Chapter Text
Rhian: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong.
Rafal: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.
Rafal: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Rhian: It was me...
Rafal: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.
Rafal, eating a meal: I poisoned one of our glasses… but I forgot which one.
Rhian: The way this dinner is going, I pray to God that it’s mine.
Rhian: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?
Rafal: *sighs*
Rafal: I killed a man.
Rafal: Why are you drinking, Rhian?
Rhian: I don’t drink anymore, so don’t start with that.
Rafal, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Rhian: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Rafal: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!
Rafal, proudly: I slept.
Rhian: Is that so much of a rare thing that you have to say it?
Rhian: You read my diary?
Rafal: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Rhian with a gun to Rafal's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?
Rafal: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.
Rafal: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day—
Rhian: *Bursts into tears*
Rafal: Why are you crying?
Rhian: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*
Rafal: Start talking!
Rhian: Well, I-
Rafal: Shut up!
Rhian: The time to act is now.
Rhian: Wink, wink.
Rafal: Don't say "wink wink". Just wink.
Rhian: Oh, sorry.
Rhian: Wink.
Rhian: And what did we learn, Rafal?
Rafal: Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.
Rhian, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Rafal, who’s running the drive thru: …
Rafal: Tequila.
Rafal: Do you know the best way to respond to disagreement?
Rhian: With tears?
Rafal: No.
Rhian: *tears up*
Kidnapper: We have your child.
Rafal: I don’t have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
Rafal: Oh god, you have Rhian...
Rafal: Are pigeons drones?
Rhian: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.
Rafal: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!
Rhian: *Crying* Please let me sleep...
Rafal: Here are two pictures. one of them is your room, and the other is the garbage dump.
Rhian: *points at a picture* That one is the dump.
Rafal: THEY'RE BOTH YOUR ROOM!
Rhian: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Rafal!
Rafal: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
Rafal: Do you want to be the Sun in my life?
Rhian: Yes.
Rafal: Good, then stay 92,935,700 miles away from me :)
Rhian: Rafal, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?
Rafal: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.
Rhian: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?
Rafal: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.
Rhian:
Rafal: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.
Rafal, to Rhian: If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me.
Rhian: How stupid do you think I am?!
Rafal: You really want an honest answer to that?
Rhian: How are you so calm?!
Rafal: I’ve passed beyond “stressed”, beyond “hysteria”, into the gray misty indifference of complete shutdown of all but emergency services in my brain.
Rhian: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Rafal and not do the thing,
Rhian: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Rhian: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
Rhian: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team.
Rafal: Sounds fake but ok.
Rhian: Pick a card, any card.
Rafal: Fine.
Rhian: Wait, that's my credit card!
Rafal: You said any card.
Rhian: You're alive.
Rafal: There's no need to sound so disappointed.
Rhian: it’s illegal to look better than me.
Rafal: I guess we’re all going to jail then.
Rafal: Let’s write Rhian a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...
Rhian: Are you alright?
Rafal: Short answer or long answer?
Rhian: Short?
Rafal: No.
Rhian: Long?
Rafal: Nooooooo.
Rafal: Y’know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.
Rhian: Hey, Rafal.
Rafal: GODDAMNIT!
Rafal: Damn, the power went out.
Rhian: Don’t worry, I got this.
Rhian: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*
Rafal: What-?
Rhian: I swallowed a glow stick!
Rafal, horrified: WHY WOULD YOU-
Rhian: Hey, you wanna know a secret?
Rafal: No.
Rhian: Okay.
Rafal:
Rafal: Do you smell smoke?
Rhian: The secret is that the house is on fire.
Rhian: You’re jealous.
Rafal: Jealous?
Rhian: That’s why you were being so negative about this.
Rafal: That’s absurd. I’m always negative.
*At a zoo*
Rafal: What are they in for?
Rhian: Rafal, this isn't prison.
Rafal: So they can leave?
Rhian: No, but-
Rafal, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Rafal: *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Rhian, poking Rafal’s arm: Rafal Rafal. Rafal. Rafal.
Rafal: WHAT?
Rhian: …We’re out of Capri Suns—