Chapter Text
eren
If you ask me, what's the biggest threat for Paradis and Eldians, I would say Marleyans without hesitation. Marleyans, i hated everything about them from their country to borders, soldiers. We were in war but we weren't in war. Their soldiers entered our lands easily and we couldn't do anything. While they were mercilessly slaughtering our people, we were suffering.
I remember waking up from my sleep during the breaks in the war. The first thing that came to my mind was, "What's the situation?" i asked to Commander Levi. "Truce." he said, and added "For now."
"What? No, you are joking right?"
When I quickly stood up, she shouted, "Eren, be careful." he warned lately. I screamed because of the pain in my shoulder and looked at my bandaged shoulder. I remembered, I was shot before I fainted. My eyes went to my wounds one by one, one from my shoulder and two from my waist. They'll leave a scar. I know the value of my life, no doubt for this.
I was afraid of dying until I was 16. Then I lost everything, and even the death become nothing for me. I don't know if it's because of what we experienced when we became soldiers, but it makes a person different. No one would come out of the war alive anyway. Physical or mental. It's always been like this.
Now I was at my sister's, nurse's door, the place where I had brought my wounded friends throughout the war. "Mikasa." I called out, I wasn't that bad, I shouldn't have come. "What if something happened to you?" She clenched his teeth. "What if something happened to Eren? How selfish you are. You're the only one I've left to hold on to in my life. Do you have any idea how bad it was to see you here?"
"I'm sorry."
Commander Levi left us alone, not getting involved in our family drama. "Mikasa, I'm still not dead." she rolled her eyes. "The war is over soldier, stop before you put holes in your body."
"A soldier's war never over."
"Whatever." she said. After my sister was re-bandaged me, I washed my face and tied my hair in the rusty mirror. I had to cut it. "Give me my gun." I told Jean. "Ere-"
"I said give my gun. This is an order, not a request." This time he gave the gun. When I left the health tent, my soldiers didn't even salute me, so I didn't care at that moment. I had different priorities, at this time. As I walked towards headquarters, I didn't want to believe in the truce.
"Commander Erwin." I said, barely keeping my voice calm, Commander Levi was there too. He was making tea for himself and Erwin. Erwin was our superior in the army, even Levi's. "Why did we make a ceasefire?"
"When did you wake up?"
"It didn't take long." I said. "What were you thinking when you came here as soon as you woke up!" His tone of voice, which might have made someone else tremble, didn't affect me; I was used to it. I was supposed to apologize and leave but I didn't. Commander Erwin and Commander Levi were like the older brothers I've never had. At least they were before the war.
"Are you going to drive me crazy, Eren! We'll try all kinds of ways so that you don't die, but as soon as you wake up, come and bring yourself here. Go fuck yourself and get your treatment!"
"You have made a ceasefire, commander." He looked at me. Oh, he's gonna kill me. "So?" he said.
"We could stop them."
"Really, eren?"
"My commander, we could stop them, we were in the borders!"
"There are children, women, elders behind the war. Don't you take your head! Do you think there are only soldiers in the war, no more lives should be lost, this country shouldn't suffer anymore. This country is torn apart! Don't you see! We distributed as much as we distributed, Eren."
The room became silent for a moment, Commander Levi was watching us from a distance. I think he should have found it right not to participate. "I got you."
"You don't even care about dying in war, but for me, it's not like that. If I see you touch even one soldier of Marley, I will kill you with my own hands, Eren. Got it?"
"What if they do?"
"Well, then you can use your strength and do whatever you want." He kicked me out as soon as I arrived. If you had a commander like Erwin Smith in your life, none of your wishes would come true. I was walking back down the corridor with a sullen face. I saw Jean. "Did you get your scolding? Here's that's your good morning gift for you." he said, with a smirk on his face.
"Shut up." i said. Jean, Connie and Sasha, we became soldiers together. We were the ones left behind after the war, we had no one else to hold on to. We were not much different from each other. My promotion in rank was all about killing Katsu Arlert. Arlerts... I was going to kill all the Arlert's. I was going to pierce them one by one.
I was going to take my revenge. I was going to take revenge for killing my family. I would take revenge for leaving me alive as a punishment. Revenge for having to hide my little sister, revenge for my mother's screams.
After going home and resting for a few hours, I went out to the street. People were happy, the war was over. There was no need for more pain. I saw Connie and Sasha on the way to the military's path again. They were discussing. In front of their soldiers. Oh god, how did they live? They didn't notice me, and I didn't care, went to the Erwin commander's room.
I saw a familiar face in front of the door, Armin arlert. It was like he was shouting, "I'm Marleyan." The anger inside me emerged. All I wanted was to kill him. I instantly grabbed his throat and reached for my gun when I heard my commander's voice, "Eren!" it was Commander Hange.
All the guns were pointed at me. It was like my commanders were telling me with their eyes that I was dead. "No problem, put the guns down." Armin said while he was coughing.
"Mr Arlert, we are very sorry for our soldier. Post-war traumas... you know." Commander Hange said.
"We are so sorry, it will not happen again." and Commander Erwin. Armin smiled. "It's okay." he said. "Then let's forget these things, welcome back Mr Arlert." Commander Erwin said.
Suddenly I felt Commander Levi behind me. "Don't even think of touching him again. Where is your mind? Did you miss my punches? Tell me so I can break a bone or two." he said. He would do it, it wasn't something he didn't do anyway. "Look, the future of the country depends on this. I don't know if you want to lose more friends like Marco." he said while he was twisting my arm. I hummed silently to show him i got it.
When they finished talking, they were gone. I suddenly came to myself when Erwin talked. "Eren, what are you doing again? Look, I understand but-"
"If you understood it wouldn't be like this."
"What should I say, you can't kill the general, but you can kill his son? Should I take the country into war again? Fuck you, Eren, you're not the only one who lost someone."
Erwin looked at me, handed his hand to my shoulder. I pushed his hand on my shoulder. I couldn't treated a commander like this. I know, but Erwin was like a brother for me. As I've already told.
"They killed my family! There wasn't even a war. I was 16!"
"You aren't the only one who lost your family!" he screamed. "I lost my brother too! We killed too. You are not the only one who lost someone but not all of us taking revenge for this!"
"Mick was an agent! My family was sitting at our house." I got a regret as I said. "Fuck off! Did my brother deserve to die, Eren?"
"Er-"
"Get the fuck out!"
I was a dick who couldn't hold his mouth and I tried to talk again but when he said, "Eren." I had to leave the room. Erwin would kill me there, I knew. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." i said when I'm on the door.
"If I didn't know how much you loved Mick, I would have taken what you said seriously, Eren. Get out, don't show up until I calm down."
He found a few days to calm down and I got my sentence. Still, I couldn't get used to it, there is no war. I felt like I was drowning in the depths of the ocean. I couldn't tell anyone anything. I couldn't talk.
I was getting up early in the morning, training the soldiers. I was going to Mikasa's room of the evening, looking at the wounded soldiers, helping her.
As I was passing through the side streets, a few footsteps made me pause and I took my gun. At that moment, a shadow emerged from the darkness and pulled me to himself and covered my mouth. "Be quiet," he said. it was Armin. I couldn't understand the look at his eyes. He was looking very deep. as if he wanted to tell something.
I put my gun on his heart. I didn't think about to kill him. Then the footsteps I heard surrounded us. They pointed their guns to Armin.
Armin was looking me, he was saying save me. I frowned. I looked at my soldiers then him. Giving a marley soldier to them to kill was a heaven for me, and i should it protect that heaven.
But I destroyed that heaven with my own hands and threw it into hell. I protected Armin that night.