess Bubblegum he wouldn't have gotten angry… He wouldn't have caused that blizzard… It was her fault… It was all her fault, not his! He was doing just fine taking care of Finn until she came here and started trying to take him away! She'd made Ice King hurt him by mistake… It was her fault… It was all her fault… She'd hurt his son!

Rage started to boil within him again.

Then his rage gave way and his thoughts were consumed by fear again as he thought of how cold Finn had been. How close it might have come if he hadn't realized Finn was shivering when he did. If he hadn't managed to warm Finn up… Hypothermia, frostbite… or worse… He could have d… di… At that thought, he began to panic.

He shot up to his feet and rushed back to his bedroom, leaning over Finn's crib to check on him. He saw Finn's little chest rising and falling. His pacifier was moving as he sucked on it. He was alright. Finn was alright. His son was alright… He was alive. He was healthy. He was safe.

Relief flooded him. His Prince was safe… That was all that mattered.

Anger still boiled within him. But it didn't matter. As long as his Prince was safe, and she didn't come back to try taking him away again, it didn't matter.

It took Princess Bubblegum a few days to track down Marceline to where she was currently living. But using some connections, she'd done it.

She approached Marceline's new house and knocked on the front door.

"Just a sec!" Marceline shouted.

Princess Bubblegum waited until finally the door swung open revealing Marceline. Marceline smiled for a moment before realizing who it was. Then her smile fell. "Oh. It's you. What are you doing here? I thought we both made our feelings pretty clear back in the glass kingdom while we were dealing with that dragon."

"I'm here because there's something really important I need to talk to you about. The Ice King has a baby. A human baby. And I can't take it from him without him killing me and destroying the Candy Kingdom." Princess Bubblegum stated, bluntly.

Marceline stared at her in shock for a moment. "Is this some kind of messed up joke? Because if it is, it isn't funny." She growled.

"It's not. You know better than that. I wouldn't joke about something like this. And I wouldn't come here unless the situation was really serious. I saw the child myself. So I guarantee it's the truth." Princess Bubblegum stated;

"Simon…" Marceline muttered under her breath. She then looked at Princess Bubblegum and grimaced. "Ugh… Fine. Come in. Tell me everything."

Chapter Text

"You did what?! What the heck, Bonnie?!" Marceline exclaimed as Princess Bubblegum explained everything that had happened.

Princess Bubblegum threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Well what else was I supposed to do?! It's not like I could just handle him the same way I talk to other Kings and Princesses! The Ice King's crazy! I couldn't expect him to just hand over the kid without some kind of force! And he might have misconstrued my meaning into asking for some kind of date, if I had treated him any differently. I might have tried to talk him down to avoid the baby getting caught in the crossfire, but he destroyed my rattleballs before I even had the chance!"

"Of course he did! You threatened him and said you were gonna take his kid away! It's…" She sighed and looked down at the floor. "It's what he would have done for me, back when he wasn't crazy…" With her elbows resting on her knees Marceline buried her face in her hands. Memories of him having to put the crown on to fight for her to keep her safe when she was a kid flooded through her mind. This was too much… Why was this happening? Why now? Why like this?

In a way she was happy. Even as the Ice King, he took in and did his best to protect and care for an abandoned child. In a way she supposed this showed that Simon's compassion was still in there somewhere. A little part of the same man who had saved and cared for her after the Great Mushroom War. In a way it was somewhat encouraging to think even if Simon had already been crazy when they found each other, he may have still taken her in and tried his best to take care of her. And while he never said it directly, how he was treating the boy suggested he may have thought of her as his own daughter, when he still remembered her. It was nice having some kind of confirmation in that regard.

On the other hand, this brought back a lot of painful memories for her. And he was still completely crazy. If it happened a thousand years ago Simon almost certainly would have handed Marceline over to Princess Bubblegum willingly, both because he'd think Bonnie could take care of her better than he could when he went mad as well as to protect her from himself. Not just would have, he had passed her to someone else. He had summoned her father from the Nightosphere and made sure he stuck around to care for her until she was old enough to take care of herself. But the Ice King… He was too far gone to even realize how crazy and dangerous he was.

"Glob… Please tell me the kid is okay… He hasn't hurt him, right?" Marceline asked, tiredly. She prayed that the Ice King hadn't hurt the boy. Simon would never forgive himself if he had.

Princess Bubblegum shook her head. "As far as I saw, no. Until things went wrong, the boy seemed perfectly fine and healthy, from what I could see without taking him in for a proper medical examination. But when the Ice King cast that spell he made a blizzard and it got incredibly cold very fast. I'm not sure the clothes the human was wearing were enough. The Ice King flew back to his castle surprisingly fast though, and the blizzard ended not long after, so I'm hoping the child is alright. But I haven't been back to the Ice Kingdom and I haven't sent anyone to check. After what he did to my Rattleballs, I'm taking his threat very seriously. I can't risk anyone I send being spotted, or he might follow through and actually kill me and destroy the Candy Kingdom. Which is why I'm here."

Marceline sighed. "You want me to go in there and convince him to give up the kid."

"Preferably, yes." Princess Bubblegum nodded.

Marceline raised her head and looked at Bubblegum. "And what if I can't? What if he's too crazy to see reason?"

Princess Bubblegum winced and started looking nervous. "Then… I don't know… If you turned invisible and tried to sneak in and take the boy while Ice King's sleeping, he might assume I had something to do with it. Which, I suppose by coming here and asking you, I would have. So… I'm not sure there's anything we can do if it comes to that… But at this point you're our only real hope of rescuing that kid."

Marceline floated off her couch. She was reluctant. She wasn't entirely sure she was ready to see him again. But she supposed she had to try. "I'll go talk to him… I can't make any guarantees, but I'll do what I can."

"Thank you. Ultimately it's for the best," Princess Bubblegum stated, getting up. She then headed towards the door. "I should be getting back to the Candy Kingdom. I have to continue working on upgrading our defenses just in case the Ice King ever decides to seriously attack us in the future. Goodbye, Marceline."

"Yeah… Bye…" Marceline muttered.

Without another word Princess Bubblegum left, closing the door behind her.

Marceline grit her teeth and grabbed her bass. She needed to let off some steam before she was ready to go face the Ice King.

She spent the next half an hour playing music before she finally relaxed enough to grab her umbrella and head out. She brought her bass with her, having it slung over her shoulder via a strap.

It was about noon by the time she reached the Ice Kingdom. Fortunately it was a fairly cloudy day, and her umbrella protected her pretty well against the sun.

Arriving at the Ice King's castle she saw what looked like four massive looming ice statues. They were roughly the size of Princess Bubblegum's Gumball Guardians, definitely more broad. All of them looked like crude renditions of knights. With "armor" that was just their bodies, "helmets" that were just their heads, massive thick roughly circular shields, and weapons. One had a sword, another an ax, another a hammer, the final one had a spiked mace. They were all just as rough hewn as anything the Ice King made.

The one with the sword turned its head and looked at her. Fortunately it didn't seem immediately hostile but she could tell it was watching her.

Princess Bubblegum hadn't mentioned these things. So she assumed they must have been a new addition. Likely in response to what Princess Bubblegum had done.

Since Marceline wasn't a candy person, she assumed these things probably wouldn't attack her. So she ignored them and continued on, reaching the window of Ice King's castle. Looking inside she saw the Ice King sitting on the floor. In front of him was the baby. The two of them were surrounded by toys. The Ice King was holding a toy dragon and princess made of ice, while the child had a muscular action figure with a long beard and hair and was smashing it into the dragon the Ice King was holding. Next to them was a little castle made of snow.

"Blah! You have defeated me, young hero! But one day I shall return to devour the Snow Kingdom whole and all the snow people with it! Woosh!" The Ice King mimed as if the ice dragon was flying away.

He then took the princess doll off of the top of the snow castle. "My hero! Thanks to you the Snow Kingdom is saved! Yay!"

The Ice King then dropped the toy and lifted the baby into the air. "Hahaha! You did it! You defeated that awful nasty dragon and saved the Snow Kingdom! Good job, my boy!"

The baby giggled happily.

Marceline smiled, despite herself. It was nice to see Simon happy, despite the circumstances.

Finally she floated in through the window. "Hey, Simon. Mind if I stay and hang out for a bit?"

"Hey, Simon. Mind if I stay and hang out for a bit?" A voice asked out of nowhere.

Ice King turned his head and looked at the source of the voice, spotting a woman floating near his window, inside his castle. He lowered Finn and set him back down. "Huh? Who are you? Are you a princess?"

She flinched as if struck. "You don't recognize me? It's me, Marceline!"

Marceline…? Marceline? That name sounded… familiar… And now that he looked at her she did look familiar too, even though he couldn't quite place her… She felt very important to him for some reason. Almost if not just as important to him as Finn. But why? Who was she?

What was it? He felt this nagging in his brain…

Ice King glanced at Finn. Something like Finn? These vague feelings felt really similar to his care for Finn for some reason, but he couldn't understand why. It didn't make sense. Finn was his son.

She was… something… It was right on the tip of his tongue… What was it?!

Prince? His… No, his Prince was Finn… Plus, princes were dudes. Not a Prince then. Something else? Princess? No. That immediately felt incorrect. Which was weird, since it should be more accurate than 'Prince' since she was a girl, right? So why did 'Prince' feel more correct than 'Princess'? He didn't understand.

This lady was… She was…

What was she…?

Ice King wracked his brain trying to find the connection. Any sort of reason why she seemed so familiar. It was right there! Why couldn't he figure it out?! It was driving him crazy!

"Marceline… Marceline… Marceline…?" Then it came to him. He gasped excitedly. "Oh yeah! I remember you! Marceline! We used to hang out and play music together! Long time no see! Where have you been? I was looking for you for years, but you just disappeared! I was worried you might have gotten old and died or something!" He stood up, cradling Finn in his arms. He couldn't believe he had trouble remembering Marceline for a moment there. She was one of his best friends. He supposed it was because he got hung up on that strange 'prince or princess' thing for whatever reason. How silly of him.

A look of pained resignation crossed her face. Her shoulders slumped. "Y-yeah… We used to jam together. Sure… And yeah, sorry, I kinda moved to a new place…" She sighed and muttered something under her breath that Ice King couldn't quite make out. "You'd have probably found me eventually… You always do…"

"What was that?" Ice King asked.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter… Anyway, I heard you got a new kid. So I thought I'd come check up on you," Marceline stated.

"Oh! This is Finn. I found him abandoned in the woods! I couldn't find his parents to yell at them, so I decided to adopt him. Isn't he just adorbs?" Ice King explained proudly.

"Yeah, real cute. How's he doing? Is he healthy?" Marceline asked.

"Of course! I've been taking great care of him! I had a bit of a scare the other day because of Princess Bubblegum…" He growled her name angrily. Anger began building within him as he thought back to a few days ago. "Because of her, Finn got hypothermia! Grrr! Threaten me?! Try to steal my son?! She made me hurt him, by mistake! I should have killed her along with those stupid robots! I should have frozen her solid, shattered her into a million pieces, and fed her gum to my penguins!" The Ice King's breath was starting to become visible and the temperature was starting to drop slowly but noticeably. Murderous rage pounded through his head as he thought about how the Princess had tried to take his son, and ended up hurting him by forcing the Ice King to make it too cold while he was defending the boy.

Finn stared at Ice King, eyes uncomprehending of what was happening but seemingly able to tell the Ice King was upset. He made a somewhat distressed noise.

Marceline floated over to the Ice King and put a hand on his shoulder. "Simon!" She took a deep breath and tried to smile at him. "Hey, everything's going to be fine. Look. Finn's better now, right? He's safe. You don't need to worry anymore. So just try to calm down. You don't want to scare him, do you?"

Ice King panted angrily but she was right. He needed to calm down. He didn't want to scare Finn. To hurt him again. He managed to start pulling himself together. His anger started draining out of him, causing him to slump. "Is it weird that I still want to date her, after what she did? I know I shouldn't but I can't help it… One moment I'm angry and I want to kill her for hurting Finn, the next I want to go to the Candy Kingdom to kidnap her so I can marry her… Whenever I think about it, it's like there's this tug of war inside my head, and I don't know what to do! Part of me wants to fly down to the Candy Kingdom and bury it under a whole new mountain range of ice, the other wants to marry her! I need to… to protect Finn, but… Princess… She's just so beautiful and she's a princess and I… I…"

The Ice King clutched at his head with one hand, still holding Finn with the other, he was starting to get a headache again.

"Simon, just take a deep breath and try to relax. Just… forget I asked, alright? Uh… How has Finn been getting along with your penguins?" Marceline asked awkwardly, trying to change the subject so as not to distress him further.

"Oh! Finn and Gunter get along great! Sometimes Gunter even climbs into Finn's crib and naps with him! It's just so cute I can't help but leave them like that until Finn wakes up! Gunter is a real help, too. As long as I'm here to supervise, Gunter can take care of Finn for a while so I can take a break and nap. Takes a lot of stress off my shoulders. Isn't that right, Gunter?"

"Wenk."

Marceline glanced at the Penguin standing off to the side.

"That's great. Uh… Do you think you're able to take care of him by yourself?"

Ice King's smile fell. "What? Of course I am! Look at him, he's fine isn't he?! Wait… Did Bubblegum send you?! Did she?! I won't let her take him!" Ice magic crackled around his hand. For some reason he didn't think he could actually bring himself to try and kill her, unlike Bubblegum. The thought just made him feel horrible for some reason. But if she was here to take his son away from him, he would scare her off at the very least.

Marceline raised her hands placatingly. "No, no, no! I, uh… I just mean it's gotta be pretty rough considering it's just you and your penguins is all. And it does get pretty cold here in the Ice Kingdom, right? Are you sure that's healthy for the little guy?"

"Oh. Whew!" The Ice King let the ice magic flickering around his hand dissipate. "That's a relief! For a second, I really thought Princess Bubblegum sent you to try and steal my Prince from me! Hahaha! Silly me… We're music buddies! You'd never do that. Well, hopefully I won't be a single dad for long. I'm looking into a few princesses who might be willing to marry a hot single father. I think next on my list is… hm... Oh! Emerald Princess! Hopefully, I'll get married and have a new mama for this little guy in no time. It'll be great! And I suppose it does get pretty cold. Which is exactly why I make sure he has warm clothes, plenty of blankets, and warm baby formula. Plus I have plenty of chicken soup on hand for when he grows up, in case he stays out playing in the snow for too long and catches a cold. So I make sure he stays as healthy as can be."

Marceline sighed. This was going about as badly as she expected. She couldn't even begin to broach the topic of the Ice King being able to take care of him on his own, let alone giving up the boy without setting him off. Bonnie had really messed things up.

At least the boy seemed healthy enough…

Suddenly Finn whimpered then started crying.

"Whoops! Looks like it's about lunch time! Hey, Marceline, could you stay here and watch Finn while I go heat up some baby formula for him?" Ice King requested, passing Finn over to her.

"What? But he's crying, what am I supposed to…"

Ice King had already rushed off into the kitchen leaving her with Finn.

She sighed and looked at the crying baby in her arms. She supposed if she was going to take him, now would be the time to do it.

Though, that would be an awful decision on her part. Not only would she be hurting Simon by betraying his trust, even if he was crazy right now, but Ice King would then blame Bubblegum and go destroy the Candy Kingdom.

So that was off the table, obviously.

"Uh… Hey… It's alright. Simon… Ice King is getting you lunch right now. So just try to calm down, okay?" She asked awkwardly, trying her best to calm him down.

Finn kept crying.

Marceline winced. She didn't know how to deal with babies.

What would Simon have done in this situation back when he was still sane?

She tried for a few minutes to no avail.

Then finally a memory flashed through her mind. One from before she met Simon. Her mom. How her mother would always sing to her when she was upset.

"Let's go in the garden. You'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it. Lying upside down," Marceline sang.

Finn sniffled but his crying started to trail off.

Marceline continued. "When you finally find it. You'll see how it's faded. The underside is lighter. When you turn it around. Everything stays. Right where you left it. Everything stays. But it still changes. Ever so slightly. Daily and nightly. In little ways. When everything stays… Go down to the ocean. The crystal tide is rising. Waters' gotten higher as the shore washes out. Keep your eyes wide open, even when the sun is blazin'. The moon controls the tide, it can cause you to drown. Everything stays, right where you've left it. Everything stays, but it still changes. Ever so slightly, daily and nightly. In little ways. When everything stays."

Finn had stopped crying and was staring up at her.

Marceline smiled at him. It felt bittersweet in a weird way. On the one hand she supposed this little dude was pretty much like the little brother she never had. On the other… This wasn't Simon. It was the Ice King.

If she couldn't get the Ice King to give him up, he'd grow up only knowing how Simon was now. The old man who had been driven crazy by the crown, because he'd been trying to protect her after the Mushroom War. He'd never know the Simon she knew. He'd only ever know the Ice King.

Simon was still in there, somewhere. He had to be. The fact he had taken in Finn and was trying so hard to take care of him showed that. But just how deep was the Simon she knew buried in the Ice King's head?

"Hey, that was pretty good!" Ice King said, startling her.

She flinched. "Huh? How long have you been there? I thought you were getting Finn baby formula or something!"

"Right here!" He held up a baby bottle. "I just needed to warm it up. Finn was crying almost the whole time." He walked over and took Finn from her, and began feeding him. "I see you brought your bass. So, after I'm done feeding Finn, you wanna have a jam session? You know, for old times sake? It would be fun!"

Marceline sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You know what…? Sure… I'm down."

"Great! Finn always has fun listening to my drums, so I'm sure he'll love this! Won't you, my little Prince? Yes you will!"

After Finn was done eating, Ice King went and got a high chair from the kitchen and set it down in front of his drum set. He then put Finn inside.

Marceline floated over with her bass and began strumming, while Ice King began setting a beat with his drums.

The two of them played a few songs together for a while.

Eventually Finn yawned and started looking sleepy.

"Aw… Looks like I need to go lay Finn down for a nap." Ice King said, setting his drum sticks down.

Marceline put her bass away. "This was surprisingly nice…" It hadn't gone as badly as she'd expected it to. "Hey, Simon? You mind if I stop by to hang out with you and Finn again sometime?"

Ice King gasped in surprise. "Huh?! Really?! Oh, uh, I… I mean of course! That sounds wonderful! You can stop by anytime you want!"

"Awesome. Well, it's getting late. I guess I should probably get going. Later." She waved as she grabbed her umbrella and flew towards the window.

"Later, Marceline!" Ice King called out as she left.

Marceline sighed as she flew over the Ice Kingdom, heading towards the Candy Kingdom.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't take Finn from Simon. Other than his anger towards Princess Bubblegum, this was the happiest she'd seen him in a long time.

Plus she wasn't sure Simon could be convinced to let him go in his current state.

So as long as Simon was happy, and the boy was alright, maybe it would be okay to leave Finn with him?

She wasn't sure if this was the right choice. It probably wasn't… But what else was she supposed to do?

She arrived at Princess Bubblegum's castle and found her in her lab, working on a rattleball. "Hey, Bonnie?"

Bubblegum turned off her torch and raised her welding mask. "Marceline…! Oh… I see you don't have the boy with you."

"Yeah… About that… I think we should, maybe, just leave him with Simon?"

"What?! Are you crazy?!" Princess Bubblegum shouted.

Marceline winced. "I mean, he does seem to be taking pretty good care of Finn. And… Bonnie… This is the happiest I've seen Simon since I was a kid. I can't just take that away from him…"

Princess Bubblegum pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned in frustration. "Marceline, the Ice King is a dangerous mentally unstable sociopath! He is in no state to care for a child! If 'Finn' is not removed from him, Ice King is inevitably going to neglect him as soon as he gets bored of him, hurt him as soon as he gets angry with him, or worse, even kill him. He may not even mean to do it. It might just be a mistake in the heat of the moment or something. But every moment that child is with the Ice King, he is in danger."

Marceline shook her head in denial. "Simon wouldn't do that! He… Look, you might think I'm being crazy or emotional or whatever but after hanging out with them today, I saw it myself. Ice King is doing everything he can for that kid. He's not going to hurt him. And he definitely isn't going to neglect him."

Princess Bubblegum looked unmoved. "Sure he won't…" She flipped her welding mask down again. "Whatever. If you want to let the kid get hurt or killed by the Ice King, fine. I have a kingdom to look after. I'm not going to sacrifice the safety and wellbeing of all of my candy people for a single human child. Now if you'll excuse me. I have work to do."

Marceline grit her teeth at Bubblegum's callous dismissal of her. "Fine! I'm leaving… But before I go, just so you know, apparently Finn got a mild case of hypothermia or something and Simon completely blames you, and he's furious about it. Now he has a few giant ice golems hanging around his castle, as big as your gumball guardians. What you did made it impossible to convince him to let Finn go, and made him paranoid about attacks. So you only made things worse for everyone. Great job." With that Marceline turned invisible and left.

Princess Bubblegum stood there for a moment, processing what Marceline just said. Giant ice golems? She needed to plan more upgrades for the Gumball Guardians. She reignited her torch and turned back to continue working on the experimental upgrades to the rattleball. She tried not to let anything else Marceline had said bother her. The Ice King was a clear and present threat, and the safety of her Candy Citizens was more important.

Chapter Text

Word quickly spread through Ooo that the Ice King had an adopted son. In a matter of weeks, just about everyone knew.

Marceline came to visit once or twice a week, to hang out with Ice King and check on Finn to make sure Ice King was taking care of him properly. Once in a while she'd even babysit Finn for the Ice King.

Though occasionally she came to hang out and saw he had a Princess locked up or frozen in place and had to sneak in and break them out, whenever he was paying attention to Finn instead of them. At which point she'd have to come back later so he wouldn't catch on that she was the one doing it.

Time went on. Within a couple weeks after Marceline's first visit, Finn started speaking simple words. After a month and a half his baby teeth had just about finished coming in and he started eating actual food rather than baby formula.

During their last jam session, he'd asked Marceline to babysit Finn for him today and she had agreed. So Ice King had some time today, and he had a very important task he needed to take care of.

Ever since that debacle with Bubblegum, he had been working on the Ice Kingdom's defenses in his freetime whenever he laid Finn down for a nap.

Bubblegum had come with a small army last time, so Ice King had been building an army of his own. Not satisfied with how weak and easily powderized snow golems were, he'd started making Ice Golems specifically for fighting. His Ice Knights, he called them. They were waaay more durable than the snow golems.

He'd made ice fortresses and watch towers on the Ice Kingdom's borders near the Candy Kingdom and filled them with Ice Knights. So if the Candy Kingdom tried to bring another army into the Ice Kingdom, they'd be spotted in advance and his Ice Knights would intercept them. If they brought their gumball guardians, his Ice Giants would deal with them.

Apparently the snow golems that lived in the Ice Kingdom had started coming to his ice knights for protection, as well. Sometimes Fire Wolves would wander into the Ice Kingdom and would attack the Snow Golems. They were natural enemies.

Now his Ice Knights were helping the Snow Golems fend off the Fire Wolves. In exchange the snow golems had started bringing them small goods and gifts.

It was a bit unexpected but he supposed he didn't really mind as long as the Knights did their job.

However, there were a few times he'd seen his ice knights get overwhelmed by the fire wolves and get melted into puddles. If his knights could be beaten by some wolves, were they really good enough to fend off an invasion if the Candy Kingdom attacked?

He needed to make sure.

So he headed off towards the Candy Kingdom.

Doing his best to keep out of sight, he hid in trees, bushes, and back allies. He saw a few of those weird robot things wandering around, but they weren't what he was after. He'd seen what those things did to some criminals. His golems were having trouble with wolves so he needed to start out with something easier.

Eventually he found what he was looking for. A banana guard with a halberd standing guard on a street corner.

Hiding in an alley, Ice King threw a rock to try and get the banana guard's attention.

He didn't notice.

Grumbling in frustration, Ice King threw another slightly larger rock.

The banana guard glanced at it, but ultimately paid it no mind.

"Grrr! Come on! Pay attention, you big dumb…! Ugh!" Ice King whispered under his breath before throwing yet another rock.

"What's with all these rocks? Weird…"

Ice King growled in frustration muttering under his breath and threw a rock at the Banana Guard, hitting him in the head.

"Ow! Hey! Who's doing that?! That hurt, you know!" The Banana guard complained, rubbing his head where the rock him. Finally the banana guard started making his way towards the alley.

Ice King hid behind a dumpster and once the banana guard entered the alley, he jumped out. "Ah ha! You've fallen for my trap!"

"Ice King?! Wh—"

Ice King froze the Banana Guard solid.

He snuck the banana guard out of the Candy Kingdom, to a spot where several ice golems were waiting, then he went back and kidnapped three more banana guards.

At which point, he and his golems brought them all back to one of the fortresses on the edge of the Ice Kingdom.

He made a large shear wall out of ice, making effectively a small arena of sorts. At which point he turned the ice into powdered snow and let the banana guards free.

"W-what's going on? Where are we?" One of the banana guards asked.

"You're in my arena!" Ice King answered, from atop the wall.

They all looked up at him. "Ice King!"

"Hello." He waved at them.

"What are you doing, Ice King? I thought you only kidnapped princesses."

"Yeah, well, things happen. I gotta make sure my new Ice Knights stand a chance if Princess Bubblegum tries to invade to kidnap my Prince again. So I need to test them. And what better way to do that than by having them fight you guys?" Ice King asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ice Knights?" One of the banana guards inquired, confused.

"Yup, Ice Knights! Look behind you." He pointed behind them.

The banana guards all turned and saw four ice golems standing on the other side of the arena from them. Like most of Ice King's creations they looked roughly hewn; only these were in the vague shape of knights. They were armed, but only had poles made of ice with layers of cloth wrapped around the ends in the vague approximation of different weapons. Ice King didn't actually want the banana guards to get hurt after all. So he wasn't having his knights use actual weapons. The banana guards, on the other hand, did still have their halberds. If his Knights couldn't take a hit from those, then he needed to try and find a way to fix that.

"Oh… Well, what if we just refuse to fight?" A banana guard asked.

Ice King frowned. "Then my Ice Knights are just gonna beat you up! If you're gonna get beat up anyway, you might as well try to fight back, right? I mean, you've got your weapons. My knights' weapons are all fake and cushioned to make them hurt less. So you could probably win. And if you do, I promise to let you go. No strings attached! Sound good?"

"If you're gonna let us go if we win, what happens if we lose?"

"If you lose, I'll still let you go and I'll give you some bandages and ice for your bruises. I've got no intention of keeping you here or letting them hurt you too badly. Think of it like… uh… hm… What's the word I'm looking for… Oh, a friendly spar! Yeah, that's it! Just a little match to see which of you are better! You banana guards or my ice knights?"

"We're not getting out of here without fighting those guys, are we?"

"No." The Ice King said simply.

One of the banana guards sighed. "Looks like we don't have a choice guys… Alright, fine! We'll fight! But you keep your word and let us go right after!"

"Great! Now, go my Ice Knights, attack! Remember, don't kill the banana guys or hurt them too badly! Just beat 'em up a little!"

The four Ice Knights and Banana Guards charged towards each other and started fighting.

It was fairly one sided. The Banana Guards managed to get a few good hits in, but the Ice Knights were bigger, tougher, and stronger.

When the fight was pretty much over it seemed like one of his knights was going to get a little over zealous, rushing towards a banana guard that was already down. At which point the Ice King made a wall between the ice knight and banana guard.

The Ice Knight stopped dead in his tracks and stared up at the Ice King in confusion.

"Hey! I told you not to hurt the banana guys too badly! Are you trying to get Princess Bubblegum to attack us?!" Ice King shouted at the ice golem.

The Ice Knight made a slightly distressed noise and hung its head in shame.

"That's right! Now go say you're sorry! Go on!"

Ice King turned the ice wall to snow and scattered it.

The Ice Knight approached the banana guard and helped him to his feet. "Me sorry… Did bad… No hurt…" The Ice Knight apologized.

"It's… uh… It's fine, man… I guess?" The bruised banana guard said uncertainly.

"Hmph… Well, I've seen enough." He snapped his fingers and the ice walls crumbled. Several penguins with bandages were already on standby.

Ice King flew down to speak with the banana guards. "You know, you guys really suck at fighting. Looks like I had nothing to worry about after all! Now, after you all get patched up, you're free to go! Since you're all beat up, my knights will escort you to the edge of the Ice Kingdom just to make sure you don't get attacked by fire wolves on the way back or something. Those things just love hunting out here in the Ice Kingdom for some reason. You can find your way on your own after that right?"

"We should… You're really just letting us go now that we got our butts kicked?"

"Of course! And I'll even give you ice and bandages. I'm a man of my word!"

Princess Bubblegum had spent the last month and a half hard at work preparing the Candy Kingdom in the event the Ice King attacked.

As she worked, she couldn't help but think back to that display. Instantly freezing all of the rattleballs she had brought with her in a massive glacier, lifting it dozens of feet into the air, and shattering it and the rattleballs along with it. All in a matter of seconds. And he didn't seem to have struggled much in order to accomplish it. He likely could have done it again.

He could level the entire Candy Kingdom in minutes if he wanted to.

She had upgraded the candy guardians and all of her rattleballs with internal heating systems to be able to operate at incredibly low temperatures without their systems freezing up.

She had her candy citizens start digging underground bunkers with powerful internal heating systems in case of an emergency.

She had added a heating element to the small swords of a select few of her rattleballs and was currently testing those on simple ice sculptures. She was worried that heating them too much might soften the steel too much, but heating it too little would make the melting process too slow to be worth it. She either needed to find the exact right balance, find a different alloy or material to make them from, or give them different weapons entirely. Maybe some kind of ice drill mounted on spears?

She was working on something similar for her gumball guardians.

She had started making ultra low temperature environmental suits for her banana guards. She had also created weapons for them that sprayed burning syrup that would stick to its targets and continue burning. Too much water could put it out at the moment, unfortunately. So if sprayed on a snow or ice golem it would go out after the golem started melting thus rendering it effectively useless at the moment, but that was something she was working on.

But no matter the preparations she made, no matter the countermeasures she added to her already existing defenses, it wasn't enough. Despite all of her hard work these past couple of months she wasn't satisfied she could stop the Ice King if he decided to come for revenge.

She knew of one possible solution. She wouldn't need to work so hard on building up defenses if she could just remove the Ice King as a threat entirely. She knew from her past relationship with Marceline that the Ice King's power came from his crown. So if she could take the crown from him, she would remove the source of his powers.

But if her attempts to steal the crown failed, it could provoke the already agitated Ice King and cause him to destroy the Candy Kingdom.

The question was if the potential cost outweighed the potential benefit. Things were stable right now. The Ice King had left her alone for over a month. He had kidnapped other princesses but he hadn't set so much as a foot in the Candy Kingdom. So she was reluctant to pull the trigger on this.

Then a couple of banana guards had returned covered in bruises and told her the Ice King had kidnapped them and made them fight a few ice golems they'd never seen before. Her banana guards were allowed to keep their halberds and they were still no match for the Ice King's new "Ice Knights" as he apparently called them. Apparently he didn't let the Ice Knights go too far, just beat up the banana guards a bit. Give them a few bruises. Then he gave them ice and bandages afterwards and even had them escorted safely to the border of the Ice Kingdom.

Still, he had kidnapped some of her people and put them in a fighting pit to test his golems. He probably just wanted assurance that whatever army he was making could defend his borders if she tried to take the human child from him again. And he had taken them to the hospital afterwards, seemingly not wanting them to suffer any real lasting damage. It seemed like he was trying to be careful not to provoke her.

It hadn't worked. The fact he had kidnapped her banana guards, outdated though they may have been considering the efficacy of her rattleballs, was a bridge too far. Unlike the rattleballs the banana guards were actual people. Her people.

And if he was kidnapping them to test his military units against them, how long would it be until he started stealing rattleballs to test his "ice knights" against? What would happen once he had soldiers who could match the rattleballs in direct combat?

Recently she had found out her Rattleballs had been holding underground fighting matches and had started thinking they might be too violent to keep around. Then the whole debacle in the Ice Kingdom had happened and she had decided she couldn't afford to get rid of them as she had been considering as she needed the added security they gave the Candy Kingdom. They were far more powerful than any golems the Ice King had ever made, as far as she was aware.

If that changed and he made ice golems as powerful as the rattleballs, she would lose one of her primary advantages over him. Would she be able to escape if he tried to kidnap her again, if he had golems like that who could chase her down like a rattleball could? And he was crazy, so what if he just decided one day that he didn't like whatever imagined risk Princess Bubblegum posed to his "son" and just decided to end it?

The risks of letting his military progress further were too high. He was no longer just some mostly harmless, incompetent, nuisance like she had considered him for the past few hundred years or so. The danger of what the Ice King could do was hanging over her head like the Sword of Damocles, and from her perspective the danger was just growing. The string on that sword was getting thinner and thinner the more she let him prepare. He'd already gotten bold enough to kidnap some of her people to test his soldiers against them. So how long would it be before that sword finally fell?

So she had spent the past two weeks working on a custom rattleball specifically designed for infiltration and, if necessary, assassination. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, for Marceline's sake if nothing else, but her and her kingdom mattered more than one crazy old wizard. So she wasn't taking any chances. If killing him was what it took to remove the threat to her Kingdom, she would accept it.

Finally she finished the rattleball, had run a full systems diagnostics on it to make sure everything was functioning properly, now all that was left was to activate it.

She typed a command into a computer and hit "Enter". The rattleball sat up, with wires still stuck into it. It turned and looked at her. "Hello, mother." It greeted her in a robotic tone.

"Hello. I have a very important task for you. The fate of the Candy Kingdom hinges on this. Whatever happens, you cannot fail. Alright?" Princess Bubblegum told it.

"Yes, mother. What do you require of me?" The rattleball removed the wires, closed the ports they had connected to, and stood up.

Peppermint Butler, who had been standing nearby, held up a small sword on a pillow. "Your weapon."

The rattleball took it and gave it a few test swings, being careful not to hit anything in the room.

"First, let me start by saying this. I've been debating this for months, weighing the pros and cons in my head. Because if you fail and get caught, the situation could escalate and the Candy Kingdom might very well end up being destroyed. But recently the Ice King," She pulled out a picture of the Ice King and showed it to the rattleball. "Has kidnapped a few of my banana guards to test some of his new ice golems against. He's clearly trying to create a standing army and wants his soldiers to be stronger than ours. It's only a matter of time before he starts taking rattleballs to test his golems against. If he can make ice golems as powerful as the rattleballs, we lose one of our primary advantages against him in terms of defense. He's just too unstable for me to be comfortable with him having that kind of military force. So I've come to the conclusion that I have no choice. The Ice King needs to be removed as a threat. Completely."

The rattleball listened intently, not interrupting her even once.

Princess Bubblegum pointed to the crown on the Ice King's head in the picture. "His crown is the source of his powers. It's what makes him so dangerous. So I'm sending you to the Ice Kingdom to steal the crown. I don't want you to kill him if you don't have to. You are to do everything in your power to avoid it. However, if it turns out to be impossible to take the crown and remove him as a threat non-lethally, while not preferable, killing him is an acceptable alternative. The Candy Kingdom takes precedence. No matter what, you cannot fail. Understood?"

"Affirmative. I will not fail."

After some preparation and further inquiries as to the nature of his target and what to expect Rattleball Unit 2514 left the Candy Kingdom and made his way to the Ice Kingdom.

He was designed with an advanced stealth system by the princess to make his task easier. Based on the chromatic "magic" of the ranicorns that could change his colors to make him blend in with his surroundings. It was effectively a form of active camouflage, though it couldn't make him truly invisible.

He was also programmed with knowledge of practical camouflage. So he knew exactly how to hide in snow drifts, and had a passive sonar system that let him perceive what was around him even if he couldn't see. Princess Bubblegum had been worried Marceline might hear an active sonar, thus he couldn't create noise to map out areas. He had to rely on existing noise in the environment. It was not preferable as just two inches of snow could block 60% of sound. And sound traveled faster in hot air than cold air. But it was still better than nothing.

He also had telescopic vision and low temperature thermal imaging. So he could see far away and even see in the dark.

Finally, he had noise canceling systems that used destructive wave forms to muffle his movements and footsteps. It was risky, as any error in the system could risk tipping off the vampire with a slight hum or static sound. But if the vampire was not present, he could move silently even in snow or across ice.

Otherwise his joints and feet were modified to negate as much noise as possible without the active noise canceling systems.

Unit 2514, currently white as snow with a white cloak draped over him to better hide his sword, trudged silently through the icy tundra towards the Ice King's castle.

He had only just entered the Ice Kingdom and already he had seen several watchtowers and fortresses near the Ice Kingdom's borders with the Candy Kingdom.

Princess Bubblegum already knew about them. The banana guards the Ice King had kidnapped had reported their existence upon their return. However they hadn't been able to map precise locations.

So Unit 2514 transmitted the geographical information he collected about the fortresses and watchtowers back to the Princess. Their precise locations, the surrounding terrain, their exact shapes and dimension, potential vulnerabilities he observed, personal notes on how he expected he would go about infiltrating them for sabotage or assassination purposes, and any and all information he was able to gather on the ice golems manning them.

If his task went well, all of this information would be redundant. If it went poorly, it could prove crucial in a dedicated war effort. Thus he did his duty and collected the information as a precaution, but he was determined to ensure it would be redundant. Princess Bubblegum had made it very clear that failure was not an option. So he would not allow himself to fail.

After spending a few days scouting the various defenses on the border of the Ice Kingdom, he finally started making his way to the Ice King's castle. Keeping himself hidden from any and all golems or penguins.

He quickly reached the heart of the Ice Kingdom and the "Ice Giants" came into sight. There were four in total standing around the Ice King's castle. He estimated they were about fifteen percent taller than the Gumball Guardians. He could say nothing as to their actual capabilities beyond that without actually seeing them in action, and the only way to see them move would be to provoke them somehow, which would be unwise. So he had to settle for only sending the princess what data he could gather from simple visual observation.

After that he waited until sunset and snuck his way into the Ice King's castle, through the back entrance. He left his cloak outside, so he could use his active camouflage system if necessary. As long as he was pressed against something he could hide the sword behind his back and keep it hidden that way. 

He heard music playing from a higher floor. Considering the bass he was hearing, that meant Marceline was here according to the information Princess Bubblegum had given him. That was suboptimal given her enhanced senses. However the music gave his passive sonar noise to work with, which would assist him in avoiding detection by allowing him to map out the areas around him and detect living things ahead of him.

Since music was playing he could afford to use his active noise cancelation systems as the sound of the instruments would obscure any noise it made. So he crept through the castle in perfect silence.

Ice King and Marceline had just finished their jam session for the day. Finn had tried to join in with his little rattle. He had no sense of rhythm but he clearly had fun.

"Well, that was pretty fun, but it's getting pretty late. I should probably get going." Marceline said, slinging her bass over her shoulder and grabbing her umbrella.

"Really? You know you could stay over for dinner, if you wanted to. I got a bunch of red stuff!" Ice King offered.Since Marceline had started hanging out sometimes, he had started buying red things during grocery trips. Right now he had a bunch of apples, raspberries, strawberries, cherries, and other red fruits, as well as straight up red food dye and flavored syrup for snow cones. Pretty much all of the fruits were frozen and the food dye was food dye, so he wasn't the least bit worried about any of it going bad. But it was nice having company over to hang out with him and Finn.

Marceline chuckled. "I know. I had an apple earlier. But I can't. There's a big concert tonight, and I gotta be there. A few different bands are playing, and I'm gonna be one of the main events. I might've invited you to play the drums but, you know, you gotta take care of Finn. Plus it's gonna be too loud and rowdy for a little kid and it'll run pretty late so he can't come either."

Ice King slumped in disappointment. "Aw, dang it… Well, I guess you're right… At least we got to jam together here, even if it wasn't at some big party, right?"

"Totally. It was a great warm up! Anyway, I gotta get going. Later, Simon." Marceline waved goodbye and flew out the window.

"Bye Marlee!" Finn called out waving back at her as she left.

Ice King picked up Finn. "What a great day, right Finn? Well, I'm getting a bit hungry. So, time for dinner!"

As he turned to carry Finn to the kitchen he noticed something. A bag sitting on the ground in a corner. He walked over and picked it up. It was Marceline's. She must have forgotten it.

Ice King quickly rushed to the window. "Marceline! Wait! You forgot your bag!" But she was already out of sight.

He waited for a moment in case she'd heard him, but no.

He frowned. He'd fly after her to give it back, but he had no idea where she went. This party she was going to could have been anywhere.

With a shrug, he set the handbag down by the window, where she could find it. She could come pick it up later when she remembered.

After that he headed to the kitchen to start making dinner.

Unit 2514 had found a position where it could spread its limbs out and press itself against the roof above a doorway, using its active camo to make itself blend in. So he was out of the way and well hidden. Once he'd found his hiding spot, he had deactivated his noise canceling so the vampire wouldn't hear it. He didn't need it, since he wasn't moving and thus wasn't making any noise.

Ice King had passed directly underneath him and hadn't spotted him. If this was an assassination mission, it would already be over. But the Princess wanted him to avoid killing the Ice King if possible, and just take the crown. So acting right then would have been too risky.

He waited a few hours, using his passive sonar he tracked the Ice King's movements. Eventually the Ice King put the human child to bed, and laid down himself.

Unit 2514 waited until he heard snoring to descend from his hiding spot.

Using his active noise canceling, he crept through the Ice King's castle and into the Ice King's bedroom. Glancing to one side, he saw the human child in his crib hugging a penguin that was sleeping next to him.

In the back of the room was the Ice King sleeping in his own bed. He was wearing his crown in his sleep. It was somewhat inconvenient but he was asleep. Unit 2514 could just grab it and run before Ice King could do anything to stop him.

Unit 2514 mentally counted this mission as complete.

Marceline had a ton of fun at the concert. The crowd loved her.

But she'd forgotten her bag at Simon's place. She had some stuff she needed in there, so she'd decided to rush over and grab it real quick before heading back.

Finn and Simon were probably sleeping right now, so she flew in silently and looked around. She quickly spotted the bag by the window and grabbed it.

She was about to leave when she noticed a strange electronic whine. Like a stereo with feedback, but a lot quieter. Simon had a few electronics. Namely a camera, a T.V. with a videotape player, a microwave. Things like that. He didn't have much that should be making a noise like that. And he wasn't awake, so why would any of the electronics he did have be on right now?

Curious, she silently hovered above the ground and followed the sound to Simon's bedroom. That was even weirder. Why would he have something on, in his room, while he was asleep?

She peaked her head inside and her eyes widened as she saw one of Princess Bubblegum's rattleballs creeping towards Simon's bed.

"SIMON!" Marceline shouted, drawing her bass and rushing towards the rattleball. The ax blade clashed with the rattleball's small sword. The rattleball was just barely fast enough to keep up with her superhuman speed.

Finn started crying, and Simon snorted as he startled awake. "Huh?! What's going on?! Who's there?!" He turned on the lamp next to his bed. Even so, he could barely perceive the blur of speed that was the battle happening in the middle of his bedroom.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?!" He shouted angrily, getting up. His hands glowing with ice magic.

Something red blurred towards him faster than he could possibly react with something glinting in the air only for it to be knocked off course as something gray and red slammed into it.

Looking he saw Marceline had a Rattleball pinned against the wall with her bass.

It was then Ice King realized the side of his neck hurt. He reached up and felt something wet. Pulling his hand back, he looked at it and saw his hand covered in red. Still tired and groggy, he was confused for a moment before it registered in his head. It was blood. His blood.

"Simon! I got this thing! Take Finn and run!" Marceline shouted at him.

"W—"

"GO!" Marceline shouted, not giving him time to say anything.

Confused and panicked, Ice King rushed over to the crib and grabbed both Finn and Gunter. Making sure to hold Finn with his clean hand, while Gunter would just have to deal with getting a bit of blood on him.

He then immediately flew out of the bedroom heading straight towards the window. His flight felt a little lopsided as part of his beard had been cut off by that rattleball, but he had more than enough to keep himself airborn.

Unit 2514 punched Marceline in the stomach, knocking her off of him and tried to pursue as the Ice King ran towards the crib. Only to have to jump over a strike from her bass that would have cleaved him in half, and parry a follow up strike.

"Oh no you don't, you stupid bucket of bolts!"

This was not going according to plan. There hadn't been enough ambient noise for his sonar to have detected Marceline and she had moved so quietly through the air, he hadn't heard her approaching.

But that shouldn't have mattered. She shouldn't have been here to begin with. Why was she?

The bag, he realized. He had heard the Ice King earlier, trying to call after her to give her a bag she had left behind. She must have come back for it and heard him.

He put it out of his mind. The hows and whys didn't matter. He had a job to do. Since he'd been spotted, he had to resort to plan B. He could no longer retrieve the crown non-lethally, so he had to kill the Ice King at any cost. He'd almost succeeded. He felt the tip of his sword graze the Ice King's throat. If he'd been just a bit faster he could have severed the Ice King's jugular veins, carotid arteries, or even decapitated him.

But the vampire wasn't giving him an inch. Despite the capabilities of his robotic body and his skill with a blade, she was still faster and stronger than him, so she had tackled him and had thrown off his aim. And now he was having to dedicate most of his effort and processing power into just staying alive.

Unit 2514 attempted to gain whatever ground he could to pursue the Ice King, while considering his options.

He sent a quick emergency signal to Princess Bubblegum, warning her that his mission had gone wrong and that he was uncertain he would be able to complete it.

Marceline managed to grab him by the leg and threw him. He smashed through the wall of the Ice King's bedroom and started tumbling down the side of the mountain. He managed to get to his feet and gain control of his descent, sliding down the mountain as if he was on skates. Marceline dove out through the hole in the wall and shot towards him like a missile.

Her battle ax lashed out and he ducked, just barely avoiding being beheaded. He had no time to retaliate as she struck again. His small sword snapped as he tried to block the strike, and he was launched to the side, flying off the side of the mountain entirely.

As he fell, trying to gain control over his descent, Ice Giants began moving. He was still too high up for them to reach just yet, but that would change quickly. He readied his now broken sword as Marceline flew towards him again, and lunged out as best he could. Attempting to stab at her with the now dull and jagged point of his weapon. She avoided the strike and punched him hard enough to leave a huge dent in his metallic exterior. Static engulfed his vision in one eye and his system began blaring warnings as several internal components were damaged and he lost some functionality. His active camo and sonar were both completely destroyed and his communications systems were malfunctioning.

The impact launched him downwards towards the mace wielding Ice Giant with greater speed.

It swung its massive weapon and a massive spiked ball of ice collided with him in mid air. Unit 2514 all but exploded. His parts clattered against the side of the Ice King's castle.

The last thing he did was send out a scrambled barely legible message informing the Princess of his inevitable destruction. Its final thoughts were of shame and disappointment in its failure.

Marceline landed where she had seen the Rattleball's parts fall, and saw nothing but shattered glass and broken twisted metal. She saw what looked like a few computer parts, and they were completely destroyed. It was dead.

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as rage began to boil within her.

She couldn't believe it. Bonnie had just tried to kill Simon! And if Marceline hadn't come back for her bag or if she had been just a few microseconds too slow when the Rattleball lunged for him, she would have succeeded too. That thing would have killed him in his sleep or cut his throat.

She knew Bubblegum had been working on defenses for the Candy Kingdom after Simon had destroyed that army she'd brought to try and take Finn from him. And that was perfectly okay with her. Defenses were fine. Bonnie wanted to make sure she could protect the Candy Kingdom if Simon attacked. He wouldn't unless she did first, but it was whatever.

But this? Actually trying to kill him? This was going way too far.

She heard Finn's crying getting closer and looked up, seeing Simon descend towards her with both Gunter and Finn in his arms. The right side of his neck and shoulder was drenched in blood. It was bad, but it wasn't quite bad enough that she was worried the Rattleball had hit anything too major. "Marceline! What's going on here?!"

"You were attacked, Simon. I…" She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Look, you're hurt. Let's get that bandaged then head to the doctor. I'll explain what happened while we deal with that. Okay?"

"Yeah, I'll admit this kinda hurts. So, sounds good to me. What about you? Are you alright?"

Marceline slung her bass over her shoulder again and flew up into the air. "I'm fine… Come on."

They flew back up into the castle and Marceline explained her story while she bandaged Simon's neck.

Chapter Text

The door to Princess Bubblegum's lab slammed open. "BONNIE!" Marceline shouted angrily.

Princess Bubblegum looked over at Marceline. A neutral if slightly frustrated expression on her face. Just by looking at her, it was clear how tired she was. Either she'd been up all night working or she had been woken up recently. "What?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT?! YOU SENT ONE OF YOUR STUPID ROBOTS TO KILL SIMON!"

Bubblegum turned back to what she was working on. "That was Plan B. Plan A was to just steal his crown and remove the source of his powers. But since you're here, I assume you're the reason why that plan failed and it had to resort to Plan B."

Bubblegum telling her that killing Simon was "Plan B" did nothing to assuage her rage. Marceline stomped closer and grabbed her by the lab coat staring her dead in the eyes, Bubblegum glared back. "WHY WAS IT EVEN AN OPTION AT ALL?! WHY STEAL HIS CROWN?! IT'S BEEN TWO FRICKING MONTHS, BUBBLEGUM! HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU SINCE YOU ATTACKED HIM!"

"He did, actually. He kidnapped several of my banana guards and forced them to fight his new Ice Knights. He didn't kill or seriously injure any of them, sure. But he's clearly trying to make stronger soldiers. What happens if he makes an army capable of fighting my rattleballs? If he kidnaps me, I wouldn't be able to escape soldiers like those hunting me down. Neither would any other Princess. And if he attacks, I'll have lost one of my primary advantages over him. Since he did that, I couldn't afford to leave him be anymore. So I sent a specially designed rattleball to take his crown to remove the source of his powers and thus remove him as a threat completely. If it couldn't then I did give it permission to kill him. My candy people are more important to me than one crazy old wizard. Quite frankly, the main reason I tried to just take his crown was because I didn't want to upset you."

"DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET ME?! HE TOOK CARE OF ME AS A LITTLE GIRL AFTER THE GREAT MUSHROOM WAR! IT'S BEEN A THOUSAND YEARS, AND HE'S A HUMAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK'S BEEN KEEPING HIM ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME, BONNIE?! THE FRICKING CROWN! EVEN IF YOU DID MANAGE TO TAKE IT FROM HIM, WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAVE HAPPENED?!"

"Fine. I acknowledge that as a possibility. The crown's technology is indeed probably what's been extending his life beyond its normal means and taking it from him could very well mean he would eventually die of old age when its effects eventually wear off. So what? Most people eventually die of old age. Not everyone's immortal like you or me. If his old age eventually caught up with him from being separated from the crown, it's not my fault that he's a Human. At least I tried to find a way to solve this without killing him outright."

Marceline was stunned by Bubblegum's callousness. No denials. No assurances, calculations, or scientific theories that she expected him to live. Just a complete and total disregard for him and his life. So her justification of not actually trying to kill him, just take away his powers, was a load of crap. This had been an assassination attempt either way. The only difference would have been how long it would have taken before he died.

Marceline's face changed to a more monstrous form and she threw Bubblegum to the ground. "You…! YOU…! UGH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" It took everything she had to not rip Bubblegum apart right then and there.

She heard the door swing open and a group rush into the room. "Hey! Vampire! Back off the Princess, now! Or else!" Peppermint Butler shouted at her from behind.

She whirled around and snarled at him, only to see him holding a glass thing full of garlic and several rattleballs wielding wooden stakes.

Peppermint Butler had a look of confidence on his face. "That's right. I've been painstakingly stockpiling a bunch of high tech anti-vampire weapons in case of a situation just like this. Try anything, and we'll send you straight to the Nightosphere!."

Marceline's anger and resentment fully solidified. Seeing her rattleballs armed with weapons specifically designed to kill her, right after Bubblegum just tried to have Simon killed, any lingering feelings she might have still had for Bubblegum had just curled up and died. Bubblegum clearly didn't care about her at all and never did. Bubblegum would try to kill her just like she tried to kill Simon, if she became too much of an inconvenience or if Bubblegum thought it was too much of a risk to let her live.

She looked over her shoulder back towards Princess Bubblegum, who was still sitting on the ground looking up at her. "I guess I really was right about you, back in the Glass Kingdom… Fine… We're done here. But if you ever try anything like this again, it's not Simon you'll have to be afraid of. It won't matter how much garlic or how many stakes you have, I will kill you. Or if I can't, maybe I'll just have to talk to my dad and ask him for a favor. I don't want to have to do that, I'm still seriously mad at him, and he'd probably cause a ton of collateral damage if he got involved, but if it's between that and keeping Simon safe? Well… I think we both know what you'd choose if the situations were reversed, right Bubblegum?"

Without giving Princess Bubblegum any time to respond, Marceline turned invisible and smashed through a window, flying away. She wasn't going to try and head for the door and give the rattleballs a chance to try and stake her. It wasn't like she had to worry about the sun right now, either. She had rushed straight here after getting Simon's neck bandaged, helping calm down Finn, and escorting Simon to the Doctor. So it was still the middle of the night.

She rushed back to the hospital. Simon was probably still there. She was going to be staying with him for a while until they could find a way to prevent something like this from happening again. She was going to make sure there were no more assassination attempts.

She was a little disappointed she couldn't head back to the concert tonight, but she had to make sure Simon was safe.

It was the day after the failed assassination attempt and Marceline busting into her lab.

Princess Bubblegum was completely terrified. Everything was spiraling way too far out of control.

Marceline had actually threatened to get her biological father involved. The Ice King was bad enough, but Hunson Abadeer? However dangerous Ice King may have been, Abadeer was much worse.

Fortunately Marceline had made her terms quite clear. As long as Princess Bubblegum didn't send any more rattleballs to steal his crown or kill him, Marceline wouldn't get Abadeer involved. And Princess Bubblegum could not afford to have both the Ice King and Hunson Abadeer threatening the Candy Kingdom. Which meant further assassination attempts were out of the question.

But she still needed to do something. And with Billy having vanished, she couldn't rely on him to help her if things went wrong.

So, she was currently on the Morrow, flying to the Slime Kingdom.

The fetid, rotting, trash filled cesspool of a so-called "Oasis" that was the entrance of the Slime Kingdom came into view. She landed the Morrow next to it and grimaced, putting on a self cleaning hazmat suit before stepping into the oasis. The sludge wasn't necessarily dangerous in that it wouldn't hurt her to go in without the hazmat suit. She had, unfortunately, gone in with her regular attire in the past. However, it was super gross.

She slowly sank into the Oasis and plopped down onto the ground beneath in a bubble of slime. The outside of her hazmat suit was completely coated in the substance. Pores on the surface of the suit began releasing a substance that caused the slime to loosen up and start sliding off the suit on its own.

The current Slime Princess, a somewhat elderly slime, was already waiting for her. Princess Bubblegum had sent a messenger ahead last night to inform them she would be coming, so they had been expecting her.

Once the last of the slime had slid off of her, Princess Bubblegum took off her hazmat suit, folded it up, and held it under her arm. She then approached with a friendly smile. "Good afternoon, Slime Princess. How are you?"

"I'm getting on in years, I'm afraid. I can hardly party like I used to. I might have to step down and let my eldest daughter take my place soon. But other than that, I'm quite well. To what do I owe this visit? I take it you aren't here on a friendly visit just because you want to party with this old slime?" Slime Princess asked with a smile.

"Maybe later, if you want to after we're done talking, but no. I have something vitally important I need to discuss with you. I'm sorry for dropping in so suddenly, but a lot of things are happening right now so I didn't have any time to prepare either, really."

"I see. It's Politics then. Very well. Let's talk in private then." Slime Princess turned and began leading Princess Bubblegum off towards her castle.

In the castle Slime Princess led Princess Bubblegum to a cozy sitting room.

"Would you like some tea?" Slime Princess offered.

Princess Bubblegum shook her head. "No thank you. I'm fine."

"Very well. Then let's get straight to business, I suppose. What was it you wanted to discuss with me?" Slime Princess asked patiently.

"I'd like to establish an official military alliance between the Candy Kingdom and Slime Kingdom," Princess Bubblegum stated.

Slime Princess' eyes widened as she was caught completely off guard by this. "A military alliance? Really? That's… Well I certainly wasn't expecting that. If I may ask, why?"

"The Ice King… I'm sure you've heard he has a son now, right?"

Slime Princess nodded. "Indeed I have. All of Ooo has heard the news. Though I'll admit I did just think it was a baseless rumor. I mean, who in their right mind would want to have a child with the Ice King?"

"No one. Raggedy Princess was the first to learn of this, after he kidnapped her. When she escaped, she came to me and informed me. So, of course, I thought he had kidnapped the child and led some of my rattleballs to save the boy. Then I learned that, no, Ice King hadn't kidnapped him.. Apparently he found a human baby abandoned on the beach, and couldn't find the boy's parents to return him. So he adopted the boy. We both know how unstable Ice King is, so I still tried to take the boy from him, for the child's safety. I failed… Now we're in the middle of a cold war, and no that's not a pun."

Princess Bubblegum sighed and looked at the fire blazing in the fireplace. "As it would turn out, the Ice King is significantly more powerful than anyone really thought he was. If he wanted to, I'm afraid he could destroy the entire Candy Kingdom and there would be nothing I could do to stop him. He could probably conquer all of Ooo if he wanted too.. Your kingdom has one of the strongest militaries in Ooo. So if we can work together, our combined might should, in theory, be enough of a threat to keep the Ice King at bay… Hopefully… Our chances would be significantly better, at least."

Slime Princess listened intently. When Princess Bubblegum was finished speaking she finally said, "My word… This is quite the mess you've gotten yourself into, Princess. Though, this seems like an issue quite exclusive to the Candy Kingdom. The Ice King's behaviour is quite well known and has been the same for centuries. As long as the Slime Kingdom doesn't get involved, I fail to see any reason we would be in danger from him. So, forgive me if I sound a bit callous, but why would we put ourselves at risk to help your Kingdom?"

"Because it doesn't just affect my Kingdom. Part of our cold war is, in essence, an arms race. Ice King made Ice Giants to counter my Gumball Guardians, Ice Knights to fight my Banana Guards, and pretty soon I expect him to make ice golems to match my Rattleballs. If that happens, every Princess in Ooo is in danger. I'm going to talk with each of them individually to see if we can form a more unified coalition, but I wanted to start here. You've been kidnapped by the Ice King several times, so you know what he's like. You know that he's going to continue trying to kidnap princesses. And when he finally makes them, do you think anyone would be able to escape something like my rattleballs? Even if you're not worried about yourself, what about your daughter in a few years when she takes your place?"

Slime Princess went silent for a few moments in thought, a frown on her face.

Seeing Slime Princess thinking, Princess Bubblegum continued, "Of course, I'm not expecting this agreement to be completely one sided. I'm more than willing to negotiate the terms. Sending several of my rattleballs to act as bodyguards to protect you and your daughters, trade agreements, whatever. I know your people really enjoy partying, so I'm more than willing to provide you with new cutting edge party equipment. Laser lights, holographic projectors, fog machines, ultra high definition surround sound stereos."

Slime Princess thought for a few more moments. "Hm… I don't want to be kidnapped and forced to marry the Ice King, nor do I want that for my daughter later. So I suppose I won't reject this agreement outright. But I'm still not fully convinced. You said you were open to negotiation. So let's negotiate…"

Ice King rubbed his neck where he'd been cut. The doctor had sewn it up and given him some mild pain killers, and it had been a few days but it still itched.

He still couldn't believe it. Bubblegum had really tried to kill him. Did she want to take his son away from him that badly?

After Marceline had explained the situation to him, he'd been absolutely livid. If Marceline hadn't calmed him down and gone to confront her for him that night, he might have taken his Ice Giants and Ice Knights and added a whole new western mountain range to the Ice Kingdom.

After she had come back, Marceline had told him to never go there again. That they should leave him and Finn alone if he left them alone. And she promised to help him fight them if they didn't.

But that didn't mean he couldn't do anything.

In fact, Marceline wanted him to improve his defenses. She was even staying over for a while to make sure there were no more assassination attempts, until he could prepare defenses capable of stopping more assassins.

First and foremost, he needed a 'Royal Guard' of sorts to protect him and Finn from any more assassination or kidnapping attempts. Preferably soldiers that could fight on par with Bubblegum's robots.

But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't do it.

He could make them have raw speed and strength, he could even give them built in spells they could cast, but that was it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't give them the skill that Bubblegum's rattleballs had. They were all just dumb idiots who barely knew which way to hold their weapons.

So Marceline was able to completely demolish them every time the Ice King tried to do things differently. They just weren't able to last as long against her as Bubblegum's robots.

After a few days of this, he eventually gave up. He decided he was going to have to ask around Wizard City to see if he could find someone who could help him out.

He'd do that the next time he visited Wizard City.

For now, he was sitting in his easy chair, while Finn played with Gunter. Marceline was currently sleeping in a guest room Ice King had made for her.

He picked up today's newspaper and started reading. He was, of course, subscribed to the Wizard City newspaper and received it in the mail every day. Sometimes there were some interesting articles or ads for magical things he wanted.

Looking at the front page he read the headline.

"Breaking news! An alliance of Candy and Slime!"

"Huh? What's this?" Ice King muttered to himself in confusion.

"That's right, fellow wizards, it's a conjoining of opposite elements! In a joint announcement, Princess Bubblegum and Slime Princess have officially declared a military alliance. And they are seeking other princesses to join this alliance in a coalition. Slime Kingdom tanks have already been seen entering the Candy Kingdom, and Candy Kingdom robots have been seen guarding the Slime Kingdom's royal family.

The princesses declined to provide an official reason for this decision, but we here at Wiz News suspect it may have to do with Princess Bubblegum's recent trouble with the Ice King.

As we all know the Ice King recently adopted a son, and Princess Bubblegum unsuccessfully attempted to take him away…"

Ice King kept reading, steadily growing more and more angry.

"So that's how it is, huh?! Princess Bubblegum isn't satisfied with just trying to take my son, but she's trying to ruin my potential future marriage prospects too?! Well, two can play at that game! She thinks she's the only one who can get allies?! I'll show her…" He got up, rolled up the newspaper, and stuffed it under his robe.

"Finn, Gunter, I'm heading out for a bit. Gunter, you're in charge for now. If something happens, go wake up Marceline."

"Wenk." Gunter responded.

Ice King picked up Finn and gave him a big hug. "Be good, my little Prince. Daddy will be back soon!"

Finn giggled happily. "Dada."

Ice King beamed happily, setting Finn down on the ground then turning and flying out of his castle.

His mood immediately plummeted again as he thought about Slime Princess siding with Bubblegum against him. Well, Slime Princess wasn't very attractive anyway… But they wanted to get even more princesses in on it!

And if they did, would Bubblegum convince them he wasn't fit to b a father and get them all to try and take Finn from him?

He wouldn't let them… He wouldn't! HE WOULD SEND ALL OF OOO INTO A NEW ICE AGE BEFORE HE LET THEM TAKE HIS PRINCE FROM HIM!

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. It was just Slime Princess for now… There was no guarantee the other Princesses would join them.

If Bubblegum was turning other Princesses against him to get allies, he would just get allies of his own.

But who…?

His mind went to a line in the newspaper. 'Conjoining of opposite elements… Opposite elements… Opposite elements? That's weird… Are Candy and Slime opposites…?' He thought to himself. He closed his eyes and dug deep into his ancient wizard knowledge. Something whispered to him. Or was it his own thoughts? He… He couldn't tell… The whispers spoke to him of ice. Of elements… Ice, fire, slime, and candy. Candy and slime were opposites which meant Ice and… 'That's it! If the Slime Kingdom is allying with the Candy Kingdom, I'll just get the Fire Kingdom to be my ally! But, wait… Does the Fire Kingdom even have a Princess? Wasn't their leader a big scary fire guy last time I was there? Wait, how long ago was that? Hm… Eh… Doesn't matter. We're both kings! I'm sure we can work something out!'

The Fire Kingdom came into view and it started getting hotter and hotter as he crossed the border. "Whew! I forgot how hot it is in this place." He muttered to himself. He was already sweating. His magic could keep him cool, for the most part. But he was going to the core of the Fire Kingdom, where it would be at its hottest. So the newspaper he had on him could end up catching fire, if nothing else. He still wanted to finish reading that! He probably should have left that at home… Eh, hindsight was 20/20.

So he stopped for a moment and cast an ice based variation of flame shield on himself. He then continued on his way.

The castle eventually came into view.

He landed and approached the entrance. Surprisingly no one stopped him or said anything to him. So he just pushed open the door and walked in.

Inside he saw the giant fire guy he remembered sitting on the throne in the middle of the room. The Flame King.

But something else quickly caught his eye. Hanging from the ceiling in a giant lantern-like structure was a baby. It had to be about Finn's age. But why would the Flame King have a baby hanging from the ceiling? Was it his kid?

Ice King let out a quiet gasp of excitement. "A potential playmate for Finn! Now I gotta make this work…" He whispered to himself.

"The King of the Ice World? What are you doing here?" The Flame King asked him.

"Ehem… Greetings or something! I'd like to form an alliance with the Fire Kingdom!" Ice King declared.

The Flame King gave him a quizzical look. "An alliance you say? Hm… Now that is unexpected. Why would the King of Ice seek an alliance with the Fire Kingdom? Do you seek to conquer Ooo?"

"What? No. At least, not yet? Eh…" Ice King raised a hand to his chin in thought. "Hm… Maybe at some point, who knows…" He shrugged. "Anyways, I'm kinda sorta maybe at war with Princess Bubblegum, I think. We're not actually fighting yet, but we could start at any time. Right now it seems like she's trying to completely ruin my potential marriage prospects, since she and Slime Princess made an alliance and they're trying to get all the other Princesses in Ooo in on it! Grr… Dang Bubblegum… Can't just leave me alone… Well, obviously, I can't just let Bubblegum get one over on me. So since she allied with her opposite, I thought I'd do the same! So, howsabout it? You wanna be allies?"

"The Princesses of Gum and Slime have formed an alliance? I had not heard of this… Are you certain?" Flame King asked.

"Oh, yeah! Definitely! It was front page news in Wizard City! Take a look." Ice King took out today's newspaper and flew over to the Flame King. He handed the paper to Flame King, who took it and started reading. Ice King's flame shield was the only thing that stopped the newspaper from bursting into flames the moment Flame King touched it.

"…Opposite elements… military alliance…" Flame King mumbled to himself as he read the newspaper. When he was done, he lowered the paper and looked at the Ice King. "So it's true then? They're not just allying with each other, they're seeking a military coalition of all the Princesses in Ooo?"

"Yeah, I guess. Can I have my newspaper back? I still wanna read that later." Ice King requested.

Flame King gave him his newspaper back, and Ice King flew back a ways, landing on the ground and staring up at the giant fire person.

"Hm… If they really are forming such a coalition, perhaps it would be wise to seek allies… Perhaps I could be persuaded to agree. However, I would need to know the extent of your military capabilities before I could agree. And assuming war does break out, I would demand half of all of the territory our combined forces conquered." Flame King demanded.

"Sure! Fine by me! You get all that, but I get any Princesses we capture. I still need to find a wife, and a mommy for my son Finn! Oh, also, is that your kid in that lantern up there?" Ice King pointed up at the baby in the lantern.

"Indeed she is. My daughter."

"Sweet! Then I'd like to bring my son Finn over to play with her sometimes! Or have her come over to the ice kingdom to play. He does need to make friends with other kids his age and this seems like the perfect opportunity!"

"Hm… She is in there for a reason, buuut maybe. Otherwise I suppose your terms are acceptable. When can I expect a demonstration of your military capabilities?" Flame King asked.

"Whenever you want, I guess. What time works for you?" Ice King inquired.

"I have preparations of my own that I need to make… Remind me, you said the fighting hasn't started yet, correct?" Flame King inquired.

"Yeah. Well, sort of. We've just been building up our defenses for the most part. But Princess Bubblegum did send a robot assassin to kill me in my sleep the other night. I would've frozen the Candy Kingdom solid that night, but my friend Marceline went and confronted Princess Bubblegum for me. So right now, I think we're both sort of waiting for the other to make the first move while we both try to build better armies or something."

"A cold war then. How dull… But fine. That makes my timeline a little more vague since I don't have to act with any urgency. I'll send a messenger ahead when I've finished speaking with my advisors. We can work out a time for your military demonstration then. However, do not think this makes us allies just yet. Nothing is finalized until I see the might of your armies for myself and we conduct a more thorough negotiation. Are we clear?" Flame King stated.

"Works for me!" Ice King said with a smile.

"Good. Then be gone. I have business I must attend to."

"Alrighty then! Later." Ice King said before turning and leaving. "I think that went well!" He said to himself as he started flying back to the Ice Kingdom.

Chapter Text

Since Ice King was already out and about from his visit to the Fire Kingdom, he decided to stop by Wizard City before heading home. He needed to go there anyway, so he might as well do it now after all.

He talked to the Grand Master Wizard's secretary at the front desk and managed to get a meeting with him that day. After waiting for half an hour or so, he was eventually led into the Grand Master Wizard's court where he was currently on a bubble floating in the middle of the room.

"Greetings Ice King. I'm told you have something you wish to discuss with me." The Grand Master Wizard greeted him.

Ice King waved. "Hello. Yeah. I need help with a problem I'm having and I thought you'd be able to help me figure it out. You know, since you're the Grand Master and all."

"I take it this is about your conflict with the Candy and Slime Kingdoms?" The Grand Master Wizard asked.

"Yeah! I—"

"I refuse. Princess Bubblegum has been a good friend to the Wizard community. Therefore I will not help you."

"But, I'm actually a wizard! And I'm totally a good friend of Wizard City! I come here to buy magical junk all the time!" Ice King objected.

"Eh…" The Grand Master Wizard shrugged. "I have no hostility towards you, Ice King. And you are a Wizard, so that makes you cool with us by default. But as I said, Princess Bubblegum is a good friend to the Wizard community. So we will not help you against Princess Bubblegum, but we will not assist her against you either. Wizard City will have no part in your war on either side. We will remain neutral."

"Wizard City? Wait, do you think I'm here to ask you to be allies with me?" Ice King asked, confused.

"Indeed. That is why you came to me, is it not? I am aware that Princess Bubblegum and Slime Princess have allied with each other and are seeking a coalition of all the Princesses in Ooo. So I can only assume you wish for Wizard City to ally ourselves with the Ice Kingdom."

Ice King waved his hands and shook his head. "No no no no. That's not why I'm here at all! I mean… don't get me wrong, it'd be great if Wizard City wanted to be allies, but it's fine as long as you don't help Bubblegum either. I'm already talking to Flame King anyway."


"Flame King? The Flame King has agreed to ally with the Ice Kingdom?" The Grand Master wizard asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I guess. Well, he said he won't agree until he sees what my army can do, but we'll get that all sorted out in no time! Did you know he's got a kid too? He keeps her in a lantern on the ceiling of his throne room for some reason. Anyway, he agreed to let her and Finn play together if our deal goes through, so I really gotta impress him to make sure this works out!"

The Grand Master Wizard looked off in thought. "Ice and Fire working together against Candy and Slime… A war of the elements with the elemental opposites siding with each other instead of against each other… Fascinating…"

"So… Will you help me?" Ice King asked, interrupting him.

The Grand Master Wizard looked at him. "It depends on what you want. If you aren't seeking to gain Wizard City as an ally, then why are you here?" The Grand Master Wizard asked.

"I'm here because you're the best wizard in Ooo, besides me! That's why you're the Grand Master right? So you gotta know a ton about magic!" Ice King asked.

"Excuse you! I am the best wizard in Ooo! Second to none! You might be older by a few centuries, Ice King, but I am the Grand Master for a reason! However, your question perplexes me. Despite my clearly superior magical abilities, you are the undisputed master of Ice Magics specifically. Why would you, of all wizards, need magical advice?" The Grand Master wizard inquired.

"Cough, second best, cough." Ice King fake coughed, in a barely audible whisper.

"What was that?!" The Grand Master Wizard growled.

"Nothing! My throat's just a bit parched from my visit to the Fire Kingdom, that's all. All that fire and smoke, ya know?" Ice King said with a placating smile.

The Grand Master Wizard glared at him suspiciously. "Very well… But don't let it happen again! It sounded like you were questioning my abilities. Now stop wasting my time and answer the question! Why would you need magical advice?"

"Because I'm kinda stumped. I wanna make Ice soldiers that can compete with Bubblegum's robots, but I'm having trouble figuring it out. I got all this knowledge crammed in my noggin but I just can't piece it together, no matter how hard I try. I can make them just as fast and strong, but every time, they're just so dumb! They can barely talk, let alone use the weapons I give them! They've just got total poo brain! So, since you're the Grand Master I thought you might know a way I could make better ice golems or something."

Ice King got on his knees, clasping his hands together, tears welling in his eyes. "Please! I really really need this! Bubblegum sent one of her rattleballs to kill me the other night! It would've gotten away with it too, if Marceline hadn't helped me! See?! Look at my neck! I still have the stitches!" Ice King pulled back his beard and showed the Grand Master Wizard his stitches for a moment, before clasping his hands together and continuing begging. "I'm begging you! I've got a son! He's all I have! I can't let Bubblegum take him away from me! And I really need to impress the Flame King so Finn can have a friend his own age! Please! Please!"

The Grand Master Wizard raised a hand to his chin in thought. "Hm… I cannot help you directly. As doing so could be perceived as Wizard City siding with the Ice Kingdom."

Ice King sobbed louder, continuing to plead pathetically.

"SILENCE!" The Grand Master Wizard shouted over the Ice King's crying. Ice King shut up, but continued to sniffle and looked up at the Grand Master Wizard sadly. "I was not finished speaking, and your pathetic sobbing is grating on my eardrums! Now… As I was saying, I cannot help you directly. However, I can offer some advice."

Ice King sprang back to his feet excitedly, his tears vanishing immediately. "Really?!"

"Indeed. The magic you seek does exist, of course. It's simply a more advanced form of what you are already doing. You should already be capable of this! It is not your golems who have poo brain, Ice King! It is you!"

Ice King gasped in offense. "I do not have poo brain!"

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"Your brain is made of bad meat!"

"No, it's good!" Ice King shook his head in distraught denial, clutching the sides of his head as if to hold his brain.

"Accept it, Ice King! If your brain was good, you would be capable of creating intelligent life on a whim! Your own mind is all that prevents you from making intelligent Ice People! But there's a solution… An individual Wizard should be able to assist you without involving the rest of Wizard City. Therefore, you must seek out the Ancient Magi of Life Giving. He can't fix your mind, but he is the undisputed master of life-giving magics. He should be able to assist you with making your slush brained golems into big brained Ice People."

"Hmph… Alright then… So, where is this guy?" Ice King inquired.

"Last I heard, he was constructing a dungeon. He is the master of life giving magics and thus anything he touches he can bring to life. But he also has an unfortunate issue that most things he makes are horrifically evil! Quite similar to your own issues I must say. Albeit in a different direction as his can at least be intelligent. As such, he seeks to hide himself away from the world and sleep so that his magics cause no further harm by spawning more evil creatures. Thus the dungeon. Find him, help him solve whatever issues are preventing him from creating non-evil life, and he should be able to help you solve your issues in turn. Here's a map to the dungeon he's building."

The Grand Master Wizard clapped his hands together and a scroll appeared in the air, falling on Ice King's face, bouncing off, and falling to the ground.

Ice King picked up the map and looked at it. "Sweet! Thanks a lot GM."

"Consider us even for that favor you did me fifty years ago. You know the one. With that crazy Witch and that curse of balding…"

"Huh? What are you… Wait… Oh yeah! Now I remember! It was that time I shaved off my beard and you wore it like a wig over that huge bald spot! It took me days to grow it back. You ever get that taken care of, by the way?"

"Indeed. Billy helped me find a way to break the curse, but the beard wig was quite useful in the interim. From one wizard to another, never date Witches, Ice King. They get into all sorts of dark magic, then they get all vindictive if you break up with them over it. I mean, what did she expect?! I'm the Grand Master Wizard! It's my job to keep dark magic out of Wizard City! Even now, I still have to check my mail for curses, poisons, and potions before opening it! Just last week she sent me a letter that would have turned me into a toad, and the only way to end the curse would be by kissing her. Fortunately I had some foolish goblin open it for me… Ugh…" The Grand Master Wizard sighed and shook his head. "Trust me when I say, it's just not worth all the drama…"

"I hear ya, brother. It's just Princesses for me! Welp, guess I'll be going now. Thanks for the map!" Ice King waved as he turned and started walking out.

"Later, Ice King."

Ice King arrived back at the Castle and saw Marceline waiting for him. "Marceline, you're awake! Boy do I have a lot to tell you!"

"Simon, where have you been? I just woke up for a midday snack like fifteen minutes ago and you were just gone."

"Well, yeah. I had some stuff to do. Since you were asleep, I didn't wanna wake you, so I just left Gunter in charge of Finn for a while. Didn't he tell you?" Ice King and Marceline both looked at Gunter.

"Wenk wenk."

Ice King motioned to him. "See? He says he told you."

Marceline pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and sighed. "Right… Can you at least tell me what you've been up to?"

"Of course! But first, where's Finn? I don't see him anywhere."

Marceline motioned to Ice King's bedroom. "He's taking a nap right now."

"Aw, dang it. Well, better not wake him, I guess… Well anyway, I've got good news! I talked to the Flame King and he might be willing to become allies with me! He wants to see a demonstration of our military abilities before he agrees, but I'm sure I can convince him! Better yet, Flame King has a kid too, about Finn's age! If he agrees, Finn's gonna have a new playmate! Isn't that great?"

Marceline stared at him in surprise. "The Flame King? You mean you went to the Flame Kingdom? And you actually got him to agree to an alliance? How? No, more importantly, why? You didn't tell me anything about this before."

"Well, yeah. It was kinda a spur of the moment thing. I was just reading today's newspaper and apparently Slime Princess and Princess Bubblegum made an alliance against me. And they're trying to get all of the other Princesses in on it. They're trying to completely ruin my chances with all the Princesses in Ooo! It was front page news! Here, take a look for yourself." He took out his newspaper and handed it to her.

Marceline read through the newspaper for a few moments before face palming. "Urgh! Dang it Bubblegum!"

"Yeah! I know, right?! They just can't leave me alone… So after I read that, I thought 'two can play at this game'! So I decided since Princess Bubblegum got her elemental opposite as an ally, I would too! So I went and talked to Flame King. I woulda told ya before I left but like I said, I didn't wanna wake you up. Anyway, it went great! It's looking like they're gonna be our allies and Finn's gonna get a new buddy!"

"That's great! What did you say to convince him?" Marceline asked.

"Oh, nothing much. I just asked if he wanted to be allies, and showed him the newspaper! He said if war does break out, he'd want half of all territory our combined forces conquered. I told him I was cool with that, but I'd want any princesses we captured since I still need to find a wife. And I told him I wanted to have Finn and his daughter play together sometimes. He said my terms were acceptable but he wants to see what my army can do first! And that's where my second piece of good news comes in!"

"There's more? How much did you do while you were gone?"

"Oh not much. I only really stopped by two places. Anyway, while I was on my way home I decided, since I was already out, I might as well stop by Wizard City. So I did, and I had a talk with the Grand Master Wizard about the problem we've been having with my golems all being so dumb. He told me he couldn't help me himself since he's the leader of Wizard City, buuut he gave me this map!"

Ice King took out the map and unfurled it, showing it to Marceline. "It'll lead us to the Ancient Magi of Life Giving. He's having issues with only being able to make evil things. If we can help him figure out how to make life that isn't evil, he should be able to help me figure out how to make intelligent golems. So our army should be able to compete with Bubblegum's robots! Oh, by the way, you should never date any Witches, Marceline. They do a ton of dark magic and if you ever break up with them, they'll curse you with beard loss or turn you into a toad or something. Besides, they have like… snakes and ferrets for guts. Blech… Gross… Totes not worth it."

"Uh… Good to know, I guess…? Anyway, how are we supposed to help this magi guy? You're having trouble yourself, so if we knew how to fix his problems, don't you think we'd already know how to fix yours?" Marceline inquired.

Ice King shrugged. "I dunno. But only one way to find out, right? So tomorrow, you, me, Finn, and Gunter are going on a trip! We'll find this Magi guy, talk to him, figure out what's wrong with his magic, help him, and then he can help me make smarter Ice People! Or if worse comes to worst, he can help us make a bunch of evil intelligent golems and we can just keep them locked up somewhere until we need them. That could work too."

"We're not doing that last part. But, I guess this is the best lead we have right now, sooo… I guess it's at least worth a shot."

"Great! I can't wait to start making smart ice things!"

The next day, Ice King had Finn in a baby carrier and Marceline was flying with them. It was midday so Marceline had her wide brimmed hat and umbrella.

"We've been flying for like an hour. Are you sure we're heading in the right direction?" Marceline asked.

"Yeah! The map says it should be right up ahead. Look." Ice King handed her the map.

Marceline took it and looked at it. "Huh. Guess you're right. This place is just on the butt end of Ooo in the middle of nowhere."

"Well, GM did say this guy was building a dungeon to hide in 'cause his magic was all donked up. Guess it's easier to hide somewhere super far away."

"Wait, you didn't mention a dungeon yesterday. We're not actually gonna have to go through a dungeon, right? You brought Finn."

"Nah. At least, I don't think so? I think he's still building it. If not, we'll just head home. Then I'll come back on my own some other day."

Marceline relaxed. "Alright, I guess… Oh, hey! I think I see it."

Ice King looked and saw a half built structure ahead of them.

They landed near it and saw a hairy creature in a purple robe wearing oven mits, shouting commands to several living piles of stone.

"A little to the left! A little more! A teensy bit more! Perfect! Now just set it down gently, and—"

There was a loud crash as the rock golems haphazardly dropped a steel beam causing part of the structure to collapse.

The Magi winced. "Or not… Dang it guys! That's the third freaking time! I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose!"

"Having trouble?" Ice King asked.

The Magi flinched and whirled around to face them. "Oh, shoot! No no no! You guys can't be here! It's not safe! You gotta get outta here, quick!"

Marceline floated towards him. "Chill dude. You're the Ancient Magi of Life Giving, right? We're here to talk to you."

The Magi wasn't paying attention. He was looking back towards the half built dungeon. "Oh glob! They've seen you! Run!"

Piles of rocks and various other animated objects began pouring out of the dungeon from whatever exits they could find, rushing towards them.

Ice King put one fist on his hip with a slightly annoyed frown. Then he raised his other hand, making a finger gun, and firing beams at the animated objects. Freezing them in blocks of ice one after the other.

In a matter of seconds, all of them were frozen in place.

The Magus had a look of surprise on his face, then realization dawned on him. "Oh… You're the Ice King. Sorry. I've seen you around Wizard City, so I should have recognized you, but I guess I panicked a little."

Ice King waved a hand dismissively. "Ah, it's fine."

"Why did those things try to attack us? They were just doing construction a minute ago," Marceline asked.

The Ancient Life Giving Magus sighed and looked down at the ground. "Yeah… These were the calmest guys I managed to make. They wouldn't attack me and kinda sorta followed orders usually, but like everything I make they're still totally evil. That's why I'm making this dungeon all the way out here, so they wouldn't end up attacking any random people who happened to be just passing by… Speaking of which, what are you guys doing all the way out here?"

"We're here to talk to you. I'm having issues with my own Ice and Snow golems, and the Grand Master Wizard said if we could help you solve whatever issues are causing everything you make to be evil, you could help me out too!" Ice King stated.

"You're having issues with your golems? Why? What's wrong with them?" The Ancient Magus asked.

"They're all massive morons." Ice King stated bluntly.

"Yeah, most of them can barely speak. Though I have been teaching a couple to play instruments. So at least they've got that going for them." Marceline added.

"Hm… Aren't you like the best ice wizard in Ooo? Making intelligent Ice people should be easy for you." The Ancient Magi asked.

Ice King frowned. "Aren't you the best life magic wizard in Ooo? Making non-evil life should be easy for you!"

The Ancient Magi winced. "Point taken. Anyway, I'm not sure I can help you. All I can do is imbue things with an evil spirit. One that craves destruction and chaos. It's just the way my magic works…" He took out a locket and looked at the pictures inside. "Papa always said I was a bad wizard. Right papa? Baby's a bad wizard! A BAD WIZARD, HUH?! YOU'RE A BAD WIZARD! I'M A BAD WIZARD!" He tossed the locket and started crying.

Finn started crying along with him.

"Hey, quit that! You're bothering Finn!" Ice King demanded. He then turned and started bouncing Finn in his baby carrier, muttering to him. "Shh… There there. It's alright. Don't let this guy bother you. Daddy's here and he thinks you'll grow up to be a great wizard!"

Marceline floated over to the Life Giving Magus. "Come on, dude. Don't beat yourself up so much. This Grand Master guy apparently thinks you're the best at what you do. That's gotta count for something, right? You're just having a bit of trouble, just like Simon… er… Ice King… That's all."

The Ancient Magus sniffled and looked at Marceline. "Y-you're right… I'm sorry… It's just, all I can do is think about my papa and how much I disappoint him…"

"Maybe that's why your magic's all evil then? Try thinking about something more positive. Oh! Here, look at Ice King." Marceline suggested.

The Ancient Magi looked at Ice King interacting with Finn, trying to cheer him up. "Heh… He reminds me of my mommy… When I came home with bad grades from Wizard School, my mommy used to hug me, and hug me…!" He started giggling happily.

"Uh… Sure, dude. Here, while you're thinking about your mom, try animating this rock." Marceline picked up a rock and held it out to him.

He took off one of his oven mitts and said, "Okay… Let's try this… I… love my mommy?" He touched the rock and it grew arms and legs, coming to life.

"Hugs! Ah, hug you. I'll hug you!" The tiny living rock said before jumping out of Marceline's hand and hugging the Ancient Magi of Life Giving.

"Ooh! It woooorked!" The Magi exclaimed excitedly, hugging the tiny rock back.

Marceline looked at the rock creature in surprise. "Wow… It… really was that simple wasn't it? I'll be honest, I wasn't actually expecting that to work."

"But it did! It did work! I can make things that are good, now! This is fantastic!"

"Huh? What's going on over here? What did I miss?" Ice King inquired, having finished calming Finn down.

"Your daughter here just helped me figure out what was wrong with my magic! Isn't it fantastic?" The Life Giving Magi exclaimed, holding up the now living rock in his hand.

It waved at Ice King with a smile. "Hello! Would you like a hug?"

"Daughter? Marceline's not…" Ice King hesitated. She wasn't his daughter. Finn was the only kid he had. Right? Marceline was just his friend. Surely he would have remembered if… But then why did that sound right? She was… a prince? No… She wasn't… Was she? Girls were princesses not princes. But she wasn't a princess… Prince… Finn… Son… Daughter… Marceline…? His head started to hurt.

"Ehem… Anyway, since we helped you figure out what was wrong with your magic, will you help Simon figure out how to make intelligent Ice Golems?" Marceline asked.

"Of course! It's the least I could do!" The Life Giving Magus said with a huge smile. Then he hesitated and looked back at all the frozen creatures that had been building his dungeon for him. "Oh, but I gotta do something about these guys first. They'll probably still be alive when they thaw out eventually, and I shouldn't let any of my old evil creations wander around. So, Ice King, could you help me by unfreezing these guys? Ice King…?"

He and Marceline both looked at the Ice King who seemed to be lost in deep thought.

"Ice King? Hello? ICE KING!"

"Huh?! Oh… Yeah, whaddya want?" Ice King asked, finally snapping out of it.

"Can you unfreeze these guys so I can unenchant them?" The Life Giving Magus asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure. You're gonna help me with my golems right?" Ice King asked, following the Life Giving Magus over to the frozen creatures.

"Yeah, I just said I was going to."

Chapter Text

"So my issue was that I couldn't stop thinking about my papa, so your issue is probably mental too. So we just need to figure out what's wrong. Then you can think different thoughts while you bring your golems to life. So, if my issue was my papa, what do you think yours is?" Life Giving Magus asked the Ice King. They were both standing at the base of the Ice King's castle, next to the foot of one of his Ice Giants.

"I dunno," Ice King shrugged. "The Grand Master Wizard said my brain was bad. I think he was calling me crazy! Hahaha! Isn't that hilarious? Me? Crazy? Bah…"

Life Giving Magus pointed at the Ice King. "Wait, that just might be it! All Wizards are a little crazy, and you're like the craziest wizard in Ooo! We can't fix your madness, but that gives us something to work with. Could you make a golem?"

"Sure." Holding out a hand, Ice King zapped a snowman into existence, then animated it.

The snowman made unintelligible noises and began moving around, looking around curiously.

Life Giving Magus raised his thumb and index finger to his chin and looked at the unintelligent, almost animalistic, snow golem. One of his eyebrows raised. "Hm… And what were you thinking about when you made it?"

"Eh… Lots of stuff, I guess. Making this thing, princesses, the secrets of ice and snow, myself, plans to kidnap princesses, Marceline and Finn, princes, this cold war thing, freezing Princess Bubblegum and shattering her. Same stuff as usual, I guess."

Life Giving Magus was somewhat taken aback by this. "Wow that's a lot to think about in like… less than two seconds? And you were thinking about all of it, all at once, when you made this guy?"

"Pretty much!" Ice King nodded. He tapped his head. "My mind is like a constant blizzard. Tons of thoughts and ideas swirling around in here all at once." His expression grew pensive. "Sometimes I feel like I get lost in that blizzard… Wandering through an endless storm of thoughts swirling around me like snow in the freezing wind…" His pensive expression was suddenly replaced by a large smile. "It's great! I can think so many things at once! I'm totally a genius! Ahahaha!"

Life Giving Magus nodded. "I see… Then I have an idea. Try to just focus on the golem and the personality you want it to have. Don't think about anything else. Block out all other thoughts as best you can. And try taking a bit more time, rather than just zapping it into existence. It might help you focus a bit more if you're paying attention to what you're doing."

"Ugh. But that's so boring… I'm a wizard, not a sculptor," Ice King groaned in annoyance.

"It's just a method to help you practice focusing your thoughts. Once you get the hang of it, hopefully you shouldn't need to take any time." Life Giving Magus told him.

"Fiiiine…" Ice King raised a hand and began accumulating nearby snow, packing it together and fusing the flakes into a solid block of ice. He wanted something that could really do some damage against the Candy Kingdom. Something scary and tough looking. He needed it to be loyal, smart, fierce, and not afraid to fight to protect him and Finn. To tear Princess Bubblegum and the Candy People apart.

As he packed the snow together into ice, slowly giving the creature shape and form, he tried not to think about anything else. Trying to block out all the noise that his mind was usually filled with, and focus on just the creature he was making and how he wanted it to be.

It was difficult. Stray thoughts just kept popping up and he kept having to shove them aside to try and concentrate. The hardest part was realizing that he was losing focus to even try and refocus.

Eventually the creature's body was complete and Ice King stopped to see the results, it immediately came to life. It looked like a gargoyle made entirely of ice. It stretched its long bat-like wings and looked around.

"Ice… Me protect, Ice from enemies. Candy is enemy… Me hate enemies! WILL TEAR ENEMIES FLESH, EAT THEIR BONES! MAKE ENEMIES SCREAM!" The icy gargoyle roared at the sky, his wings flared.

The Life Giving Magus approached and patted Gargy on the back once, rendering him inanimate again. "Yeesh… That guy was intense. On the bright side, he seemed a little bit smarter, at least. So that's progress!"

Ice King spent the next two days practicing with the Life Giving Magus guiding him and offering tips and advice, or having him try different methods to help him focus.

Ice King ended up making hundreds of golems of all sorts of different shapes and sizes. Some of which were allowed to wander off, while others the Life Giving Magus rendered inanimate again for being too evil or unstable, like the gargoyle.

Ice King was mentally exhausted and extremely frustrated. "UGH! I give up!" Ice King shouted in frustration after the hundredth failed golem today. "Can't I just make the body and let you bring it to life? That seems like it'd be way easier."

Life Giving Magus shook his head and said encouragingly, "No! You can do this, Ice King! If I can overcome my issues and make non-evil life, you can overcome yours and make intelligent life! You're getting so close too. That last one was your smartest yet. Also your most evil yet, but c'est la vie." He shrugged. "Come on, give it just one more try. Then we can take a break or call it for the day. If not for yourself, then do it for Finn! You wanna protect him from Princess Bubblegum, right?"

"Of course I do!" Ice King snapped. "Grr… Fine! One last try, then we're done for today." He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Focus… Just gotta focus… You can do this, Ice King. Do it for Finn!" He opened his eyes again and started making the creature.

He wanted something fast, strong, and smart enough to fight the rattleballs. Something that would protect him and Finn with unfaltering loyalty. Something that could fly, so it could follow him and Marceline around to serve as a bodyguard. Something not evil. Something friendly looking for Finn.

He gave it wings made of ice with "feathers" made of frost and snow. Putting all of his focus and effort into this, he put much more thought into its appearance. It looked almost exactly like a human woman, and was surprisingly beautiful, with a finely crafted face and shoulder length hair made of snow. He gave her a suit of armor made of ice just as strong or stronger than steel, leaving only her head exposed.

Ice King gritted his teeth, struggling as hard as he could against the noise in his mind. Clinging desperately to the idea he had for this thing. He had to get it right!

After a few moments he stopped and looked at his creation.

She opened her eyes. "Where am I?"

Ice King gasped excitedly. She actually made a coherent sentence. He restrained himself trying not to get his hopes up yet. She'd only said three words. "You're in the Ice Kingdom. I'm the Ice King. I made you to protect me and my family from assassins and stuff."

She looked at him. "I see… Yes. It is my honor to guard you, my liege. No assassin will harm you or your family as long as I still live."

She was intelligent… She was actually intelligent! And she wasn't evil! "It worked! It actually worked! Hahaha!" Ice King cheered excitedly.

"You finally did it, Ice King! I knew you had it in you, buddy!" Life Giving Magus cheered as well.

The "Snow Angel", as Ice King had decided to call this type of Ice Person, looked at the two of them in confusion. "What? What worked?"

Ice King grabbed her by the shoulders with a huge smile on his face. "You! You work! You're actually smart! You're officially the first intelligent Ice Person I've managed to make! Hahaha!"

"Ice King, wait! I know this is exciting but let's calm down. Try making another. Just do exactly what you did to make her again. If you do, you can't be too excited or you might not be able to focus properly again." Life Giving Magus suggested.

Ice King snapped and pointed at him. "You're right! I gotta make sure this wasn't a fluke. Alright… Calm… Calm… I need to Focus… For Finn."

Ice King made another Snow Angel, trying to put just as much effort into this one as the first. This time, however, he wanted not just a bodyguard but someone to help him with military stuff. Someone who could serve as either a bodyguard or a general who could lead his army from the front lines in an open battle if necessary. This second Snow Angel was a physically imposing seven foot tall very muscular male. He had shoulder length hair too, similar to the first one, but he also had a respectable beard and a much more severe and serious looking face.

The second Snow Angel opened his eyes and looked between the Life Giving Magus, the first Snow Angel, and the Ice King. He remained silent.

"Hello. I'm the Ice King, your new boss." Ice King greeted him. "I made you to protect me and my family from assassins, and help me lead my army to protect the Ice Kingdom. This is the Ancient Magi of Life Giving, he taught me how to make you. And this is your partner, coworker, whatever. I made her just a minute ago."

The second Snow Angel nodded. "Understood, your majesty. I'm afraid I was only just made and thus don't know much about war or military, but I will do everything within my power to learn. Do you have any books on the subject? I would like to begin studying as soon as possible."

"Books about war? Eh… Hm… Maybe? Dunno. If not, Turtle Princess' library probably has some! I'll take you down there later and we can check them out!" Ice King stated.

"What about me, my liege? You gave him two tasks. Guarding you and helping lead your armies. Is serving as a bodyguard my only purpose?" The first Snow Angel inquired.

Ice King looked at her. "Oh yeah. I guess I kinda expected you guys to be another failure like all my other golems, so I didn't think much beyond that when I made you. But you're not failures! You're my first two successes! Wait, where was I…? Oh yeah. If you want something else to do… Hm…" He thought for a moment before snapping in realization. "Oh! Ninjas! Hahaha! Yeah, that sounds great! Ninjas are the guys who do all the super secretive and stealthy stuff. You could be in charge of all the guys I'll make for that! While this whole war thing is pretty new to me, I do have my own personal collection of Ice Ninja stuff already! I'll let you see it, and teach you everything I know about them! It'll be nice having a buddy to talk about ninja stuff with!"

The first Snow Angel bowed. "Thank you, my liege. I look forward to learning from you."

"Hey, Ice King, since these guys are smart that means you should be able to handle things yourself from here on out, right? So if we're done here, I'm gonna head back to Wizard City. If something happens and you need my help, you know where to find me." The Life Giving Magus interjected.

"Alrighty then. See ya later, Life Giving Magus. Thanks for the help!"

Life Giving Magus waved as he started flying

Ice King looked back at his creations. "Anyway, I'll fill you guys in on the whole situation between the Ice Kingdom and the rest of Ooo later. For now, let's just go back to the castle. I wanna introduce you two to Finn and Marceline! I can't wait to see what they think of this! I finally made intelligent Ice People! Ooh, this is so exciting!" He took off, flying up towards the castle. The snow angels flew behind him, following him inside.

Inside Marceline was tuning her bass while Finn was playing with his toys, bashing the hero into the dragon. Gunter was playing with Finn's princess toy, also bashing it into the dragon toy.

"Marceline, Finn, good news! I finally did it! Meet our new royal guard, my snow angels!" Ice King announced, motioning towards the snow angels.

Finn stopped playing and looked over at them, standing up and awkwardly walking towards them. He approached the second Snow Angel and looked up at him.

"Your Majesty, what is this tiny creature?" The Snow Angel asked.

"That's my son, Finn. My little Ice Prince!" Ice King told him.

The second Snow Angel knelt down and picked up Finn. "I see. My apologies, Prince Finn. You have very little resemblance to your father, so I did not recognize you."

Finn giggled, reaching out towards the second Snow Angel. "Knight, big! Fight monsters! Hero!"

Ice King smiled. "Awww, he likes you." He walked over and took Finn from the snow angel. "That's right, he's a hero. He's gonna protect us from all the big mean monsters the Candy Kingdom sends after us."

Marceline set down her bass and approached the first Snow Angel. "Yo. I'm Marceline. So you and that big guy are gonna be protecting Simon and Finn now, huh?"

"Simon?" The Snow Angel asked, confused.

Marceline sighed. "Right, you were only just made… Ice King. I meant Ice King. Simon's his actual name."

"I see. Then yes. That is the primary reason why we were made, of course. I will also be leading his 'Ice Ninjas', apparently. Whereas he," She pointed at the second Snow Angel, "Will be leading the military. You refer to the King by name. Does this mean you are a member of his family, as Prince Finn is?"

Marceline winced. "It's complicated… Anyway, it'll be nice having someone else around to protect him. I saved him from one of Princess Bubblegum's rattleballs the other day, and I've been staying with him for the past few days to make sure that won't happen again. I'll be testing you two to make sure you can keep up with Bubblegum's Rattleballs. So I hope you're ready. I won't be going easy on you."

"I look forward to the opportunity." The first Snow Angel stated.

"Hey, you… Uh… Snow angel number one? Man, you two really need names." Ice King called out. "Anyway, since you're gonna lead my ninjas, I gotta show you my Secret Sanctum. Snow angel two, you stay here and guard Finn while we're doing that."

"As you wish, my liege." The First stated before following him off.

Ice King set Finn down with his toys while he led the First into his Secret Sanctum, leaving Marceline with Finn and the Second.

Marceline grabbed her bass and resumed tuning it, making some small talk with the Second while they waited.